“Yes I do,” I blurted.
“Yes she does,” Mum said, speaking at the same time as me.
Neil’s eyes softened as he looked up at me and I knew what he was on about.
You’re trying to gentle the blow because you know how badly I’m struggling with this.
He knew me so well.
“You’ve gotten an inheritance? But from whom?”
“A great uncle I’d never met. He was the brother of my gran. No living children and I was his closest blood relative.” He shrugged. “Nobody was more surprised than me.”
“When did this happen?” Stupid question to ask him. You know the answer will hurt.
“While I was still deployed.” He shifted his body in the chair. “The solicitors had to wait on me to come home. It was months before I could get up there to see the place.”
If I’d stuck around I could have helped him while he was gone.
“Yes, and Neil has a beautiful house on an estate in Scotland, Elaina. There’s a good deal of land for hunting and a lake where you can fish from a boat. Ian’s been up there with him on hunting weekends before. The land is so stunning in photos…oh, and tell her about the cherry trees, darling.”
He looked uncomfortable while Mum gushed about the lovely Scottish country estate that everyone in the world knew he owned, but me, apparently.
I set down my spoon and focused on him, giving him my full attention and a smile. Somehow I knew what was coming would be painful to hear. Premonitions happen sometimes and this one was gonna hurt.
“There are cherry trees on the property,” he began. “An unusual variety that blooms twice in a year. In the early spring of course, but in autumn, after all the leaves have changed their colours and fallen down…they come into bloom for a second time. They call it Autumn Cherry.”
That’s not fair.
When he finished speaking, I blinked to keep my eyes from flooding. I thought I did a pretty good job considering the words that had just come out of his mouth, and the hidden meaning within them. They come into bloom for a second time.
“It sounds very lovely. I hope to see pictures some time. And congratulations, I’m so happy for your good fortune.”
He nodded his head in acknowledgement.
I pushed my chair out and got up from the table with a smile…I think. I was certainly trying my hardest to pull it off anyway.
“You know…I’m going to have to excuse myself for the night.” I brought my hand up to my temple. “My head is just pounding something awful and I think the best thing for me is to just give it up and get back in bed.”
Neil’s soulful eyes rested on me as I babbled away; no judgment, none of the harsh anger I’d seen in them before, just kindness and acceptance. I couldn’t look into them anymore. Too painful to realize I would never be the recipient of those eyes looking at me out of love.
“Mum, Neil, thank you for a smashing meal. It was superb. Goodnight.”
Neil pulled up to his feet in deference to me standing, his manners still functioning perfectly after all the years of training by his gran.
“It was my pleasure.”
I turned and left the dining room. I held myself together until I was just in the doorway—when I heard him say it.
“Feel better, Cherry.”
My legs actually gave out enough to cause me to lose step when he said it. Like the slice of a blade across the back of my Achilles. Or across my heart.
I would have made it safely out of there if he hadn’t called me Cherry.
Damn you to hell, Neil McManus.
20
Elaina avoided me like the plague during the following week. I watched her carefully to see if I could make a crack in that armor she’d built up, but had very little success. She would talk to me, and that was about it.
I left things on her desk when she was away from it. I’d offer to take her home after work hoping I could get her alone for an hour or two and make some real progress, but she ditched me at times when I was unable to leave, or made Ian drive her.
I didn’t give up though. I had some hope you see.
I’d been there when she’d learned the truth about Cora and me, and seen what the revelation had done to her. The truth—opposed to what she’d believed all these years—had devastated her.
Elaina had rage, anger and great regret brewing inside her over our break up. I’d seen her go after Tompkins and witnessed the raw fury that possessed her when she was told about the alliance between Cora and Tompkins to break us apart. I’d never known about their illicit deal, and it was probably a very good thing because I would be locked up for murder right now, no doubt.
The attack at the pub had been the great leveler, an event which opened everyone’s eyes to what had really happened, and to the choices that had been made nearly six years ago. By her. By me. Elaina wasn’t the only one at fault. I’d not gone after her or forced her to see the truth when I should have done. I allowed her to believe a lie because my pride was too great to take the fall on the idea that someone who loved me could just let me go like that.
Yeah, the scars from the past are cocksuckin’ motherfuckers, aren’t they?
But I figured something out about her and me. I learned that regret gets you nothing but a bigger pile of shit to shovel around. And so I made a decision. I decided not to muck around in the regret shit pile for even one more day.
It was impossible for Elaina to convey an aura of not caring about me anymore, when I’d seen her try her damnedest to kill the man responsible for tearing us apart. With my own eyes.
Being optimistic with the hope that she still loved me did not seem like such a stretch anymore.
Now all I needed to do was to convince her of it.
I’d arranged for some subtle hints like the florist arrangements in reception, but cherry blossoms in blue vases weren’t going to cut it and send her back into my arms, or my bed. Not with the way she was locked down so tight. I believed we could get past the hurt and misconceptions. I believed we could love each other again. If I wanted her in my life, then I needed to step up my game.
And my Cherry Girl needed a push.
Earlier in the week a notice had been delivered from the Personnel department for me to report for scheduled self-defense training. The gist of the email was this: all employees were required to take a basic course in self-defense maneuvers. As BSI provided security for high profile clientele, one could never assume a lunatic wouldn’t show up with grievances. To that end all staff must be thoroughly trained in defense to be prepared in the event of such an incident.
