TRISTAN
Three-quarters of the way through afternoon practice, I felt like I'd been steamrolled, and it wasn't from the defense or the hot July sun sizzling on my skin. It was like something had drained every bit of energy out of me till I could hardly breathe. Coach Parker pulled me off the field to rest on the bench, thinking I was overheated. But I knew it was something much more serious.
When I caught my breath again, I realized it wasn't my own exhaustion I was sensing. It was Savannah's.
Savannah was in trouble. I didn't know how I knew, maybe it was that connection spell still in effect, but I knew. I could feel her out there somewhere, slipping away.
But I had no idea where she was or what was wrong with her or even how to reach her.
I was forced to wait half an hour till practice ended before I could get back to the field house and grab my phone in my locker to text her.
Sav, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I felt like you were in trouble just now. Are you okay? At least let me know that much.
SAVANNAH
"Well, crap," I muttered. Talk about a failed magic lesson. "I was trying to learn how to draw energy. But all I kept doing was grounding instead."
"Yes, well, do it again and you're going to end up in the ground," Nanna said.
"I probably shouldn't even be trying to do magic in the first place," I grumbled. "If the Clann or the council find out, they're going to go nuts."
"Pfft." She waved a hand with a scowl. "They're just afraid you'll give them a taste of their own medicine. Of course, you won't have to worry about them at all if we don't get you back into your body soon."
Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. "It's nicer being like this. Being here, with you."
"I can't stay here, hon. And neither can you." Her voice was softer now, like a gentle hand coasting over my hair.
"Why not?" There was no pain here, no endless heartache or anger or loneliness or guilt. Just peace. I looked at her, rememorizing the lines in her cheeks that showed how often she used to smile and squint in the sun. "I miss you, Nanna."
"I miss you, too, kiddo. But you have to go back. It's not time for you to cross over. God's got big plans for you yet."
"For the earth's biggest freak? Why?"
She made a hissing sound. "You are just as much His creation as every other living thing on earth. Who are you or me to ask why He chose any of us for anything? It is what it is. You've just got to learn to stop fighting everything."
"What do I fight against? All I do is put up with endless crap!"
"You're fighting what you are. Even when you start to give in and embrace your abilities, you still end up fighting them. Look at your body lying there in the dirt, dying. That's you fighting the energy."
"I was trying to let it in-"
"You don't understand the give-and-receive nature of energy. Right now, what you're doing is trying to reach out and grab the energy like it's this solid thing you can pick up, like a rock or a leaf. But it doesn't work that way."
She sighed, and it sounded like the wind in the trees. "It never should have been called drawing. There's no pulling to it. It should be called receiving, or accepting, because that's all you've got to do. Chasing after it doesn't make it come to you. You've got to step into the river and let it wash over and into you."
She moved closer then reached out and took my hand, and I was stunned by how solid and real she felt. "Can't you feel the energy already beneath your body, pulsing in the earth and grass and roots of all the plants around you?"
"How can I? My body doesn't feel anything right now."
"Hardheaded. Get back in your body. Then just relax and open up your senses. The world is your battery, hon. All you need to do is allow the energy to flow in."
I didn't see how I could get any more relaxed, seeing as how I was supposedly dying. Grumbling, I lay down in my body again, then gasped.
It was like resting on top of a wool blanket full of static electricity.
"I can feel it!" I said, and this time the words came out of my actual lips.
"Good! Now relax. Pretend you're lying in a shallow stream, and let that current flow over your skin."
My skin tingled on my hands, my forearms and my left ankle where my jeans had bunched up, allowing my bare skin to touch the ground.
"That's it, dear." Nanna's voice was fading.
"Wait! What about the rest of it? Which book should I work on next?" I had so many questions to ask her. But most of all, I didn't want her to leave.
"Your mother already told you. Most Clann spells just need willpower and focus. These books are just to give you ideas of what can be done with that focus and will."
"But what about the bloodlust-dampening spell?"
"Ah, now that is old magic better left alone, dear. It requires too much sacrifice to make it work. It's dangerous."
I hesitated, but I had to know the truth. "Nanna, did you...sacrifice your life for it?"
"In a way, I did. And that's why it's no longer taught. But you don't need it. The safer ways, the new ways, will give you almost everything you need."
