Matias stares at James. “We knew someone was there.”
“No one ever said my name. They never said my name because I never told them who I was. I did my job, which did not involve your gang, and left. It’s a fucking. Job. Matias. And you know the biggest difference between you assholes down there and the Company? They always knew it was business. You take everything personal. You never see the big picture. You let your emotions run your gang. For once in your fucking life, think about your bottom line.”
I look at Sasha and she shakes her head. She did not know they had some sort of business relationship. But am I surprised? James always said he worked for himself. And right now, that seems to be true. Because he’s been cheating against the Company since he stated playing the game.
“Matias,” Nick says, interrupting whatever is going on between these two killers. “Look man, you can kill James if you want, but I’ll have my sniper in the boat shoot you at the same time. And you’ll never walk out of here. Or, you can make a deal. You can take me. Leave James and take me and shit gets real easy, real fast.”
Matias stares at Nick for a few seconds. Then back to James. I don’t know what the two men are thinking, but somehow, some way, they come to some silent agreement. “Done,” Matias says “Take them now, before I change my mind.”
Sasha is wailing again, but James grabs my hand and tugs me along to collect her. “Shut up, Sasha,” he growls at her once he’s got a hold of her arm. And we are dragged from that beach. Me looking back at my brother. Sasha looking back at her promise. We are dragged all the way down to the very edge of the dock where James’ friend Merc waits in the boat. He’s still got the rifle trained on the gang members. But they are climbing the stairs.
Sasha is crying as she gets into the boat. “Why? Why did you do that?” She flings herself at James, pounding on his chest. “I hate you! I hate you!”
I should hate him too. I should hate James for choosing himself over Nick.
But that’s not what happened here.
Nick offered himself up for a reason. Several reasons, actually.
Me.
Sasha.
All of us Company kids.
Nick did the only thing he could.
Because James is the one who has the file, not him. James is the one who had to live, even if all the rest of us died.
Or everything we’ve done over the past year—the death, the struggle, the sacrifice, the pain—along with all the information on those two discs—would be lost to a vile street gang who would have no idea what to do with it if Nick didn’t get James out of there.
So I hold Sasha instead. I hold her tight and whisper soothing things in her ear. “They won’t kill him, Sasha. They won’t hurt him either. He will survive. He will survive and so will we.”
“He’s gone, Harper. He’s gone.” I know she wants to say more, but the sobbing takes over and she can’t.
There’s nothing more to say, anyway.
He’s just gone.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sasha - One week later.
Rock Springs, Wyoming
I look around the hotel room and the sadness is overwhelming. I can’t deal. I can’t deal at all. I have lost everything I’ve ever loved to bad people. My mother, who I never even met. My father. My grandparents. And now Nick. My last thread of hope that life would be worth living after all this was done.
But it’s not worth living.
It fucking sucks.
My chin starts to quiver and the tears begin to fall. Again. I’ve done nothing but cry since we got here to the hotel room a few days ago. Harper and James are staying in here with me. Against my wishes. I wanted to be alone, but James refused.
Today is the last paid day for this room. The last chance for Nick to come back to me.
And it’s almost noon now, past checkout time.
So…
Reality.
It sucks.
James walks through the open door and stands there, a black figure, backlit by the morning sun. “You ready, Smurf?”
I shake my head and sit on the bed, staring at the dirty hotel carpet. “No,” I whisper. “No.”
“He’s not coming here, Sasha.”
“I know.” I swallow down that rock in my throat, but I can’t seem to make it go away. “But I don’t want to leave.”
James takes a long breath and sits down on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He’s been apologizing for a week now. I’m sorta sick of it.
“But Merc sent me a message a little bit ago. He thinks he’s finally figured out how to get the files to open.”
I sniff and look up at my friend. “What’s on them?”
“Secret money accounts, mostly. Names of all the Company members, of course.”
“Huh. All that bullshit for money and names? It’s hardly worth it.”
“Yeah, but it’s the non-money stuff you’re gonna wanna hear about.”
“Oh, God, no. I’m not interested.” They’ve been talking about the ‘programming’ I was subjected to by my father. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with Nick being gone, I really don’t need to know that my father was brainwashing me to kill people when I got older.
“We still think it’s on there, Sash.”
Hearing James call me Sash makes me let out a sob. “Only Nick called me Sash. So don’t.”
James takes a deep breath and lets it out. “OK. But that brainwashing stuff might be true, so you need to be aware of it.”
“Consider me aware.”
“We’re ready to hit the road now, so where should we go? You get to choose.”
“I’m not going.”
“Sasha, don’t press me,” James growls. “I get it. You’re broken right now. But you’re not gonna stay broken forever. You gotta let that shit heal. And today is the day you start, Smurf. I brought you here so you’d see for yourself. Nick is not coming back, OK? He’s not coming back. He made a deal with that cartel and he’s gonna see it through. And you are thirteen years old. You can’t just wish yourself grown up and start a life with a man who really is. He’s not gonna come back and bring you into that life, Sasha. He’s not gonna take a child bride. Everything he stands for is against what you want him to be. So let him go. Let him make his way in the world. He let you go so you can make yours. Don’t give up. He’d never give up if you were the one who sacrificed yourself to give him a second chance. He stayed behind for you. So you’d get that information off that disc. Information your father put on there. Information you need.”
