My breath caught in my throat. “He did?”
“A long time ago he did. He used to talk about your mom when he was drunk. I thought she was dead, so I never thought about what he was saying, but he said someday he’d meet with her again.”
“What else did he say? If he ever met her again?”
“That he would forgive her.” Carter’s blue eyes darkened, and the sides of his mouth stretched tight. “I thought he was just rambling. That’s what he did when he was drunk. If I’d thought your mom was alive, I would’ve found her a long time ago for you.”
“No.” I reached for his hand. Finding out about Andrea was enough, but this, but her—I didn’t want to know her now. “It’s good that he would’ve forgiven her, but I’m not going out there.”
“Emma?”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I can’t.” I looked at him. “I don’t want to know her.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “She had her chance. I don’t remember what she did to me, and I don’t think I want to. If my memories are blocked, there’s a reason for that, but I can’t get over what she did to AJ. She kicked him out. I don’t care what AJ did, he stuck around. He still took care of me. He fought for me. She didn’t. Any woman like that, I don’t want to meet. She doesn’t deserve to know her daughter.” My pulse quickened, and I closed my eyes. She’d kicked AJ out. She tossed away one child, let another go with her father, and me she treated more like a toy than a human being. I wouldn’t meet her. This was a door I wasn’t going to open. “I can’t, Carter. I don’t want to.”
He laced our fingers. “You don’t have to.”
“You said you didn’t talk to her? When you came to find her before?”
“I didn’t, but my investigator did. He said she was pleasant. She’s been sober for a few years, and she’s lived a hard life. He said she was polite, but he could tell she had demons still with her.”
I leaned back, resting my head against my seat as I turned to face him. Carter let out a soft sigh and touched the side of my face. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering there, just resting on my cheek. It was such a tender caress, and I closed my eyes. I drew strength from him. I would always draw strength from him, and I knew what he was doing.
He was allowing me closure. Meeting my mother was the last door to my old life. In a way it was still open because of all the questions Andrea had awakened inside me, but being here now, all I could think about was what she did to my brother, what she’d done to me.
“AJ was a child then,” I told Carter softly.
His thumb rubbed back and forth over my cheek. I knew he was waiting for me to go on. He knew I had more to say.
“Whatever he did, he was a child,” I told him. “He was an innocent, and she turned him away. She may be a changed woman, but I have no obligation to her. I don’t have to forgive her. There’s nothing to forgive. I don’t need to know her, and I don’t need to remember whatever she did to me.”
“Okay.”
That was it. Carter leaned close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You can do whatever you want,” he whispered, his lips grazing my forehead. “If you want to meet your mother at some time, I’ll be there. I’m with you. If you want to get to know Andrea’s father more, and her mother, I’m with you. You can decide. Everything is in your court.”
I pulled back to look into his eyes. The love there took my breath away, and I felt my throat closing up. “Thank you.”
We had gone through hell, and feeling like we were on the other side, like we’d gotten through everything and were still together—that was all I needed. I whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” His hand touched the side of my face again and he leaned in to kiss me. I loved the feel of his lips on mine, their soft touch as he held there, waiting to see what I wanted. He was letting me control this, too. It was a small gesture, but so much. I felt the hunger for him kick up in me, and I grabbed his shoulder and deepened the kiss.
He was mine.
He was home.
Carter pulled back and gazed down at me, a soft grin on his face. No words were shared, but I was ready to leave, and I nodded to him. It was all the signal he needed.
He sat back and started the car. As it swung around to head back home, I turned so I could watch her. She lifted her head at the sound of our car and looked in our direction. She did look like me. She had my dark eyes, the same heart-shaped face, and she even held herself the way I did. She seemed to recognize me right before the car completed its turn. Her eyes widened, and she jerked forward, but we drove away.
That was the first time I laid eyes on my mother. I knew I’d seen her when I was a child, but those were memories. Most of them were still buried, and the others were distant and vague.
I didn’t know if I would tell Andrea about this or not. No. I knew. I wouldn’t tell Andrea, at least not right away.
My sister was still too new to me. Getting to know her was going to take time. Her parents had already expressed their desire to get to know me more, but so far, the random dinner once a month was enough for me. I wasn’t ready to take on a new family.
I glanced down at my hand, joined with Carter’s. He’d left his family, while I seemed to have gotten some of my old one back. But after a moment, I knew that wasn’t true.
Carter was my family.
He was the only one who counted.
