Craving Absolution
Page 27

“Fuck you, I’m not afraid of anything,” I argued, my hackles rising even though I knew there was truth in his words. I realized he was getting to me, he was doing what I’d sworn just hours ago that I wouldn’t let happen again.
My mask, cracking and peeling but still intact, fell back into place. “You need to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Farrah,” he replied, letting go of my arms to take a step back. “I’m gonna grab something to eat and head to bed, and you’re going to come with me.”
The mask slipped. “You’re insane!”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in this situation acting even remotely normal.” He chuckled dryly, pulling his T-shirt over his head as he walked toward the fridge.
I was stunned.
He was laughing at me. It was too much. The mask dropped completely.
“Get the fuck out of my apartment!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, my face turning beet red and the veins in my neck bulging. “Get out!”
He didn’t move from the kitchen, but spun back toward me with a calculating look. “It looks like zombie Farrah has left the building.”
“Get out!” I screeched again, the tears I’d been holding back finally falling from my eyes as I clenched my fists against my thighs. My heart thundered in my ears, pounding wild and heavy as I tried without success to calm myself down.
“You want to try and make me?” he asked in a bored tone, one eyebrow raised in question.
“Fine!” I shouted. “If you won’t leave—I will.”
I’d barely gone two steps before he was standing in front of me, blocking my way. “You’re not going to Gram’s.”
My entire body stilled and I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths through my nose as I struggled to control my rioting emotions. I was stiff, my muscles so tense they felt locked in place.
“Come on out, Ladybug,” he taunted with a bitter laugh. “Aren’t you frustrated, baby? I’m ruining your plans. You set up this whole scenario so I’d walk away, you were so sure I’d leave. Come on, you want to hit me?”
I opened my eyes to find him watching me with a fierce look. I took a step back, not realizing how close we’d become when he swung his hand out and hit himself hard in the chest.
“Come on, Farrah, fight!” He hit his chest again. “If you want me to leave, then you’re gonna have to make me believe it, baby.” He hit it again.
He raised his arm yet again and I’d had enough. “Stop it!” I screamed, flying at him when the latest blow came way too close to the bullet scar on his chest. He braced his feet as I moved, and when I reached him he used his hands to grip my hips, hoisting me up until my arms and legs were wrapped around him.
My fingernails dug deep into his back as I held him to me, pulling and grabbing as if I couldn’t get close enough. God, what was I doing? I was so confused I was shaking, the adrenaline from our fight making my body tremble as he started walking toward my room.
“I hate you,” I whimpered into his neck.
When we reached the bed, he peeled me from his body, dropping me. “No, you don’t. You love me, and it doesn’t matter how much you push, Ladybug. I’m not going anywhere,” he growled, unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them and his boxers to the floor. “You try that shit with me again, you’ll get the same result.”
My breath caught as he stripped my pants and underwear down my legs. His hands were gentle but his words were not, and I was having a hard time keeping up with what was happening. I’d been so sure that I’d be able to shut it down, so sure that I could chase him away with a few precisely chosen words, that I no longer knew what to do with myself. He was lovingly stripping me bare as if I hadn’t just tried to break up with him. My head was spinning.
He crawled onto the bed, our bottom halves fitting like the pieces of a puzzle as he braced himself above me, meeting my eyes with a tenderness I hadn’t seen before.
“You took her side,” I whispered, hating myself for sounding like a whiny little girl, but unable to let it go.
“Won’t happen again,” he promised. “My loyalty is to you, even when you’re being a bitch. It’s always you, Ladybug. Forgive me?”
“I wasn’t being a bitch,” I replied sullenly.
“She was trying to protect me, baby. Her heart was in the right place,” he told me gently, but my body still stiffened beneath his. “Let me finish. Her heart was in the right place, but it won’t happen again. She knows not to do that shit again.”
“Yeah, because I’d fucking lay her ginger ass out,” I huffed, refusing to meet his eyes as he barked out a laugh.
“I have no doubt you would,” he said. “But you won’t need to—I made that shit clear after you’d left. You gotta understand, Farrah. She feels responsible for me after everything that happened. Not saying that’s right or wrong, it just is. And I haven’t talked about you, so me moving you up here was a surprise.”
“You didn’t move me up here. I moved up to be with Callie. Plus, it’s not like you had anything to say about me anyway,” I grumbled.
“I had plenty to say, just didn’t say it. Shit was too weird with us then, the back and forth, barely seeing you. I didn’t want them asking about us when I wasn’t sure if you’d even let me in here.”
“I was so mad at you today,” I confessed.