Chasing Dreams
Page 73

She heard the group talking about how Katie had gone out with Dalton after The Rusty Nail closed, which meant they had apparently ventured to the IHOP in the neighboring town because nothing in Devil’s Bend stayed open that late.
“How long have you two been married?”
Tessa turned to glance behind her, noticing that Dalton was talking to Eric and Izzy. Obviously. No one else was married. The thought actually depressed Tessa, but she didn’t want to bring down the mood of the party, so she turned back to focus on her dogs as they sniffed the ground around the porch.
“Almost six years,” Eric answered easily. “We got married a few months after Tessa and… Oomph!”
Despite her heavy heart, Tessa smiled, picturing Izzy elbowing Eric in the ribs to get him to stay quiet. “It’s ok, Izzy,” she called out, not bothering to look back.
“Sorry, Tess.” Eric’s apology wasn’t needed. Her friends had loved Richie as much as she had and although talking about him was still hard for her, she wanted him to be remembered.
Twisting to lean against the tall post so that she could face the group, Tessa pulled her knees up close to her chest. “Eric and Izzy got married two months after Richie and I did. The only reason they waited was because high maintenance over there insisted on this huge wedding.”
The group laughed, including Izzy. “So not true,” she said in a mock defensive tone. “He’s the one who wanted a big wedding.”
“Ok, so that was mostly true,” Tessa added with a laugh.
“Do you guys have kids?” Dalton asked, his attention still focused on the couple sitting across from him.
Tessa immediately glanced out at the yard, her heart pounding erratically. The pain of losing her baby was still there, although she tried to ease the discomfort by telling herself that Richie was cuddling their little one up in heaven these days. It helped, but not nearly as much as she would like it to.
“No kids. Not yet. We’ve been talking about it though.”
Tessa’s head jerked back to Izzy. They were? She had no idea. The idea made her heart double in size, happiness filling her for her friends. “It’s about time,” she told them. “I’ve wondered if you two would ever get with the program.”
The solemn look on Izzy’s face told her exactly why she hadn’t known about this. Her friend was so careful to ensure she didn’t hurt Tessa’s feelings or rouse memories that would make her grieve. But that was life. As much as she didn’t want it to sometimes, it moved on. Her losses, although she felt were cruel and pointless, had made her a stronger person. Even if she would prefer to be weak if it meant she hadn’t had to experience them.
“Do you want to try to have kids again?” Dalton asked.
For a second, Tessa didn’t realize he was talking to her. Her head felt like it was attached to her body by a bungee cord as she swung her gaze in his direction.
How did he know? Oh, God. She looked over at Cooper and noticed the sadness in his eyes. Or was that pity? Did he feel sorry for her?
Pushing to her feet, Tessa all but ran from the porch, heading around to the front of the house in a full on panic attack. Her dogs, loyal followers that they were, fell into step beside her. She had to get out of there. Her chest felt like it was caving in.
How did Dalton know? And Cooper?
Tessa had to stop, unable to drag air into her lungs. She was leaning over, her hands resting on her thighs as she fought for breath when strong arms came down on her shoulders. She refused to cry, but the tears were trying to ignore or specific instructions to stay back.
“Darlin’,” Cooper said as he turned her and pulled her against him.
She was angry and hurt and confused. She hadn’t wanted him to find out about how miserable her life had been. Not only had she lost their baby, but she’d lost Richie as well. And she knew it was her fault. All of it was her fault. She’d been rebellious and foolish, and no matter who tried to talk to her, she hadn’t been able to stop herself. There for a while, she had even convinced herself that her father had left because of her.
“Tessa, look at me.” Cooper’s voice was a loud crack in the silent night.
Tessa jerked her head up, realizing she was still heaving, trying to force oxygen past the immense boulder resting on her chest.
“Stop it!” he ordered, and she stopped cold.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked, confusion lacing the words.
“It’s all my fault.” Why was she doing this? He didn’t need to know about her life before him. She was supposed to be enjoying the time they had together, knowing full well that Cooper would move on with his life, and she would be left to pick up more pieces than had been there before he arrived.
His strong finger curled beneath her chin, and he forced her to look up at him.
“We can’t control the outcomes, Tessa,” he said softly.
“That’s not true. Everything I’ve done in my life has brought me to this place. If I’d been…” She knew she shouldn’t be telling him this, but she suddenly couldn’t stop herself. “If I had walked the straight and narrow and not been so reckless, none of this would’ve happened.”
“You really think that’s true?” he asked, the incredulity in his voice making her shudder.
“Yes,” she said without conviction. She had no idea what she believed. When it came down to it, she knew everything happened for a reason. She had done so many things wrong in her life and losing everything was her punishment.
“How’d you meet Richie?” Cooper asked.
Tessa jerked away from him, not wanting to tell him. The answer to that question would give away even more about herself that she wanted to keep hidden from him.
When Cooper laced his fingers with hers and pulled her back toward the house, Tessa started to try and break free.
“Stop fighting me, Tessa,” he warned. “We’re going to sit right here.” He was pointing to the front porch, so she let the fight drain out of her arm. At least she wouldn’t have to face everyone else.
Glancing up, she noticed there were several cars parked out on the main road. Reporters, she knew. They were stalking Cooper.
Once they were seated on the steps, Cooper pulled her against his side, his arm a comfort she needed more than anything right then.