Closer to the Edge
Page 72
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“Baby, say something. Please,” I beg.
Her eyes never leave mine as she turns the test around between us and holds it up in front of my face. I glance at it once. Twice. A third time.
“Holy shit,” I finally whisper in shock.
Olivia laughs through her tears. “Yep, I think ‘holy shit’ just about sums it up. What the hell was in that wine in Napa?!”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me, both of us laughing and crying as we rock back and forth in the hallway of our home.
Our home where the future looks bright and dreams will come true.
Our home with the yellow door.
ONE YEAR LATER…
“I mean seriously, does it get any cuter than THAT?” Parker asks, pointing over to the group on the deck behind her house.
Layla, Gwen, Parker and I all stare at the scene unfolding in her back yard. As cute as the babies are, the men holding them is what has attracted our attention.
Annie is sitting on Garrett’s knee, both of them staring down at Annie’s little brother, fast asleep in Garrett’s other arm. Colton Garrett McCarthy came screaming into the world six months ago and Annie has proven to be the best big sister in the world, constantly wanting to help change diapers and give bottles.
My eyes move over to Austin as he gives his three-month-old daughter, Genevieve Marie Conrad, a bottle while quietly arguing with Gwen’s daughter, Emma, about the number of cupcakes an eight-year-old can eat before she barfs. .
Brady, sitting on the other side of Austin, leans towards Emma with three-week-old Cooper Alexander Marshall asleep in his arms and tries to help Austin reason with his niece.
My heart skips a beat when my gaze lands on my husband. As soon as we found out I was pregnant, we didn’t waste any time heading to the courthouse. Cole tried to convince me that I deserved a big wedding, but I shut that idea down really fast. My nerves were already shot worrying about my pregnancy and whether it would go well after what happened the first time, not to mention the fact that I wasn’t even supposed to be able to get pregnant. I didn’t need the added stress of planning a wedding. Saying a quick “I Do” with Garrett and Parker in attendance was good enough for me.
Cole looks up, meeting my eyes across the yard and we share a smile. The last five months have been hectic, to say the least, but we’re finally getting into the swing of things and actually getting more than two hours of sleep at night.
The girls and I make our way across the yard and up to the deck. Standing behind Cole, I place my hands on his shoulders and stare down into his arms. My heart swells with joy and more love than I ever thought was possible. The day we found out what we were having was a mixture of joy and nerves. On the one hand, I was afraid of having another boy, worried he would think he was a replacement for his brother. I honestly wasn’t sure myself if I would feel the exact same way when he was born. On the other hand, I wanted so badly for Cole to be able to have another son. One he could hold and touch and teach to play baseball out in the yard, hopefully avoiding the mailbox, unlike his mother.
I realized when the nurse slid the ultrasound wand over my stomach and we got a look at the screen, that what we were blessed with was something far better, albeit a little scary. No baby would ever be able to replace the one we’d lost. No child would ever be able to fill the hole in our hearts that he left behind, but we knew, in that moment, that the two hearts we saw thumping on the ultrasound monitor would do a very good job of helping us heal.
“Either our daughters are finally getting the hang of this whole napping thing, or the sound of my voice bores them to sleep,” Cole told me softly.
Leaning over his shoulder, I run my fingers through Ella Katherine Vargas’ soft, dark curls and then do the same with Victoria Parker Vargas. Born three minutes and seventeen seconds apart, our twins came into the world one week before their due date during a scheduled C-section, trying to outdo each other in the screaming department. It was bittersweet, lying on the table with a sheet propped up so I couldn’t see beyond my chest as the doctor worked tirelessly to make sure our girls came out perfect and healthy. The scheduled, orderly way they were born was such a drastic difference from the rushed, scary, painful way our son was born. Having Cole by my side every step of the way, holding my hand, telling me he loved me and giving me words of encouragement made things a hell of a lot easier.
Bending over, I wrap my arms around Cole’s shoulders and rest my chin on his head as we both stare down at the beautiful miracles he holds in his arms. The soft hum of conversation floats around us and I take a minute to glance around the deck. For the first time in my life, I have something I always wanted: a family. Not only do I have a husband and two beautiful, healthy daughters, I have friends who would do anything for me and who I have so much in common with. Each of these couples almost walked away from a future together, but they defied the odds and made their way back to one another, just like me and Cole.
A new family finished building the house Cole started for us and I’m okay with that. We found a bigger place that wasn’t filled with anything but our new memories and hopes for the future. When Cole sold them the land and the partially constructed house, he made sure the sale was contingent on them keeping the bench and the fenced-in area exactly as it is. We took our daughters there yesterday and told them about their older brother. We sat on the bench where Cole so lovingly had the words in his heart etched and looked out over the edge of the cliff at the ocean stretching out in front of us.
