Chasing the Tide
Page 12

Why is she mad?
Did I say something wrong?
“Oh,” I say.
I hear Ellie make a noise that’s a lot like breathing.
“Things are different now, Flynn. I won’t always be able to call you when I say I will. I’ll be busy. You have your new teaching job. I have school. You have to be…flexible.”
I start tapping my fingers on the table. One. Two. Three.
One. Two. Three.
“Flexible,” I say.
“Yes, Flynn. Flexible. Things aren’t going to be exactly as you expect them to be. You can’t get mad or upset if things stray from normal.”
I don’t like what she is saying. Why won’t she call me when she says she will? If she says she will call me, then she should. It’s the polite thing to do.
“It’s rude to not do what you say you’re going to do,” I tell her. Maybe she needs to be reminded like I do sometimes.
Ellie makes that loud, breathing noise again.
“Flynn…”
I don’t like how she is saying my name. I know she’s mad at me. I’m learning to hear the feelings in people’s voices.
I know Ellie’s feelings because she will tell me.
“You’re mad at me,” I say, knowing I’m right.
“I’m not mad, Flynn. I guess I’m just worried.”
“Worried. Why?” I ask her.
Why is Ellie worried? Had something happened already?
“Because I’m not sure we’ll be able to get through this.”
“Through what?”
“Me being here. You being there. It’s hard enough having a long distance relationship when you’re dealing with people without our… issues.”
“You’re saying we have issues,” I repeat.
Ellie laughs. Good, she’s happy now.
“Flynn we have so many damn issues that we could write the book on it.”
“Don’t cuss, Ellie. And I don’t want to write a book. I hate writing.” She knows that. I’d rather make sculptures or draw.
“That’s not what I’m—you know what, never mind. I should go. I’ve got to unpack and you start your new job tomorrow right?”
“Yes, I do,” I tell her. I start tapping the table again.
One. Two. Three.
“You’ll be great,” Ellie says and I smile. She makes me feel good.
I miss her.
“I miss you. I didn’t like watching your car drive away,” I tell her.
Ellie is quiet and I think she’s hung up. Why would she hang up? Did I make her mad again?
“I miss you, too,” she says and I smile because she didn’t hang up.
“You need to unpack. I can’t sleep until I unpack. It’s good to know where everything is. It’ll help you relax,” I say, wanting to tell her something that will help her.
“Thanks, Flynn. I’ll do that. And I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“When?” I ask. I like to know times. That way I can plan. Plans are good.
“I don’t know. I have to get my schedule. How about I make it a surprise?”
“Okay. Surprises are good,” I agree.
“Good luck tomorrow.”
I tap my fingers harder on the table. The thought of my job makes me nervous.
“Thanks. Good luck unpacking. And with school,” I tell her.
“I love you, Flynn,” Ellie says. It makes my stomach roll and my chest burn. It makes me smile when Ellie tells me she loves me.
No one but my mother has ever said they loved me.
No one until Ellie.
I feel good. And happy. I miss her more.
“Bye, Ellie. Surprise me tomorrow.”
“Bye, Flynn.”
Chapter Five
-Ellie-
“Why do I have to go to a doctor? I’m not sick!” I demand. Julie gave me a smile that didn’t look much like a happy smile. She was driving on the interstate. She promised she wasn’t taking me to a new house.
I haven’t been with the Metcalfs for very long. Only a few weeks. It hasn’t been too bad. A lot better than living with the Bennetts. Their son, Sean, would make me take showers with him. It was really weird. I was only eight and a half but I knew that was wrong.
He had told me not to tell anyone. He was thirteen and a lot bigger than I was. He twisted my arm behind my back until I told him I wouldn’t say anything. It made me really angry. I hated being alone with him.
So I set fire to their kitchen. And Julie took me to a new family.
Mrs. Metcalf was okay and Mr. Metcalf was never around. Their youngest daughter, Pearl, was annoying and wouldn’t stay out of my room. I didn’t like people touching my stuff. I got into trouble when I yelled at her for picking up Clive. Mrs. Metcalf didn’t like that and told me to apologize. I wouldn’t. Pearl should apologize for touching Clive. I told her not to go near my things.
“It’s not that kind of doctor, Ellie,” Julie said.
“What kind of doctor is it then?” I asked, hugging Clive to my chest.
“It’s the kind of doctor that you can talk to about your feelings. And maybe can help us figure out how to make you feel happier.”
“Like a shrink?” I asked, biting on my thumbnail and looking out the window.
Julie snorted. “And what’s a shrink?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s like all those other people you’ve made me go talk to. Like the lady who kept asking how I felt about my mom leaving me.”