“Did she tell anyone?” I said tightly. Scotia’s grip on me lessened.
“No. I didn’t give her a chance. I didn’t enjoy it, but better one life lost than millions.”
I blinked hard. “It was the only life she had.”
“This is the only life any of us have,” she said. “Noelle made her choices long before you arrived. She and Elliott both did. You messed up telling her, but you can’t take it back now, so there’s no point in feeling guilty about it.”
But I did. No matter what Noelle’s intentions had been, I was still the one who’d told her. I was still the one who’d set the ball in motion, and now she was dead because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had to believe she would have changed once she’d had her freedom. She wouldn’t have had to snitch on anyone anymore, and she would have had a real chance at a good life. Now, because of me, that was gone.
Scotia stood and offered me her hand. I ignored it. Hauling myself to my feet, I shoved my fists in my pockets and trudged off down the street, guilt burning through me. No one was blameless in any of this—not Noelle, not Scotia, not me. But Noelle was the one who had paid the price.
“Hey, Hart,” called Scotia. I paused, but I didn’t turn around. “I hear you’re staying at Mercer Manor now.”
I tensed. The codes. After all that had happened, all she really cared about were the damn codes.
As if she could hear my thoughts, she stepped in front of me, her dark eyes piercing. “Make sure Noelle and Elliott died for something,” she said as she touched a lock of my hair. “Not everyone gets to be so lucky, you know.”
I jerked my head away, but she grabbed my shoulder and held my stare. A shiver ran down my spine. “I’m not your pawn.”
“Then start acting like a queen before we lose the game for good.” Scotia nodded to the necklace peeking out from underneath my collar. “If Mercer sees it and asks, I gave it back to you. Steal from me again, and I’ll break your neck.”
I yanked my arm from her grip and stalked off. She could threaten me all she wanted, but in the space of two days, I’d already faced my worst fears and seen what rock bottom looked like. And just as I’d started to crawl back from it, someone else had died because of me. There was nothing Scotia could do to hurt me more than this place already had.
The walk back to Mercer Manor was long and bitter. I passed several guards on the way, but none tried to stop me, and every prisoner unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity kept their head down and increased their pace. I was as much of a pariah as ever, but at least this way, no one would get close enough for me to hurt them no matter how good my intentions were.
Rivers stood guard at the gate to Mercer Manor, and he offered me a small smile when I approached. “Good to see you’re all right, Miss Hart.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I wasn’t in the cage,” I said, my voice shaky to my own ears, but Rivers didn’t seem to notice. He punched a code into the gate, and it slid open for me.
“No, you weren’t,” he said, his words heavy with meaning I chose to ignore.
He ushered me inside and led me up the drive, his rifle strapped to his back. Idly I wondered how many people he’d shot with it. The scar snaking up his neck was a reminder I sorely needed that he, at least, hadn’t snitched out his friends in order to gain a uniform. But it was also one more aspect of Elsewhere I was no longer ignorant about, and I averted my eyes, concentrating on the frozen ground instead.
“You did a good thing for those two, showing them they weren’t alone,” he said quietly. “Not to say it wasn’t a stupid move, because it was—but it was also brave. Very brave. That kind of courage is rare around here.”
“Guess Mercer hasn’t had the chance to beat it out of me yet,” I muttered. Rivers smiled at me in a pitying sort of way and set his hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a better person than you know.”
I shrugged him off. He had no idea what had happened. “Why are you doing this?” I said. “You have the cushy job, the privileges—and now you’re going to risk it all for some rebellion that probably won’t even work. I don’t get it. You seem smarter than that.”
He drummed his fingers against his shoulder strap. “You’re a little ray of sunshine tonight, aren’t you?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“No, it isn’t,” he agreed, and he paused underneath one of the massive trees twenty feet from the Mercers’ front door. “I should ask you the same question, you know. Why did you risk your perfect life as a VII and a Hart to stand up for the rest of us? Why did you try to save your friend’s life knowing it was entirely possible Mercer would shoot you, too?”
“Stupidity,” I grumbled. He chuckled.
“Maybe to you. To the rest of us, you’re a hero.” Rivers nodded toward the manor. “Tonight’s our last chance. What do you think? Are we going to make it?”
“You tell me. What does Scotia have planned?”
“You,” he said. “She has you planned. If you’re not following through, tell me now. I prefer to know if it’s going to be my last night.”
I shrugged. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
“Guess I will.” His grin returned, and he ruffled my hair. “We’re counting on you. No pressure, though.”
