I remember now. I remember what was hiding behind that black curtain of denial. I remember those missing hours I forced myself to forget to avoid the consequences.
I remember the dirty deal I made with death.
And death is coming back to collect.
Chapter Thirty-One - James
“Are we there yet?” Sasha asks from the backseat as I shake Nicola out of my thoughts.
“Almost,” I say absently.
Nicola is not that easy to shake. My debt is not small. My debt makes any future I wanted impossible.
I look in the rear view and Sasha catches me staring and smiles. “James?”
“What?” I say back as I study her face.
“Do you think we’ll have time to go to the beach today?”
I nod at her and then look over at Harper. She’s asleep. Or faking it, I’m not sure. “Yeah, I’m counting on a sunset tonight. We’ll definitely go to the beach.”
“Tonight?” she whines. “Can’t we go before that?”
“We’ll see, Smurf. You can see the ocean from my house, but I want you to stay inside. I’ve got some business to do first.” And that’s when Harper’s shoulders stiffen.
Yeah, she is faking it.
“Harp,” I say as I smack her leg playfully. “Harper? You awake? We’re back.” She pulls herself up and turns to me. Her smile is slow and just as fake as her sleep. She’s worried. As she should be. This plan is far from perfect, especially for her. And now I have a new player in the game. Fucking blackouts. “I’m gonna drop you guys off and then I have to go meet some associates.”
She just stares at me.
“OK?”
“Where are you going?” she finally asks.
“I’m not sure yet. I got a message about these missing files. So if I can get a hold of them, then I need to make the delivery.”
“Delivery to where?”
I force a smile. “Don’t worry about it, Harper. But it’ll be fine, babe. Just relax at my place for a few hours, then I’ll come back, we’ll grab some dinner and head towards the beach and have a nice night.”
She nods but I can tell she doesn’t believe me. “Hey,” I say, my hand going to her knee. She’s starting to shake a little. Barely noticeable, but it’s there. “You’re OK. We’re OK,” I stress. “Don’t worry, it’s all gonna work out fine.”
“What are we doing?” she asks in a low voice.
“We’re going to James’ house, Harper,” Sasha pipes up from the back. I have her, at least. She’s totally on my side right now. We’ll see if it stays that way.
“It’s a small job, Harper. No killing, I’m on leave, remember? This isn’t a job like that, so stop worrying.” All that is true. None of this is a job, not really. But while I am being honest, I’m not being forthcoming.
“Let’s go to Mexico,” she says with a bright hope in her eyes. “Let’s just… run away and go to Mexico.”
“I wanna go to Mexico, James,” Sasha says. “I’m ready to go anywhere. You guys just say the word. I’m there.”
“Harper,” I say in my serious voice. “Listen to me, we’re fine. We can’t run away, you know that. You can’t run away, because they know where we are.”
“Then why am I still with you? Why hasn’t my father come to take me back?”
“Because he knows you’re safe with me.”
“We’re being set up,” Sasha says from the back.
I nod to her image in the rear view. “We’re definitely being set up, Smurf. But look, you guys, just f**king trust me, OK?” I study Harper’s face and she’s not convinced, but when I turn my head to see Sasha, she’s smiling. I have her, and right now, that’s all I need. Harper’s trust would be nice, would make this job easier, but it’s not necessary.
“I just don’t…” Harper is clearly not on board. But I’m not sure if she’s really worried about the files I keep mentioning, or if it’s about something else. “I don’t think you should do this job, James. I think we can get away. I think we can sneak out somehow.” When I look over, her eyes are darting around like crazy. Like she’s desperate to convince me to do anything but this job.
“Baby, relax. Why are you so worried? This is no big deal.”
“But if we’re being set up, and we all know we’re being set up, then why the hell are we playing along?”
I turn off Superior Avenue and onto Pacific Coast Highway, using my merge into traffic to stall her question. “Look!” Sasha squeals. “It’s the ocean!” She opens her window and the sea air blasts into the Hummer. I flip the AC off and roll down all our windows. It feels so good to let the outside back in after being in the desert these past few days.
“I feel sick,” Harper says. “My stomach, James. I feel sick.”
I rub her leg again. “Relax, Harper. I told you, I’m taking care of things. OK?”
She shakes her head. “Pull over, I’m gonna throw up. Pull over!”
I pull into a restaurant parking lot and park in the shade. Harper opens her door and leans out. She waits, spits a little, but she holds it together.
“What’s wrong, Harper?” Sasha asks, worried.
I look back at Sasha and shush her with a finger to my lips. “Harper,” I say, rubbing her back. “You’re fine. OK? Just relax.”
She leans back in her seat and wipes the perspiration from her forehead. “I don’t want you to do this job, James, I don’t want to go back to HB. I don’t want you to leave me alone. I’m not ready for this.”
God, I feel so f**king guilty.
“You won’t be alone, Harper. I’ll be there too. I have a gun if anyone tries to mess with us. James gave me one of his Five-SeveN’s. It’s kickass!”
“Sasha,” I say sternly. “Do not shoot that thing here, do you understand me? This is Orange County, not the desert.”
“I’m not stupid, James,” she says with an eye roll, like I’m her father and we’re talking about curfew instead of killing people. Fucking girls. They are so emotional. I’m just not used to it. I’ve never worked with so many damn girls. “Harper,” I say to get her attention back and take her mind off her worries. I get out and walk around to her side of the Hummer, slide my sunglasses up onto my forehead, and take her face in my hands. “Just f**king trust me.” I look her in the eyes. “If you give in, let go of whatever’s got you all worked up, and just let me handle things, I promise you. We’ll be fine.”
