“Jordan assured me again this morning that Doctor Gatlin is the absolute best in the field in terms of treating bipolar disorder,” he told Tessa now. “Patients come from all over the country, even the world, to consult with her. She’s helped to pioneer the diagnostic tests, refine them, and get more conclusive results.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “She’s the best person to help us, Tessa, no matter what the diagnosis is. And we’re going to get through this together, all right?”
She nodded, resting her blonde head wearily on his shoulder. He could see all too clearly the lines of exhaustion on her face, the dark circles under her eyes, and he made a mental note to ask Doctor Gatlin about possibly prescribing a sleeping pill so that Tessa could get some much needed rest. She’d also lost a few pounds in just this past week, unable to eat much due to all of her worrying and stress.
But at least, thank Christ, she seemed to have given up on these ridiculous notions of hers about breaking their engagement and moving out of the house so as not to be a burden on him. When she’d tried to hand him back her engagement ring during that tense flight home from Minnesota last week, his heart had nearly stopped in shock.
Ian had stared at the ring in her palm in horror, unable to believe the words that had just fallen from her lips. He knew she was upset over everything they had just learned back in Oak Grove, that she was having a great deal of trouble in coming to terms with it all. But he had never, ever imagined that she would react in this way - going so far as to try and break things off with him, to move out of the house, and live alone. He cursed himself for acting so impulsively by bringing her to Oak Grove without having done some more research into her family background, cursed the loose tongue of the woman who’d lived next door to Tessa’s grandmother, and cursed the old doctor for putting the idea in Tessa’s head that she, too, was likely to suffer from the same mental illness that had ultimately taken the lives of both her mother and grandmother. He was furious with both of them for the unintentional consequences of their conversations, but mostly furious with himself for not having anticipated something like this happening. His intentions had been good ones, but, as it was turning out, taking Tessa to see the place where her mother had grown up had been one of the worst decisions of his life.
He shut his eyes for a brief moment, took a deep breath, then shook his head firmly.
“No,” he told her decisively. He took her hand in his and slid the ring back onto her finger before she could struggle or protest. “This ring belongs on your finger, Tessa, and it’s going to remain there until your dying day. Just as you belong to me. And no bloody condition that you may or may not have is going to keep us apart. You are not moving out of our house, not getting a damned job, and you are not breaking our engagement. I won’t allow it, do you hear me?”
She was weeping, the tears tracking slowly down her pale cheeks. “Ian, please,” she whispered. “You’ve got to let me do this, got to let me go. You don’t understand how bad this disorder can get, how it changes a person, makes them do and say crazy things. I won’t subject you to that, I just won’t. So, please, please don’t try and talk me out of this. It’s the best thing for you, darling. You can find someone else, someone whose family isn’t tainted with this horrible condition, who won’t risk passing it on to your children. I love you more than my own life, Ian, but I won’t put you through something like this.”
Alarmed at how distraught she was quickly becoming, he swiftly unbuckled his seat belt, then hers, and picked her up in his arms. He ignored the look of mingled surprise and concern on Will’s face as he swept past the flight attendant on his way to the aircraft’s master bedroom. Tessa was too upset to fight him, merely burying her face against his shoulder as he set her down gently on the bed. He took her in his arms, cuddling her close, and simply held her for long minutes, letting her cry it out. He didn’t speak, except to murmur an occasional word of comfort, as he stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly.
After a time, her sobs gradually ceased, and her body went limp against his. Ian pressed gently kisses to her forehead, her temple, her cheek, rocking her back and forth until she gave a sigh of resignation and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I can’t marry -” she began tremulously.
He placed a finger against her lips. “Hush, now. You’re terribly upset, you’ve had an awful shock, but you aren’t thinking this out clearly, darling. You’ve got yourself strung as tight as a bow right now, and you’re going to snap in two if you don’t try and calm down. Let’s discuss this before making any rash decisions, all right? You owe me at least that much, Tessa.”
She looked shamefaced at that gentle rebuke, and nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Ian. I know I’ve been overreacting, haven’t taken this at all well.”
“I understand what a shock it’s all been, Tessa,” he told her. “But you can’t make these sorts of impulsive decisions on your own, can’t shut me out. You and I - we’re like two halves of the same person, two halves of the same soul. And if you were to ever leave me, Tessa, I would never be whole again. We’re going to get through this together, darling, just like we’re going to get through the rest of our lives together - both the good times and the bad ones. All right?”
Tessa sniffled then, before nodding slowly. “All right. Though I want you to promise me now, Ian, that if I do have this disorder, that if it ever gets really bad, that - “
“That I will stand by you and love you and take care of you no matter what,” he declared fervently. “Nothing will ever change that, Tessa. And there is nothing that will ever compel me to leave you. So don’t ask me to promise you something like that. I’ve told you many times that I’ll give you whatever your heart desires. But don’t ever ask me to let you go, darling, because that’s the one thing I’d never consent to do.” He pressed a soft kiss on her lips, then kissed away the rest of her tears. “You are everything to me, Tessa. My heart, my soul, my very life. And if you left me, I’d have no reason to go on living. So you see,” he added teasingly, “unless you want my death on your conscience, you have to stay with me. Forever.”
