The day I turned seventeen; the family took me out to dinner. It was low-key, the way I wanted it. I’d invited Steve, my brother, to join us, but he said he had to work—he’d pick me up after and do something—just the two of us.
Steve, nineteen at the time, had dropped out of school a while ago. He surfed from one couch to another until his friends finally kicked him out.
A few weeks after I’d moved in, Christine invited him over for dinner. To say that it was awkward was an understatement. Christine fussed about the entire event—making sure that Steven felt comfortable. I could tell that he tried, but it was hard for him. He’d grown up the way I did, so he wasn’t used to the attention. At some point, he pulled out his wallet and emptied the content on the table. “It’s not much,” he said, “but it should cover Ky’s meals and board for a few weeks. I’ll get more to you later.”
Christine told him to hush. Jeff told him it wasn’t necessary. I looked on in shock, not knowing what to do. It was more than just an offering from Steve’s end though, and I understood where he was coming from. Especially when I sat with him out on the porch while he had a smoke after dinner. His eyes were fixed on our old house. I say house because it was never a home. Not like it was with the Davis’s. “I’m sorry, Ky,” he said. “I should’ve been there.”
“You didn’t know,” I told him. “You couldn’t have changed it.”
He shook his head. “Not just that night. I mean, all the nights before that.” He rubbed his eyes and for the first time in my life I saw my brother as more than just my brother. I saw him as a man. And as a kid. All at once. “I should’ve taken you with me when I left. I just wanted to get out of there so bad that I didn’t—” he broke off with a sigh. “I was so selfish, Ky. And I hate myself for letting this shit happen to you.” He looked up at me, and then to the house behind us where we could hear Christine’s unrestricted laugh. “I’m just glad it worked out for you. It’s not too late to turn your life around. You don’t have to become a statistic, Ky. You can be anything you want now.”
Steve—he was a good guy—at least to me. To the outside world, however, he was sketchy at best. He spent his time between flipping burgers at a ratty diner downtown and partying hard. By ‘Partying hard’, I meant copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. And even though I was around it my entire life, he still managed to keep that part of himself hidden from me—and I was grateful for that.
I didn’t need to watch his decline on top of everything else.
***
After hours of waiting for him at home, and numerous unreturned phone calls, I pushed aside the disappointment and anger and called Ashlee. I needed a release. I knew she was always up for that.
“Is Steve here?” Christine asked as I passed the living room. Jackson didn’t look up from the TV. I knew he was upset, though he’d never admit it. He wanted to go out for my birthday—even if Steve was involved. Jax saw Steve like the rest of the world did—a nomad with no ambition and no future. But Steve loved me and I loved him. We were blood brothers and nothing could take that away, even him standing me up on my birthday.
I shook my head slowly and switched focus from Jackson to Christine. “No. I can’t get a hold of him,” I said. “I’m just going to Ashlee’s for a bit, if that’s okay?”
“Sure, sweetheart. Have fun.” Christine smiled, then rolled her eyes when Jackson scoffed.
“What? You want to hang out at Ashlee’s? You’re more than welcome,” I offered.
His eyes snapped to mine—his jaw hanging open.
I sighed. “Seriously. You can tag along.”
His face fell. “I’m good, Ky.” He turned his head back to the TV, but his eyes were cast downwards. “Happy birthday,” he muttered.
Jeff cleared his throat. “We can do something, son,” he said, speaking to Jackson. His gaze flicked to me quickly, and even though it was a split-second, I could see the disappointment.
Hell, I could feel the disappointment in the entire room.
Jeff added, “How bout you show me that aura game on the Zbox?”
Jackson chuckled. Shit, he was such a kid. “Halo, Dad. And Xbox.”
Christine stood up. “I’ll make some cookies,” she stated, rubbing my arm as she passed me. She lowered her voice, her words meant only for me. “Have a good time, Ky. Be safe.”
I watched Christine make her way to the kitchen, and Jackson and Jeff move to the Xbox set up under the TV. Jax started to explain what everything was while Jeff listened intently.