“No. I didn’t give her a chance. I didn’t enjoy it, but better one life lost than millions.”
I blinked hard. “It was the only life she had.”
“This is the only life any of us have,” she said. “Noelle made her choices long before you arrived. She and Elliott both did. You messed up telling her, but you can’t take it back now, so there’s no point in feeling guilty about it.”
But I did. No matter what Noelle’s intentions had been, I was still the one who’d told her. I was still the one who’d set the ball in motion, and now she was dead because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I had to believe she would have changed once she’d had her freedom. She wouldn’t have had to snitch on anyone anymore, and she would have had a real chance at a good life. Now, because of me, that was gone.
Scotia stood and offered me her hand. I ignored it. Hauling myself to my feet, I shoved my fists in my pockets and trudged off down the street, guilt burning through me. No one was blameless in any of this—not Noelle, not Scotia, not me. But Noelle was the one who had paid the price.
“Hey, Hart,” called Scotia. I paused, but I didn’t turn around. “I hear you’re staying at Mercer Manor now.”
I tensed. The codes. After all that had happened, all she really cared about were the damn codes.
As if she could hear my thoughts, she stepped in front of me, her dark eyes piercing. “Make sure Noelle and Elliott died for something,” she said as she touched a lock of my hair. “Not everyone gets to be so lucky, you know.”
I jerked my head away, but she grabbed my shoulder and held my stare. A shiver ran down my spine. “I’m not your pawn.”
“Then start acting like a queen before we lose the game for good.” Scotia nodded to the necklace peeking out from underneath my collar. “If Mercer sees it and asks, I gave it back to you. Steal from me again, and I’ll break your neck.”
I yanked my arm from her grip and stalked off. She could threaten me all she wanted, but in the space of two days, I’d already faced my worst fears and seen what rock bottom looked like. And just as I’d started to crawl back from it, someone else had died because of me. There was nothing Scotia could do to hurt me more than this place already had.
The walk back to Mercer Manor was long and bitter. I passed several guards on the way, but none tried to stop me, and every prisoner unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity kept their head down and increased their pace. I was as much of a pariah as ever, but at least this way, no one would get close enough for me to hurt them no matter how good my intentions were.
Rivers stood guard at the gate to Mercer Manor, and he offered me a small smile when I approached. “Good to see you’re all right, Miss Hart.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I wasn’t in the cage,” I said, my voice shaky to my own ears, but Rivers didn’t seem to notice. He punched a code into the gate, and it slid open for me.
“No, you weren’t,” he said, his words heavy with meaning I chose to ignore.
He ushered me inside and led me up the drive, his rifle strapped to his back. Idly I wondered how many people he’d shot with it. The scar snaking up his neck was a reminder I sorely needed that he, at least, hadn’t snitched out his friends in order to gain a uniform. But it was also one more aspect of Elsewhere I was no longer ignorant about, and I averted my eyes, concentrating on the frozen ground instead.
“You did a good thing for those two, showing them they weren’t alone,” he said quietly. “Not to say it wasn’t a stupid move, because it was—but it was also brave. Very brave. That kind of courage is rare around here.”
“Guess Mercer hasn’t had the chance to beat it out of me yet,” I muttered. Rivers smiled at me in a pitying sort of way and set his hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a better person than you know.”
I shrugged him off. He had no idea what had happened. “Why are you doing this?” I said. “You have the cushy job, the privileges—and now you’re going to risk it all for some rebellion that probably won’t even work. I don’t get it. You seem smarter than that.”
He drummed his fingers against his shoulder strap. “You’re a little ray of sunshine tonight, aren’t you?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“No, it isn’t,” he agreed, and he paused underneath one of the massive trees twenty feet from the Mercers’ front door. “I should ask you the same question, you know. Why did you risk your perfect life as a VII and a Hart to stand up for the rest of us? Why did you try to save your friend’s life knowing it was entirely possible Mercer would shoot you, too?”
“Stupidity,” I grumbled. He chuckled.
“Maybe to you. To the rest of us, you’re a hero.” Rivers nodded toward the manor. “Tonight’s our last chance. What do you think? Are we going to make it?”
“You tell me. What does Scotia have planned?”
“You,” he said. “She has you planned. If you’re not following through, tell me now. I prefer to know if it’s going to be my last night.”
I shrugged. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
“Guess I will.” His grin returned, and he ruffled my hair. “We’re counting on you. No pressure, though.”
