Thinking about that night sparked desire within me. We hadn’t slept much.
“So are you going to tell me about the new man in your life?”
I almost dropped my mug. “Excuse me?”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Please, Ems. It’s all over you. Even now you’re blushing. I’m not an idiot. Who’s the guy?” She shook her head. “Please tell me it’s not Ben.”
I grinned. “I’m going to have nightmares now. Can you imagine? Waking up and seeing him strutting around the apartment?”
She giggled. “With nothing on except his boxers?” She pretended to stick out her gut how Ben always would. He would rest his hands on the back of his hips and stand, trying to make his gut look bigger than it did. He was always trying to convince us that he wasn’t just skin and bones.
Both of us groaned. I shook my head. “I think I threw up in my mouth just now.”
“Me too.” She giggled some more. “Remember the time he told us he could join an MMA fight club but didn’t because he didn’t want to harm any of the other fighters?”
“You’re right. He said it wasn’t fair to the humanity of the MMA standards if he fought.”
As she sipped her coffee, she shook her head. “He was such an idiot.”
“Pretty much.”
Then she sighed, “Am I pathetic for missing him?”
All of the amusement fled and I was left feeling empty. “I miss Mallory.”
Amanda closed her eyes and lowered her head. She put the mug down on the table as she cleared her throat.
I heard the emotion there. I felt some of it as well.
She said in a quiet voice, “Mallory changed, Ems. What he did to her and what you did in front of her, I think it changed her. She wasn’t the same Mallory before they disappeared.”
Anger speared me. Mallory would’ve never left without a word before it happened. But I left first. I had no right to be angry with her. Then I admitted, “I think that changed all of us.”
She wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s never going to be the same, is it?”
Her eyes held mine. There was a spark of longing in them. She wanted me to tell her everything would be fine. The gang would be back to normal, but it wasn’t the truth. I couldn’t think of a way to lie to her and make it sound convincing. All I could say was, “We can still be normal.”
Her eyes closed in defeat. “You’re different, Ems. We can’t be normal. You’re not normal anymore. I think what you did changed you too.” She opened them again and frowned at me, chewing on her lip for a moment. “It’s like a part of you died.”
A part of me did die. “I think that happens when you kill someone.”
She wiped another tear away. The coffee had grown cold by then. “I’ve been thinking about moving, leaving this place.”
“Where?” A pang stabbed me.
She shrugged. “Maybe back home. They offered me a teaching position and I could take care of my mom. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything here for me.”
I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want to lose another friend, another part of my old life.
She had been watching me. She asked now, “What do you think about that?”
I hesitated. “I don’t want you to go. I wanted us to be friends again.”
Pushing her mug away, she leaned back and sighed. “I don’t know, Ems. I really don’t know. Things are so weird now. I have to make new friends. I have no idea where-”
“I moved in with Carter Reed,” I interjected in a rush. Then I blinked, startled, at what I had just said. Oh god. She knew. I waited, biting my lip, for her reaction. What would she say? What would she do?
A confused look came over her. “Um, what?” Her eyes lit up. “Carter Reed? He’s hot!” She seemed awestruck then. “Wow. I mean-whoa. He’s hot and rich. You’re living with him? Holy shit, Emma. No wonder you didn’t say anything. He’s like the boyfriend of all boyfriends.” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, you are boyfriend/girlfriend, right? He’s not tossing you around, using you for sex, is he?”
I shook my head, fighting back a smile. “No. I love him. I love him a lot.” It felt good to be sharing this, talking about him to someone who didn’t think he was brainwashing me. I admitted, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”
Her hand reached out and she placed it over mine on the table. “Me too.” A third tear slipped down her cheek. “Me too, Ems.” She let out a timid smile. “Maybe we should do dinner every Friday night or something. No, wait, that’d be date night. Okay, Thursday nights. Let’s do something then.” She sat up. “Hey! Does that mean we can go to Octave sometime? That’d be amazing.”
I laughed as my chest felt lighter. “He owns restaurants too. We can eat at any of them, any time.”
“Oh man. Wow, Ems. That’s great.” She nodded, her lip quivering from emotion again. “That’s where you went, didn’t you? To be safe from Franco. You went to him and he protected you.”
I nodded.
Her eyes grew thoughtful and she sighed again. She looked defeated now. “Ben didn’t get that money from his job, did he?”
She didn’t have to look at me. She already knew the answer.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m so sorry.” Then she asked the question I couldn’t answer, one that I wanted to know, too. “Where’d they go? Where did Ben and Mallory go?”
I didn’t know, but I hoped against hope that Mallory was okay.
Carter came back the next night. He woke me when he slid into bed and I glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. When his hand curved around my thigh, he tugged me close and rested his head into the crook of my neck. He pressed a kiss there and his hand explored my waist before it slid upwards. When it came to my breast, he spread his palm out and held me. His thumb rubbed back and forth over the peak as he murmured, “Japan was exhausting.”
Desire pulsed through me. He felt my tip hardening under his ministrations. “I’m glad you’re back.”
He moved up and gazed down at me. His eyes darkened with lust and his gaze lingered on my lips. “Me too.”
He lowered his head and my heart fluttered, ready for his kiss and ready for the hunger that always enslaved me. When he slid inside of me, I hoped that I’d never get used to how alive he made me feel. All of it took over me. It was later as he held me close and he had tucked himself around me that I wondered if he was healing that part of me that had died.
