Cloud Walking
Page 23
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Maggie glared at me and told me to back off. Clay positioned himself between us, which was even more exasperating. Why was this dude interfering? It was none of his damn business.
Then Rachel was telling me I walked all over her and I was telling her she was my friend. That I wanted to know what I had done wrong and then it happened.
“Yes, we're friends! But damn you, Daniel! I love you! I'm tired of you hurting me!” Rachel cried out, covering her face with her hands. I stood there completely dumbstruck. She loved me? She loved me! But I needed confirmation. I needed to make sure I heard that correctly and that it meant the same thing to her as it did to me. I stared at Rachel, willing her to look at me, but she kept her face covered. Her shoulders shaking with sobs that ripped my heart out. So I turned to Maggie.
“She loves me? What the hell is she talking about?” Please, just tell me what I want to hear, I begged my friend silently. Rachel tore away from Clay and Maggie and ran down the hallway to our room. Away from me. And then I couldn't take anymore.
So I punched the stupid f**king wall. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, but I just couldn't keep it all inside anymore. And then I freaking left. I walked out into the freezing snow. I needed to get away from all of them. Away from the craziness.
I headed to the lake and sagged down on a bench. I didn't feel the cold. I was too caught up in my erratic thoughts. Rachel loved me. Once she said that, it all clicked into place and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted her. I wanted a chance at happiness...with her. But I was worried that I had messed that all up. How do I approach her now and say, Hey there, I love you too...wanna be my girlfriend?
Maggie found me a few minutes later and she talked me off of that cliff, just like she always did. She convinced me that I needed to go talk to Rachel. That I needed to sort things out. I didn't lay things out for Maggie and admit how deep my feelings were for Rachel. Call it dumb pride, but I didn't want to admit all that and then have my heart broken publicly by Rachel's rejection. I was too unsure of how things were going to go.
I hadn't realized Clay was standing there until I got up to walk back into the house. He didn't look happy, but the truth was the dude rarely looked happy and my mind was focused on the girl inside. The girl who could shred my guts in an instant.
So I made my way back into the house. I slowly walked down the hallway and stopped outside the door to the room we were sharing. Should I knock?
Screw it. I pushed open the door and went inside...and froze. Rachel was curled in the middle of the bed, her chin tucked into her chest, looking completely destroyed. Had I done that to her? Oh lord, I didn't want to do that to her.
I had told her love shouldn't make you feel like that and here I was making her f**king feel like that. That ends now. Tonight. I didn't care about the damn consequences. I needed Rachel to know how I felt, that the hurting had to stop.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her. She was so beautiful. Had I never really appreciated how incredibly gorgeous she was? Even with her face red and splotchy from tears, she was the most intensely amazing thing I had ever seen. My life began and ended with her. She was the one who always made me feel like I was able to put one foot in front of the other. She was the one who had held my hand as I cried (as much as I had tried to hide it) after breaking my arm in the second grade. She was the one who had brought me soup last year when I was sick with mono. She was the one who had kept me company in the dark days after my parents split up. Maggie was my best friend too. But Rachel had always been that something more.
This girl was my rock...my heart. My everything. I had been such an idiot for so long. Why did I ever think Kylie could mean to me what she did? I realized now that these feelings had always been there. I had always known on some basic level, that Rachel was the girl for me. But I had allowed too many things to get in the way of that.
Not any longer.
She could tell me to go to hell. She could kick me in the balls and say that she hated me. But I wasn't leaving. I would love her until she realized that together we were something great. Something perfect. Something forever.
I reached out and put my hand on her arm. She didn't move away but she didn't look at me either.
“Rach,” I said softly. She didn't say anything, those horrible tears still making their silent trek down her face. “Please Rach. Look at me,” I begged her, my voice catching as my throat closed up on the well of emotion that threatened to drown me.
Something in my tone must have broken through because she finally looked at me. Her dark eyes meeting mine and I hated myself for the hurt and sadness there. I swore I would make all of that go away. I would never make her feel like this again.
“What do you want, Danny?” she asked tiredly, sitting up.
What did I want?
“You,” I let out in a breath. Crap. I can't believe I just said that.
Rachel's eyes widened. “What?” she asked in disbelief.
I scooted forward on the bed until our knees were touching. “I've been an ass. A complete and total ass. I've hurt you over and over again. All I can say is, I'm sorry. I've been blind to what's right in front of me for so damn long.” My voice was a hushed whisper. I leaned forward and put my hand around the back of Rachel's neck, tugging her gently toward me. “I'm so, so sorry. Can you forgive the dumbest guy on the planet for not realizing that the most perfect girl for him was here all along?” I asked her, staring into her beautiful eyes.