“Yes she does,” Mum said, speaking at the same time as me.
Neil’s eyes softened as he looked up at me and I knew what he was on about.
You’re trying to gentle the blow because you know how badly I’m struggling with this.
He knew me so well.
“You’ve gotten an inheritance? But from whom?”
“A great uncle I’d never met. He was the brother of my gran. No living children and I was his closest blood relative.” He shrugged. “Nobody was more surprised than me.”
“When did this happen?” Stupid question to ask him. You know the answer will hurt.
“While I was still deployed.” He shifted his body in the chair. “The solicitors had to wait on me to come home. It was months before I could get up there to see the place.”
If I’d stuck around I could have helped him while he was gone.
“Yes, and Neil has a beautiful house on an estate in Scotland, Elaina. There’s a good deal of land for hunting and a lake where you can fish from a boat. Ian’s been up there with him on hunting weekends before. The land is so stunning in photos…oh, and tell her about the cherry trees, darling.”
He looked uncomfortable while Mum gushed about the lovely Scottish country estate that everyone in the world knew he owned, but me, apparently.
I set down my spoon and focused on him, giving him my full attention and a smile. Somehow I knew what was coming would be painful to hear. Premonitions happen sometimes and this one was gonna hurt.
“There are cherry trees on the property,” he began. “An unusual variety that blooms twice in a year. In the early spring of course, but in autumn, after all the leaves have changed their colours and fallen down…they come into bloom for a second time. They call it Autumn Cherry.”
That’s not fair.
When he finished speaking, I blinked to keep my eyes from flooding. I thought I did a pretty good job considering the words that had just come out of his mouth, and the hidden meaning within them. They come into bloom for a second time.
“It sounds very lovely. I hope to see pictures some time. And congratulations, I’m so happy for your good fortune.”
He nodded his head in acknowledgement.
I pushed my chair out and got up from the table with a smile…I think. I was certainly trying my hardest to pull it off anyway.
“You know…I’m going to have to excuse myself for the night.” I brought my hand up to my temple. “My head is just pounding something awful and I think the best thing for me is to just give it up and get back in bed.”
Neil’s soulful eyes rested on me as I babbled away; no judgment, none of the harsh anger I’d seen in them before, just kindness and acceptance. I couldn’t look into them anymore. Too painful to realize I would never be the recipient of those eyes looking at me out of love.
“Mum, Neil, thank you for a smashing meal. It was superb. Goodnight.”
Neil pulled up to his feet in deference to me standing, his manners still functioning perfectly after all the years of training by his gran.
“It was my pleasure.”
I turned and left the dining room. I held myself together until I was just in the doorway—when I heard him say it.
“Feel better, Cherry.”
My legs actually gave out enough to cause me to lose step when he said it. Like the slice of a blade across the back of my Achilles. Or across my heart.
I would have made it safely out of there if he hadn’t called me Cherry.
Damn you to hell, Neil McManus.
20
Elaina avoided me like the plague during the following week. I watched her carefully to see if I could make a crack in that armor she’d built up, but had very little success. She would talk to me, and that was about it.
I left things on her desk when she was away from it. I’d offer to take her home after work hoping I could get her alone for an hour or two and make some real progress, but she ditched me at times when I was unable to leave, or made Ian drive her.
I didn’t give up though. I had some hope you see.
I’d been there when she’d learned the truth about Cora and me, and seen what the revelation had done to her. The truth—opposed to what she’d believed all these years—had devastated her.
Elaina had rage, anger and great regret brewing inside her over our break up. I’d seen her go after Tompkins and witnessed the raw fury that possessed her when she was told about the alliance between Cora and Tompkins to break us apart. I’d never known about their illicit deal, and it was probably a very good thing because I would be locked up for murder right now, no doubt.
The attack at the pub had been the great leveler, an event which opened everyone’s eyes to what had really happened, and to the choices that had been made nearly six years ago. By her. By me. Elaina wasn’t the only one at fault. I’d not gone after her or forced her to see the truth when I should have done. I allowed her to believe a lie because my pride was too great to take the fall on the idea that someone who loved me could just let me go like that.
Yeah, the scars from the past are cocksuckin’ motherfuckers, aren’t they?
But I figured something out about her and me. I learned that regret gets you nothing but a bigger pile of shit to shovel around. And so I made a decision. I decided not to muck around in the regret shit pile for even one more day.
It was impossible for Elaina to convey an aura of not caring about me anymore, when I’d seen her try her damnedest to kill the man responsible for tearing us apart. With my own eyes.
Being optimistic with the hope that she still loved me did not seem like such a stretch anymore.
Now all I needed to do was to convince her of it.
I’d arranged for some subtle hints like the florist arrangements in reception, but cherry blossoms in blue vases weren’t going to cut it and send her back into my arms, or my bed. Not with the way she was locked down so tight. I believed we could get past the hurt and misconceptions. I believed we could love each other again. If I wanted her in my life, then I needed to step up my game.
And my Cherry Girl needed a push.
Earlier in the week a notice had been delivered from the Personnel department for me to report for scheduled self-defense training. The gist of the email was this: all employees were required to take a basic course in self-defense maneuvers. As BSI provided security for high profile clientele, one could never assume a lunatic wouldn’t show up with grievances. To that end all staff must be thoroughly trained in defense to be prepared in the event of such an incident.
