I felt it, too. It was Mallory. She was in the room with us.
I closed my fingers over hers and held on to her. I loved her. Amanda was a sister to me, and this was my good-bye. But I wanted to not think about it. “I love you,” I broke out, as a tear slipped from my eye.
“I love you, too.” She held my hand as tears fell down her face, too. “So much. I’ll never say anything.”
She would. She was the only one not admitting it.
My heart split in half. I tried to smile at her. “I know. We’re sisters.”
She nodded. “We are. I wanted you to know. I couldn’t keep dating him and not tell anyone. I wanted to share this with you. You’re family.”
I nodded. A surreal feeling came over me. She’d been living with Theresa for a year, but I understood what she meant. We had a bond. We were special. We both loved Mallory. I got it. I did. I couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “I shouldn’t know. I shouldn’t be the one you told. He’s a cop, Amanda.”
She flinched as if I’d struck her and took her hand back. “I know.” Her head sank, almost pressing to the tops of her arms as she hugged herself.
“I should go.”
“Stay. Please.”
“Amanda.”
“Please.” She lifted her head. The plea in her eyes stopped me, and I sighed. She wanted to talk about him. She wanted to gush about him. I could see all of that in her gaze. She was a woman in love, and she just wanted to tell someone close to her.
This was going to make it harder. I already knew that, but I heard myself saying, “For a little while.”
Relief washed over her. Her eyes brightened, her cheeks pinked, and she bit down on her lip to keep from smiling too much. Her hand brushed away a tear as she said, “Thank you.”
I nodded. It was wrong, but we went to the couch and she told me about him. His name was Brian. He wasn’t just a cop. He was a detective, and he’d kept going to the diner where she worked. He’d kept ordering the same bagel and coffee, and he’d made sure to go when she worked. She found out from a coworker that he was friends with the manager, so he knew her work hours. Their first date was an accident. She’d been closing the store when he came in. She’d been exhausted and hadn’t stopped him when he began helping her clean. He swept the floor while she counted the money.
Their second date had been the same, except he walked her to her car. He wanted to make sure she was safe. It had escalated from there. By the third week of ‘dates,’ she would sit with him when they’d finished, both having a cup of coffee.
He kissed her after the second month, and they went to dinner the next night. That was their first ‘official’ date.
She now told me about the first time she’d spent the night at his place. It was a funny story, you see. They’d gotten caught in the rain. His place was closer, so they’d sprinted there, holding hands. She took a shower, and he made her hot chocolate. They’d cuddled on the couch, watched a movie, and ordered a pizza.
They made love that night. It was their first time.
She was so giddy as she told me everything. She deserved to find love. She was an impeccable friend. The love emanated from her. She was so happy.
But a cop. I pulled a blanket over my lap and tried hard not to rip it to shreds. He was a fucking cop.
I couldn’t get around that. So I stopped listening to her as she kept going on about him. I could almost hear Carter’s voice. “Leave.” He wouldn’t have sat here, hearing all the details about Brian that made him human. He wouldn’t have listened to how his friend had fallen in love and started to feel happy for her. No. Carter would’ve walked out and dealt with it later.
I had to go. There was no way around it. So I stood up.
“Where are you going?” Amanda stopped mid-sentence in a story about when they’d gone to a carnival.
Maybe he was a dirty cop? But even as I thought it, I knew Amanda wouldn’t fall in love with someone like that. He’d be honorable. He’d be genuine. He’d be an amazing person, and that would extend to his job. That was the kind of person she was, so that was the type of person she would love.
“I have to go.”
“But—” She stood with me, her hands twisting around each other. “Emma.”
I put my glass of wine back onto the counter. It was still as full as when I poured it. I grabbed my purse and went to the door.
“Emma, please.”
I whipped around. “What do you want? You know who Carter is—”
“He’s out.”
“You know what I did!” Me. This was about me, too. “Ben. You know, Amanda.”
The pink in her cheeks fled, and she turned pale, so pale. “I swear I’m not going to say anything to him. I can’t. I told you to kill him. Me. I did that. I told you, Emma.”
“What are you going to say to Theresa?”
Theresa had never been okay with Ben’s murder. We’d all been concerned about her loyalty, but Noah kept her in check. She hadn’t said a word, but with Amanda going to the legal side of the law…I wasn’t sure what Theresa would do.
“Nothing. She has no idea. The few times I’ve slept at Brian’s have been when she was at Noah’s. I’ve always been back when she gets home. She doesn’t know.”
“Amanda.” There’d be a night when Theresa would come home early and find Amanda gone, even if she did eventually agree to move in with Noah. She’d find out. “She’s going to know, at some point. You’re not going to keep it a secret. What then?” My voice cracked as I realized I couldn’t trust either of the two friends I still had in my life. “Do I worry about her encouraging you to come clean? About throwing me under the bus?”
“What?” She sounded horrified. “No. My god, no, Emma. How could you—how could you think that of me?”
Because that was where this road was going. How could I be the only one to see it? “It doesn’t matter. It’s done. You love him, and I can see that you really do. I…” had to go. Without saying another word, I took my purse and left.
The hallway was so quiet. The building was quiet. It had never bothered me before, but I had never felt so alone as when I walked to the elevator and out the door. When I stepped outside, I remembered I hadn’t called ahead for the car.
