Drawing me from my thoughts, River chuckles as he asks, “Am I making you nervous?”
Swinging my hair over my head, I bend over and brush it. “No you’re not, why would you think that?”
I throw my head back and meet his gaze as he says, “I don’t know. It just seems like it. It’s good that I don’t because I shouldn’t, you’re much too sexy not to be adored.”
Grinning hugely, he puts his arms behind his head. “I really like your shirt. Did you go to . . .?”
As he speaks, I remember my ring. Where is my ring? I start to feel dizzy as I grab my neck, running my fingers back and forth, but I know it’s not there. River sits up immediately as I frantically say, “Oh no, I have to go back to my hotel, my necklace is still in the room!” I’m trying not to panic; really I am, but my necklace, my ring from Ben, I have to have it.
River gets off the bed and heads over to me with concern etched on his face. He pulls the hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ear before cupping my cheeks with his hands as his eyes examine mine for the depth of my worry. “Okay, we can head over there now.”
I try to calm myself, but I can’t, and tears start streaming down my face. With his thumbs, he wipes the tears away. He doesn’t ask why and he doesn’t shrug off my concern. He just kisses my forehead and leads me toward a journey that can only end with some sort of uneasiness. At the very least, a pained conversation about the man I loved with the man I . . . I don’t even dare think about the word I was going to use.
Feelings are swirling through my body like a tornado. But unlike Dorothy, when the tornado ceases and the damage is assessed, I’m not going to land in Kansas wearing ruby red slippers in a land full of happy people. No, my aftermath will include the Hard Rock Hotel where I must tell the man I’m starting a new relationship with the reason I’m in a panic. I must tell River the reason he’s taking me back to my hotel is so I can get back the most significant reminder I have left of Ben. The man I had, only recently, finally been able to mentally let go.
As we wait outside the hotel for his car, he turns to me and takes both my hands. He looks at me like he knows he can make everything better. “Baby don’t cry, I promise I’ll fix this for you. Everything will be all right,” he says, drawing an X over his heart with his right hand. Baby? Did he just call me baby?
It is in this exact moment, standing at the valet stand with rows of cars behind me waiting to be parked, that I know. I know I’m not just falling for this attractive, charming, and captivating man. I already fell.
We drive over to the hotel in silence. It really is beautiful in this sinful city, but the strip is so different during the day. It doesn’t have the allure it does at night. The lights are on, but aren’t shining brightly, not lighting the way. I hope they at least lead me back to the item I need to find.
I’m feeling a little lost sitting in River’s car going to get my engagement ring from Ben. Fidgeting in my seat, I keep grabbing for the necklace that isn’t there. He isn’t holding my hand and he hasn’t as much as glanced over at me since we got in the car. I know he must be curious as to why possibly losing a necklace would make me this emotional. I just can’t talk about it right now. I need to get the necklace back first and for the lump in my throat to go away. Only then can I allow the words to flow.
I wish it were that easy to shut my thoughts off. Did I betray Ben by taking his ring off? What kind of betrayal took place by sleeping with River? Was it even a betrayal? How long should one grieve? How long should one wait before engaging with another? Are there even any right answers to these questions?
When we finally arrive, the valet opens my door before River gets out of the car. I wait for him, and he takes my hand, leading us straight to the front desk. I know housekeeping must have already been in the room and apparently so does River since we don’t bother going up there. There is a rather long line at the front desk, but River doesn’t acknowledge it. Stepping right up to the desk, he nods his head at the gentleman who just handed room keys to a couple and waits for them to leave. Moving to where the couple was standing, he clears his throat to get the attention of the clerk who is looking down at a computer screen under the counter. I’m sure the line of people behind us is not pleased by our blatant disregard for waiting-in-line etiquette.
When the man refuses to look up, River drops my hand and leans forward, placing both elbows on the counter, his forearms down, as he clasps his hands into a V to inch a little closer. “Hey man, I have a situation that needs to be taken care of immediately, and I was hoping you could help me out,” he says in his smooth easy voice. The front desk assistant, obviously impervious to River’s charming ways, doesn’t even look up as he says, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait in line like everybody else.”
