Cat's Lair
Page 44
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“I wanted to get away from you,” she admitted in a low voice.
She hated the way her body went into meltdown at his touch. That confused her more than anything else. She should have been screaming at him not to touch her, but instead, when he did, even in such a simple way, she wanted to get closer to him. Maybe she wasn’t slutty, but certainly the leopard inside of her had to be.
“I’m well aware you wanted to get away from me, Cat,” Eli said, in a voice totally devoid of feeling.
Her gaze jumped to his. His hooded, sensual eyes were back to moving over her face broodingly. She pressed her lips together and then lifted her chin, forcing herself to look him straight in the eyes.
“Eli, what if I don’t want all this? What if my leopard chooses your leopard, but I don’t choose you? What happens then?”
His face softened. “Your leopard has already chosen, Kitten. So has mine. I’m the only man who has ever been inside of you and I’m the only man who ever will. If your choice isn’t me right now, I’ll have to work a hell of a lot harder to make certain it is.” His thumb was back to moving gently over her skin. “Too much has happened too fast for you to be able to even have a chance at knowing what or who you want. That’s why we’re here. Cordeau won’t find you here and neither will the DEA. You have time to figure it out.”
She didn’t take her gaze from his. “Eli, you are the DEA.”
“Not here, I’m not.”
“How do I know what’s real and what isn’t with you?” Her heart pounded when she asked, but she watched his face, hoping for a clue.
“You don’t at first,” he said. “That’s something I have to prove to you. But I’m asking for you to give me a chance to prove it to you.”
She kept her eyes on his. “You didn’t answer my question, Eli. What if my leopard chooses you and I don’t? What happens?”
He was silent for a long time. She didn’t think he’d answer her. His thumb slid over her lips and then down to her chin. Featherlight. She felt his touch all the way to her most feminine core. Her body trembled, but more to the point, she felt the sudden damp heat between her legs. She bit at her lower lip and then sharply inhaled when his gaze settled there. Just the small act of breathing lifted her breasts beneath his flannel shirt and she became acutely aware she wore nothing beneath it. What had possessed her to be so stupid?
He was close. So close she felt heat radiating off of him. She felt every breath he took. She felt his hunger. It was so close to the surface, and it was there in the glittering gold of his eyes. Intense. Powerful. Very focused on her. She had only to take one small step and she’d be in his arms. She wanted to be in his arms and that was just humiliating.
He had all the experience and she had none. Sex could be another way to control her. What if he interrogated her while they were having sex? She’d probably tell him everything. She’d never be any kind of a spy, that was for certain.
Abruptly Eli stepped back away from her, raking his fingers through his hair. “Woman, you have to stop thinking so much. Your face is an open book. I get that I fucked up and I’m doing my best to make up for that, but it hurts like hell when you look at me that way. I’m going to take my shower and you put together breakfast. That will give us both a little time away from each other.”
She nodded. Grateful and disappointed at the same time. Which again, was crazy and totally humiliating. She didn’t seem to have any self-control around him.
“As for your question, I don’t honestly have an answer to that. I don’t, Cat. I hadn’t even considered that a woman might not want the same man her leopard wants because as a rule, they’re mates. The humans are and so are the leopards.”
“So it’s possible I could still leave if my leopard accepted yours,” she persisted. She needed to know. She had to know she had a choice.
“I think it would be improbable that would happen, but I think any of us can walk away if we decide we don’t want what we have.” He stepped into her space again, his fingers on her chin, tilting her head so she could look into his eyes, eyes that were pure cat. “As to whether or not I would turn into Cordeau without you, I can’t honestly say.” He dropped his hand abruptly and turned and walked out of the room.
Catarina found herself shaking. She walked to the kitchen chair with her coffee, sat down and drew up her legs. What had he meant by that strange statement? He couldn’t possibly turn into Rafe. Eli might be leopard, but he wouldn’t be a part of the DEA if he wanted to commit the kinds of crimes Rafe did. Rafe’s organization spanned three states. He had a large network, and it was growing every day. She just couldn’t see Eli running guns or keeping prostitutes in line or creating a drug empire. Killing maybe, the rest of it no way.
How could she want a man so much when she didn’t trust him? She was very honest with herself. Eli wasn’t Ridley but she was still very attracted to him. Their chemistry was off the charts. Still, sex wasn’t making love. People hooked up all the time for great sex, didn’t they? Couldn’t she just view it like that? He knew about the little hussy inside of her. She could bide her time until her leopard made her appearance, use Eli for great sex and then if things went bad, just walk away.
She sipped at her coffee, surprised to find it was warm, not hot. She’d always been good at figuring things out. She just had to get past the horrible hole in her heart. She still felt as if she’d been ripped to pieces, shredded inside and left empty. The problem was, she only felt that way when she was alone, when Eli wasn’t right next to her, and that, she knew, was a very bad sign.