Her eyes never leave mine as she turns the test around between us and holds it up in front of my face. I glance at it once. Twice. A third time.
“Holy shit,” I finally whisper in shock.
Olivia laughs through her tears. “Yep, I think ‘holy shit’ just about sums it up. What the hell was in that wine in Napa?!”
I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me, both of us laughing and crying as we rock back and forth in the hallway of our home.
Our home where the future looks bright and dreams will come true.
Our home with the yellow door.
ONE YEAR LATER…
“I mean seriously, does it get any cuter than THAT?” Parker asks, pointing over to the group on the deck behind her house.
Layla, Gwen, Parker and I all stare at the scene unfolding in her back yard. As cute as the babies are, the men holding them is what has attracted our attention.
Annie is sitting on Garrett’s knee, both of them staring down at Annie’s little brother, fast asleep in Garrett’s other arm. Colton Garrett McCarthy came screaming into the world six months ago and Annie has proven to be the best big sister in the world, constantly wanting to help change diapers and give bottles.
My eyes move over to Austin as he gives his three-month-old daughter, Genevieve Marie Conrad, a bottle while quietly arguing with Gwen’s daughter, Emma, about the number of cupcakes an eight-year-old can eat before she barfs. .
Brady, sitting on the other side of Austin, leans towards Emma with three-week-old Cooper Alexander Marshall asleep in his arms and tries to help Austin reason with his niece.
My heart skips a beat when my gaze lands on my husband. As soon as we found out I was pregnant, we didn’t waste any time heading to the courthouse. Cole tried to convince me that I deserved a big wedding, but I shut that idea down really fast. My nerves were already shot worrying about my pregnancy and whether it would go well after what happened the first time, not to mention the fact that I wasn’t even supposed to be able to get pregnant. I didn’t need the added stress of planning a wedding. Saying a quick “I Do” with Garrett and Parker in attendance was good enough for me.
Cole looks up, meeting my eyes across the yard and we share a smile. The last five months have been hectic, to say the least, but we’re finally getting into the swing of things and actually getting more than two hours of sleep at night.
The girls and I make our way across the yard and up to the deck. Standing behind Cole, I place my hands on his shoulders and stare down into his arms. My heart swells with joy and more love than I ever thought was possible. The day we found out what we were having was a mixture of joy and nerves. On the one hand, I was afraid of having another boy, worried he would think he was a replacement for his brother. I honestly wasn’t sure myself if I would feel the exact same way when he was born. On the other hand, I wanted so badly for Cole to be able to have another son. One he could hold and touch and teach to play baseball out in the yard, hopefully avoiding the mailbox, unlike his mother.
I realized when the nurse slid the ultrasound wand over my stomach and we got a look at the screen, that what we were blessed with was something far better, albeit a little scary. No baby would ever be able to replace the one we’d lost. No child would ever be able to fill the hole in our hearts that he left behind, but we knew, in that moment, that the two hearts we saw thumping on the ultrasound monitor would do a very good job of helping us heal.
“Either our daughters are finally getting the hang of this whole napping thing, or the sound of my voice bores them to sleep,” Cole told me softly.
Leaning over his shoulder, I run my fingers through Ella Katherine Vargas’ soft, dark curls and then do the same with Victoria Parker Vargas. Born three minutes and seventeen seconds apart, our twins came into the world one week before their due date during a scheduled C-section, trying to outdo each other in the screaming department. It was bittersweet, lying on the table with a sheet propped up so I couldn’t see beyond my chest as the doctor worked tirelessly to make sure our girls came out perfect and healthy. The scheduled, orderly way they were born was such a drastic difference from the rushed, scary, painful way our son was born. Having Cole by my side every step of the way, holding my hand, telling me he loved me and giving me words of encouragement made things a hell of a lot easier.
Bending over, I wrap my arms around Cole’s shoulders and rest my chin on his head as we both stare down at the beautiful miracles he holds in his arms. The soft hum of conversation floats around us and I take a minute to glance around the deck. For the first time in my life, I have something I always wanted: a family. Not only do I have a husband and two beautiful, healthy daughters, I have friends who would do anything for me and who I have so much in common with. Each of these couples almost walked away from a future together, but they defied the odds and made their way back to one another, just like me and Cole.
A new family finished building the house Cole started for us and I’m okay with that. We found a bigger place that wasn’t filled with anything but our new memories and hopes for the future. When Cole sold them the land and the partially constructed house, he made sure the sale was contingent on them keeping the bench and the fenced-in area exactly as it is. We took our daughters there yesterday and told them about their older brother. We sat on the bench where Cole so lovingly had the words in his heart etched and looked out over the edge of the cliff at the ocean stretching out in front of us.