River’s jaw tightens as he grips the counter closest to us, and in a flat, but stern voice he says, “I’m not sure you heard me, but we have a situation that. . .”
The now, narrow-eyed man looks up at River and interrupting him, seethes, “I heard you, and once again I’m going to . . .”
This time River doesn’t let him finish, and he leans in as close as possible and very politely says, “I think it’s time you call for Mr. Hughes.” Then, looking at his nametag and smirking, he adds, “Joe.”
Who’s Mr. Hughes?
The now completely flustered man stutters before regaining his composure. He stands up very straight and manages to nicely say, “Why don’t we see if I can fix your situation before I call Mr. Hughes. You were saying?” Swallowing back my laughter at the suddenly very funny situation, River cocks his head and winks at me. Then he takes my hand, squeezes it, and sets it on the counter in his so our elbows are almost connected.
Before I know it, the red-clad uniformed man is calling housekeeping himself, asking about items that may have been found in the safe in my room. By some grace of God he tells us the necklace had been found and was put in the main hotel safe.
River drops my hand to very politely shake hands with the clerk. Then before thanking him, he removes his wallet from his back pocket and hands the now jubilant Joe a hundred-dollar bill. Nodding his head he says discreetly, “Joe please see to it that the necklace gets delivered to us in the bar.”
Joe, very happily accepting his more than generous tip, responds, “Yes sir, not a problem.”
We head to the same bar where River waited for me last night. It seems like way more time has passed than just one day. I feel so connected to this man, like I’ve known him for a very long time. As we’re seated, River pulls my chair out for me and I nod my head and grin, but before I sit, I stand on my tippy toes and kiss him on his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Dahlia, don’t thank me. It’s my fault you lost your necklace to begin with,” he says, caressing my cheek before motioning me to sit down. Sitting next to me, he grabs my hand and strokes it with his thumb before leaning over and kissing me.
Our waitress arrives, and we order two beers and one glass of ice, of course River snickers. When he asks me what I want to eat, I motion to the casino and say, “Anything, right now I could eat the craps table over there,” and we both laugh, because really, couldn’t I have just said the blackjack table.
He orders a burger and fries and I order a grilled cheese sandwich, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. I ask the waitress to bring my shake with my food.
River looks at me a little puzzled.
“What? I like to dip my sandwich in the shake.”
He shakes his head. “That sounds disgusting.”
“Try it. I guarantee you’ll love it.”
“Hmm . . .”
Once our drinks arrive, I gulp my beer down before deciding to say what I should have said in the car. Looking into River’s eyes filled with so much kindness, I say, “I’m sorry I sort of freaked, but the necklace isn’t replaceable.” Pausing, I swallow the lump in my throat before continuing.
Tilting his head, he continues to look at me and simply says, “I guessed that by your reaction.”
Nodding in agreement, I clear my throat and tuck my hair behind my ear. “Here’s the thing, the necklace isn’t just a necklace,” I pause again, willing the stinging in my eyes to go away.
River, obviously having noticed my uneasiness leans forward in his chair, bending slightly into me, and grabs for my hand with both of his. “Go on. What?”
Before I can finish, Joe saunters in, smiling like he just hit the jackpot on the casino floor and hands River an envelope that says ‘From Room 716’ on it. River nods and says thank you again and Joe walks away to go back to his desk duties I assume.
Handing me the envelope, I let go of his hand and open it. I hesitate before pulling the ring out. As I do, I clasp it in my hand and looking him sincerely in the eyes I say, “This is my engagement ring—from Ben.”
He quickly leans back in his chair and takes a large gulp of beer, obviously not expecting that. Crossing his leg over his knee he asks, “Can I see it?” His eyes now filled with something. It’s not kindness though; I think it’s more like sadness.
