“I...” I shook my head. I didn’t want to know. I really didn’t. “He’s sick, Carter.”
“Yeah,” he laughed. It was an ugly sound. “He is, but he’s smart. He’s a survivor, Emma. He survived that whole situation with Franco breathing down his back. He prospered, getting money out of the deal. What does that tell you?”
“Stop it.”
“No. You need to see the real Ben. He’s going to wake up, blubbering like a baby and you can’t buy into it. He’ll say a lot of pretty words, how he’s sorry for what did he do to his woman, but you can’t fold. I’m trying to help you see the real Ben here.”
I turned away, but he was there. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me over Ben’s body. I tried kicking, but he shifted his hold so I couldn’t move anymore.
His voice came from behind my ear. “You need to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to your friends. You need to know what kind of animal this guy really was. Now look at him. Look at him, Emma.”
I refused.
He jerked my head down. Fine. If this is what he wanted, fine. I didn’t see anything, just Ben. He was unconscious, but I couldn’t shake the image of his wild eyes. He wasn’t moving. He was just lying there.
Carter held me tighter. “What do you see, Emma?”
“Nothing. Him.”
“Look at him. What do you see?”
What did I see? Nothing.
“Tell me what he’s wearing.”
“What? He’s wearing baggy pants. So what?” I tried wiggling out of his hold again. “Carter, stop this.”
“What’s in his pants? Look, Emma.”
Anger rose in me, but I looked. Then I saw it. There was a bag in his back pocket. “Is that what you’re talking about?”
“What’s in it?”
“I can’t see it.”
“Look. Yes, you can.”
“Fine!” Then I saw the corner that peeked out of his pocket. “White stuff. You already said he was on drugs.”
“Keep looking.”
I noticed a bulge in the same pocket and moved to get free. Carter let me go this time and I knelt closer to Ben. I pulled the bag of white powder out. Another knife came with it. His phone was in the other pocket, along with a set of keys. “What does this all mean?”
“Why did he come here?”
“What are you doing?”
“He butchered your friend, Emma. He should’ve run, but he didn’t. He came here. Why? To break the news to your friend? I doubt it. Open his phone. Look at the last number he dialed.”
I didn’t recognize it. “There’s no name saved to it.”
“Read it to me.” When I did, he said, “That’s the same number Graham dialed. My guess, it was his last connection to Franco.”
“Franco’s dead.”
A groan came from Ben and Carter hit him in the head again. No more sounds came again.
“I want to talk to him.”
He shook his head. “You’re not ready.”
“Why are you doing this?”
His nostrils flared as he pierced me with his eyes. “Are you kidding me? All you do is blame yourself for your friend’s death. I get it. You just found out today, but I’m not going to let you keep blaming yourself. That’ll screw with your head. I want you to mourn your friend, but you have to have the facts straight. You need to start doing it in a healthy way and your head’s not clear, not when it comes to your roommate. I’m trying to help you with this guy. He’s scum, but he was scum that your roommate brought in. You had no say over him. She brought him in. She stayed with him. She chose to go to him. Not you. I want you to be clear - you couldn’t have stopped her from going to this guy. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“And making me take inventory on Ben is going to help that?”
He lifted his hands. “It’s a start. You need to really look at him for who he is. You never did. I heard you interact with him before. You thought he was annoying and stupid. You laughed at him. You never took him serious. You did what most girls do, you only see the surface. Every person gives you an image of what they want you to see. This ass**le looked pathetic to you, maybe lovesick?”
Everything was swirling inside of me. I was confused by what he was saying, but I only wanted to yell at Ben. He took her from me. He shouldn’t have taken her from me. “Make him pay, Emma. Promise!” Amanda’s shout came back to me and I shook my head. She was right. I was tired of Carter’s lesson.
I started forward for him, but Carter hauled me back. His hand stayed on my arm. “What were you going to do?”
“I...” I had no idea.
He sighed in frustration, raking a hand through his hair. His shoulders bunched as he lifted his arm and the sleeve of his shirt slid down. His bicep doubled in size before his arm went back down. For some reason, I couldn’t look away from his arm. His muscle folded back into place, but every part of him was sculpted to perfection.
“Are you checking me out?” His tone held a trace of amusement.
“What? No.” But I was. My cheeks warmed and I hung my head. How could I do that? At this time, at this place?
He chuckled, “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re stalling. I’d stall too.” He sighed as he hooked a foot underneath Ben’s stomach. He flipped him over. One of his arms hit the couch and stayed there. It couldn’t slide back down from its awkward angle. Then Carter gestured to him and stepped back again. “Okay. Look at him again. Tell me what you see.”
I had no idea. Nothing. He had on a nice shirt. There was cash in his front pocket. His jeans didn’t look as baggy from the front and there were no stains. Even his shoes seemed new. Wait. His shoes were new. He was clean-kept. He had money. He had a working phone. He had drugs. My mouth dropped open.
“Getting it now?”
“He was high. I thought-”
“You thought what?” He was calm.
“I thought he was desperate and sad. Maybe he didn’t know what he had done when he...” I couldn’t say it. I should, but I couldn’t. It was too soon.
“He gutted your roommate. He murdered her and he’s not desperate, Emma.” Carter grabbed the phone, pulled out the money, and picked up the knife. “He’s got keys. That tells me he’s got somewhere to go. He’s got money, so he’s not here to score quick cash. He’s got drugs. That means he’s got his next hit already with him. And he’s got a second knife. My guess is that this is his favorite one. He used Amanda’s knife on you, and he came with a gun. Where’d he get the gun?”
