Handing it to him, she remained quiet as they got the ice cream unwrapped and got a bite or two.
“People will judge you. Not all of them, which is nice. But if you want to keep it quiet until after this is over, you’ll have to deal with a lot less of it. There’s no reason to do it now. You might lose friends. If you wait, people don’t have to have that moment with you. You can find out with them which will make them feel better about you.”
“No way.” Shep pounded his chest over his heart. “My whole f**king life, Caroline! My whole life I hated our father for killing our mother. He was near enough I could have visited him. I could have written him. He wouldn’t have died knowing I hated him. I can’t take that back or make it better. There’s no way I’m going to just pretend the truth away because it’ll be uncomfortable for a short while. You’ve handled it alone all these years.”
She nodded. “Okay well here’s another thing, I’m a target because of what I’m doing. I don’t want you unsafe.”
Royal masterfully managed not to snort, guffaw or roll his eyes as she made the same argument he’d made to her about keeping her head down.
“I don’t need to go on television with you to be open about wanting to prove our dad’s innocence. I won’t write a press release, okay? But I won’t pretend anymore or let Grandma try to shut me up.”
“All right. But be sure the doors stay locked. Try not to be out alone, okay? If you see anything weird, tell Shane Chase.” She went to her bag, found one of Shane’s cards and brought it back to her brother. “This is his info. He’s working on the case. He’s a really good guy and you can trust him. Or you can call me. Whatever. Just don’t ignore something you feel weird about.”
Shep finished up his ice cream bar, had two more slices of pizza and quizzed her for a long time after that.
It was ten when she called a halt to the evening. “You need to get home. You have school tomorrow and your grandmother is already unhappy. Call me tomorrow or text me, whatever. You know where I am.” She stood. “I have something for you. I’ve been arguing with myself about when and if to give them to you. But now, well, hang on.”
Caroline went to the closet in the spare room she’d sort of taken over and grabbed the wooden chest.
“So,” she said as she came back out, “every two weeks for every year Dad was in prison he wrote me a letter. I wrote him back all the time too, of course. It’s very difficult to see people on death row, you know. It’s not really geared at keeping connections with their lives outside. But later I got in to see him because we were working on his case. Anyway, I’m rambling. When he died, the prison sent his stuff to me.” She handed the box over. “He wrote you every two weeks too. But he wasn’t allowed to contact you guys. So he wrote them and put them in envelopes and addressed them and he never got to send them. I don’t think Mindy is ready for hers. He was your dad, Shep, and he loved you. If you don’t take anything else with you the whole of your life, know that. He would not want your guilt.”
Shep’s eyes brimmed with tears. “He wrote me?” He opened the box and pulled out a packet of mail.
“He did. I didn’t open anything, but I bundled them by year just to give you somewhere to start. If you want.”
Shep turned the bundle in his hands over. He pulled out a few larger envelopes. “Cards?”
“Every year for Christmas, your birthday and Easter. He loved Easter.”
“Jesus. I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. You don’t have to read any of them if you don’t want to. You can leave them here until you’re ready. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”
“No, I want to read them. Thank you for this.”
She hugged him tight.
“And Shep? Grandma probably doesn’t need to know about those letters. Just saying. She might not respond so well.” She would burn them or throw them away or something equally horrible.
“Yeah. Got it. I’ll talk to you later. You be safe.”
“You too. Text me when you get home and then when you’re safely inside.”
He sighed. “Fine. God. Worrywart.”
“That’s what big sisters are for. I love you.”
“I love you too, Caroline. Thank you. For understanding and for being patient and for these letters.”
They didn’t see the movie, but she and her brother were in an entirely new relationship and it was something she wanted to last.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tuesday of the following week she’d been standing at her desk, preparing to head out to lunch. A new email came in, and she reminded herself to turn that sound off because she was unable not to bend to look at her screen to see who it was from.
Then there was a crack and a slam and shattering glass and the thunk as the bullet hit the far wall.
She screamed and hit the ground. Adrenaline made her hands shake as she got her shit together with a mental slap. Now was not the time to lose it. She double-timed her crawl to the door, nearly arriving when it jerked open with Edward standing there.
“Get back!” she yelled at him. The last thing she needed was to get her boss shot on the job. She’d be lucky to keep her job after this as it was.
“I called the police,” Holly called out.
Edward reached down, grabbed her under her arms, pulled her up and out of the room. Behind him, Peter yanked the door to her office closed.