Everything else would fall into place.
“A long time ago he did. He used to talk about your mom when he was drunk. I thought she was dead, so I never thought about what he was saying, but he said someday he’d meet with her again.”
“What else did he say? If he ever met her again?”
“That he would forgive her.” Carter’s blue eyes darkened, and the sides of his mouth stretched tight. “I thought he was just rambling. That’s what he did when he was drunk. If I’d thought your mom was alive, I would’ve found her a long time ago for you.”
“No.” I reached for his hand. Finding out about Andrea was enough, but this, but her—I didn’t want to know her now. “It’s good that he would’ve forgiven her, but I’m not going out there.”
“Emma?”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I can’t.” I looked at him. “I don’t want to know her.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “She had her chance. I don’t remember what she did to me, and I don’t think I want to. If my memories are blocked, there’s a reason for that, but I can’t get over what she did to AJ. She kicked him out. I don’t care what AJ did, he stuck around. He still took care of me. He fought for me. She didn’t. Any woman like that, I don’t want to meet. She doesn’t deserve to know her daughter.” My pulse quickened, and I closed my eyes. She’d kicked AJ out. She tossed away one child, let another go with her father, and me she treated more like a toy than a human being. I wouldn’t meet her. This was a door I wasn’t going to open. “I can’t, Carter. I don’t want to.”
He laced our fingers. “You don’t have to.”
“You said you didn’t talk to her? When you came to find her before?”
“I didn’t, but my investigator did. He said she was pleasant. She’s been sober for a few years, and she’s lived a hard life. He said she was polite, but he could tell she had demons still with her.”
I leaned back, resting my head against my seat as I turned to face him. Carter let out a soft sigh and touched the side of my face. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering there, just resting on my cheek. It was such a tender caress, and I closed my eyes. I drew strength from him. I would always draw strength from him, and I knew what he was doing.
He was allowing me closure. Meeting my mother was the last door to my old life. In a way it was still open because of all the questions Andrea had awakened inside me, but being here now, all I could think about was what she did to my brother, what she’d done to me.
“AJ was a child then,” I told Carter softly.
His thumb rubbed back and forth over my cheek. I knew he was waiting for me to go on. He knew I had more to say.
“Whatever he did, he was a child,” I told him. “He was an innocent, and she turned him away. She may be a changed woman, but I have no obligation to her. I don’t have to forgive her. There’s nothing to forgive. I don’t need to know her, and I don’t need to remember whatever she did to me.”
“Okay.”
That was it. Carter leaned close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “You can do whatever you want,” he whispered, his lips grazing my forehead. “If you want to meet your mother at some time, I’ll be there. I’m with you. If you want to get to know Andrea’s father more, and her mother, I’m with you. You can decide. Everything is in your court.”
I pulled back to look into his eyes. The love there took my breath away, and I felt my throat closing up. “Thank you.”
We had gone through hell, and feeling like we were on the other side, like we’d gotten through everything and were still together—that was all I needed. I whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” His hand touched the side of my face again and he leaned in to kiss me. I loved the feel of his lips on mine, their soft touch as he held there, waiting to see what I wanted. He was letting me control this, too. It was a small gesture, but so much. I felt the hunger for him kick up in me, and I grabbed his shoulder and deepened the kiss.
He was mine.
He was home.
Carter pulled back and gazed down at me, a soft grin on his face. No words were shared, but I was ready to leave, and I nodded to him. It was all the signal he needed.
He sat back and started the car. As it swung around to head back home, I turned so I could watch her. She lifted her head at the sound of our car and looked in our direction. She did look like me. She had my dark eyes, the same heart-shaped face, and she even held herself the way I did. She seemed to recognize me right before the car completed its turn. Her eyes widened, and she jerked forward, but we drove away.
That was the first time I laid eyes on my mother. I knew I’d seen her when I was a child, but those were memories. Most of them were still buried, and the others were distant and vague.
I didn’t know if I would tell Andrea about this or not. No. I knew. I wouldn’t tell Andrea, at least not right away.
My sister was still too new to me. Getting to know her was going to take time. Her parents had already expressed their desire to get to know me more, but so far, the random dinner once a month was enough for me. I wasn’t ready to take on a new family.
I glanced down at my hand, joined with Carter’s. He’d left his family, while I seemed to have gotten some of my old one back. But after a moment, I knew that wasn’t true.
Carter was my family.
He was the only one who counted.
Everything else would fall into place.