She hated the way her body went into meltdown at his touch. That confused her more than anything else. She should have been screaming at him not to touch her, but instead, when he did, even in such a simple way, she wanted to get closer to him. Maybe she wasn’t slutty, but certainly the leopard inside of her had to be.
“I’m well aware you wanted to get away from me, Cat,” Eli said, in a voice totally devoid of feeling.
Her gaze jumped to his. His hooded, sensual eyes were back to moving over her face broodingly. She pressed her lips together and then lifted her chin, forcing herself to look him straight in the eyes.
“Eli, what if I don’t want all this? What if my leopard chooses your leopard, but I don’t choose you? What happens then?”
His face softened. “Your leopard has already chosen, Kitten. So has mine. I’m the only man who has ever been inside of you and I’m the only man who ever will. If your choice isn’t me right now, I’ll have to work a hell of a lot harder to make certain it is.” His thumb was back to moving gently over her skin. “Too much has happened too fast for you to be able to even have a chance at knowing what or who you want. That’s why we’re here. Cordeau won’t find you here and neither will the DEA. You have time to figure it out.”
She didn’t take her gaze from his. “Eli, you are the DEA.”
“Not here, I’m not.”
“How do I know what’s real and what isn’t with you?” Her heart pounded when she asked, but she watched his face, hoping for a clue.
“You don’t at first,” he said. “That’s something I have to prove to you. But I’m asking for you to give me a chance to prove it to you.”
She kept her eyes on his. “You didn’t answer my question, Eli. What if my leopard chooses you and I don’t? What happens?”
He was silent for a long time. She didn’t think he’d answer her. His thumb slid over her lips and then down to her chin. Featherlight. She felt his touch all the way to her most feminine core. Her body trembled, but more to the point, she felt the sudden damp heat between her legs. She bit at her lower lip and then sharply inhaled when his gaze settled there. Just the small act of breathing lifted her breasts beneath his flannel shirt and she became acutely aware she wore nothing beneath it. What had possessed her to be so stupid?
He was close. So close she felt heat radiating off of him. She felt every breath he took. She felt his hunger. It was so close to the surface, and it was there in the glittering gold of his eyes. Intense. Powerful. Very focused on her. She had only to take one small step and she’d be in his arms. She wanted to be in his arms and that was just humiliating.
He had all the experience and she had none. Sex could be another way to control her. What if he interrogated her while they were having sex? She’d probably tell him everything. She’d never be any kind of a spy, that was for certain.
Abruptly Eli stepped back away from her, raking his fingers through his hair. “Woman, you have to stop thinking so much. Your face is an open book. I get that I fucked up and I’m doing my best to make up for that, but it hurts like hell when you look at me that way. I’m going to take my shower and you put together breakfast. That will give us both a little time away from each other.”
She nodded. Grateful and disappointed at the same time. Which again, was crazy and totally humiliating. She didn’t seem to have any self-control around him.
“As for your question, I don’t honestly have an answer to that. I don’t, Cat. I hadn’t even considered that a woman might not want the same man her leopard wants because as a rule, they’re mates. The humans are and so are the leopards.”
“So it’s possible I could still leave if my leopard accepted yours,” she persisted. She needed to know. She had to know she had a choice.
“I think it would be improbable that would happen, but I think any of us can walk away if we decide we don’t want what we have.” He stepped into her space again, his fingers on her chin, tilting her head so she could look into his eyes, eyes that were pure cat. “As to whether or not I would turn into Cordeau without you, I can’t honestly say.” He dropped his hand abruptly and turned and walked out of the room.
Catarina found herself shaking. She walked to the kitchen chair with her coffee, sat down and drew up her legs. What had he meant by that strange statement? He couldn’t possibly turn into Rafe. Eli might be leopard, but he wouldn’t be a part of the DEA if he wanted to commit the kinds of crimes Rafe did. Rafe’s organization spanned three states. He had a large network, and it was growing every day. She just couldn’t see Eli running guns or keeping prostitutes in line or creating a drug empire. Killing maybe, the rest of it no way.
How could she want a man so much when she didn’t trust him? She was very honest with herself. Eli wasn’t Ridley but she was still very attracted to him. Their chemistry was off the charts. Still, sex wasn’t making love. People hooked up all the time for great sex, didn’t they? Couldn’t she just view it like that? He knew about the little hussy inside of her. She could bide her time until her leopard made her appearance, use Eli for great sex and then if things went bad, just walk away.
She sipped at her coffee, surprised to find it was warm, not hot. She’d always been good at figuring things out. She just had to get past the horrible hole in her heart. She still felt as if she’d been ripped to pieces, shredded inside and left empty. The problem was, she only felt that way when she was alone, when Eli wasn’t right next to her, and that, she knew, was a very bad sign.