I closed my fingers over hers and held on to her. I loved her. Amanda was a sister to me, and this was my good-bye. But I wanted to not think about it. “I love you,” I broke out, as a tear slipped from my eye.
“I love you, too.” She held my hand as tears fell down her face, too. “So much. I’ll never say anything.”
She would. She was the only one not admitting it.
My heart split in half. I tried to smile at her. “I know. We’re sisters.”
She nodded. “We are. I wanted you to know. I couldn’t keep dating him and not tell anyone. I wanted to share this with you. You’re family.”
I nodded. A surreal feeling came over me. She’d been living with Theresa for a year, but I understood what she meant. We had a bond. We were special. We both loved Mallory. I got it. I did. I couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “I shouldn’t know. I shouldn’t be the one you told. He’s a cop, Amanda.”
She flinched as if I’d struck her and took her hand back. “I know.” Her head sank, almost pressing to the tops of her arms as she hugged herself.
“I should go.”
“Stay. Please.”
“Amanda.”
“Please.” She lifted her head. The plea in her eyes stopped me, and I sighed. She wanted to talk about him. She wanted to gush about him. I could see all of that in her gaze. She was a woman in love, and she just wanted to tell someone close to her.
This was going to make it harder. I already knew that, but I heard myself saying, “For a little while.”
Relief washed over her. Her eyes brightened, her cheeks pinked, and she bit down on her lip to keep from smiling too much. Her hand brushed away a tear as she said, “Thank you.”
I nodded. It was wrong, but we went to the couch and she told me about him. His name was Brian. He wasn’t just a cop. He was a detective, and he’d kept going to the diner where she worked. He’d kept ordering the same bagel and coffee, and he’d made sure to go when she worked. She found out from a coworker that he was friends with the manager, so he knew her work hours. Their first date was an accident. She’d been closing the store when he came in. She’d been exhausted and hadn’t stopped him when he began helping her clean. He swept the floor while she counted the money.
Their second date had been the same, except he walked her to her car. He wanted to make sure she was safe. It had escalated from there. By the third week of ‘dates,’ she would sit with him when they’d finished, both having a cup of coffee.
He kissed her after the second month, and they went to dinner the next night. That was their first ‘official’ date.
She now told me about the first time she’d spent the night at his place. It was a funny story, you see. They’d gotten caught in the rain. His place was closer, so they’d sprinted there, holding hands. She took a shower, and he made her hot chocolate. They’d cuddled on the couch, watched a movie, and ordered a pizza.
They made love that night. It was their first time.
She was so giddy as she told me everything. She deserved to find love. She was an impeccable friend. The love emanated from her. She was so happy.
But a cop. I pulled a blanket over my lap and tried hard not to rip it to shreds. He was a fucking cop.
I couldn’t get around that. So I stopped listening to her as she kept going on about him. I could almost hear Carter’s voice. “Leave.” He wouldn’t have sat here, hearing all the details about Brian that made him human. He wouldn’t have listened to how his friend had fallen in love and started to feel happy for her. No. Carter would’ve walked out and dealt with it later.
I had to go. There was no way around it. So I stood up.
“Where are you going?” Amanda stopped mid-sentence in a story about when they’d gone to a carnival.
Maybe he was a dirty cop? But even as I thought it, I knew Amanda wouldn’t fall in love with someone like that. He’d be honorable. He’d be genuine. He’d be an amazing person, and that would extend to his job. That was the kind of person she was, so that was the type of person she would love.
“I have to go.”
“But—” She stood with me, her hands twisting around each other. “Emma.”
I put my glass of wine back onto the counter. It was still as full as when I poured it. I grabbed my purse and went to the door.
“Emma, please.”
I whipped around. “What do you want? You know who Carter is—”
“He’s out.”
“You know what I did!” Me. This was about me, too. “Ben. You know, Amanda.”
The pink in her cheeks fled, and she turned pale, so pale. “I swear I’m not going to say anything to him. I can’t. I told you to kill him. Me. I did that. I told you, Emma.”
“What are you going to say to Theresa?”
Theresa had never been okay with Ben’s murder. We’d all been concerned about her loyalty, but Noah kept her in check. She hadn’t said a word, but with Amanda going to the legal side of the law…I wasn’t sure what Theresa would do.
“Nothing. She has no idea. The few times I’ve slept at Brian’s have been when she was at Noah’s. I’ve always been back when she gets home. She doesn’t know.”
“Amanda.” There’d be a night when Theresa would come home early and find Amanda gone, even if she did eventually agree to move in with Noah. She’d find out. “She’s going to know, at some point. You’re not going to keep it a secret. What then?” My voice cracked as I realized I couldn’t trust either of the two friends I still had in my life. “Do I worry about her encouraging you to come clean? About throwing me under the bus?”
“What?” She sounded horrified. “No. My god, no, Emma. How could you—how could you think that of me?”
Because that was where this road was going. How could I be the only one to see it? “It doesn’t matter. It’s done. You love him, and I can see that you really do. I…” had to go. Without saying another word, I took my purse and left.
The hallway was so quiet. The building was quiet. It had never bothered me before, but I had never felt so alone as when I walked to the elevator and out the door. When I stepped outside, I remembered I hadn’t called ahead for the car.
