My chest rose and fell, fury boiling under my skin as I turned around and planted my knees underneath me, leaning over to his side of the car.
“I’ve got more mettle than you give me credit for,” I yelled, “so you can go fuck yourself!”
He darted out, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and yanking me in. I whimpered, feeling the burn in my scalp from his fingers fisting in my hair.
“What do you want from me? Huh?” he asked, breathing hard and glaring at me. “What do you see in me that’s so fucking fascinating?”
I trembled, just holding his eyes. What did I see in him? The answer was so easy, I didn’t even have to think about it. It was the same thing he saw in me all those years ago down in the catacombs.
The hunger.
The need to break away, the desire to find the one person on the planet that would understand me, the temptation to go after all things they tell us we can’t have…
I saw me, and through all the times growing up that I felt alone or like I was searching for something I couldn’t put into words, I didn’t feel so lost when he was around.
It was the only time I didn’t feel lost.
I shook my head, dropping my eyes as a silent tear spilled over. “Nothing,” I nearly whispered, despair tightening my throat. “I’m just a stupid kid.”
I inched away, feeling him slowly release his grasp in my hair. Shifting my feet out from under me, I sat down on my seat and swallowed the hard lump in my throat, pulling the collar of my plaid shirt tighter around my neck, covering my left side.
He didn’t want to know me. He didn’t like me.
And I wanted that fact to stop hurting. I was so sick of dreaming.
Sick of having forced a relationship with Trevor, because I believed he would set me straight, and sick of wanting a nightmare that treated me like a dog.
Sick of both of them.
I straightened my back and stared at my lap, trying to force the weariness from my voice.
“I want to walk home,” I told him, grabbing my bag from the back and taking hold of the door handle.
And then I paused, still not looking at him. “I’m sorry about sneaking off inside. It won’t happen again.”
Opening the door, I immediately stepped out into the downpour, thunder cracking overhead as I took the long way home.
Present
GOD, WHAT WAS SHE DOING TO ME?
Did she really think she was just a stupid kid? Did she really not see how every fucking person in Thunder Bay adored her?
I breathed hard, pulling my open collar away from the heat on my neck. Hell, I’d even caught my piece of shit father looking at her once or twice over the years. Everyone thought the world of Rika, so why did she act like mine was the only opinion that mattered to her?
I marched into Realm, a dark nightclub downtown and glanced upward, seeing my teammates hanging around the balcony of the VIP lounge above. There was a press event tonight, but it was the last thing I could focus on even though I should. I needed my brain on something else.
Heading for the bar, I placed my hands on the marble counter, jerking my chin at the bartender. He nodded, knowing what to get. Damon, Will, and Kai were already here, Realm being a favorite of ours.
I bowed my head, closing my eyes and trying to calm down.
I was losing. When she was around, she made everything small, and all I could see was her. All the years of misery she caused my friends suddenly didn’t matter, my focus blurred, and I lost sight of what she’d done and how my friends had suffered.
And how she needed to pay.
I hated her.
I had to hate her.
I didn’t have to force her in the car today. I didn’t care about the tears in her eyes or the way she couldn’t look at me before she climbed out.
I didn’t want to wipe away the hurt, I didn’t want to touch her, and I didn’t want to get her to scream at me again, because I’d never been so turned on.
She got out of the car, left me behind, and according to the doorman, hadn’t left Delcour since getting home that afternoon.
Good. Let her get used to that cage.
The bartender stepped over, carrying a fresh bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label and a rocks glass, setting it down in front of me. I poured a double shot and tipped back the glass, taking down the whole damn thing.
“Where the hell have you been?”
I tensed, hearing Kai’s voice at my side.
But I just poured another double, not answering him.
I’m just a stupid kid. My chest rose and fell faster, and I shot back the drink, taking all of it down again.
I set the glass down, blinking long and hard.
“Jesus. Are you okay?” he asked, sounding more worried than angry now.
“I’m fine.”
He placed both hands on the bar, leaning in as he peered over at me. “What was she doing there today?”
I downed a third shot, starting to feel the burn in my stomach blanket my veins in a warm buzz. The edges were blurring, and the tips of my fingers hummed.
I shook my head, setting the glass down. Out of everyone in my life—my father, my brother, my friends—it ended up being her that drove me to drink. Her fucking eyes, going from defiant to mischievous to hurt to on fire, and then finally, to broken.
Don’t be alone with her.
“Michael?” Kai prompted.
I let out a hard sigh, running my fingers over the top of my head. “Could you just…” I gritted out, “fucking shut up for five minutes and let me get my head straight?”
