But the truth was, Cooper didn’t let himself run. He hadn’t since that night when he’d woken up to his lungs filled with smoke, and there had been red all through his house. When he’d run outside, as his mom had told him to.
When he’d left her and his father to die.
After that day, even when something scared the fuck out of him or it was dangerous, or even if he just knew he shouldn’t be doing it, Coop charged forward. He’d never again let himself be so weak that he took the easy way out.
Could he do that here? Could he really just forge ahead into a sexual relationship with Noah?
As weak as it made him, he didn’t know if he could.
He still couldn’t believe how bad he wanted to, however.
Before he sat out here all night, Cooper killed the engine and climbed out of the truck. Regardless of what happened, he wasn’t going to be a pussy and hide. He’d say whatever came out and then he and Noah would deal with it.
Yeah…too bad his insides didn’t get that. His heart collided with his chest and his hands actually fucking shook.
“Hey,” Noah was sitting on the couch, a boxing match on the TV. The volume was down and Cooper knew it was a façade. Noah was waiting for him.
Jesus Christ, I started this and now I’m going to pull the brakes.
Guess there was his answer.
“Noah…” He dropped his gear by the door, which he never did and slowly ambled into the living room.
“It’s okay.” His friend stood, obviously knowing what Cooper had been going to say before he said it.
“I’m sorry, man… Is this even something I should apologize for?” Without giving Noah time to respond, he continued. “This is such a fucked up situation. I know it…” He didn’t even know what to say.
“It’s okay,” Noah said again. He rubbed the back of his head, like he always did when he was nervous. Holy shit. How did I know that? It wasn’t the type of detail Cooper usually paid attention to, but here, he just knew.
“I want to…God damn, do I want to but…I just can’t.” It didn’t make sense. Whatever he was feeling right now would pass. People didn’t suddenly turn gay.
“Then, we shouldn’t. I think I knew that from the beginning. I know how you are, man. You don’t back down. You don’t want to seem scared and you’re always looking for the next adventure. I can’t be your adventure, Coop.”
He shook his head. “That’s bullshit. I wouldn’t. Not with you—”
Noah stepped closer. Close enough that Cooper could see the outline of those fucking nipple rings through his shirt. He wanted to grab them with his teeth.
Coop stepped backward and Noah said, “You wouldn’t mean to. And…hell, I just got out of a relationship with someone who wasn’t ready for the world to know who he was.”
The words hit him straight in the chest, reminding Cooper that this wasn’t new for Noah. He’d been with men before. Fucked them. If Cooper were to be with him, would Noah expect to fuck him too?
The shaking came back, rocking more than just his hands. His chest, head, heart, world, and anything else. No. He’d made the right decision. There was no way he could do this.
He studied Noah’s hands. Imagined them on himself.
Then why do I still want to…?
“So…we’re cool? I don’t want to lose your friendship, man.” Not after how it’d felt all those years ago.
“Yeah. We’re cool. I’m going to head out for a few hours, okay? I have some stuff to take care of.” Noah headed for the door.
“Where—” Cooper cut himself off. It didn’t matter where Noah was going. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he teased. Noah looked over his shoulder and grinned at him, before walking out. Christ, that fucking grin. But it hadn’t been completely right, had it? It hadn’t taken away the sadness in his eyes.
Cooper stood still, closed his eyes and breathed, trying not to wonder where Noah was going. Trying not to imagine him with another man. Trying not to remember the feel of his calloused hands rasping across his skin.
Trying not to miss it.
CHAPTER NINE
Noah wouldn’t let them lose their friendship again, so after he went off and pouted like a horny teenager that first night, he made himself get his shit under control. He made sure he didn’t hide away in his room when Cooper was home, and they worked together on the house. They fixed Cooper’s shower, and whatever else Noah could think of, to get back to the place where there was no sexual tension between them.