Except Tristan.
If I could learn the old ways, I could do so much more. I could perform the bloodlust-dampening spell to make it safe for me to be around descendants like my mom and Tristan. Maybe I could even turn off my vamp side completely.
To be able to kiss him again without stealing his energy... To be able to dance before an audience again without fear of revealing my vamp strength and speed...
"You have enough self control over the bloodlust on your own, Savannah." Her voice was only a whisper now. "And all the sacrificial magic in the world still wouldn't stop the energy flow if you kiss Tristan. I'm sorry, but even magic has its limits. It can't change what you are, no matter how much you might wish it could."
She sounded like Sam Coleman in the Circle when I wanted him to bring her back to life without a soul. Frustrated, I rose up on an elbow, determined to learn how she'd performed the bloodlust-dampening spell even if it killed me.
But I was alone again in the bright afternoon sunlight.
A breeze picked up a strand of my hair, and I could swear I felt Nanna's hand brush it back. I gave what I had to for you and your mother, and I have no regrets, the wind whispered. But nothing is worth sacrificing your life for. At least, not yet. You have so many great things left to do. So mind your grandma, stick with the safe magic, and go make me proud. I love you.
"I love you, too, Nanna," I whispered, my throat so tight it was hard to swallow.
A tear slipped down my cheek. I didn't wipe it away. It helped to make this moment feel more real, less like the dream my rational brain kept saying it had been.
I needed to believe seeing Nanna, talking with her again, had really happened. That my stressed-out, overtired mind hadn't imagined that whole conversation on its own. That she really was somewhere out there, waiting to take me to the other side someday and watching over me in the meantime.
I flopped back on the ground, too tired to get up yet. Overhead the sun beamed at me through the mostly bare branches of the old pecan tree. Thin wisps of clouds stretched overhead like the thinnest froth over a perfect blue sky.
Could Nanna see that sky, those clouds, this yard with all her plants, from where she was now?
Closing my eyes, I relaxed and pretended a silver stream was washing over me. And again, that low level of electric current sent tingles racing over my skin everywhere it made contact with the dirt.
I smiled, a sense of peace stealing over me for the first time in too long to remember. I couldn't have dreamed that conversation with Nanna. The proof was in my ability to finally draw energy.
When I felt less like the living dead, I rolled to my feet, gathered all the spell books back into their box, and put them in the corner of the closet in Nanna's room. I hadn't been able to enter her room before, when Mom and I had been packing up the house. The room had felt too much like Nanna's private space, an area where I didn't belong. Now, the guilt wasn't quite so heavy in my chest, and it was simply an empty room.
Nanna said I didn't need spell books to do the new magic. So I was going to trust her on that and leave the books here. Bringing them home or carting them around in my car was asking for trouble if anyone discovered them. But they should be reasonably safe here, especially if this house was destined to stay empty till it became mine.
It was a shame that I couldn't pass the books on to my own child someday, not only as tools to learn from, but as part of my family's heritage. Now that my vamp side was taking over, Dad had said I would probably become infertile like all the other female vamps. I would be the last in the Evans line.
I shook off the old heaviness that tried to drape itself over my shoulders. I couldn't change my parents' choices or what I was becoming. All I could do was try to make the best of what I'd been given. And with Nanna's help, take back what the Clann had tried to steal from me...my heritage as an Evans witch.
My phone buzzed against the worn-out linoleum floor where I'd left it. I picked it up, checked my missed messages.
Tristan had texted me. His message confused then scared me. How could he possibly have felt me almost die? His connection spell had stopped working the moment his heart had nearly stopped beating after his wreck. Unless it had kicked back into effect when Emily fixed him?
Swallowing hard, I texted back, I'm fine. Stop texting me. It's against the rules. Go text your new girlfriend instead.
A few seconds later, his reply arrived. Girlfriend???
Oh please. Did he really think everyone in Jacksonville hadn't heard about him and Bethany?
I was so irritated I didn't bother replying. If he wanted to lie and pretend he wasn't seeing someone, that was his choice. But I wasn't going to waste my time arguing with him about something that was already public knowledge. I had better things to do. Like practicing using my newfound powers.