I remember the dirty deal I made with death.
And death is coming back to collect.
Chapter Thirty-One - James
“Are we there yet?” Sasha asks from the backseat as I shake Nicola out of my thoughts.
“Almost,” I say absently.
Nicola is not that easy to shake. My debt is not small. My debt makes any future I wanted impossible.
I look in the rear view and Sasha catches me staring and smiles. “James?”
“What?” I say back as I study her face.
“Do you think we’ll have time to go to the beach today?”
I nod at her and then look over at Harper. She’s asleep. Or faking it, I’m not sure. “Yeah, I’m counting on a sunset tonight. We’ll definitely go to the beach.”
“Tonight?” she whines. “Can’t we go before that?”
“We’ll see, Smurf. You can see the ocean from my house, but I want you to stay inside. I’ve got some business to do first.” And that’s when Harper’s shoulders stiffen.
Yeah, she is faking it.
“Harp,” I say as I smack her leg playfully. “Harper? You awake? We’re back.” She pulls herself up and turns to me. Her smile is slow and just as fake as her sleep. She’s worried. As she should be. This plan is far from perfect, especially for her. And now I have a new player in the game. Fucking blackouts. “I’m gonna drop you guys off and then I have to go meet some associates.”
She just stares at me.
“OK?”
“Where are you going?” she finally asks.
“I’m not sure yet. I got a message about these missing files. So if I can get a hold of them, then I need to make the delivery.”
“Delivery to where?”
I force a smile. “Don’t worry about it, Harper. But it’ll be fine, babe. Just relax at my place for a few hours, then I’ll come back, we’ll grab some dinner and head towards the beach and have a nice night.”
She nods but I can tell she doesn’t believe me. “Hey,” I say, my hand going to her knee. She’s starting to shake a little. Barely noticeable, but it’s there. “You’re OK. We’re OK,” I stress. “Don’t worry, it’s all gonna work out fine.”
“What are we doing?” she asks in a low voice.
“We’re going to James’ house, Harper,” Sasha pipes up from the back. I have her, at least. She’s totally on my side right now. We’ll see if it stays that way.
“It’s a small job, Harper. No killing, I’m on leave, remember? This isn’t a job like that, so stop worrying.” All that is true. None of this is a job, not really. But while I am being honest, I’m not being forthcoming.
“Let’s go to Mexico,” she says with a bright hope in her eyes. “Let’s just… run away and go to Mexico.”
“I wanna go to Mexico, James,” Sasha says. “I’m ready to go anywhere. You guys just say the word. I’m there.”
“Harper,” I say in my serious voice. “Listen to me, we’re fine. We can’t run away, you know that. You can’t run away, because they know where we are.”
“Then why am I still with you? Why hasn’t my father come to take me back?”
“Because he knows you’re safe with me.”
“We’re being set up,” Sasha says from the back.
I nod to her image in the rear view. “We’re definitely being set up, Smurf. But look, you guys, just f**king trust me, OK?” I study Harper’s face and she’s not convinced, but when I turn my head to see Sasha, she’s smiling. I have her, and right now, that’s all I need. Harper’s trust would be nice, would make this job easier, but it’s not necessary.
“I just don’t…” Harper is clearly not on board. But I’m not sure if she’s really worried about the files I keep mentioning, or if it’s about something else. “I don’t think you should do this job, James. I think we can get away. I think we can sneak out somehow.” When I look over, her eyes are darting around like crazy. Like she’s desperate to convince me to do anything but this job.
“Baby, relax. Why are you so worried? This is no big deal.”
“But if we’re being set up, and we all know we’re being set up, then why the hell are we playing along?”
I turn off Superior Avenue and onto Pacific Coast Highway, using my merge into traffic to stall her question. “Look!” Sasha squeals. “It’s the ocean!” She opens her window and the sea air blasts into the Hummer. I flip the AC off and roll down all our windows. It feels so good to let the outside back in after being in the desert these past few days.
“I feel sick,” Harper says. “My stomach, James. I feel sick.”
I rub her leg again. “Relax, Harper. I told you, I’m taking care of things. OK?”
She shakes her head. “Pull over, I’m gonna throw up. Pull over!”
I pull into a restaurant parking lot and park in the shade. Harper opens her door and leans out. She waits, spits a little, but she holds it together.
“What’s wrong, Harper?” Sasha asks, worried.
I look back at Sasha and shush her with a finger to my lips. “Harper,” I say, rubbing her back. “You’re fine. OK? Just relax.”
She leans back in her seat and wipes the perspiration from her forehead. “I don’t want you to do this job, James, I don’t want to go back to HB. I don’t want you to leave me alone. I’m not ready for this.”
God, I feel so f**king guilty.
“You won’t be alone, Harper. I’ll be there too. I have a gun if anyone tries to mess with us. James gave me one of his Five-SeveN’s. It’s kickass!”
“Sasha,” I say sternly. “Do not shoot that thing here, do you understand me? This is Orange County, not the desert.”
“I’m not stupid, James,” she says with an eye roll, like I’m her father and we’re talking about curfew instead of killing people. Fucking girls. They are so emotional. I’m just not used to it. I’ve never worked with so many damn girls. “Harper,” I say to get her attention back and take her mind off her worries. I get out and walk around to her side of the Hummer, slide my sunglasses up onto my forehead, and take her face in my hands. “Just f**king trust me.” I look her in the eyes. “If you give in, let go of whatever’s got you all worked up, and just let me handle things, I promise you. We’ll be fine.”
