I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight and looking down into her eyes. “We’ve got to keep this quiet, okay?” I told her. “Just for now. I don’t want my family to know.”
She looked at me, puzzled. “Why?”
“You’re still at home, and they watch you like a hawk, Rika,” I explained. “My father hates me. I’m away at school, and he’ll use my absence as an advantage to work you over if he knew I wanted you.” And then I threaded my fingers into her hair, holding her nose to nose. “And I do fucking want you.”
I played with her mouth, nibbling her lips.
“But he wants you for Trevor or some shit,” I continued. “If they don’t know about us, they won’t interfere. We need to wait until you graduate and you’re out from under them.”
She pulled away, looking pained as she pushed my hands down off her. “That’s a year and a half away,” she argued. “I’m not asking for a relationship, but I…” She paused, searching for words. “I don’t want to hide the way I feel, either.”
“I know.”
I hated it, too. If she were off at college with the freedom to come and go as she pleased and out from under the influence and pressure of my father and Trevor, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Sure, let them know. I wouldn’t give a shit what they had to say about it then.
But the day after tomorrow, I’d be a thousand miles away again, and with basketball season approaching, I wouldn’t be home until winter break and then not again until probably summer. It would put her under too much pressure, and I didn’t trust my father or Trevor. Especially Trevor.
“Believe it or not, it’s best,” I assured. “My father would put pressure on you, and I don’t want you dealing with it without me there.”
There was disappointment but also a little anger in her eyes. She needed to understand that I wasn’t trying to piss her off. Her age was an issue, and it made everything complicated.
And that also scared me, because I had no damn clue what she and I were.
All I knew was that we were the same. Did that mean I’d fall in love with her, marry her, be faithful, and live the same day over and over again in this fucking suburb?
No. She and I were built for something different.
I would piss her off, I’d be difficult, and I’d be just as much of a nightmare to her as a dream, but after nearly seventeen years of this pull with her, I knew one thing.
I would always circle her.
It never stopped. Even when we were kids, if she moved, I wanted to move. If she left a room, I wanted to follow. My body was always aware of where she was.
And it was the same for her.
I dipped down, brushing the strap of her tank top off her shoulder and trailing kisses over her skin.
“And I want you to stop sleeping at my house when I’m not there, too,” I demanded. “I don’t want Trevor trying anything with you.”
I grabbed onto her lobe with my teeth, dragging it out, but I stopped when she didn’t respond. I felt her go cold, not making a move or a sound.
Releasing her ear, I brought my head up and looked down at her, seeing her flex her jaw with clear displeasure written across her face.
“Anything else?” she snipped. “I have to shut up and be quiet while you act like I don’t exist when I’m in the same room, because no one can know. Now you get to dictate when we have sex and now where I sleep?”
I straightened my spine, hardening my muscles. She had a point, but it was the way it had to be. I wanted my family ignorant so they wouldn’t fuck with her, and there was no way I’d trust my brother not to try to crawl into her bed at night. No fucking way.
She tipped her chin down, shooting me a defiant stare. “I have to wait and pine for the rare weekend you don’t have a game and happen to make it home,” she continued, “while you get your drones at Thunder Bay Prep to watch me while you’re gone, making sure to inform you of my every move.”
My jaw tugged with a smile I couldn’t help. She’d constantly surprised me tonight. She was a lot smarter than I thought she was.
Okay, maybe I’d planned on getting Brace and Simon to keep an eye out. Make sure no one fucked with her.
Or fucked with what was mine.
“And what about you?” she went on. “Will your bed be just as empty as mine all that time you’re away—college parties, away games, Spring Break with the guys in Miami Beach…”
I narrowed my eyes, searching hers. “Do you think anyone would be as important as you are?”
She shook her head, shooting me a sarcastic smirk. “That’s not an answer.”
And she hopped off the railing, brushing past me.
But I reached out, grabbing her upper arm. “What do you want?” I asked, my voice turning hard. “Huh?”
Her expression suddenly turned sad, and she dropped her eyes. “I want you,” she choked out. “Forever I’ve wanted you, and now I feel…”
She looked up, her eyes glistening.
“What?” I bit out.
“Dirty,” she finally answered. “I felt like your friend tonight. You saw me, you liked me, you respected me… And now I feel like a simple, stupid girl—a dirty secret that needs to sit quiet in a corner and wait for your word to speak or move. I don’t feel like your equal anymore.”
