And then I turn my back and walk away.
Sasha is sitting on the hood of the black Toyota Tundra pickup. “I can’t believe your truck is still here,” she laughs.
I shoot her a grin. “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s only been a few days.”
“I know,” she says excitedly, jumping down and walking over to the passenger side door. I click the lock on the key chain and the lights blink once. We get in at the same time and slam the doors closed. “But it feels like a lifetime, doesn’t it?”
“It does.” It really fucking does. I start the truck and take a deep breath.
“You miss her already?”
“Yeah,” I say, putting the truck in gear. “Dropping her off with the Admiral is a huge risk.”
“Do you think he’ll hurt her?” Sasha asks, the worry coming through in her voice.
“Nah. That’s not what I’m worried about. Now buckle up, it’s the law.”
She snorts at that, but it serves its purpose. She drops the line of questioning.
I’m worried about him hurting her, sure. He’s not looking out for her. Not the way he is Nick. He left her at the beach for a year. Fighting the panic and barely surviving. They both left her at the beach for a year.
And that file she had. No. Something is wrong about that file. If One has it, why haven’t we been called back?
I mean I know why I haven’t. I’m crazy and I’m pretty sure the next hit will be on my head.
But the Company has always been disciplined. We’re a military faction, albeit a covert black-ops one. We have rules and traditions. We have… protocols.
None of those seem to matter these days.
And it all leads back to the fucking Admiral. Why does he want her back now? I didn’t lie to Harper when I told her I haven’t talked to him in a long time. But I was not very forthcoming, either. Because he contacts me regularly with the phones. Almost everywhere I go, I find a phone. He always knows where I am. I’ve never hidden from him. So when I found the phone in my truck before I found Sasha, it was no big deal.
But maybe it is a big deal?
He asked me to bring her home before he got news of the file. So what was he thinking?
He wants to turn her against you, James, Tet says in my head. He wants to get her alone and turn her against you.
But why?
Because he set you up, James.
If there’s one person on this earth who knows me, it’s the Admiral. If there’s one person on this earth who knows what’s wrong with me, it’s him. And if there’s one person on the earth who can turn her against me, it’s him.
I drive the truck across the freeway and hit the McDonalds where we pick up breakfast, then head north on one of the side roads. I am on edge the whole time Sasha is eating, just waiting for the questions to start. But she finishes her food, looks out the window at the farmhouses passing by, and then drops off to sleep.
A few hours later, when we get to the next big small town, I start heading west. The drive is quiet and uneventful. Just a two-lane highway that gives me way too much time to think.
I go west, zig-zagging my way through the back roads of Colorado, until hours later we reach I-25.
I turn north, staring at the road signs as they count down the miles to Fort Collins and when that exit appears, I take the off-ramp and drive into the town. It’s still pretty quiet in downtown even though it’s lunchtime. There’s a university campus here, but I guess most of the students goes home for the summer. I spot the tattoo shop first and then a little farther down, the bike shop.
There’s a ton of people outside the bike shop. Spencer Shrike himself, in fact. I turn my head just in case he sees me and then hang a left at the next street, and then a right another block down.
When the red roof of the condo building comes into view I almost turn around. But I need to see it. I pull up to the curb and put the truck in park, leaving the engine running.
Sasha is still asleep, so I exit the truck quietly and push the door closed until I hear the click. I don’t want to tell Sasha why I’m here. I don’t want to tell anyone why I’m here.
I walk up to the footpath security gate and then grab the spear-shaped finials of the iron bars and jump up, swinging my leg over and landing on the other side with a soft thud.
I look behind me to see if anyone is paying attention, but it’s clear. So I walk to the side door of the building and open it, take the stairs down, and push open the heavy door that leads to the garage.
This is where Veronica got shot. I look over to my right. That spot was where she fell. Where Ford tied off her arm and saved her life.
Did I shoot her?
I actually don’t know if it was me or…
My eyes wander until I find a dark stain in the middle of the garage.
Tony.
I walk over to the stain. There’s no cars in here, so I can only assume they never finished the construction. When I found this building the builder ran out of money and it was just sitting half empty. Looks like that hasn’t changed.
I kneel down next to the stain and call it like it is. The stain of my brother’s brains as his head splattered from the force and velocity of my bullet.
I look behind me and imagine Ashleigh and Kate. My perfect little niece. I never knew Ash. I could give a fuck about that girl. But she’s the mother of my niece and that means something. She’s family. And I don’t have much family.
I look back at what’s left of Tony’s mark in this world. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I swear to God, I’m sorry. I just need to make this end. And it’s not your fault you were crazy. It’s not my fault I’m crazy. They did this to us and if I let you take Kate, they’d do it to her too.”
I swallow hard and stand up, taking in a long breath of air.
“I’m gonna end it all, one way or another.”
I look up and wait. For some kind of signal. Or feeling of forgiveness. Or something.
But that’s Hollywood movie bullshit. I only deal in reality. And in reality, there’s no such thing as forgiveness. There’s no such thing as redemption. And there’s no such thing as justice.
There’s only revenge.
I nod at the stain and turn, going back the way I came. When I get to the gate, I open it instead of jumping over since I’m on the inside now. And then I walk back to the running truck where Sasha still sleeps with her face pressed up against the cool window.