At that moment—there was a part of me that didn’t want to leave...but it would just be out of pity for Jax, and he’d know it. And he’d hate it. So, I stepped out of the house with a smug smile, my body already anticipating the night ahead with Ashlee.
Ashlee’s parents were away for the weekend. She left the front door unlocked and was already naked in her bed waiting for me.
We had fucked twice before she told me she was hungry.
I took her the ratty diner downtown, hoping to find Steve busy and forced to work late so he’d at least have an excuse as to why he stood me up.
He was there, just not working.
“This place is disgusting, Ky,” Ashlee whined, her hand gripping my arm extra tight.
I ignored her and marched up to Steve, who was sitting in a booth with a bunch of other people. His arms were around a girl on either side of him.
Conversation stopped when I stepped up next to their table. He was the first to look up, his eyes blood-shot, his lids heavy. Most likely from whatever the fuck he’d been taking.
“Baby bro!” He smiled and threw his hand out for me.
I smacked it away.
Two dudes in the booth stood up.
Steve raised his hand to stop them going any further.
“We need to get out of here,” Ashlee said.
I ignored her again.
“You know I waited for you for hours.”
“What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t contain my anger anymore. “You, you asshole! You were supposed to pick me up after the family birthday dinner.”
His face fell. Then he pushed one of the girls out of the booth and stood toe to toe with me. “You know they’re not actually your family, right?”
I shoved his chest. “And what? You are? Where the fuck have you been the last couple of years? You’ve come around, what? Four times? That’s not fucking enough, Steve!” I scoffed and looked down on him. “Don’t stand there and tell me they’re not my family. They’re here—where the fuck are you?”
“Fuck you, Kyler,” he growled, shoving me back.
“No, Steve. Fuck you!”
Ashlee squealed.
Steve’s friends got out of the booth.
I pointed my finger in his face. “You getting fucking high is more important than your own brother? Nice. Real fucking nice! That’s exactly the shit I had to put up with with Mom and Dad. I thought you were different, but you’re just as pathetic and fucked up as they are!”
He got the first punch in.
I got the next three.
We were told to leave.
We did.
Steve, nineteen at the time, had dropped out of school a while ago. He surfed from one couch to another until his friends finally kicked him out.
A few weeks after I’d moved in, Christine invited him over for dinner. To say that it was awkward was an understatement. Christine fussed about the entire event—making sure that Steven felt comfortable. I could tell that he tried, but it was hard for him. He’d grown up the way I did, so he wasn’t used to the attention. At some point, he pulled out his wallet and emptied the content on the table. “It’s not much,” he said, “but it should cover Ky’s meals and board for a few weeks. I’ll get more to you later.”
Christine told him to hush. Jeff told him it wasn’t necessary. I looked on in shock, not knowing what to do. It was more than just an offering from Steve’s end though, and I understood where he was coming from. Especially when I sat with him out on the porch while he had a smoke after dinner. His eyes were fixed on our old house. I say house because it was never a home. Not like it was with the Davis’s. “I’m sorry, Ky,” he said. “I should’ve been there.”
“You didn’t know,” I told him. “You couldn’t have changed it.”
He shook his head. “Not just that night. I mean, all the nights before that.” He rubbed his eyes and for the first time in my life I saw my brother as more than just my brother. I saw him as a man. And as a kid. All at once. “I should’ve taken you with me when I left. I just wanted to get out of there so bad that I didn’t—” he broke off with a sigh. “I was so selfish, Ky. And I hate myself for letting this shit happen to you.” He looked up at me, and then to the house behind us where we could hear Christine’s unrestricted laugh. “I’m just glad it worked out for you. It’s not too late to turn your life around. You don’t have to become a statistic, Ky. You can be anything you want now.”
Steve—he was a good guy—at least to me. To the outside world, however, he was sketchy at best. He spent his time between flipping burgers at a ratty diner downtown and partying hard. By ‘Partying hard’, I meant copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. And even though I was around it my entire life, he still managed to keep that part of himself hidden from me—and I was grateful for that.
