Christ, he would do anything to have Cooper though.
Noah didn’t calm down all night. He drove around for hours before pulling off into a parking lot for a couple more. The sun just started to break over the horizon, his eyes heavy and rough like sandpaper, when he decided to go back home. He couldn’t stay away forever. They’d have to deal with this sooner or later, so might as well get it over with. Maybe Cooper slept it off. It could have been alcohol that inspired last night. Fuck, he hoped not. That was probably the stupidest thing he could wish for, but there was now a knot in his gut. It kept twisting and turning, doubled knot after doubled knot, tying him up more and more because of how much he wanted Coop.
As soon as he stepped into the house, he knew Cooper was up. Noah followed the smell of coffee to the kitchen where Cooper sat in the same jeans, with no shirt, like he’d been last night.
Like Noah still was too.
“Coffee’s fresh.” Cooper’s voice was rough, probably from lack of sleep.
“I smell it. Thanks.” Noah walked over and poured himself a cup.
“Of course you do. That was a stupid thing to say. I just didn’t know what to say instead.”
Sorrow pierced through him. Cooper always knew what to do. He always had the answers or at least, played it off like he did. The only time he was lost, was when he’d have those dreams about his parents. Noah hated that his friend felt that way now.
“It’s not a stupid thing to say, and it’s okay to be freaked out. No one would blame you.” Noah sat across from him and they both sipped their coffee. That ball in his stomach kept getting bigger and tighter. What if Cooper asked him to move out? Told him he couldn’t see him anymore? The thought made him want to hit something. One of Noah’s hands balled into a fist at the idea of losing Cooper again.
Coop chuckled humorlessly. “Freaked out. That’s a pretty safe word to use.” He set his cup down and held Noah’s stare with his intense blue eyes. “I wanted you last night, Noah. Fucking. Wanted. You.”
Noah choked on his coffee, coughing before he found a way to settle down. He didn’t know why. It was just like Cooper to spit it out like that.
“Hell, I’m scared as fuck that I still might want you, man. That I have for a while now, and, I don’t know what it means. I had a dream about you, Noah. I’ve never wanted a man before.” He shook his head. Noah reached out for him before jerking his hand back. Christ, he didn’t even know if he could comfort his own friend any longer. And a dream? Was it wrong that the thought of Cooper dreaming of him made Noah feel invincible?
“How do you feel about it?” As soon as the question fell out of his mouth, he wished he could take it back.
“Confused. How do you think I feel?” He leaned back in his chair. Closed his eyes, as if in thought. Shook his head and then opened them again. “I’ve never trusted a friend the way I do you. I’ve never talked to anyone the way I talk to you. Now, I’m all fucked up because you’re the one who has me turned inside out, yet you’re the only person I can open up about it to.”
God, was there anyone as honest as Cooper? He went through life, no-holds-barred. Noah always respected that about him. This, it seemed, would be no different.
“You can still talk to me. You always can. I have to admit, I don’t know what I’m doing here either, Coop. I’m not in your head, and don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling. Usually if I want someone and they want me, even if the world doesn’t know about it, we fuck and deal with the rest later. I’ve never wanted someone who wasn’t gay before. I—” Noah shifted.
“You want me too?” Cooper’s voice was soft…so soft Noah hardly heard him. He sounded so unsure as he asked Noah that question. It ripped his insides to shreds and damned if his cock wasn’t hard too.
“I don’t know what the best thing to say is, man. I don’t want to fuck this up and lose your friendship, but I can’t lie to you, either. Of course I want you. I’ve never wanted anyone as badly as I want you. It’s like embers that are always inside me, this slow burn that I can’t stop. Hell, I don’t know if I want to stop it.” His brain knew he should. It was why he kept trying to, but inside? Stopping wasn’t at all where his instincts led, when it came to Cooper.
Cooper leaned forward, one of his hands shaking as he set it on the table. He stared at Noah, as if shocked by his words. Struggled a minute before he finally spoke. “I don’t know if I want to stop either…but I feel like I should. This isn’t something I should want, but never experiencing it—you—that scares the hell out of me, too.”
