She seems nervous and apprehensive. She starts to speak and then cuts herself off. She can barely hold my gaze. I give Jackson a questioning look, but he just shrugs.
***
Madison and Christine busy themselves in the kitchen while Jax and I sit at the counter. Christine shows her how to bake Jax and my favorite cookies from when we were kids. Madison pays attention to the details, even going as far as writing down the recipe. Jackson rolls his eyes at them. Madison fakes a glare his direction. “It’s important I know this stuff,” she tells him. “How else am I going to keep him?”
When the cookies are in the oven, Christine asks Madison if she’d like a tour of the house and Madison agrees.
MADISON
“How long have you known Ky?” Christine asks.
“Not long.” I sit on the bed and bite my lip, my hands clasped on my lap as I look around Ky’s old bedroom. Having Ky by my side was comforting, but now I’m alone, and if Christine’s anything like Ky says she is, I’m about to cop a ton of questions. Most likely ones about whether or not I was good enough for Ky.
I’m not.
And I know that.
Which makes me even more nervous.
“Did he tell you about me?” she asks.
“Yes,” I manage to say.
“What did he say?”
“That you were badass and that you remind him of me a little...”
She laughs; this all-consuming laugh that has me relaxing slightly. After a moment, she sighs and sits down on the bed next to me. “I’ve missed him,” she says, like it’s something she hasn’t been able to admit before.
“I bet,” I tell her. “I’d miss him too if he were gone that long. Hell, I miss him when he’s not right next to me.”
She reaches over, taking my hand in hers and settling them between us. I almost flinch, not used to the comfort it gave me. Her touch was soft, warm; everything a mother’s should be.
My chest tightens—memories of my own mother trying to break free.
I don’t let it happen.
I can’t.
“I’m holding on to a lot of secrets,” she says. “And I don’t think that I’m ready to face them.”
“About Ky?” I ask, turning to her.
She wipes tears off her cheeks and nods, releasing a silent sob as she does.
“Secrets aren’t good...” Trust me, I want to say. I would know. “Especially with Ky. Whatever you’re keeping from him, he deserves to know.”
It should have felt weird, to be having this conversation about Ky with a complete stranger. But she was Ky’s mom and he cared about her, so that means that I do too. “He cares so much about you,” I add. “We wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.”
Her smile reaches her eyes as she tilts her head to the side. “Young lady, I think he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care about you.”
I stay silent.
“Do you care about him?” she asks.
More than I should.
I push down the sob and nod. “Yes,” I tell her, looking her right in the eyes. “Actually, I think I’m in love with him.”
KY
Once Mom and Madison leave us alone in the kitchen, I turn to Jackson. “What did Mom whisper to you when I went to get Madison?”
He laughs. “That Madison was smokin’ hot.”
“And you agreed?”
“Dude, have you seen Madison?”
“I’ve seen more of her than you ever will, asshole.”
“Yeah, but I can still get off imagining it,” he says through a chuckle.
I punch his arm.
He doesn’t even flinch.
“What do you press these days?” I ask, shaking out my hand to relieve the pain.
“What? Are you jealous?”
I shrug. “A little.”
“I’m not that kid anymore, Ky.”
“You’re just avoiding my question. Tell me.”
He shakes his head and changes the subject. “You need to speak to Mom.”
“Yeah, I know. Is she acting strange right now?” Or maybe I just don’t know her anymore, I think.
“She carries a lot of guilt, Ky, and you’re the only one that can fix that.”
“Guilt over what?”
“Talk to her.”
It’s silent a moment—my mind reeling with so many thoughts I can’t focus on one.
Jax clears his throat, bringing me back to reality. “So four days.”
I turn to him. “Huh?”
“The fight?”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
He glances around the room, making sure we’re still alone. “And you haven’t heard from DeLuca?”
“Nope. He said he’d be out of town, though.”
“He did?” he asks, surprise clear in his tone.
I eye him sideways. “Yeah...why?”
“My guys have been tailing him. He hasn’t gone anywhere.”
“What?”
“Why the hell would he lie to you?”