I would need every hour available this summer to train for the upcoming school year. Now that I was finally learning to use magic, I had a lot of catching up to do.
Dylan and the Brat Twins were going to be in for a major surprise if they tried to mess with me or my friends this year.
* * *
Learning how to do magic gave me a sense of confidence I hadn't had in too long to remember. I no longer felt like the Clann's doormat, lying around waiting for them to step all over me.
I was ready to kick butt. Starting with Anne's birthday party in August, two weeks before school started. It seemed the perfect time to get a head start on my magical to-do list.
This year Anne was having her annual sleepover in the small hunting lodge her family had built out on a remote piece of land they owned in the country between Jacksonville and Rusk. Anne said it was where they liked to go deer hunting every fall. She had emailed me directions, which weren't too hard to follow, and soon my truck was kicking up a huge cloud of dust down a long dirt drive that cut through the front fenced-in fields to where a tiny pier and beam house was set in the middle of the property.
I'd arrived late on purpose. Since I was the last one there, everyone else's vehicles were already lined up outside, giving me the perfect opportunity to place a protection spell on the back bumpers.
Friends' cars protected? Check.
With the first phase of tonight's mission completed, I climbed the short wooden steps to the lodge's door and knocked. Anne answered, and the smell was the first thing that hit me when I entered the one-bedroom house. It was all I could do not to stagger from the stench and cover my nose with my hand.
"Savannah," Anne whispered as she gave me a quick hug at the door. "Have you eaten at all since school ended? You're a stick!"
"Thanks," I muttered, holding out her present. "It's great to see you again, too, birthday girl."
"Sav! Wow, you look great!" Michelle called from where she was laid out on the floor of the living room area on her stomach. "New diet?"
Forcing a smile, I ignored the question and walked over to sit beside her and Carrie, trying hard not to breathe too deeply. Something in the house smelled absolutely awful. It was making my stomach roll over with every breath I took.
Michelle held up her wrist. "Check out my new perfume! I picked it up when we went swimsuit shopping. Which you missed."
I took the quickest of sniffs. Superstrong flowers soaked in alcohol. It might make me sneeze soon, but it wasn't the source of the house's stench.
I refocused on what she'd said. "Oh come on, guys. Like you really wanted to be blinded by the sight of me in a swimsuit."
Carrie snorted. "Yeah, about that. What have you been doing all summer, other than avoiding us? Obviously not tanning, by the looks of it. You know, just because it's recommended that you wear sunscreen to avoid getting burned doesn't mean you should live your whole life in a cave, either. Step out of the Addams family mansion every once in a while. A little sunlight is good for you. It gives you vitamin C and D."
I laughed. "Thanks, I'll try to keep that in mind." Then I remembered the small bundle in my pocket. "Oh, by the way, I made y'all something." I dug the bundle out, untangled it and held up the four bracelets I'd spent hours and checked out a book from the public library in order to make.
"Friendship bracelets!" Michelle squeaked, plucking one from my palm. "Awesome!"
Anne walked over from the kitchen to join us.
Carrie grinned and took a bracelet. "Nice. Thanks. Have we ever had these as a group?"
"No," Anne said as she leaned over my shoulder and snatched one for herself. "But we should have. Good idea, Sav. Here, tie mine on."
I tied hers around her wrist and tried not to feel guilty about the magical reason behind my gift. They were still given in the spirit of friendship. I was trying to protect my friends here. They just didn't need to know that part.
Once everyone's bracelets were on, Anne said, "So who's ready to party? Let's do cake so I can get to opening more presents!"
"Not so fast," Mrs. Albright said over her shoulder before turning away from the oven with a giant homemade pizza. She set the steaming meal on the tiny table, which was set and just large enough for four people. "You know the drill, Anne. Pizza first, then cake and presents."
My stomach knotted up, causing what felt like my entire esophagus to clench shut with it. Oh boy. I hadn't planned how to get out of eating tonight.
"Mrs. Albright, it's a work of art," Michelle whispered as we gathered around the table.
She wasn't kidding. Every single mushroom, pepperoni and sausage chunk was perfectly spaced in an uninterrupted circular pattern as if arranged there by a robot.
But the smell. Oh lord, I wanted to hurl.
We took our seats at the table, with Anne's parents choosing to stand behind their daughter due to the lack of chairs.
