“Anyone can become familiar after time.”
“Tony, you said I could have anything I want. I want him.”
He didn’t offer further protest. This time, Claire had closed the conversation. She wanted Phil, and Tony would find him.
During her days before Nichol’s arrival, Claire learned her way around the responsibilities of her new home. She also enjoyed outings with Meredith, Courtney, or Sue. There were even times she’d get in her new car and drive. It wasn’t that she wanted to go anyplace in particular. It was more the validation of knowing she could. Years ago, when she’d made her requests, they all came with the same stipulation—each freedom required authorization. Although she remembered hating that domination, the complete opposite didn’t make her happy either. Each time she drove through the gates, she realized, no one knew or cared where she was going.
Her only obligation, other than evenings with Nichol and their sessions with the child psychologist, was her outpatient counseling sessions. Twice a week, she drove the thirty plus minutes to Everwood. Although an essential rule of therapy was complete honesty, Claire never mentioned her and Tony’s living arrangements. Only Meredith and Courtney knew the truth. Perhaps it was her reluctance to discuss it at length. Her friends heard her brief explanation and mercifully accepted it at face value. The counselor would want to know her feelings and thoughts. Claire didn’t want to admit those to herself much less someone else.
She didn’t want to admit that Tony’s placid stare hurt not only her pride, but her ever crumbling heart. From their first meeting at the Red Wing there’d been a hunger in his eyes. When he first brought her to the estate, that hunger frightened her and filled her with a sense of vulnerability and defenselessness. It was as if his eyes told of a need that only she could fill. To someone with no knowledge of what that need might include, it was a daunting assignment. With time, the hunger became comforting. No matter how much money or success Tony obtained, there was part of him that sought what only she could give. In a world of opulence, it made her feel needed and desired. That same hunger pulled her back into his arms, bed, and life when their reconciliation was only a charade. While on the island, the ravenous hunger transformed. No longer were his attentions divided, yet at no time did she feel unwanted. Through the years, when she saw him across the room, she’d look into his eyes and know he was thinking of her. Just one look, one glance and her insides would tighten—most of the time, she knew before she saw. His black eyed gaze could reach out and touch her, even without visual confirmation. Now, the look was gone—his eyes were neutral—void of emotion. Unless they were with Nichol, the color wasn’t black and it wasn’t light. With each glance into the tranquil pools of brown, another piece of her heart broke.
It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
—Muhammad Ali
Privately, Tony and Claire spoke superficially discussing staff concerns and weather. Their only sincere talks involved Nichol. That was until the night before Nichol’s move. Claire decided she wanted to show Tony something. She didn’t expect a consequence for her compliance; nevertheless, he’d told her there was something she needed to do—something she needed to face. Claire wanted him to know, she’d done it.
Following their nightly visit with Nichol, driving up the winding estate drive, Claire asked, “Do you need to leave right away?”
“I have some work back at the office.”
“It’s after 9:00 PM. Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I have something I’d like to show you.”
“I can’t stay long.”
It wasn’t enthusiastic, but nonetheless, he’d acquiesced. Silently, they entered her home. Claire went from room to room turning on lights. Tony trailed a few steps behind, looking around each open space. It was his first time inside the house since Nichol’s visit. While she and the Vandersols were present, he did a stellar performance, pretending it was his home too.
This house wasn’t as large as the former dwelling; therefore, most of the members of the staff lived in another building on the estate. The only exception was Shannon who now had a room near Nichol’s. Finding each room empty, Tony asked, “Why isn’t someone from the staff here?”
“I gave Shannon the night off, since Nichol is moving in tomorrow, and the rest of the staff is done for the day.”
Tony shook his head. “What do you mean done? They should be here so that you don’t come home to an empty house.”
“Tony, you said I could have anything I want. I want him.”
He didn’t offer further protest. This time, Claire had closed the conversation. She wanted Phil, and Tony would find him.
During her days before Nichol’s arrival, Claire learned her way around the responsibilities of her new home. She also enjoyed outings with Meredith, Courtney, or Sue. There were even times she’d get in her new car and drive. It wasn’t that she wanted to go anyplace in particular. It was more the validation of knowing she could. Years ago, when she’d made her requests, they all came with the same stipulation—each freedom required authorization. Although she remembered hating that domination, the complete opposite didn’t make her happy either. Each time she drove through the gates, she realized, no one knew or cared where she was going.
Her only obligation, other than evenings with Nichol and their sessions with the child psychologist, was her outpatient counseling sessions. Twice a week, she drove the thirty plus minutes to Everwood. Although an essential rule of therapy was complete honesty, Claire never mentioned her and Tony’s living arrangements. Only Meredith and Courtney knew the truth. Perhaps it was her reluctance to discuss it at length. Her friends heard her brief explanation and mercifully accepted it at face value. The counselor would want to know her feelings and thoughts. Claire didn’t want to admit those to herself much less someone else.
She didn’t want to admit that Tony’s placid stare hurt not only her pride, but her ever crumbling heart. From their first meeting at the Red Wing there’d been a hunger in his eyes. When he first brought her to the estate, that hunger frightened her and filled her with a sense of vulnerability and defenselessness. It was as if his eyes told of a need that only she could fill. To someone with no knowledge of what that need might include, it was a daunting assignment. With time, the hunger became comforting. No matter how much money or success Tony obtained, there was part of him that sought what only she could give. In a world of opulence, it made her feel needed and desired. That same hunger pulled her back into his arms, bed, and life when their reconciliation was only a charade. While on the island, the ravenous hunger transformed. No longer were his attentions divided, yet at no time did she feel unwanted. Through the years, when she saw him across the room, she’d look into his eyes and know he was thinking of her. Just one look, one glance and her insides would tighten—most of the time, she knew before she saw. His black eyed gaze could reach out and touch her, even without visual confirmation. Now, the look was gone—his eyes were neutral—void of emotion. Unless they were with Nichol, the color wasn’t black and it wasn’t light. With each glance into the tranquil pools of brown, another piece of her heart broke.
It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
—Muhammad Ali
Privately, Tony and Claire spoke superficially discussing staff concerns and weather. Their only sincere talks involved Nichol. That was until the night before Nichol’s move. Claire decided she wanted to show Tony something. She didn’t expect a consequence for her compliance; nevertheless, he’d told her there was something she needed to do—something she needed to face. Claire wanted him to know, she’d done it.
Following their nightly visit with Nichol, driving up the winding estate drive, Claire asked, “Do you need to leave right away?”
“I have some work back at the office.”
“It’s after 9:00 PM. Can’t it wait until tomorrow? I have something I’d like to show you.”
“I can’t stay long.”
It wasn’t enthusiastic, but nonetheless, he’d acquiesced. Silently, they entered her home. Claire went from room to room turning on lights. Tony trailed a few steps behind, looking around each open space. It was his first time inside the house since Nichol’s visit. While she and the Vandersols were present, he did a stellar performance, pretending it was his home too.
This house wasn’t as large as the former dwelling; therefore, most of the members of the staff lived in another building on the estate. The only exception was Shannon who now had a room near Nichol’s. Finding each room empty, Tony asked, “Why isn’t someone from the staff here?”
“I gave Shannon the night off, since Nichol is moving in tomorrow, and the rest of the staff is done for the day.”
Tony shook his head. “What do you mean done? They should be here so that you don’t come home to an empty house.”