“People will judge you. Not all of them, which is nice. But if you want to keep it quiet until after this is over, you’ll have to deal with a lot less of it. There’s no reason to do it now. You might lose friends. If you wait, people don’t have to have that moment with you. You can find out with them which will make them feel better about you.”
“No way.” Shep pounded his chest over his heart. “My whole f**king life, Caroline! My whole life I hated our father for killing our mother. He was near enough I could have visited him. I could have written him. He wouldn’t have died knowing I hated him. I can’t take that back or make it better. There’s no way I’m going to just pretend the truth away because it’ll be uncomfortable for a short while. You’ve handled it alone all these years.”
She nodded. “Okay well here’s another thing, I’m a target because of what I’m doing. I don’t want you unsafe.”
Royal masterfully managed not to snort, guffaw or roll his eyes as she made the same argument he’d made to her about keeping her head down.
“I don’t need to go on television with you to be open about wanting to prove our dad’s innocence. I won’t write a press release, okay? But I won’t pretend anymore or let Grandma try to shut me up.”
“All right. But be sure the doors stay locked. Try not to be out alone, okay? If you see anything weird, tell Shane Chase.” She went to her bag, found one of Shane’s cards and brought it back to her brother. “This is his info. He’s working on the case. He’s a really good guy and you can trust him. Or you can call me. Whatever. Just don’t ignore something you feel weird about.”
Shep finished up his ice cream bar, had two more slices of pizza and quizzed her for a long time after that.
It was ten when she called a halt to the evening. “You need to get home. You have school tomorrow and your grandmother is already unhappy. Call me tomorrow or text me, whatever. You know where I am.” She stood. “I have something for you. I’ve been arguing with myself about when and if to give them to you. But now, well, hang on.”
Caroline went to the closet in the spare room she’d sort of taken over and grabbed the wooden chest.
“So,” she said as she came back out, “every two weeks for every year Dad was in prison he wrote me a letter. I wrote him back all the time too, of course. It’s very difficult to see people on death row, you know. It’s not really geared at keeping connections with their lives outside. But later I got in to see him because we were working on his case. Anyway, I’m rambling. When he died, the prison sent his stuff to me.” She handed the box over. “He wrote you every two weeks too. But he wasn’t allowed to contact you guys. So he wrote them and put them in envelopes and addressed them and he never got to send them. I don’t think Mindy is ready for hers. He was your dad, Shep, and he loved you. If you don’t take anything else with you the whole of your life, know that. He would not want your guilt.”
Shep’s eyes brimmed with tears. “He wrote me?” He opened the box and pulled out a packet of mail.
“He did. I didn’t open anything, but I bundled them by year just to give you somewhere to start. If you want.”
Shep turned the bundle in his hands over. He pulled out a few larger envelopes. “Cards?”
“Every year for Christmas, your birthday and Easter. He loved Easter.”
“Jesus. I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything. You don’t have to read any of them if you don’t want to. You can leave them here until you’re ready. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”
“No, I want to read them. Thank you for this.”
She hugged him tight.
“And Shep? Grandma probably doesn’t need to know about those letters. Just saying. She might not respond so well.” She would burn them or throw them away or something equally horrible.
“Yeah. Got it. I’ll talk to you later. You be safe.”
“You too. Text me when you get home and then when you’re safely inside.”
He sighed. “Fine. God. Worrywart.”
“That’s what big sisters are for. I love you.”
“I love you too, Caroline. Thank you. For understanding and for being patient and for these letters.”
They didn’t see the movie, but she and her brother were in an entirely new relationship and it was something she wanted to last.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tuesday of the following week she’d been standing at her desk, preparing to head out to lunch. A new email came in, and she reminded herself to turn that sound off because she was unable not to bend to look at her screen to see who it was from.
Then there was a crack and a slam and shattering glass and the thunk as the bullet hit the far wall.
She screamed and hit the ground. Adrenaline made her hands shake as she got her shit together with a mental slap. Now was not the time to lose it. She double-timed her crawl to the door, nearly arriving when it jerked open with Edward standing there.
“Get back!” she yelled at him. The last thing she needed was to get her boss shot on the job. She’d be lucky to keep her job after this as it was.
“I called the police,” Holly called out.
Edward reached down, grabbed her under her arms, pulled her up and out of the room. Behind him, Peter yanked the door to her office closed.