“So are you going to tell me about the new man in your life?”
I almost dropped my mug. “Excuse me?”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Please, Ems. It’s all over you. Even now you’re blushing. I’m not an idiot. Who’s the guy?” She shook her head. “Please tell me it’s not Ben.”
I grinned. “I’m going to have nightmares now. Can you imagine? Waking up and seeing him strutting around the apartment?”
She giggled. “With nothing on except his boxers?” She pretended to stick out her gut how Ben always would. He would rest his hands on the back of his hips and stand, trying to make his gut look bigger than it did. He was always trying to convince us that he wasn’t just skin and bones.
Both of us groaned. I shook my head. “I think I threw up in my mouth just now.”
“Me too.” She giggled some more. “Remember the time he told us he could join an MMA fight club but didn’t because he didn’t want to harm any of the other fighters?”
“You’re right. He said it wasn’t fair to the humanity of the MMA standards if he fought.”
As she sipped her coffee, she shook her head. “He was such an idiot.”
“Pretty much.”
Then she sighed, “Am I pathetic for missing him?”
All of the amusement fled and I was left feeling empty. “I miss Mallory.”
Amanda closed her eyes and lowered her head. She put the mug down on the table as she cleared her throat.
I heard the emotion there. I felt some of it as well.
She said in a quiet voice, “Mallory changed, Ems. What he did to her and what you did in front of her, I think it changed her. She wasn’t the same Mallory before they disappeared.”
Anger speared me. Mallory would’ve never left without a word before it happened. But I left first. I had no right to be angry with her. Then I admitted, “I think that changed all of us.”
She wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s never going to be the same, is it?”
Her eyes held mine. There was a spark of longing in them. She wanted me to tell her everything would be fine. The gang would be back to normal, but it wasn’t the truth. I couldn’t think of a way to lie to her and make it sound convincing. All I could say was, “We can still be normal.”
Her eyes closed in defeat. “You’re different, Ems. We can’t be normal. You’re not normal anymore. I think what you did changed you too.” She opened them again and frowned at me, chewing on her lip for a moment. “It’s like a part of you died.”
A part of me did die. “I think that happens when you kill someone.”
She wiped another tear away. The coffee had grown cold by then. “I’ve been thinking about moving, leaving this place.”
“Where?” A pang stabbed me.
She shrugged. “Maybe back home. They offered me a teaching position and I could take care of my mom. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything here for me.”
I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want to lose another friend, another part of my old life.
She had been watching me. She asked now, “What do you think about that?”
I hesitated. “I don’t want you to go. I wanted us to be friends again.”
Pushing her mug away, she leaned back and sighed. “I don’t know, Ems. I really don’t know. Things are so weird now. I have to make new friends. I have no idea where-”
“I moved in with Carter Reed,” I interjected in a rush. Then I blinked, startled, at what I had just said. Oh god. She knew. I waited, biting my lip, for her reaction. What would she say? What would she do?
A confused look came over her. “Um, what?” Her eyes lit up. “Carter Reed? He’s hot!” She seemed awestruck then. “Wow. I mean-whoa. He’s hot and rich. You’re living with him? Holy shit, Emma. No wonder you didn’t say anything. He’s like the boyfriend of all boyfriends.” Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, you are boyfriend/girlfriend, right? He’s not tossing you around, using you for sex, is he?”
I shook my head, fighting back a smile. “No. I love him. I love him a lot.” It felt good to be sharing this, talking about him to someone who didn’t think he was brainwashing me. I admitted, “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”
Her hand reached out and she placed it over mine on the table. “Me too.” A third tear slipped down her cheek. “Me too, Ems.” She let out a timid smile. “Maybe we should do dinner every Friday night or something. No, wait, that’d be date night. Okay, Thursday nights. Let’s do something then.” She sat up. “Hey! Does that mean we can go to Octave sometime? That’d be amazing.”
I laughed as my chest felt lighter. “He owns restaurants too. We can eat at any of them, any time.”
“Oh man. Wow, Ems. That’s great.” She nodded, her lip quivering from emotion again. “That’s where you went, didn’t you? To be safe from Franco. You went to him and he protected you.”
I nodded.
Her eyes grew thoughtful and she sighed again. She looked defeated now. “Ben didn’t get that money from his job, did he?”
She didn’t have to look at me. She already knew the answer.
“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m so sorry.” Then she asked the question I couldn’t answer, one that I wanted to know, too. “Where’d they go? Where did Ben and Mallory go?”
I didn’t know, but I hoped against hope that Mallory was okay.
Carter came back the next night. He woke me when he slid into bed and I glanced at the clock. It was three in the morning. When his hand curved around my thigh, he tugged me close and rested his head into the crook of my neck. He pressed a kiss there and his hand explored my waist before it slid upwards. When it came to my breast, he spread his palm out and held me. His thumb rubbed back and forth over the peak as he murmured, “Japan was exhausting.”
Desire pulsed through me. He felt my tip hardening under his ministrations. “I’m glad you’re back.”
He moved up and gazed down at me. His eyes darkened with lust and his gaze lingered on my lips. “Me too.”
He lowered his head and my heart fluttered, ready for his kiss and ready for the hunger that always enslaved me. When he slid inside of me, I hoped that I’d never get used to how alive he made me feel. All of it took over me. It was later as he held me close and he had tucked himself around me that I wondered if he was healing that part of me that had died.