I didn’t need to watch his decline on top of everything else.
***
After hours of waiting for him at home, and numerous unreturned phone calls, I pushed aside the disappointment and anger and called Ashlee. I needed a release. I knew she was always up for that.
“Is Steve here?” Christine asked as I passed the living room. Jackson didn’t look up from the TV. I knew he was upset, though he’d never admit it. He wanted to go out for my birthday—even if Steve was involved. Jax saw Steve like the rest of the world did—a nomad with no ambition and no future. But Steve loved me and I loved him. We were blood brothers and nothing could take that away, even him standing me up on my birthday.
I shook my head slowly and switched focus from Jackson to Christine. “No. I can’t get a hold of him,” I said. “I’m just going to Ashlee’s for a bit, if that’s okay?”
“Sure, sweetheart. Have fun.” Christine smiled, then rolled her eyes when Jackson scoffed.
“What? You want to hang out at Ashlee’s? You’re more than welcome,” I offered.
His eyes snapped to mine—his jaw hanging open.
I sighed. “Seriously. You can tag along.”
His face fell. “I’m good, Ky.” He turned his head back to the TV, but his eyes were cast downwards. “Happy birthday,” he muttered.
Jeff cleared his throat. “We can do something, son,” he said, speaking to Jackson. His gaze flicked to me quickly, and even though it was a split-second, I could see the disappointment.
Hell, I could feel the disappointment in the entire room.
Jeff added, “How bout you show me that aura game on the Zbox?”
Jackson chuckled. Shit, he was such a kid. “Halo, Dad. And Xbox.”
Christine stood up. “I’ll make some cookies,” she stated, rubbing my arm as she passed me. She lowered her voice, her words meant only for me. “Have a good time, Ky. Be safe.”
I watched Christine make her way to the kitchen, and Jackson and Jeff move to the Xbox set up under the TV. Jax started to explain what everything was while Jeff listened intently.
At that moment—there was a part of me that didn’t want to leave...but it would just be out of pity for Jax, and he’d know it. And he’d hate it. So, I stepped out of the house with a smug smile, my body already anticipating the night ahead with Ashlee.
Ashlee’s parents were away for the weekend. She left the front door unlocked and was already naked in her bed waiting for me.
We had fucked twice before she told me she was hungry.
I took her the ratty diner downtown, hoping to find Steve busy and forced to work late so he’d at least have an excuse as to why he stood me up.
He was there, just not working.
“This place is disgusting, Ky,” Ashlee whined, her hand gripping my arm extra tight.
I ignored her and marched up to Steve, who was sitting in a booth with a bunch of other people. His arms were around a girl on either side of him.
Conversation stopped when I stepped up next to their table. He was the first to look up, his eyes blood-shot, his lids heavy. Most likely from whatever the fuck he’d been taking.
“Baby bro!” He smiled and threw his hand out for me.
I smacked it away.
Two dudes in the booth stood up.
Steve raised his hand to stop them going any further.
“We need to get out of here,” Ashlee said.
I ignored her again.
“You know I waited for you for hours.”
“What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t contain my anger anymore. “You, you asshole! You were supposed to pick me up after the family birthday dinner.”
His face fell. Then he pushed one of the girls out of the booth and stood toe to toe with me. “You know they’re not actually your family, right?”
I shoved his chest. “And what? You are? Where the fuck have you been the last couple of years? You’ve come around, what? Four times? That’s not fucking enough, Steve!” I scoffed and looked down on him. “Don’t stand there and tell me they’re not my family. They’re here—where the fuck are you?”
“Fuck you, Kyler,” he growled, shoving me back.
“No, Steve. Fuck you!”
Ashlee squealed.
Steve’s friends got out of the booth.
I pointed my finger in his face. “You getting fucking high is more important than your own brother? Nice. Real fucking nice! That’s exactly the shit I had to put up with with Mom and Dad. I thought you were different, but you’re just as pathetic and fucked up as they are!”
He got the first punch in.
I got the next three.
We were told to leave.
We did.
