Cat's Lair
Page 128
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He wouldn’t survive her loss. Not intact. It was impossible. She’d made her way into his heart. Snuck in when he wasn’t looking. It was impossible to be with her and not fall deeply, madly in love with her. But that hadn’t been enough. She’d taken his soul.
His throat felt shredded. Raw. Aching. He didn’t even know why. His eyes burned and his body ached, especially his chest. He glanced at his reflection. A man stood there. A stranger. His thick chest was streaked with blood. He wore no shoes, only a pair of soft blue jeans that set low on his hips. His hair was wild. His face was swollen from multiple cuts and bruises and his chest had rake marks down the heavy muscles. His eyes… his eyes had gone a dark gold, all sorrow. All fear.
He’d all but forgotten Cordeau and his lieutenants had tortured him before he’d gotten free. It didn’t matter now. The nurses and the one doctor who approached him fell back when he swept his cold gaze over them. He knew he scared others there in the small waiting room, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything but keeping Catarina alive.
He was in a cold sweat at the thought of losing her, his guts twisted with fear. He knew Jake hovered close, probably out of fear that if anything went wrong, the male leopard would take over in an effort to protect Eli. He couldn’t imagine what damage a grieving male leopard would do in the small hospital waiting room.
He felt his leopard close and it should have been a comfort, but all it did was make him feel more desolate, more alone. When had it happened? How? From the first moment he’d walked into the dojo and saw her working out, something inside of him, something that had always been closed off, shut down, broken, had suddenly come to life. She was that life. Her warmth. Her laughter. Her intelligence. The way she took care of him. The way she delighted in caring for him.
His hand gripped the window ledge until his knuckles turned white. Don’t fucking take her from me. He didn’t even know who he was without her. He’d walked through his life, feeling no joy. No happiness. How could he ever go back?
There was a small commotion at the entrance to the waiting room and he turned his head. Emma entered. Jake’s face immediately became a mask of fury. Surrounding her in a solid shield were Joshua, Trey and Elijah. They had the look of bodyguards and the two people who had remained in the room fled.
Emma ignored Jake and went straight to Eli. He couldn’t swallow the sudden lump that rose in his throat. The sight of her pregnant body choked him. Maybe it was the compassion on her face. He gave her the death stare, the one that always kept everyone away from him, but she kept coming, ignoring his silent warning, just as she ignored Jake’s anger that she wasn’t at home where he expected her to be. Eli’s eyes burned and he turned his head back to stare into the window. He could still see her reflection in the glass, that beautiful face, reminding him exactly what he could lose.
“Eli, she’ll fight. That’s who she is.”
He shook his head, pressing his fingers to his burning eyes. “You didn’t see her, Emma. She was torn up. He’d beat her before the leopard got ahold of her. She’s so small. Vulnerable. I should have gotten to her faster.”
“Don’t.” She pressed her head against his side, heedless of the blood. Her fingers gently circled his forearm. “You don’t understand women. I do. She loves you with every breath in her body. She’ll fight for you. She isn’t weak and fragile. She’s strong. I listened to her when she told me about living in that house with him. No child should have survived such a nightmare, but she not only survived, she educated herself and she found a way to escape. That took courage, especially after the things Jake told me were done, killing a friend in front of her and convincing a young girl the blood was on her hands. Catarina is courageous. She’s a fighter. She doesn’t stop. You have to believe in her and trust her right now.”
He knew she was trying to help. And maybe it did help. He was grateful they had friends that would take the time to come and see how Catarina was doing. He forced himself to look down into Emma’s face, knowing she would see his anguish. His pain. The looming gut-wrenching sorrow. He was totally vulnerable in that moment – absolutely naked and he didn’t give a damn.
“I’m certain she’s pregnant. Not very far along, but…” He shoved his hand through his hair in agitation. “I don’t care so much for myself. Right now what matters is that she lives, but she’ll tear herself up thinking she should have done something more to protect our child.”
“Eli.” Emma’s voice was soft. “You know better than to do this. You can’t control what’s happening in that operating room, and you’re making yourself crazy. You and Jake think you can control every aspect of your environment, and you just can’t. Don’t think about things you don’t know will or won’t happen. Just send her strength. Send her your love.”
He didn’t answer her. She was right of course. He did want control of everything in his environment, especially Catarina. His parents had kissed him good-bye and left the house laughing. He’d stood at the window waving. They never came home and his life changed completely. It wasn’t that he’d been in bad homes. He just had been moved from home to home, and no one cared about him after that. He hadn’t cared after that. He wouldn’t allow himself to care. Until Catarina. She found her way into his heart, into his soul, and now he stood in a fucking waiting room because he hadn’t kept her safe enough.
