Chasing the Tide
Page 32

She makes a noise again. She does that a lot. “Are you okay? Do you need to drink some water?” I ask her.
Imogen gives me another look that I don’t understand. Her face doesn’t smile or frown. It kind of stays in one place, making it hard to understand what she’s feeling.
“It has to feel great knowing your students like your teaching style,” she says.
I shrug. Sure it feels good. I like it when people like me. Most of my life people would stare at me or call me names. It feels good when they’re nice.
Imogen looks at the paper again. “What do you think about coming on full-time? Maybe taking on another couple of classes?” she asks me.
I frown. I don’t know that I like the sound of that. It like art. I like making my sculptures. I didn’t really like explaining what I am doing to a room full of people that stare at me.
But Leonard and Ellie both say I have to push myself.
When I think about Ellie it makes me sort of sad. She is so far away and I don’t talk to her like I used to.
“Why do you want me to do that?” I ask Imogen. I look at my watch. I only have four more minutes until I need to get to my class and start reading over my notes for the day.
“Because I think you’re a good teacher, Flynn. Look, I know you have trouble interacting with people. I know the difficulties you experience,” she says and I frown again.
“You do? How do you know that?” I ask her, confused.
“My son has Asperger’s. I know how hard just being in a room with one other stranger is for him, let alone a room full of them. Watching you in that classroom with those students gives me hope for my son. That one day he can overcome his limitations, just like you have,” she says and her eyes are wet. Is she crying?
“I don’t think I have limitations,” I say, not really understanding what she is saying. I don’t understand why people think I’m different. I don’t feel different. I just feel how I feel. I’ve always been the same way. How is it that I’m different and they aren’t? It doesn’t make sense.
“I don’t mean to offend you, Flynn. I’m just trying to say that you’re inspiring.”
“I need to get to my classroom,” I tell her, feeling strange about our conversation.
“Will you think about taking on more classes?” she asks me before I leave.
“Yes, I’ll think about it,” I tell her.
**
“I wish you would come to see me,” Ellie says when I talk to her on the phone later. I wasn’t expecting her call so early. She had told me she wouldn’t be able to call until nine.
It’s only six-thirty and I had planned to take Murphy on a walk.
When I mention that she called too early, she got mad. So I don’t say anything more about it. She wants me to try to be flexible. It’s really hard though.
“You want me to come to see you at school?” I ask.
“Yes. I’d like you to come here to see me. I want to show you my dorm room. I want to take you to downtown Baltimore and walk around the Inner Harbor. It’s really pretty. It’s the ocean without the messy sand,” she says.
“That sounds nice. I don’t like the sand,” I tell her.
She laughs and it’s my favorite sound in the world.
“I know you don’t,” she says.
I don’t say anything else. I need to take Murphy on his walk. If I wait too long I will have to eat dinner late. Then I won’t have time to watch all of my Aqua Teen Hunger Force DVD before I go to bed.
“Flynn! Are you listening?” Ellie yells in my ear. I don’t like that. It makes my head hurt.
“You want me to come to see you. I didn’t say anything because I don’t want to make you mad when I tell you no,” I answer truthfully. I don’t like to lie or not tell Ellie how I’m feeling. She’s my girlfriend. You don’t lie to your girlfriend.
She’s quiet now, and I wonder if she’s hung up the phone.
“Hello?” I say.
“I’m still here,” Ellie says. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s getting too late for Murphy’s walk.
“Why won’t you come, Flynn? Why can’t you just try?” Ellie asks and I frown. She’s mad. Why is she mad?
“I can’t go there because it makes me sick to my stomach. My head hurts and I don’t like that,” I tell her.
“Don’t you want to see me?” Ellie asks.
“Yes I want to see you. I miss you. Why can’t you come here to see me?” I ask, thinking that makes more sense.
“Because Flynn, I don’t want to go there! I left Wellston because I hate it there! I can’t go back!” she yells louder.
“Stop yelling!” I yell back. I’m starting to feel angry. I don’t like how Ellie is talking to me. But I also feel sad. I don’t like her being mad at me. It hurts.
“I’ve got to go,” Ellie says, her voice sounding funny.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I don’t want to argue,” she says. I don’t want to argue either. I didn’t understand why we had to fight. Why couldn’t we just talk to each other?
“I don’t like this,” I say.
“I don’t either, Flynn,” Ellie says and then is quiet.
I look at the clock on the wall again but now I don’t want to take Murphy on a walk. I don’t want Ellie to get off the phone. Not when she’s upset. Not when she’s mad at me because I won’t come to see her.