I released her, letting out a bitter laugh as I turned away. “You’re such a kid. A fucking kid.”
She looked at me, puzzled. “Why?”
“You’re still at home, and they watch you like a hawk, Rika,” I explained. “My father hates me. I’m away at school, and he’ll use my absence as an advantage to work you over if he knew I wanted you.” And then I threaded my fingers into her hair, holding her nose to nose. “And I do fucking want you.”
I played with her mouth, nibbling her lips.
“But he wants you for Trevor or some shit,” I continued. “If they don’t know about us, they won’t interfere. We need to wait until you graduate and you’re out from under them.”
She pulled away, looking pained as she pushed my hands down off her. “That’s a year and a half away,” she argued. “I’m not asking for a relationship, but I…” She paused, searching for words. “I don’t want to hide the way I feel, either.”
“I know.”
I hated it, too. If she were off at college with the freedom to come and go as she pleased and out from under the influence and pressure of my father and Trevor, it wouldn’t be an issue.
Sure, let them know. I wouldn’t give a shit what they had to say about it then.
But the day after tomorrow, I’d be a thousand miles away again, and with basketball season approaching, I wouldn’t be home until winter break and then not again until probably summer. It would put her under too much pressure, and I didn’t trust my father or Trevor. Especially Trevor.
“Believe it or not, it’s best,” I assured. “My father would put pressure on you, and I don’t want you dealing with it without me there.”
There was disappointment but also a little anger in her eyes. She needed to understand that I wasn’t trying to piss her off. Her age was an issue, and it made everything complicated.
And that also scared me, because I had no damn clue what she and I were.
All I knew was that we were the same. Did that mean I’d fall in love with her, marry her, be faithful, and live the same day over and over again in this fucking suburb?
No. She and I were built for something different.
I would piss her off, I’d be difficult, and I’d be just as much of a nightmare to her as a dream, but after nearly seventeen years of this pull with her, I knew one thing.
I would always circle her.
It never stopped. Even when we were kids, if she moved, I wanted to move. If she left a room, I wanted to follow. My body was always aware of where she was.
And it was the same for her.
I dipped down, brushing the strap of her tank top off her shoulder and trailing kisses over her skin.
“And I want you to stop sleeping at my house when I’m not there, too,” I demanded. “I don’t want Trevor trying anything with you.”
I grabbed onto her lobe with my teeth, dragging it out, but I stopped when she didn’t respond. I felt her go cold, not making a move or a sound.
Releasing her ear, I brought my head up and looked down at her, seeing her flex her jaw with clear displeasure written across her face.
“Anything else?” she snipped. “I have to shut up and be quiet while you act like I don’t exist when I’m in the same room, because no one can know. Now you get to dictate when we have sex and now where I sleep?”
I straightened my spine, hardening my muscles. She had a point, but it was the way it had to be. I wanted my family ignorant so they wouldn’t fuck with her, and there was no way I’d trust my brother not to try to crawl into her bed at night. No fucking way.
She tipped her chin down, shooting me a defiant stare. “I have to wait and pine for the rare weekend you don’t have a game and happen to make it home,” she continued, “while you get your drones at Thunder Bay Prep to watch me while you’re gone, making sure to inform you of my every move.”
My jaw tugged with a smile I couldn’t help. She’d constantly surprised me tonight. She was a lot smarter than I thought she was.
Okay, maybe I’d planned on getting Brace and Simon to keep an eye out. Make sure no one fucked with her.
Or fucked with what was mine.
“And what about you?” she went on. “Will your bed be just as empty as mine all that time you’re away—college parties, away games, Spring Break with the guys in Miami Beach…”
I narrowed my eyes, searching hers. “Do you think anyone would be as important as you are?”
She shook her head, shooting me a sarcastic smirk. “That’s not an answer.”
And she hopped off the railing, brushing past me.
But I reached out, grabbing her upper arm. “What do you want?” I asked, my voice turning hard. “Huh?”
Her expression suddenly turned sad, and she dropped her eyes. “I want you,” she choked out. “Forever I’ve wanted you, and now I feel…”
She looked up, her eyes glistening.
“What?” I bit out.
“Dirty,” she finally answered. “I felt like your friend tonight. You saw me, you liked me, you respected me… And now I feel like a simple, stupid girl—a dirty secret that needs to sit quiet in a corner and wait for your word to speak or move. I don’t feel like your equal anymore.”
I released her, letting out a bitter laugh as I turned away. “You’re such a kid. A fucking kid.”