"Bow your heads," Mrs. Albright commanded.
We all bowed our heads for prayer, even Michelle, whose family didn't go to church. Silently, I added my own prayer that I would somehow get through this meal without spewing all over the table.
And then the ordeal began. I took the smallest nibbles I could manage under Mrs. Albright's eagle eyes, using my fingers to tear the slice into smaller pieces so hopefully it would look like I'd eaten something.
I glanced up and caught her frowning at me. "Does it taste all right?" she asked.
"Oh! Sure, it's great!" I pasted on a smile and forced myself to take a healthy bite, chew and swallow.
My prayer was answered...sort of. I didn't spew all over the table. But I should have asked not to be sick at all. I held it down as long as I could, then muttered an excuse about needing something out of my truck and all but ran out the door. Anne found me hunched over by my truck's tailgate under a lovely sunset, holding on to the ends of my ponytail with one hand and my nose with the other as I tried without success to puke as quietly as possible.
"I'm so sorry," I gasped in between retches. "Please tell your mom her cooking is fine. It's not..."
"Wow. You really can't eat food anymore, huh?"
Miserably I shook my head. "It sucks so bad. I used to love pizza!"
"Why are you holding your nose? I can't smell anything."
"So it doesn't come out my nose."
"Oh gross." She awkwardly patted my back. "Don't worry, I'll cover for you. I'll tell them you just came out here to help me get the four-wheelers ready."
"Four-wheelers?" I took the water bottle she offered and rinsed out my mouth as my stomach reluctantly settled down again.
"Yeah. You'll see. I'll be right back with the girls." Anne ducked inside the house. I had just enough time to move away a couple of yards and paste on a smile before she returned with Carrie and Michelle in tow.
"I thought you wanted to have cake and presents," her mother was loudly complaining.
"Later, Mom!" Anne yelled back before pulling the door shut behind her.
Great. I was screwing up her birthday. "Sorry," I muttered to her as Carrie and Michelle walked ahead of us toward the quartet of four-wheelers parked at the other end of the building.
Anne waved off my apology. "Aw, don't worry about it. We'll get to the cake and stuff later. Let's go have some fun first. Um, if your stomach's up for it, that is."
"It's fine." I refused to let this stupid vampire business mess up her party any more than it already had.
Michelle hung back and bumped her shoulder against mine. "New diet, huh?"
Before I could come up with an excuse, she said, "You know, you should never lose weight just to get a guy back. Not even for him."
"I didn't... I mean, I'm not dieting-"
Michelle continued as if I hadn't said anything. "Of course, the competition is pretty tough this time. Bethany's so tiny, and they've been seen together all summer now. And everyone says she's a shoo-in for Charmers captain next year, too."
He was still dating Bethany? My shoulders slumped. Before me, his longest relationship had lasted all of two months.
"But don't you worry about it, because obviously she's way too short for him," Michelle added with a wave of dismissal as she hopped onto a four-wheeler like a pro. "He'll get a backache having to bend over to kiss her all the time. He'll get tired of it in no time and see how perfect you two were."
At the thought of Tristan kissing Bethany, my stomach threatened to rebel again.
Anne stopped explaining how to start the four-wheeler to Carrie. "Michelle, don't be dumb. She's not on a diet. Especially not for Tristan Coleman!"
I was surprised how much hearing his name hurt. But I'd have to get used to it. I would hear his name all the time when school started back up.
Anne showed me how to start my four-wheeler and make it go and stop, which was all easy to do since it was an automatic. No shifting or clutch work required, just push the lever-type button under my thumb to go.
"Don't drive behind anyone," Anne warned us with a grin as she hopped onto her own four-wheeler. "These fields are filled with cow patties."
I drove slowly in the beginning, getting used to the sensation of driving across bumpy terrain on a machine with no protective windshield, seat belt or doors. The property was larger than I'd thought at first, giving us plenty of room to chase each other and make huge donuts in the fields. Then we found the field with the terraces, now grass covered to form long horizontal mini-hills.
And then the fun really began.
Anne started it, daring us to take the terraces a little faster each time. Before I knew it, my four-wheeler and I were airborne, the wind whipping wildly through my hair as a crazy shrieking sound mixed with laughter erupted out of me.