Biting my lip, I hand it to him with shaky fingers. My heart begins beating faster than the levers being pulling on the slot machines. He stares at it for a few seconds before gently placing it back in my hand and squeezing it shut, as if not seeing it makes it go away. “It’s beautiful, just like the woman who wore it,” he says, looking intently in my eyes. I notice the use of the word—wore.
“Can I ask you something?” he says.
My hands are still shaky as I hold the ring and answer, “Of course.”
Pointing to my wrist, he asks, “Is that bracelet from him?”
Swallowing my emotion, I lift my arm and answer, “Yes, Ben gave it to me the day he died, and every time I look at it, it reminds me to live life to the fullest, to have no regrets.”
“Well, that too, is beautiful and a great way to live life, Dahlia.”
Then he surprises me. “Do you want to talk about it, about him?”
After tucking the ring safely inside my purse, I answer very softly. “Honestly, no. No I don’t. I’m having an amazing time with you. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time, and I don’t want to drag our weekend down with sad conversations.” I say the last part while reaching my hand across the table and caressing his cheek.
He just shakes his head but doesn’t speak as he takes my hand and kisses it.
I smile a faint smile and say, “I hope you’re okay with that?”
River returns the slight smile and says, “Dahlia, for now I’m fine with it, but I’d like to talk about it sometime. I want to know you, all of you.”
Just then, our food arrives. I pull my hand away and silently nod to him. Then his phone chimes from his pocket as he continues to ignore it, and I remember I left mine at the hotel, but I really don’t need it anyway.
We talk and laugh throughout lunch, and before leaving, we decide what to do with the rest of our day; we will hit the casino, and then have a casual dinner before heading out for a night of fun at a famous Las Vegas club.
Chapter Fourteen
ALIVE
I feel alive when we’re together
I feel it deep within my soul
You’re the best reason I’ve had in a long time
To celebrate this thing we call life
I feel alive when we’re together.
I remember Grace telling me on the one-year anniversary of Ben’s death when she brought me home from the cemetery, “Dahlia honey, there is something beautiful about each and every scar we bear no matter where it comes from.” Pausing, she wiped the tears streaming down her face before finishing what to this day, has to be the single most important piece of advice ever given to me. “When my son’s death, our Ben’s death, has healed in your heart, you will know it. A scar will appear and that means the extreme hurt and unbearable pain is over, your wound will be healed, but don’t ever let your heart close. Leave it open, let someone else in.” She couldn’t speak anymore, but I knew she wasn’t finished. She put a note on the counter when she left that night that read, “Let your heart heal and someday you will love again. Let someone else love you. You deserve it. Remember, I will always be here for you.”
So tonight, as I embark on a first date with this very sexy, charming, and charismatic man, Grace’s words come back to me. I know what I’m feeling now. Healed.
Walking into Aqua, I know I’m in trouble. It’s dark, and the music is blaring in an almost seductive beat. I’m already intoxicated by River’s pure charm and breathtaking attractiveness, and this nightclub isn’t going to help sober me up at all. Also, adding to my almost inebriated state of mind are the two drinks I had with dinner and the few I had before that.
Earlier in the day, we had taken his car back to the hotel and hit the casino floor. He taught me how to play craps, and we also played blackjack and poker. I played the slot machines as he watched. Rolling his eyes at me he told me, “Only sixty year old women waste their time on a game of pure chance.” And in what I’ve come to know as true River fashion, he added, “Now, skilled games, those are something to spend your time on.” Of course, he whispered that in my ear while running his finger down the side of my body. We were having so much fun that we never even made it back to our room. After we left the casino, we walked through the sky tube and then ate a light dinner before coming up to the club.
The nightclub is located on the fifty-fifth floor of the Trees Place Casino. All of its exterior walls are glass, and there is a huge bar toward the back and an even bigger dance floor in the middle. There also looks to be outdoor bars to both the right and left, just outside the glass walls. Each is a mirror image supported by a brick wall on the backside of each bar, creating a terrace-like appeal with trees and benches everywhere. The bar to the right is serving drinks; its mirror twin appears to be closed.