“I have no—”
Madison’s sniffle interrupts us. She walks into the room wiping her cheeks, Christine behind her. “You broke her, Ma,” I tease, pulling Madison to my side. “You okay? What happened?”
She kisses me quickly but stays silent.
“Kyler,” Christine says, her voice shaking. “Can we talk?”
***
We take the fresh cookies out onto the back patio. Jackson grabs two handfuls of them, lifts the bottom of his shirt, and uses it to store them. Then he grabs Madison’s hand and leads her away, giving Christine and I the alone time we both need. “Let me show you around the yard,” Jax jokes, pointing his finger at a bush. “This bush right here is called the Sophia. Named after the Sophia Bush. Latin name, the Jaxjerkoffagus.”
Madison’s head throws back with her laugh. “I have no idea who Sophia Bush is.”
Jackson glares at her, then at me, then back at her with a look of disgust. “I need to talk to Kylie about his choice of girls.” He shakes his head at her. “Sophia Bush is the hottest girl that’s ever existed.” He gives her a quick once over. “You actually look a lot like her.”
Madison grins from ear to ear. “You think I’m hot?”
His eyes widen. “Moving on,” he says loudly.
Christine and I settle on the patio furniture, watching them. Madison laughs again, placing her hand in the crook of his elbow. He smiles down at her before walking to the next plant. “This one here,” he says, faking a posh British accent, “is the Tyra, a form of banksia. Named after Tyra Banks, of course. Latin name—”
“Let me guess,” Madison cuts in. “The Jaxbeatoffalot.”
He barks out a guffaw. “No, young Madison,” he says, patting the top of her head gently. “Nice try. It’s called the Jaxspankbanksimus.”
I turn to the sound of Christine laughing next to me. She’s watching them, but I need her to see me. “Ma?”
She tenses. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“You wanted to talk?”
She sighs, then pushes her shoulders back, gearing herself up for what she’s going to say next. I find myself copying her, choosing to ignore the thumping of my heart. Then she looks at me with those eyes that are so familiar and everything else fades away. “I’m sorry, Ky.”
***
Madison and Christine busy themselves in the kitchen while Jax and I sit at the counter. Christine shows her how to bake Jax and my favorite cookies from when we were kids. Madison pays attention to the details, even going as far as writing down the recipe. Jackson rolls his eyes at them. Madison fakes a glare his direction. “It’s important I know this stuff,” she tells him. “How else am I going to keep him?”
When the cookies are in the oven, Christine asks Madison if she’d like a tour of the house and Madison agrees.
MADISON
“How long have you known Ky?” Christine asks.
“Not long.” I sit on the bed and bite my lip, my hands clasped on my lap as I look around Ky’s old bedroom. Having Ky by my side was comforting, but now I’m alone, and if Christine’s anything like Ky says she is, I’m about to cop a ton of questions. Most likely ones about whether or not I was good enough for Ky.
I’m not.
And I know that.
Which makes me even more nervous.
“Did he tell you about me?” she asks.
“Yes,” I manage to say.
“What did he say?”
“That you were badass and that you remind him of me a little...”
She laughs; this all-consuming laugh that has me relaxing slightly. After a moment, she sighs and sits down on the bed next to me. “I’ve missed him,” she says, like it’s something she hasn’t been able to admit before.
“I bet,” I tell her. “I’d miss him too if he were gone that long. Hell, I miss him when he’s not right next to me.”
She reaches over, taking my hand in hers and settling them between us. I almost flinch, not used to the comfort it gave me. Her touch was soft, warm; everything a mother’s should be.
My chest tightens—memories of my own mother trying to break free.
I don’t let it happen.
I can’t.
“I’m holding on to a lot of secrets,” she says. “And I don’t think that I’m ready to face them.”
“About Ky?” I ask, turning to her.
She wipes tears off her cheeks and nods, releasing a silent sob as she does.
“Secrets aren’t good...” Trust me, I want to say. I would know. “Especially with Ky. Whatever you’re keeping from him, he deserves to know.”
