Christmas at Little Beach Street Bakery
Page 51

Polly noticed that Kerensa was trying hard not to cry; she was obviously exhausted, and the weariness made her lovely face droop. Rhonda looked at her.
‘Are you feeling depressed?’ she asked in what she obviously regarded as a low whisper and thus was only audible to the next four rooms down the corridor. ‘Because you know you can watch for that.’
‘I’m fine,’ said Kerensa. ‘Just tired.’ She crossly wiped away a tear.
‘There there,’ said Rhonda, stroking her cheek. ‘Don’t you worry. Any help you need, any doctors you need, anything you need, we’ll sort it for you. You’re our family now. You are my daughter now too, huh? So. Anything we can do we will do for you, for you are the mother of the most beautiful Finkel man ever known.’
Kerensa couldn’t speak but nodded quietly. Rhonda got up and indicated to Merv.
‘Come on!’ she hollered. ‘Leave them alone! They clearly need a bit of peace and quiet.’
This felt a bit rich, seeing as how Merv had just been staring quietly at the baby and beaming with happiness, but he started moving towards the door anyway.
‘We’ll be back soon,’ he said.
‘We will!’ said Rhonda. ‘Oh, I can’t bear to leave him! My first grandchild!’ She gave him one last lipstick kiss. ‘That beautiful boy,’ she added. ‘That beautiful, beautiful boy. My grandson!’
Her mascara started to leak a little.
‘I know,’ she said to Kerensa, ‘I know that to you this little bundle is everything. But can I say that to us too… to us it feels exactly the same. That we are carrying on, that our family is carrying on into the future, and it is the most wonderful feeling on earth.’
Merv passed her a large handkerchief, and she blew her nose noisily.
‘So you look after yourself, huh? Because you have done a wonderful thing for us. A wonderful, wonderful thing. Now, Reuben, you show us where this restaurant is. We have to eat, yes? Everybody has to eat. We’ll come back soon. Give your wife some rest and stop taking photographs. You’ll damage my perfect grandson’s little eyes, I’m sure it’s dangerous…’
She kissed the baby and Kerensa once more, then, still talking, bustled her husband and son noisily out into the corridor.
The room was very quiet after they’d all left, just the gentle bleeping of a machine here or there in the distance. There were so many flowers, it looked like a greenhouse. Polly went to the window and gazed out at the garden outside.
‘It’s weird,’ Kerensa said, her voice completely flat. ‘There’s all those people just walking about out there, getting on with their daily business, without the faintest idea that everything in here is just… well, glorious and awful all at once.’
‘I wonder how many people looking out of these windows feel that,’ said Polly, her heart heavy. She turned round. ‘Oh KEZ,’ she wailed.
‘Why are you so sad?’ said Kerensa. ‘You’re not the one sitting here with a dark-haired baby.’
Polly burst into tears.
‘What? What’s this about?’
‘It’s Huckle,’ said Polly.
‘What?’ said Kerensa, looking alarmed. ‘Why isn’t he here? What’s happened to him? I thought he’d be the first to come and see Reuben’s baby. I thought you wouldn’t be able to keep him away.’
She stared at Polly as the truth dawned on her.
‘You didn’t…’
‘I had to,’ said Polly. ‘He knew something was up. He knew there was something I wasn’t telling him. It was tearing us apart.’
Kerensa blinked.
‘So now what? Where is he? Calling Reuben?’
‘I don’t think so,’ said Polly. ‘I think he’s wrestling with his conscience. Also, I think he might be breaking up with me.’
‘He can’t be,’ Kerensa said. ‘He can’t be. Not you two. Not Polly and Huckle. Who’d get custody of Neil?’
‘Me,’ said Polly quickly. ‘But that’s not the point.’
Kerensa shook her head.
‘Oh God,’ she said. ‘Oh God oh God oh God. Everything… everything so horribly, horribly ruined. Everything so messed up. Because I made one stupid mistake. One stupid, stupid thing.’
Polly blinked. ‘It’s always the women who pay. We always do. It’s been this way for ever.’
‘I’m not some Victorian parlour maid,’ said Kerensa.
‘You might as well be,’ said Polly bitterly. ‘You’re a fallen woman. We’re always left holding the baby. Suffering the consequences.’ She thought about her mum.
Kerensa looked down at the sleeping infant.
‘I love him,’ she said. ‘I love him so much. I can’t tell you. As soon as I met him, as soon as they handed him to me I just thought, I know you. I know you. Everything about you. Everything you are. And I love it all. I think all of it is perfect, and splendid, and I always will. But I’m going to have to pay for that.’
‘Not necessarily,’ said Polly. ‘He might not say anything.’
‘But he might,’ said Kerensa. ‘Maybe not now. Maybe one day. In the future. When something happens. When something goes wrong.’
Polly shook her head. ‘I’ll beg him. I’ll deny it. I’ll… I’ll stand up in a court of law and swear against it.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Kerensa. ‘Because already every piece of happiness I have from my boy here… every word Rhonda says… it cuts me like a knife. Stabs me through and through. And I think it always will.’
‘One in ten,’ said Polly. ‘One in ten men are raising children that aren’t theirs. That’s what they say, isn’t it?’
‘It can’t be true, though,’ said Kerensa. ‘It can’t be. Surely. That can’t be right.’
‘We’ll never know,’ said Polly. ‘Nobody will ever know. That’s the point.’
She placed a hand on Kerensa’s shoulder and ran a finger down the baby’s cheek. His skin was so soft, so pure and new. He was perfect. None of this gigantic mess was his fault. She swore then, silently, that he would never, ever feel that it was.
She looked at Kerensa.