The faster I went, the more fun it was as the rush of the wind around me in the fading light filled up my lungs, cool and clean, my adrenaline-laced blood rushing through my body. This was what I'd needed-to let loose, to get away, to go where no one was sneaking looks at me to see if I was okay, like Dad did at home when he thought I wasn't watching. No phone calls or texts "just to see how I'm feeling" like I got twice a day from Mom. No more keeping secrets, at least not from Anne.
I never wanted it to end.
Unfortunately, Anne's parents had made her promise that we wouldn't ride the four-wheelers in the dark. So once the sun finished setting, the fun was over for the day. I was the last to follow her back to the lodge and park.
"Sav, you coming?" Anne called from the top of the steps. Carrie and Michelle were already inside.
Reluctantly I turned away from the four-wheeler and joined everyone in the lodge.
Mrs. Albright was just lighting the last candle on the cake. She glanced at me with a quick frown then pasted on a smile while we all sang "Happy Birthday" and Anne blew out the candles.
Then Mrs. Albright handed me a paper plate full of cake.
"Feeling better now?" Her tone made it more of a challenge than a sympathetic question.
"Uh, Mom, Sav's...on a special diet," Anne said. "Sorry, I totally forgot to tell you. She can't eat the cake or it might make her sick."
I flashed her a look of pure gratitude.
Mrs. Albright gasped and took a step back like I was Typhoid Mary. "You're sick, Savannah?"
"No, Mom," Anne quickly answered. "Not like with the flu or anything contagious. I said the cake will make her sick. She's on a healthy foods only diet."
The alarm slowly faded from the air around Mrs. Albright. "Oh. Well, that's certainly understandable. I keep trying to get Tom and Anne on a diet like that. But all Anne wants to eat is junk food." She waved at the now empty pizza pan in the sink as if to prove her point, though the pizza had been so nongreasy I could almost swear she must have wiped the cheesy surface dry after baking it.
"How about I break out the strawberries early?" Mr. Albright suggested, his voice low and kind, and I understood then why Anne never hesitated to proudly call herself a daddy's girl.
Mrs. Albright brought out a bowl of sliced strawberries from the fridge. Feeling everyone's eyes on me again, I quickly grabbed a strawberry slice and popped it into my mouth, thinking maybe my body could handle the plain fruit at least.
I nearly choked. They must have coated the strawberries in sugar or something. The darn thing was so sweet it literally made my jaw ache.
"It's...good," I managed to say as my jaw muscles did their best to lock up in protest. I chewed once, twice then gulped the bite down and arranged my face in a smile. "They're great. Thanks."
Mrs. Albright smiled and relaxed in the chair I'd vacated earlier. "You go right ahead and eat as many of them as you want."
Carrie shook her head and dug into her cake, one eyebrow raised as she watched me trying to find a way out of having to choke down more of the too-sweet fruit.
After Anne opened all of her gifts, her parents went to the lodge's only bedroom while the rest of us settled in for a movie fest on top of sleeping bags laid out in front of a small TV set. Watching the birthday girl's favorite movies was a tradition at all of our b-day sleepovers. In the DVD stack for tonight was an eclectic mix of Johnny Depp's movies, including all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and a really old one called Cry Baby.
She started with the first Pirates movie, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I kept getting distracted by the smells assaulting my nose from the kitchen just a few yards away. There were also a whole host of smells I couldn't identify, and those were the worst. But not because they smelled bad. Actually, they smelled...mouthwatering.
Why couldn't I have had the source of that scent for dinner? Had Mrs. Albright cooked something else earlier? Maybe Anne would let me have the leftovers if there were any.
There was a really distracting sound in the background, too. Maybe a movie Mr. and Mrs. Albright were watching in their room? The sound was like a low thumping, almost like a car outside with one of those loud stereo systems. Except this beat was out of rhythm, as if several drums were being played at once and out of sync.
Then I caught snatches of conversation coming through the bedroom door.
"Well, Savannah's always been weird," Mrs. Albright muttered. "But what can you expect, considering that family of hers? Joan was always more than a little strange in school, too."
I tensed up, then glanced at my friends. They were all glued to the TV. Apparently only I could hear the discussion in the other room.