Sasha is sitting on the hood of the black Toyota Tundra pickup. “I can’t believe your truck is still here,” she laughs.
I shoot her a grin. “Why wouldn’t it be? It’s only been a few days.”
“I know,” she says excitedly, jumping down and walking over to the passenger side door. I click the lock on the key chain and the lights blink once. We get in at the same time and slam the doors closed. “But it feels like a lifetime, doesn’t it?”
“It does.” It really fucking does. I start the truck and take a deep breath.
“You miss her already?”
“Yeah,” I say, putting the truck in gear. “Dropping her off with the Admiral is a huge risk.”
“Do you think he’ll hurt her?” Sasha asks, the worry coming through in her voice.
“Nah. That’s not what I’m worried about. Now buckle up, it’s the law.”
She snorts at that, but it serves its purpose. She drops the line of questioning.
I’m worried about him hurting her, sure. He’s not looking out for her. Not the way he is Nick. He left her at the beach for a year. Fighting the panic and barely surviving. They both left her at the beach for a year.
And that file she had. No. Something is wrong about that file. If One has it, why haven’t we been called back?
I mean I know why I haven’t. I’m crazy and I’m pretty sure the next hit will be on my head.
But the Company has always been disciplined. We’re a military faction, albeit a covert black-ops one. We have rules and traditions. We have… protocols.
None of those seem to matter these days.
And it all leads back to the fucking Admiral. Why does he want her back now? I didn’t lie to Harper when I told her I haven’t talked to him in a long time. But I was not very forthcoming, either. Because he contacts me regularly with the phones. Almost everywhere I go, I find a phone. He always knows where I am. I’ve never hidden from him. So when I found the phone in my truck before I found Sasha, it was no big deal.
But maybe it is a big deal?
He asked me to bring her home before he got news of the file. So what was he thinking?
He wants to turn her against you, James, Tet says in my head. He wants to get her alone and turn her against you.
But why?
Because he set you up, James.
If there’s one person on this earth who knows me, it’s the Admiral. If there’s one person on this earth who knows what’s wrong with me, it’s him. And if there’s one person on the earth who can turn her against me, it’s him.
I drive the truck across the freeway and hit the McDonalds where we pick up breakfast, then head north on one of the side roads. I am on edge the whole time Sasha is eating, just waiting for the questions to start. But she finishes her food, looks out the window at the farmhouses passing by, and then drops off to sleep.
A few hours later, when we get to the next big small town, I start heading west. The drive is quiet and uneventful. Just a two-lane highway that gives me way too much time to think.
I go west, zig-zagging my way through the back roads of Colorado, until hours later we reach I-25.
I turn north, staring at the road signs as they count down the miles to Fort Collins and when that exit appears, I take the off-ramp and drive into the town. It’s still pretty quiet in downtown even though it’s lunchtime. There’s a university campus here, but I guess most of the students goes home for the summer. I spot the tattoo shop first and then a little farther down, the bike shop.
There’s a ton of people outside the bike shop. Spencer Shrike himself, in fact. I turn my head just in case he sees me and then hang a left at the next street, and then a right another block down.
When the red roof of the condo building comes into view I almost turn around. But I need to see it. I pull up to the curb and put the truck in park, leaving the engine running.
Sasha is still asleep, so I exit the truck quietly and push the door closed until I hear the click. I don’t want to tell Sasha why I’m here. I don’t want to tell anyone why I’m here.
I walk up to the footpath security gate and then grab the spear-shaped finials of the iron bars and jump up, swinging my leg over and landing on the other side with a soft thud.
I look behind me to see if anyone is paying attention, but it’s clear. So I walk to the side door of the building and open it, take the stairs down, and push open the heavy door that leads to the garage.
This is where Veronica got shot. I look over to my right. That spot was where she fell. Where Ford tied off her arm and saved her life.
Did I shoot her?
I actually don’t know if it was me or…
My eyes wander until I find a dark stain in the middle of the garage.
Tony.
I walk over to the stain. There’s no cars in here, so I can only assume they never finished the construction. When I found this building the builder ran out of money and it was just sitting half empty. Looks like that hasn’t changed.
I kneel down next to the stain and call it like it is. The stain of my brother’s brains as his head splattered from the force and velocity of my bullet.
I look behind me and imagine Ashleigh and Kate. My perfect little niece. I never knew Ash. I could give a fuck about that girl. But she’s the mother of my niece and that means something. She’s family. And I don’t have much family.
I look back at what’s left of Tony’s mark in this world. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I swear to God, I’m sorry. I just need to make this end. And it’s not your fault you were crazy. It’s not my fault I’m crazy. They did this to us and if I let you take Kate, they’d do it to her too.”
I swallow hard and stand up, taking in a long breath of air.
“I’m gonna end it all, one way or another.”
I look up and wait. For some kind of signal. Or feeling of forgiveness. Or something.
But that’s Hollywood movie bullshit. I only deal in reality. And in reality, there’s no such thing as forgiveness. There’s no such thing as redemption. And there’s no such thing as justice.
There’s only revenge.
I nod at the stain and turn, going back the way I came. When I get to the gate, I open it instead of jumping over since I’m on the inside now. And then I walk back to the running truck where Sasha still sleeps with her face pressed up against the cool window.