“Yeah,” he laughed. It was an ugly sound. “He is, but he’s smart. He’s a survivor, Emma. He survived that whole situation with Franco breathing down his back. He prospered, getting money out of the deal. What does that tell you?”
“Stop it.”
“No. You need to see the real Ben. He’s going to wake up, blubbering like a baby and you can’t buy into it. He’ll say a lot of pretty words, how he’s sorry for what did he do to his woman, but you can’t fold. I’m trying to help you see the real Ben here.”
I turned away, but he was there. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me over Ben’s body. I tried kicking, but he shifted his hold so I couldn’t move anymore.
His voice came from behind my ear. “You need to stop blaming yourself for everything that happens to your friends. You need to know what kind of animal this guy really was. Now look at him. Look at him, Emma.”
I refused.
He jerked my head down. Fine. If this is what he wanted, fine. I didn’t see anything, just Ben. He was unconscious, but I couldn’t shake the image of his wild eyes. He wasn’t moving. He was just lying there.
Carter held me tighter. “What do you see, Emma?”
“Nothing. Him.”
“Look at him. What do you see?”
What did I see? Nothing.
“Tell me what he’s wearing.”
“What? He’s wearing baggy pants. So what?” I tried wiggling out of his hold again. “Carter, stop this.”
“What’s in his pants? Look, Emma.”
Anger rose in me, but I looked. Then I saw it. There was a bag in his back pocket. “Is that what you’re talking about?”
“What’s in it?”
“I can’t see it.”
“Look. Yes, you can.”
“Fine!” Then I saw the corner that peeked out of his pocket. “White stuff. You already said he was on drugs.”
“Keep looking.”
I noticed a bulge in the same pocket and moved to get free. Carter let me go this time and I knelt closer to Ben. I pulled the bag of white powder out. Another knife came with it. His phone was in the other pocket, along with a set of keys. “What does this all mean?”
“Why did he come here?”
“What are you doing?”
“He butchered your friend, Emma. He should’ve run, but he didn’t. He came here. Why? To break the news to your friend? I doubt it. Open his phone. Look at the last number he dialed.”
I didn’t recognize it. “There’s no name saved to it.”
“Read it to me.” When I did, he said, “That’s the same number Graham dialed. My guess, it was his last connection to Franco.”
“Franco’s dead.”
A groan came from Ben and Carter hit him in the head again. No more sounds came again.
“I want to talk to him.”
He shook his head. “You’re not ready.”
“Why are you doing this?”
His nostrils flared as he pierced me with his eyes. “Are you kidding me? All you do is blame yourself for your friend’s death. I get it. You just found out today, but I’m not going to let you keep blaming yourself. That’ll screw with your head. I want you to mourn your friend, but you have to have the facts straight. You need to start doing it in a healthy way and your head’s not clear, not when it comes to your roommate. I’m trying to help you with this guy. He’s scum, but he was scum that your roommate brought in. You had no say over him. She brought him in. She stayed with him. She chose to go to him. Not you. I want you to be clear - you couldn’t have stopped her from going to this guy. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“And making me take inventory on Ben is going to help that?”
He lifted his hands. “It’s a start. You need to really look at him for who he is. You never did. I heard you interact with him before. You thought he was annoying and stupid. You laughed at him. You never took him serious. You did what most girls do, you only see the surface. Every person gives you an image of what they want you to see. This ass**le looked pathetic to you, maybe lovesick?”
Everything was swirling inside of me. I was confused by what he was saying, but I only wanted to yell at Ben. He took her from me. He shouldn’t have taken her from me. “Make him pay, Emma. Promise!” Amanda’s shout came back to me and I shook my head. She was right. I was tired of Carter’s lesson.
I started forward for him, but Carter hauled me back. His hand stayed on my arm. “What were you going to do?”
“I...” I had no idea.
He sighed in frustration, raking a hand through his hair. His shoulders bunched as he lifted his arm and the sleeve of his shirt slid down. His bicep doubled in size before his arm went back down. For some reason, I couldn’t look away from his arm. His muscle folded back into place, but every part of him was sculpted to perfection.
“Are you checking me out?” His tone held a trace of amusement.
“What? No.” But I was. My cheeks warmed and I hung my head. How could I do that? At this time, at this place?
He chuckled, “Don’t beat yourself up. You’re stalling. I’d stall too.” He sighed as he hooked a foot underneath Ben’s stomach. He flipped him over. One of his arms hit the couch and stayed there. It couldn’t slide back down from its awkward angle. Then Carter gestured to him and stepped back again. “Okay. Look at him again. Tell me what you see.”
I had no idea. Nothing. He had on a nice shirt. There was cash in his front pocket. His jeans didn’t look as baggy from the front and there were no stains. Even his shoes seemed new. Wait. His shoes were new. He was clean-kept. He had money. He had a working phone. He had drugs. My mouth dropped open.
“Getting it now?”
“He was high. I thought-”
“You thought what?” He was calm.
“I thought he was desperate and sad. Maybe he didn’t know what he had done when he...” I couldn’t say it. I should, but I couldn’t. It was too soon.
“He gutted your roommate. He murdered her and he’s not desperate, Emma.” Carter grabbed the phone, pulled out the money, and picked up the knife. “He’s got keys. That tells me he’s got somewhere to go. He’s got money, so he’s not here to score quick cash. He’s got drugs. That means he’s got his next hit already with him. And he’s got a second knife. My guess is that this is his favorite one. He used Amanda’s knife on you, and he came with a gun. Where’d he get the gun?”