It should have felt weird, to be having this conversation about Ky with a complete stranger. But she was Ky’s mom and he cared about her, so that means that I do too. “He cares so much about you,” I add. “We wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.”
Her smile reaches her eyes as she tilts her head to the side. “Young lady, I think he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care about you.”
I stay silent.
“Do you care about him?” she asks.
More than I should.
I push down the sob and nod. “Yes,” I tell her, looking her right in the eyes. “Actually, I think I’m in love with him.”
KY
Once Mom and Madison leave us alone in the kitchen, I turn to Jackson. “What did Mom whisper to you when I went to get Madison?”
He laughs. “That Madison was smokin’ hot.”
“And you agreed?”
“Dude, have you seen Madison?”
“I’ve seen more of her than you ever will, asshole.”
“Yeah, but I can still get off imagining it,” he says through a chuckle.
I punch his arm.
He doesn’t even flinch.
“What do you press these days?” I ask, shaking out my hand to relieve the pain.
“What? Are you jealous?”
I shrug. “A little.”
“I’m not that kid anymore, Ky.”
“You’re just avoiding my question. Tell me.”
He shakes his head and changes the subject. “You need to speak to Mom.”
“Yeah, I know. Is she acting strange right now?” Or maybe I just don’t know her anymore, I think.
“She carries a lot of guilt, Ky, and you’re the only one that can fix that.”
“Guilt over what?”
“Talk to her.”
It’s silent a moment—my mind reeling with so many thoughts I can’t focus on one.
Jax clears his throat, bringing me back to reality. “So four days.”
I turn to him. “Huh?”
“The fight?”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
He glances around the room, making sure we’re still alone. “And you haven’t heard from DeLuca?”
“Nope. He said he’d be out of town, though.”
“He did?” he asks, surprise clear in his tone.
I eye him sideways. “Yeah...why?”
“My guys have been tailing him. He hasn’t gone anywhere.”
“What?”
“Why the hell would he lie to you?”
“I have no—”
Madison’s sniffle interrupts us. She walks into the room wiping her cheeks, Christine behind her. “You broke her, Ma,” I tease, pulling Madison to my side. “You okay? What happened?”
She kisses me quickly but stays silent.
“Kyler,” Christine says, her voice shaking. “Can we talk?”
***
We take the fresh cookies out onto the back patio. Jackson grabs two handfuls of them, lifts the bottom of his shirt, and uses it to store them. Then he grabs Madison’s hand and leads her away, giving Christine and I the alone time we both need. “Let me show you around the yard,” Jax jokes, pointing his finger at a bush. “This bush right here is called the Sophia. Named after the Sophia Bush. Latin name, the Jaxjerkoffagus.”
Madison’s head throws back with her laugh. “I have no idea who Sophia Bush is.”
Jackson glares at her, then at me, then back at her with a look of disgust. “I need to talk to Kylie about his choice of girls.” He shakes his head at her. “Sophia Bush is the hottest girl that’s ever existed.” He gives her a quick once over. “You actually look a lot like her.”
Madison grins from ear to ear. “You think I’m hot?”
His eyes widen. “Moving on,” he says loudly.
Christine and I settle on the patio furniture, watching them. Madison laughs again, placing her hand in the crook of his elbow. He smiles down at her before walking to the next plant. “This one here,” he says, faking a posh British accent, “is the Tyra, a form of banksia. Named after Tyra Banks, of course. Latin name—”
“Let me guess,” Madison cuts in. “The Jaxbeatoffalot.”
He barks out a guffaw. “No, young Madison,” he says, patting the top of her head gently. “Nice try. It’s called the Jaxspankbanksimus.”
I turn to the sound of Christine laughing next to me. She’s watching them, but I need her to see me. “Ma?”
She tenses. “Yes, sweetheart?”
“You wanted to talk?”
She sighs, then pushes her shoulders back, gearing herself up for what she’s going to say next. I find myself copying her, choosing to ignore the thumping of my heart. Then she looks at me with those eyes that are so familiar and everything else fades away. “I’m sorry, Ky.”
