Closer to the Edge
Page 51
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“No. Keep the lights off.”
His voice is low and hoarse and I want to ask him if he’s okay, but I know he’s probably not. I can only imagine how the conversation with his mother went and I decide to keep my mouth shut for the time being and let him work through things however he needs to.
He moves faster than I’ve ever seen him, grabbing onto my hips and turning me until my back hits the wall next to the door. His body slams against mine and his lips are on me before I can utter a word. The kiss is reminiscent of the one I gave him when we had sex on the couch a few weeks ago—bruising and hard and filled with anger. I let him take what he wants from the kiss, trying to slow him down and make it gentle, remind him that I’m here with him and I’m not going anywhere, but it just fuels his fire.
I know that his caveman actions shouldn’t turn me on, but they do. I’m wet and ready for him before he finishes unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his hard length out of his pants. I will give him anything, let him take anything to make his pain go away. He growls into my mouth, plunging his tongue deeper and harder. His hands smack against my ass and he lifts me up against the wall, spreading my legs with his hips as he reaches between us, shoves my underwear to the side and thrusts all the way inside me in one hard push.
I pull my mouth away from his to ask if his knee is okay, but he silences me immediately.
“Don’t talk right now. Please, just don’t talk,” he begs.
I can hear the tears in his voice and it breaks my heart. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him as close to me as possible as he starts pounding into me in short, ragged movements. I’m too concerned with what’s going on in his head to concentrate on my own pleasure. It doesn’t matter right now; this is just for him and I will let him take it.
He buries his face into the crook of my neck, his hips slamming into me faster and faster until he reaches his release, silently coming inside of me as his fingers dig into the skin of my ass.
I close my eyes and run my fingers through his hair as he catches his breath.
“Well, that was certainly unexpected,” I try to joke with a soft voice.
He jerks his body away from mine so quickly that I have to grab onto the wall to steady myself when my feet hit the ground.
I watch in the dark shadows as he moves further away from me, staring down at himself as he tucks everything back into his jeans and buttons back up.
“It’s a damn good thing you can’t have any more kids, huh, Liv?” he asks sarcastically a few quiet moments later.
For a minute I think he’s trying to make a joke, and it doesn’t register that what he’s saying is far from funny. Even in the dark room, there’s enough light coming in from the moon that I can see his face. It’s twisted in anger and pain and I’m so confused that I can’t even process what’s happening.
“I’m just thinking, imagine all of the little accidents you would have had to dispose of these last few weeks while I fucked you over and over without any protection.”
A sob flies out of my mouth and I quickly try to smother it with my hand. What the hell is going on? How can he be so cruel?
He takes a step towards me and I do something I never thought I would do with this man—I flinch. Instead of fighting back, yelling at him for speaking to me this way, I crumble. I press my back against the wall as hard as I can, trying to get away from this stranger standing in front of me. This isn’t the Cole I love. This isn’t the man who would never consciously do anything to hurt me. I don’t know who this person is.
His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my lips, the same breath I adore feeling brush against my skin when he tells me he loves me in the quiet hours when we’re alone. He presses his hands against the wall on either side of my head and leans in, resting his mouth against my ear.
“At least now I don’t have to worry about you killing any more of my kids,” he whispers angrily.
I open my mouth to scream and yell and curse at him, but nothing comes out except a low, aching whimper. He angrily shoves himself off the wall and away from me. He turns his back on me, yanks open the door and storms through it. I jump when it slams so hard behind him that a crystal sconce on the wall next to me crashes to the ground.
My body slides down the wall until my butt hits the floor. I wrap my arms around my waist and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to erase every hurtful word that came out of his mouth. I lean to the side until my shoulder hits the ground and I curl up in a ball, hugging my knees to my chest.
I forget all about the paperwork I left sitting in the front seat of my car and I forget all about the truth that I thought was on my side. All I can think about is the look on his face and the scorn in his words. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see on those reports and it really was my fault. I never listened to the doctor. I didn’t take it easy. I pushed and I pushed until my body couldn’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter that there was Pitocin in my system that I sure as hell didn’t put there. It doesn’t matter that Vivien has always hated me and pushed like hell to get me out of Cole’s life. Nothing matters anymore because he’s probably right. I was weak and I didn’t do enough to protect that child growing inside of me and I lost him. If I had done what I was told, maybe he would have made it. If I’d taken better care of myself instead of wallowing in my misery, I would have been stronger and he would have been stronger. Maybe then he would have had a chance, even if Vivien did do what we suspected.