Swinging my hair over my head, I bend over and brush it. “No you’re not, why would you think that?”
I throw my head back and meet his gaze as he says, “I don’t know. It just seems like it. It’s good that I don’t because I shouldn’t, you’re much too sexy not to be adored.”
Grinning hugely, he puts his arms behind his head. “I really like your shirt. Did you go to . . .?”
As he speaks, I remember my ring. Where is my ring? I start to feel dizzy as I grab my neck, running my fingers back and forth, but I know it’s not there. River sits up immediately as I frantically say, “Oh no, I have to go back to my hotel, my necklace is still in the room!” I’m trying not to panic; really I am, but my necklace, my ring from Ben, I have to have it.
River gets off the bed and heads over to me with concern etched on his face. He pulls the hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ear before cupping my cheeks with his hands as his eyes examine mine for the depth of my worry. “Okay, we can head over there now.”
I try to calm myself, but I can’t, and tears start streaming down my face. With his thumbs, he wipes the tears away. He doesn’t ask why and he doesn’t shrug off my concern. He just kisses my forehead and leads me toward a journey that can only end with some sort of uneasiness. At the very least, a pained conversation about the man I loved with the man I . . . I don’t even dare think about the word I was going to use.
Feelings are swirling through my body like a tornado. But unlike Dorothy, when the tornado ceases and the damage is assessed, I’m not going to land in Kansas wearing ruby red slippers in a land full of happy people. No, my aftermath will include the Hard Rock Hotel where I must tell the man I’m starting a new relationship with the reason I’m in a panic. I must tell River the reason he’s taking me back to my hotel is so I can get back the most significant reminder I have left of Ben. The man I had, only recently, finally been able to mentally let go.
As we wait outside the hotel for his car, he turns to me and takes both my hands. He looks at me like he knows he can make everything better. “Baby don’t cry, I promise I’ll fix this for you. Everything will be all right,” he says, drawing an X over his heart with his right hand. Baby? Did he just call me baby?
It is in this exact moment, standing at the valet stand with rows of cars behind me waiting to be parked, that I know. I know I’m not just falling for this attractive, charming, and captivating man. I already fell.
We drive over to the hotel in silence. It really is beautiful in this sinful city, but the strip is so different during the day. It doesn’t have the allure it does at night. The lights are on, but aren’t shining brightly, not lighting the way. I hope they at least lead me back to the item I need to find.
I’m feeling a little lost sitting in River’s car going to get my engagement ring from Ben. Fidgeting in my seat, I keep grabbing for the necklace that isn’t there. He isn’t holding my hand and he hasn’t as much as glanced over at me since we got in the car. I know he must be curious as to why possibly losing a necklace would make me this emotional. I just can’t talk about it right now. I need to get the necklace back first and for the lump in my throat to go away. Only then can I allow the words to flow.
I wish it were that easy to shut my thoughts off. Did I betray Ben by taking his ring off? What kind of betrayal took place by sleeping with River? Was it even a betrayal? How long should one grieve? How long should one wait before engaging with another? Are there even any right answers to these questions?
When we finally arrive, the valet opens my door before River gets out of the car. I wait for him, and he takes my hand, leading us straight to the front desk. I know housekeeping must have already been in the room and apparently so does River since we don’t bother going up there. There is a rather long line at the front desk, but River doesn’t acknowledge it. Stepping right up to the desk, he nods his head at the gentleman who just handed room keys to a couple and waits for them to leave. Moving to where the couple was standing, he clears his throat to get the attention of the clerk who is looking down at a computer screen under the counter. I’m sure the line of people behind us is not pleased by our blatant disregard for waiting-in-line etiquette.
When the man refuses to look up, River drops my hand and leans forward, placing both elbows on the counter, his forearms down, as he clasps his hands into a V to inch a little closer. “Hey man, I have a situation that needs to be taken care of immediately, and I was hoping you could help me out,” he says in his smooth easy voice. The front desk assistant, obviously impervious to River’s charming ways, doesn’t even look up as he says, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to wait in line like everybody else.”