She sighed, cupping his cheek in her palm. “You are the most stubborn, controlling, bossy man I’ve ever met. And I love you desperately. I just don’t - “
She nodded, resting her blonde head wearily on his shoulder. He could see all too clearly the lines of exhaustion on her face, the dark circles under her eyes, and he made a mental note to ask Doctor Gatlin about possibly prescribing a sleeping pill so that Tessa could get some much needed rest. She’d also lost a few pounds in just this past week, unable to eat much due to all of her worrying and stress.
But at least, thank Christ, she seemed to have given up on these ridiculous notions of hers about breaking their engagement and moving out of the house so as not to be a burden on him. When she’d tried to hand him back her engagement ring during that tense flight home from Minnesota last week, his heart had nearly stopped in shock.
Ian had stared at the ring in her palm in horror, unable to believe the words that had just fallen from her lips. He knew she was upset over everything they had just learned back in Oak Grove, that she was having a great deal of trouble in coming to terms with it all. But he had never, ever imagined that she would react in this way - going so far as to try and break things off with him, to move out of the house, and live alone. He cursed himself for acting so impulsively by bringing her to Oak Grove without having done some more research into her family background, cursed the loose tongue of the woman who’d lived next door to Tessa’s grandmother, and cursed the old doctor for putting the idea in Tessa’s head that she, too, was likely to suffer from the same mental illness that had ultimately taken the lives of both her mother and grandmother. He was furious with both of them for the unintentional consequences of their conversations, but mostly furious with himself for not having anticipated something like this happening. His intentions had been good ones, but, as it was turning out, taking Tessa to see the place where her mother had grown up had been one of the worst decisions of his life.
He shut his eyes for a brief moment, took a deep breath, then shook his head firmly.
“No,” he told her decisively. He took her hand in his and slid the ring back onto her finger before she could struggle or protest. “This ring belongs on your finger, Tessa, and it’s going to remain there until your dying day. Just as you belong to me. And no bloody condition that you may or may not have is going to keep us apart. You are not moving out of our house, not getting a damned job, and you are not breaking our engagement. I won’t allow it, do you hear me?”
She was weeping, the tears tracking slowly down her pale cheeks. “Ian, please,” she whispered. “You’ve got to let me do this, got to let me go. You don’t understand how bad this disorder can get, how it changes a person, makes them do and say crazy things. I won’t subject you to that, I just won’t. So, please, please don’t try and talk me out of this. It’s the best thing for you, darling. You can find someone else, someone whose family isn’t tainted with this horrible condition, who won’t risk passing it on to your children. I love you more than my own life, Ian, but I won’t put you through something like this.”
Alarmed at how distraught she was quickly becoming, he swiftly unbuckled his seat belt, then hers, and picked her up in his arms. He ignored the look of mingled surprise and concern on Will’s face as he swept past the flight attendant on his way to the aircraft’s master bedroom. Tessa was too upset to fight him, merely burying her face against his shoulder as he set her down gently on the bed. He took her in his arms, cuddling her close, and simply held her for long minutes, letting her cry it out. He didn’t speak, except to murmur an occasional word of comfort, as he stroked her hair and rubbed her back soothingly.
After a time, her sobs gradually ceased, and her body went limp against his. Ian pressed gently kisses to her forehead, her temple, her cheek, rocking her back and forth until she gave a sigh of resignation and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I can’t marry -” she began tremulously.
He placed a finger against her lips. “Hush, now. You’re terribly upset, you’ve had an awful shock, but you aren’t thinking this out clearly, darling. You’ve got yourself strung as tight as a bow right now, and you’re going to snap in two if you don’t try and calm down. Let’s discuss this before making any rash decisions, all right? You owe me at least that much, Tessa.”
She looked shamefaced at that gentle rebuke, and nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Ian. I know I’ve been overreacting, haven’t taken this at all well.”
“I understand what a shock it’s all been, Tessa,” he told her. “But you can’t make these sorts of impulsive decisions on your own, can’t shut me out. You and I - we’re like two halves of the same person, two halves of the same soul. And if you were to ever leave me, Tessa, I would never be whole again. We’re going to get through this together, darling, just like we’re going to get through the rest of our lives together - both the good times and the bad ones. All right?”
Tessa sniffled then, before nodding slowly. “All right. Though I want you to promise me now, Ian, that if I do have this disorder, that if it ever gets really bad, that - “
“That I will stand by you and love you and take care of you no matter what,” he declared fervently. “Nothing will ever change that, Tessa. And there is nothing that will ever compel me to leave you. So don’t ask me to promise you something like that. I’ve told you many times that I’ll give you whatever your heart desires. But don’t ever ask me to let you go, darling, because that’s the one thing I’d never consent to do.” He pressed a soft kiss on her lips, then kissed away the rest of her tears. “You are everything to me, Tessa. My heart, my soul, my very life. And if you left me, I’d have no reason to go on living. So you see,” he added teasingly, “unless you want my death on your conscience, you have to stay with me. Forever.”
She sighed, cupping his cheek in her palm. “You are the most stubborn, controlling, bossy man I’ve ever met. And I love you desperately. I just don’t - “