Then Rachel was telling me I walked all over her and I was telling her she was my friend. That I wanted to know what I had done wrong and then it happened.
“Yes, we're friends! But damn you, Daniel! I love you! I'm tired of you hurting me!” Rachel cried out, covering her face with her hands. I stood there completely dumbstruck. She loved me? She loved me! But I needed confirmation. I needed to make sure I heard that correctly and that it meant the same thing to her as it did to me. I stared at Rachel, willing her to look at me, but she kept her face covered. Her shoulders shaking with sobs that ripped my heart out. So I turned to Maggie.
“She loves me? What the hell is she talking about?” Please, just tell me what I want to hear, I begged my friend silently. Rachel tore away from Clay and Maggie and ran down the hallway to our room. Away from me. And then I couldn't take anymore.
So I punched the stupid f**king wall. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, but I just couldn't keep it all inside anymore. And then I freaking left. I walked out into the freezing snow. I needed to get away from all of them. Away from the craziness.
I headed to the lake and sagged down on a bench. I didn't feel the cold. I was too caught up in my erratic thoughts. Rachel loved me. Once she said that, it all clicked into place and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted her. I wanted a chance at happiness...with her. But I was worried that I had messed that all up. How do I approach her now and say, Hey there, I love you too...wanna be my girlfriend?
Maggie found me a few minutes later and she talked me off of that cliff, just like she always did. She convinced me that I needed to go talk to Rachel. That I needed to sort things out. I didn't lay things out for Maggie and admit how deep my feelings were for Rachel. Call it dumb pride, but I didn't want to admit all that and then have my heart broken publicly by Rachel's rejection. I was too unsure of how things were going to go.
I hadn't realized Clay was standing there until I got up to walk back into the house. He didn't look happy, but the truth was the dude rarely looked happy and my mind was focused on the girl inside. The girl who could shred my guts in an instant.
So I made my way back into the house. I slowly walked down the hallway and stopped outside the door to the room we were sharing. Should I knock?
Screw it. I pushed open the door and went inside...and froze. Rachel was curled in the middle of the bed, her chin tucked into her chest, looking completely destroyed. Had I done that to her? Oh lord, I didn't want to do that to her.
I had told her love shouldn't make you feel like that and here I was making her f**king feel like that. That ends now. Tonight. I didn't care about the damn consequences. I needed Rachel to know how I felt, that the hurting had to stop.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her. She was so beautiful. Had I never really appreciated how incredibly gorgeous she was? Even with her face red and splotchy from tears, she was the most intensely amazing thing I had ever seen. My life began and ended with her. She was the one who always made me feel like I was able to put one foot in front of the other. She was the one who had held my hand as I cried (as much as I had tried to hide it) after breaking my arm in the second grade. She was the one who had brought me soup last year when I was sick with mono. She was the one who had kept me company in the dark days after my parents split up. Maggie was my best friend too. But Rachel had always been that something more.
This girl was my rock...my heart. My everything. I had been such an idiot for so long. Why did I ever think Kylie could mean to me what she did? I realized now that these feelings had always been there. I had always known on some basic level, that Rachel was the girl for me. But I had allowed too many things to get in the way of that.
Not any longer.
She could tell me to go to hell. She could kick me in the balls and say that she hated me. But I wasn't leaving. I would love her until she realized that together we were something great. Something perfect. Something forever.
I reached out and put my hand on her arm. She didn't move away but she didn't look at me either.
“Rach,” I said softly. She didn't say anything, those horrible tears still making their silent trek down her face. “Please Rach. Look at me,” I begged her, my voice catching as my throat closed up on the well of emotion that threatened to drown me.
Something in my tone must have broken through because she finally looked at me. Her dark eyes meeting mine and I hated myself for the hurt and sadness there. I swore I would make all of that go away. I would never make her feel like this again.
“What do you want, Danny?” she asked tiredly, sitting up.
What did I want?
“You,” I let out in a breath. Crap. I can't believe I just said that.
Rachel's eyes widened. “What?” she asked in disbelief.
I scooted forward on the bed until our knees were touching. “I've been an ass. A complete and total ass. I've hurt you over and over again. All I can say is, I'm sorry. I've been blind to what's right in front of me for so damn long.” My voice was a hushed whisper. I leaned forward and put my hand around the back of Rachel's neck, tugging her gently toward me. “I'm so, so sorry. Can you forgive the dumbest guy on the planet for not realizing that the most perfect girl for him was here all along?” I asked her, staring into her beautiful eyes.