River’s jaw tightens as he grips the counter closest to us, and in a flat, but stern voice he says, “I’m not sure you heard me, but we have a situation that. . .”
The now, narrow-eyed man looks up at River and interrupting him, seethes, “I heard you, and once again I’m going to . . .”
This time River doesn’t let him finish, and he leans in as close as possible and very politely says, “I think it’s time you call for Mr. Hughes.” Then, looking at his nametag and smirking, he adds, “Joe.”
Who’s Mr. Hughes?
The now completely flustered man stutters before regaining his composure. He stands up very straight and manages to nicely say, “Why don’t we see if I can fix your situation before I call Mr. Hughes. You were saying?” Swallowing back my laughter at the suddenly very funny situation, River cocks his head and winks at me. Then he takes my hand, squeezes it, and sets it on the counter in his so our elbows are almost connected.
Before I know it, the red-clad uniformed man is calling housekeeping himself, asking about items that may have been found in the safe in my room. By some grace of God he tells us the necklace had been found and was put in the main hotel safe.
River drops my hand to very politely shake hands with the clerk. Then before thanking him, he removes his wallet from his back pocket and hands the now jubilant Joe a hundred-dollar bill. Nodding his head he says discreetly, “Joe please see to it that the necklace gets delivered to us in the bar.”
Joe, very happily accepting his more than generous tip, responds, “Yes sir, not a problem.”
We head to the same bar where River waited for me last night. It seems like way more time has passed than just one day. I feel so connected to this man, like I’ve known him for a very long time. As we’re seated, River pulls my chair out for me and I nod my head and grin, but before I sit, I stand on my tippy toes and kiss him on his cheek. “Thank you.”
“Dahlia, don’t thank me. It’s my fault you lost your necklace to begin with,” he says, caressing my cheek before motioning me to sit down. Sitting next to me, he grabs my hand and strokes it with his thumb before leaning over and kissing me.
Our waitress arrives, and we order two beers and one glass of ice, of course River snickers. When he asks me what I want to eat, I motion to the casino and say, “Anything, right now I could eat the craps table over there,” and we both laugh, because really, couldn’t I have just said the blackjack table.
He orders a burger and fries and I order a grilled cheese sandwich, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. I ask the waitress to bring my shake with my food.
River looks at me a little puzzled.
“What? I like to dip my sandwich in the shake.”
He shakes his head. “That sounds disgusting.”
“Try it. I guarantee you’ll love it.”
“Hmm . . .”
Once our drinks arrive, I gulp my beer down before deciding to say what I should have said in the car. Looking into River’s eyes filled with so much kindness, I say, “I’m sorry I sort of freaked, but the necklace isn’t replaceable.” Pausing, I swallow the lump in my throat before continuing.
Tilting his head, he continues to look at me and simply says, “I guessed that by your reaction.”
Nodding in agreement, I clear my throat and tuck my hair behind my ear. “Here’s the thing, the necklace isn’t just a necklace,” I pause again, willing the stinging in my eyes to go away.
River, obviously having noticed my uneasiness leans forward in his chair, bending slightly into me, and grabs for my hand with both of his. “Go on. What?”
Before I can finish, Joe saunters in, smiling like he just hit the jackpot on the casino floor and hands River an envelope that says ‘From Room 716’ on it. River nods and says thank you again and Joe walks away to go back to his desk duties I assume.
Handing me the envelope, I let go of his hand and open it. I hesitate before pulling the ring out. As I do, I clasp it in my hand and looking him sincerely in the eyes I say, “This is my engagement ring—from Ben.”
He quickly leans back in his chair and takes a large gulp of beer, obviously not expecting that. Crossing his leg over his knee he asks, “Can I see it?” His eyes now filled with something. It’s not kindness though; I think it’s more like sadness.