His throat felt shredded. Raw. Aching. He didn’t even know why. His eyes burned and his body ached, especially his chest. He glanced at his reflection. A man stood there. A stranger. His thick chest was streaked with blood. He wore no shoes, only a pair of soft blue jeans that set low on his hips. His hair was wild. His face was swollen from multiple cuts and bruises and his chest had rake marks down the heavy muscles. His eyes… his eyes had gone a dark gold, all sorrow. All fear.
He’d all but forgotten Cordeau and his lieutenants had tortured him before he’d gotten free. It didn’t matter now. The nurses and the one doctor who approached him fell back when he swept his cold gaze over them. He knew he scared others there in the small waiting room, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything but keeping Catarina alive.
He was in a cold sweat at the thought of losing her, his guts twisted with fear. He knew Jake hovered close, probably out of fear that if anything went wrong, the male leopard would take over in an effort to protect Eli. He couldn’t imagine what damage a grieving male leopard would do in the small hospital waiting room.
He felt his leopard close and it should have been a comfort, but all it did was make him feel more desolate, more alone. When had it happened? How? From the first moment he’d walked into the dojo and saw her working out, something inside of him, something that had always been closed off, shut down, broken, had suddenly come to life. She was that life. Her warmth. Her laughter. Her intelligence. The way she took care of him. The way she delighted in caring for him.
His hand gripped the window ledge until his knuckles turned white. Don’t fucking take her from me. He didn’t even know who he was without her. He’d walked through his life, feeling no joy. No happiness. How could he ever go back?
There was a small commotion at the entrance to the waiting room and he turned his head. Emma entered. Jake’s face immediately became a mask of fury. Surrounding her in a solid shield were Joshua, Trey and Elijah. They had the look of bodyguards and the two people who had remained in the room fled.
Emma ignored Jake and went straight to Eli. He couldn’t swallow the sudden lump that rose in his throat. The sight of her pregnant body choked him. Maybe it was the compassion on her face. He gave her the death stare, the one that always kept everyone away from him, but she kept coming, ignoring his silent warning, just as she ignored Jake’s anger that she wasn’t at home where he expected her to be. Eli’s eyes burned and he turned his head back to stare into the window. He could still see her reflection in the glass, that beautiful face, reminding him exactly what he could lose.
“Eli, she’ll fight. That’s who she is.”
He shook his head, pressing his fingers to his burning eyes. “You didn’t see her, Emma. She was torn up. He’d beat her before the leopard got ahold of her. She’s so small. Vulnerable. I should have gotten to her faster.”
“Don’t.” She pressed her head against his side, heedless of the blood. Her fingers gently circled his forearm. “You don’t understand women. I do. She loves you with every breath in her body. She’ll fight for you. She isn’t weak and fragile. She’s strong. I listened to her when she told me about living in that house with him. No child should have survived such a nightmare, but she not only survived, she educated herself and she found a way to escape. That took courage, especially after the things Jake told me were done, killing a friend in front of her and convincing a young girl the blood was on her hands. Catarina is courageous. She’s a fighter. She doesn’t stop. You have to believe in her and trust her right now.”
He knew she was trying to help. And maybe it did help. He was grateful they had friends that would take the time to come and see how Catarina was doing. He forced himself to look down into Emma’s face, knowing she would see his anguish. His pain. The looming gut-wrenching sorrow. He was totally vulnerable in that moment – absolutely naked and he didn’t give a damn.
“I’m certain she’s pregnant. Not very far along, but…” He shoved his hand through his hair in agitation. “I don’t care so much for myself. Right now what matters is that she lives, but she’ll tear herself up thinking she should have done something more to protect our child.”
“Eli.” Emma’s voice was soft. “You know better than to do this. You can’t control what’s happening in that operating room, and you’re making yourself crazy. You and Jake think you can control every aspect of your environment, and you just can’t. Don’t think about things you don’t know will or won’t happen. Just send her strength. Send her your love.”
He didn’t answer her. She was right of course. He did want control of everything in his environment, especially Catarina. His parents had kissed him good-bye and left the house laughing. He’d stood at the window waving. They never came home and his life changed completely. It wasn’t that he’d been in bad homes. He just had been moved from home to home, and no one cared about him after that. He hadn’t cared after that. He wouldn’t allow himself to care. Until Catarina. She found her way into his heart, into his soul, and now he stood in a fucking waiting room because he hadn’t kept her safe enough.