“No one ever said my name. They never said my name because I never told them who I was. I did my job, which did not involve your gang, and left. It’s a fucking. Job. Matias. And you know the biggest difference between you assholes down there and the Company? They always knew it was business. You take everything personal. You never see the big picture. You let your emotions run your gang. For once in your fucking life, think about your bottom line.”
I look at Sasha and she shakes her head. She did not know they had some sort of business relationship. But am I surprised? James always said he worked for himself. And right now, that seems to be true. Because he’s been cheating against the Company since he stated playing the game.
“Matias,” Nick says, interrupting whatever is going on between these two killers. “Look man, you can kill James if you want, but I’ll have my sniper in the boat shoot you at the same time. And you’ll never walk out of here. Or, you can make a deal. You can take me. Leave James and take me and shit gets real easy, real fast.”
Matias stares at Nick for a few seconds. Then back to James. I don’t know what the two men are thinking, but somehow, some way, they come to some silent agreement. “Done,” Matias says “Take them now, before I change my mind.”
Sasha is wailing again, but James grabs my hand and tugs me along to collect her. “Shut up, Sasha,” he growls at her once he’s got a hold of her arm. And we are dragged from that beach. Me looking back at my brother. Sasha looking back at her promise. We are dragged all the way down to the very edge of the dock where James’ friend Merc waits in the boat. He’s still got the rifle trained on the gang members. But they are climbing the stairs.
Sasha is crying as she gets into the boat. “Why? Why did you do that?” She flings herself at James, pounding on his chest. “I hate you! I hate you!”
I should hate him too. I should hate James for choosing himself over Nick.
But that’s not what happened here.
Nick offered himself up for a reason. Several reasons, actually.
Me.
Sasha.
All of us Company kids.
Nick did the only thing he could.
Because James is the one who has the file, not him. James is the one who had to live, even if all the rest of us died.
Or everything we’ve done over the past year—the death, the struggle, the sacrifice, the pain—along with all the information on those two discs—would be lost to a vile street gang who would have no idea what to do with it if Nick didn’t get James out of there.
So I hold Sasha instead. I hold her tight and whisper soothing things in her ear. “They won’t kill him, Sasha. They won’t hurt him either. He will survive. He will survive and so will we.”
“He’s gone, Harper. He’s gone.” I know she wants to say more, but the sobbing takes over and she can’t.
There’s nothing more to say, anyway.
He’s just gone.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sasha - One week later.
Rock Springs, Wyoming
I look around the hotel room and the sadness is overwhelming. I can’t deal. I can’t deal at all. I have lost everything I’ve ever loved to bad people. My mother, who I never even met. My father. My grandparents. And now Nick. My last thread of hope that life would be worth living after all this was done.
But it’s not worth living.
It fucking sucks.
My chin starts to quiver and the tears begin to fall. Again. I’ve done nothing but cry since we got here to the hotel room a few days ago. Harper and James are staying in here with me. Against my wishes. I wanted to be alone, but James refused.
Today is the last paid day for this room. The last chance for Nick to come back to me.
And it’s almost noon now, past checkout time.
So…
Reality.
It sucks.
James walks through the open door and stands there, a black figure, backlit by the morning sun. “You ready, Smurf?”
I shake my head and sit on the bed, staring at the dirty hotel carpet. “No,” I whisper. “No.”
“He’s not coming here, Sasha.”
“I know.” I swallow down that rock in my throat, but I can’t seem to make it go away. “But I don’t want to leave.”
James takes a long breath and sits down on the bed next to me. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” He’s been apologizing for a week now. I’m sorta sick of it.
“But Merc sent me a message a little bit ago. He thinks he’s finally figured out how to get the files to open.”
I sniff and look up at my friend. “What’s on them?”
“Secret money accounts, mostly. Names of all the Company members, of course.”
“Huh. All that bullshit for money and names? It’s hardly worth it.”
“Yeah, but it’s the non-money stuff you’re gonna wanna hear about.”
“Oh, God, no. I’m not interested.” They’ve been talking about the ‘programming’ I was subjected to by my father. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with Nick being gone, I really don’t need to know that my father was brainwashing me to kill people when I got older.
“We still think it’s on there, Sash.”
Hearing James call me Sash makes me let out a sob. “Only Nick called me Sash. So don’t.”
James takes a deep breath and lets it out. “OK. But that brainwashing stuff might be true, so you need to be aware of it.”
“Consider me aware.”
“We’re ready to hit the road now, so where should we go? You get to choose.”
“I’m not going.”
“Sasha, don’t press me,” James growls. “I get it. You’re broken right now. But you’re not gonna stay broken forever. You gotta let that shit heal. And today is the day you start, Smurf. I brought you here so you’d see for yourself. Nick is not coming back, OK? He’s not coming back. He made a deal with that cartel and he’s gonna see it through. And you are thirteen years old. You can’t just wish yourself grown up and start a life with a man who really is. He’s not gonna come back and bring you into that life, Sasha. He’s not gonna take a child bride. Everything he stands for is against what you want him to be. So let him go. Let him make his way in the world. He let you go so you can make yours. Don’t give up. He’d never give up if you were the one who sacrificed yourself to give him a second chance. He stayed behind for you. So you’d get that information off that disc. Information your father put on there. Information you need.”