Biting my lip, I hand it to him with shaky fingers. My heart begins beating faster than the levers being pulling on the slot machines. He stares at it for a few seconds before gently placing it back in my hand and squeezing it shut, as if not seeing it makes it go away. “It’s beautiful, just like the woman who wore it,” he says, looking intently in my eyes. I notice the use of the word—wore.
“Can I ask you something?” he says.
My hands are still shaky as I hold the ring and answer, “Of course.”
Pointing to my wrist, he asks, “Is that bracelet from him?”
Swallowing my emotion, I lift my arm and answer, “Yes, Ben gave it to me the day he died, and every time I look at it, it reminds me to live life to the fullest, to have no regrets.”
“Well, that too, is beautiful and a great way to live life, Dahlia.”
Then he surprises me. “Do you want to talk about it, about him?”
After tucking the ring safely inside my purse, I answer very softly. “Honestly, no. No I don’t. I’m having an amazing time with you. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time, and I don’t want to drag our weekend down with sad conversations.” I say the last part while reaching my hand across the table and caressing his cheek.
He just shakes his head but doesn’t speak as he takes my hand and kisses it.
I smile a faint smile and say, “I hope you’re okay with that?”
River returns the slight smile and says, “Dahlia, for now I’m fine with it, but I’d like to talk about it sometime. I want to know you, all of you.”
Just then, our food arrives. I pull my hand away and silently nod to him. Then his phone chimes from his pocket as he continues to ignore it, and I remember I left mine at the hotel, but I really don’t need it anyway.
We talk and laugh throughout lunch, and before leaving, we decide what to do with the rest of our day; we will hit the casino, and then have a casual dinner before heading out for a night of fun at a famous Las Vegas club.
Chapter Fourteen
ALIVE
I feel alive when we’re together
I feel it deep within my soul
You’re the best reason I’ve had in a long time
To celebrate this thing we call life
I feel alive when we’re together.
I remember Grace telling me on the one-year anniversary of Ben’s death when she brought me home from the cemetery, “Dahlia honey, there is something beautiful about each and every scar we bear no matter where it comes from.” Pausing, she wiped the tears streaming down her face before finishing what to this day, has to be the single most important piece of advice ever given to me. “When my son’s death, our Ben’s death, has healed in your heart, you will know it. A scar will appear and that means the extreme hurt and unbearable pain is over, your wound will be healed, but don’t ever let your heart close. Leave it open, let someone else in.” She couldn’t speak anymore, but I knew she wasn’t finished. She put a note on the counter when she left that night that read, “Let your heart heal and someday you will love again. Let someone else love you. You deserve it. Remember, I will always be here for you.”
So tonight, as I embark on a first date with this very sexy, charming, and charismatic man, Grace’s words come back to me. I know what I’m feeling now. Healed.
Walking into Aqua, I know I’m in trouble. It’s dark, and the music is blaring in an almost seductive beat. I’m already intoxicated by River’s pure charm and breathtaking attractiveness, and this nightclub isn’t going to help sober me up at all. Also, adding to my almost inebriated state of mind are the two drinks I had with dinner and the few I had before that.
Earlier in the day, we had taken his car back to the hotel and hit the casino floor. He taught me how to play craps, and we also played blackjack and poker. I played the slot machines as he watched. Rolling his eyes at me he told me, “Only sixty year old women waste their time on a game of pure chance.” And in what I’ve come to know as true River fashion, he added, “Now, skilled games, those are something to spend your time on.” Of course, he whispered that in my ear while running his finger down the side of my body. We were having so much fun that we never even made it back to our room. After we left the casino, we walked through the sky tube and then ate a light dinner before coming up to the club.
The nightclub is located on the fifty-fifth floor of the Trees Place Casino. All of its exterior walls are glass, and there is a huge bar toward the back and an even bigger dance floor in the middle. There also looks to be outdoor bars to both the right and left, just outside the glass walls. Each is a mirror image supported by a brick wall on the backside of each bar, creating a terrace-like appeal with trees and benches everywhere. The bar to the right is serving drinks; its mirror twin appears to be closed.