"I heard Joan ran off after her mother's death and left Savannah on her own," Mr. Albright murmured. "Savannah's dad had to move here to take care of her. Perhaps we should feel sorry for the girl."
"You call her father's parenting style 'taking care of her'?" Mrs. Albright snapped. "What kind of parent buys a health hazard and makes his kid live in it? And on top of that, he's apparently too busy chasing after rats in their new house to bother with getting his daughter some new socks every now and then. Did you see the size of the hole in hers? She looks like a thrown-away orphan."
Still lying on my stomach on the sleeping bag, I glanced over my shoulder at my feet behind me. Sure enough, my left big toe peeked out past a ragged opening in the cotton. I hadn't even noticed when I'd pulled them on earlier. All I had cared about was that they were clean.
"Mmm, I know what you mean," Mr. Albright said. "It's no wonder the poor girl has developed an eating disorder, living with a father she doesn't even know in a deathtrap like that. I tried everything I could to talk Michael out of buying that house when he called me about home insurance. But he wouldn't hear of it. He called it a 'priceless piece of history.'" He snorted. "He's probably spent all his money trying to make it liveable and didn't have any left over to buy her new socks."
Nausea rose hard and fast, driving me to sit up. Anne looked at me.
"I need some air," I muttered, yanking on my sneakers over my holey socks and heading for the door.
"But you can't!" Michelle protested. "There are coyotes out there."
I managed a half smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."
As soon as I stepped out and shut the door behind me, the smells changed. Sun-warmed ragweed was the strongest. But then I heard something rustling through the surrounding pasture's tall yellow grass. At the same time, a breeze blew a new scent to me. Something warm and wild was out there.
Then the door opened behind me and Anne walked out. I froze as she came to stand beside me, bringing the delicious scent from inside the lodge outside with her.
That scent should be fading. But it wasn't. It was...
Oh no. This could not be happening. Not here. Not now, with my friends...
The bloodlust...for normal, nonmagical human blood. Dad had warned me that this would happen, but I hadn't believed him. I hadn't wanted to. I needed to believe that I could still be friends with humans and everything would be okay.
But it really, really wasn't. My teeth ached with the need to sink into something....
I clamped a hand over my mouth, my heart racing harder than it ever had before. I had to get out of here. Now. I made a beeline for my truck.
"Sav, what's wrong?" she asked, grabbing my shoulder to stop me and leaning closer to peer into my face.
I twisted away from her, silently cursing the full moon's brightness. She would be able to see my teeth.
My fangs.
Oh God. It was one thing for her to have to know what I was, and another to actually see it. Even I didn't want to see what I looked like right now.
"I've gotta go," I muttered, taking the last steps to my truck.
I opened my door, slid in behind the wheel and glanced up to make sure she wasn't too close to my truck.
Anne gasped. "Your eyes...they're silver..." She took a quick step back, her hands falling to her sides.
I froze, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the handle of my still-open door, both hearing the fear in her voice and sensing it in the air.
My best friend was afraid of me.
I slammed my door shut, rocking the truck.
How had everything come crashing down again? I'd spent the last month feeling so great about myself for the first time in forever, like learning magic had given me back some control over my body and my life.
And now this.
"I'm sorry," I said through the open window, hoping my face told her just how much I did not want this to be happening.
Her gulp was loud in the dark silence. "It's okay. It's just another birthday. I have one every year, right?"
My eyes burned. I closed them, took a deep breath in an attempt to regain control over myself, smelled that delicious scent again and realized my mistake. There would be no regaining control, not here, not now.
I sucked as a best friend. "I...I'll see you at school, okay?"
As I drove away, tires churning on the dirt road, I tried to find some way to make the tight knot in my throat ease up.
Maybe I wasn't a complete failure as a friend. I had managed to distribute all the protection spells tonight.
Except Anne didn't know about them. So it couldn't really make up for my having to bail on her birthday party.
Then again, I would feel a heck of a lot more guilt if I stuck around and ended up attacking one of my friends tonight.
The burning in my eyes increased, making my eyes feel like they were being bathed in acid.
No, there was no way to lie even to myself about this. I really did suck as a friend.
Maybe I should have put vamp wards on those bracelets instead.