His voice is low and hoarse and I want to ask him if he’s okay, but I know he’s probably not. I can only imagine how the conversation with his mother went and I decide to keep my mouth shut for the time being and let him work through things however he needs to.
He moves faster than I’ve ever seen him, grabbing onto my hips and turning me until my back hits the wall next to the door. His body slams against mine and his lips are on me before I can utter a word. The kiss is reminiscent of the one I gave him when we had sex on the couch a few weeks ago—bruising and hard and filled with anger. I let him take what he wants from the kiss, trying to slow him down and make it gentle, remind him that I’m here with him and I’m not going anywhere, but it just fuels his fire.
I know that his caveman actions shouldn’t turn me on, but they do. I’m wet and ready for him before he finishes unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his hard length out of his pants. I will give him anything, let him take anything to make his pain go away. He growls into my mouth, plunging his tongue deeper and harder. His hands smack against my ass and he lifts me up against the wall, spreading my legs with his hips as he reaches between us, shoves my underwear to the side and thrusts all the way inside me in one hard push.
I pull my mouth away from his to ask if his knee is okay, but he silences me immediately.
“Don’t talk right now. Please, just don’t talk,” he begs.
I can hear the tears in his voice and it breaks my heart. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him as close to me as possible as he starts pounding into me in short, ragged movements. I’m too concerned with what’s going on in his head to concentrate on my own pleasure. It doesn’t matter right now; this is just for him and I will let him take it.
He buries his face into the crook of my neck, his hips slamming into me faster and faster until he reaches his release, silently coming inside of me as his fingers dig into the skin of my ass.
I close my eyes and run my fingers through his hair as he catches his breath.
“Well, that was certainly unexpected,” I try to joke with a soft voice.
He jerks his body away from mine so quickly that I have to grab onto the wall to steady myself when my feet hit the ground.
I watch in the dark shadows as he moves further away from me, staring down at himself as he tucks everything back into his jeans and buttons back up.
“It’s a damn good thing you can’t have any more kids, huh, Liv?” he asks sarcastically a few quiet moments later.
For a minute I think he’s trying to make a joke, and it doesn’t register that what he’s saying is far from funny. Even in the dark room, there’s enough light coming in from the moon that I can see his face. It’s twisted in anger and pain and I’m so confused that I can’t even process what’s happening.
“I’m just thinking, imagine all of the little accidents you would have had to dispose of these last few weeks while I fucked you over and over without any protection.”
A sob flies out of my mouth and I quickly try to smother it with my hand. What the hell is going on? How can he be so cruel?
He takes a step towards me and I do something I never thought I would do with this man—I flinch. Instead of fighting back, yelling at him for speaking to me this way, I crumble. I press my back against the wall as hard as I can, trying to get away from this stranger standing in front of me. This isn’t the Cole I love. This isn’t the man who would never consciously do anything to hurt me. I don’t know who this person is.
His face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my lips, the same breath I adore feeling brush against my skin when he tells me he loves me in the quiet hours when we’re alone. He presses his hands against the wall on either side of my head and leans in, resting his mouth against my ear.
“At least now I don’t have to worry about you killing any more of my kids,” he whispers angrily.
I open my mouth to scream and yell and curse at him, but nothing comes out except a low, aching whimper. He angrily shoves himself off the wall and away from me. He turns his back on me, yanks open the door and storms through it. I jump when it slams so hard behind him that a crystal sconce on the wall next to me crashes to the ground.
My body slides down the wall until my butt hits the floor. I wrap my arms around my waist and squeeze my eyes closed, trying to erase every hurtful word that came out of his mouth. I lean to the side until my shoulder hits the ground and I curl up in a ball, hugging my knees to my chest.
I forget all about the paperwork I left sitting in the front seat of my car and I forget all about the truth that I thought was on my side. All I can think about is the look on his face and the scorn in his words. Maybe I saw what I wanted to see on those reports and it really was my fault. I never listened to the doctor. I didn’t take it easy. I pushed and I pushed until my body couldn’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter that there was Pitocin in my system that I sure as hell didn’t put there. It doesn’t matter that Vivien has always hated me and pushed like hell to get me out of Cole’s life. Nothing matters anymore because he’s probably right. I was weak and I didn’t do enough to protect that child growing inside of me and I lost him. If I had done what I was told, maybe he would have made it. If I’d taken better care of myself instead of wallowing in my misery, I would have been stronger and he would have been stronger. Maybe then he would have had a chance, even if Vivien did do what we suspected.