“I’ve got more mettle than you give me credit for,” I yelled, “so you can go fuck yourself!”
He darted out, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck and yanking me in. I whimpered, feeling the burn in my scalp from his fingers fisting in my hair.
“What do you want from me? Huh?” he asked, breathing hard and glaring at me. “What do you see in me that’s so fucking fascinating?”
I trembled, just holding his eyes. What did I see in him? The answer was so easy, I didn’t even have to think about it. It was the same thing he saw in me all those years ago down in the catacombs.
The hunger.
The need to break away, the desire to find the one person on the planet that would understand me, the temptation to go after all things they tell us we can’t have…
I saw me, and through all the times growing up that I felt alone or like I was searching for something I couldn’t put into words, I didn’t feel so lost when he was around.
It was the only time I didn’t feel lost.
I shook my head, dropping my eyes as a silent tear spilled over. “Nothing,” I nearly whispered, despair tightening my throat. “I’m just a stupid kid.”
I inched away, feeling him slowly release his grasp in my hair. Shifting my feet out from under me, I sat down on my seat and swallowed the hard lump in my throat, pulling the collar of my plaid shirt tighter around my neck, covering my left side.
He didn’t want to know me. He didn’t like me.
And I wanted that fact to stop hurting. I was so sick of dreaming.
Sick of having forced a relationship with Trevor, because I believed he would set me straight, and sick of wanting a nightmare that treated me like a dog.
Sick of both of them.
I straightened my back and stared at my lap, trying to force the weariness from my voice.
“I want to walk home,” I told him, grabbing my bag from the back and taking hold of the door handle.
And then I paused, still not looking at him. “I’m sorry about sneaking off inside. It won’t happen again.”
Opening the door, I immediately stepped out into the downpour, thunder cracking overhead as I took the long way home.
Present
GOD, WHAT WAS SHE DOING TO ME?
Did she really think she was just a stupid kid? Did she really not see how every fucking person in Thunder Bay adored her?
I breathed hard, pulling my open collar away from the heat on my neck. Hell, I’d even caught my piece of shit father looking at her once or twice over the years. Everyone thought the world of Rika, so why did she act like mine was the only opinion that mattered to her?
I marched into Realm, a dark nightclub downtown and glanced upward, seeing my teammates hanging around the balcony of the VIP lounge above. There was a press event tonight, but it was the last thing I could focus on even though I should. I needed my brain on something else.
Heading for the bar, I placed my hands on the marble counter, jerking my chin at the bartender. He nodded, knowing what to get. Damon, Will, and Kai were already here, Realm being a favorite of ours.
I bowed my head, closing my eyes and trying to calm down.
I was losing. When she was around, she made everything small, and all I could see was her. All the years of misery she caused my friends suddenly didn’t matter, my focus blurred, and I lost sight of what she’d done and how my friends had suffered.
And how she needed to pay.
I hated her.
I had to hate her.
I didn’t have to force her in the car today. I didn’t care about the tears in her eyes or the way she couldn’t look at me before she climbed out.
I didn’t want to wipe away the hurt, I didn’t want to touch her, and I didn’t want to get her to scream at me again, because I’d never been so turned on.
She got out of the car, left me behind, and according to the doorman, hadn’t left Delcour since getting home that afternoon.
Good. Let her get used to that cage.
The bartender stepped over, carrying a fresh bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label and a rocks glass, setting it down in front of me. I poured a double shot and tipped back the glass, taking down the whole damn thing.
“Where the hell have you been?”
I tensed, hearing Kai’s voice at my side.
But I just poured another double, not answering him.
I’m just a stupid kid. My chest rose and fell faster, and I shot back the drink, taking all of it down again.
I set the glass down, blinking long and hard.
“Jesus. Are you okay?” he asked, sounding more worried than angry now.
“I’m fine.”
He placed both hands on the bar, leaning in as he peered over at me. “What was she doing there today?”
I downed a third shot, starting to feel the burn in my stomach blanket my veins in a warm buzz. The edges were blurring, and the tips of my fingers hummed.
I shook my head, setting the glass down. Out of everyone in my life—my father, my brother, my friends—it ended up being her that drove me to drink. Her fucking eyes, going from defiant to mischievous to hurt to on fire, and then finally, to broken.
Don’t be alone with her.
“Michael?” Kai prompted.
I let out a hard sigh, running my fingers over the top of my head. “Could you just…” I gritted out, “fucking shut up for five minutes and let me get my head straight?”
