Craving Absolution
Page 83
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“You didn’t want to be president?” I asked quietly, shifting my gaze to Cameron and then back to Tommy.
“Hell, no. What a fuckin’ headache. Didn’t mind where I was at, but I did want Carmella to be happy,” he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “Why don’t ya put the baby down? She’s sleepin’.”
My heart started to thump hard in my chest as I reached down to check Cecilia’s diaper. “She’s wet. I need to change her first or these cloth diapers give her a rash,” I told him calmly, welcoming the way my old mask slid into place.
“Well, change her then,” he snapped, irritated.
“Hey, Cam? Can you hand me a diaper? The ones at the bottom that you need pins for,” I told him, meeting his eyes for the first time since his dad had forced him to look at me. “Don’t forget the pins.”
He nodded slowly and reached down to grab the diaper bag off the floorboard, then I turned away from him and focused on Tommy.
“Did Trish ever use cloth diapers?” I asked conversationally, rubbing Cecilia’s back lightly.
“Nah, she used the disposable ones. Less mess that way,” he answered, eyeballing Cecilia’s cloth-covered bottom. “You make those?”
“No, you can buy them in the store,” I replied, staying focused on him as Cam moved around in the backseat.
Tommy leaned forward to grab the gun from the dashboard, and my stomach lurched into my throat. “You have to wash them and shit? Seems like that’d be pretty—”
His words stopped short as a loud bang filled the car, the scent of cordite and blood filling the air as I watched blood explode from Tommy’s throat and splatter all over Cecilia and my naked chest. His eyes met mine and went blank a second later.
My head swung to Cameron as Cecilia let out a bloodcurdling cry. He was sitting in the backseat, his face filled with horror, and my .45 lying limply in his hand.
“Out!” I shouted, my breath wheezing in and out of my chest. “Out of the car!”
I fumbled with the door handle, finally grasping it and practically spilling out of the car as the door opened. Black spots danced in my vision.
You can breathe. Your body is just playing tricks on you. You can breathe.
I wheezed, falling to my knees as I held Cecilia close to my chest. Holy fuck. Oh God. Cameron.
When I’d directed him to grab the diapers, I’d prayed that he’d find my handgun hidden at the bottom of the diaper bag. As I’d held Tommy’s attention, I’d waited for Cam to hand me the thick flat diaper, hoping the gun would be hidden in the folds.
Christ. I’d never expected him to shoot his dad. God, I would have never asked that of him.
“Farrah!” Cameron yelled, racing around the car to me. “Are you okay?”
Tears rolled down his face and his hands were shaking as he set the gun down next to me. “I-I’m sorry!” he said and sobbed. “I didn’t know he was gonna do that, I swear!”
“Oh, buddy, no,” I said, wheezing as I reached out to grab his hand while Cecilia wailed between us. “This was not your fault. Are you okay?”
I searched his face and arms for signs of any damage, then caught him as he wrapped his arms around me and the baby.
“I didn’t know what to do!” he wailed into my shoulder, snot and tears running down my back. “I didn’t know what to do!”
“You did exactly right, bud. You did exactly what you had to do.” I spoke softly, reassuring him as Cecilia found my nipple and eventually quieted. “But we need to get out of here, Cam. We can’t stay here.”
“Oh!” He leaned back and gasped. Then his face turned as red as a tomato, and he whipped his head to look in the opposite direction. I guess he realized I still didn’t have a shirt on.
“Here, take this,” he called over his shoulder, ripping his plain black T-shirt over his head.
I caught it as he flung it at me, then glanced around, trying to find a place where I could put the baby. “You’re gonna have to hold CeeCee,” I said, tapping him on the back as I used the shirt to cover my breasts. “Here, I’m covered and she’s sleeping.”
He turned back toward me, avoiding my eyes as he gently took Cecilia into his arms, then immediately turned away again. “Your panic attack stopped.”
“Huh,” I said, pulling the sweaty T-shirt over my head. “Well, don’t bring it up again or it’ll sure as shit come back. Okay, I’m covered.”
He turned to me and we stared at each other silently, kneeling in the middle of the gravel-covered clearing. “You have your phone?” I asked.
“Yeah! Yeah, it’s in my pocket. Casper called and I texted him back,” he replied, handing me his phone.
“You did? What did he say?” I opened up the phone to three new texts from Cody, and tears filled my eyes. Thank God.
“He wanted to know where we were and if we were okay.”
I nodded and pulled up Cameron’s recent call list, hitting the contact for Casper before bringing the phone to my ear.
“Hey, baby,” I whispered. “It’s me.”
Then I burst into loud, gut-wrenching sobs.
Chapter 47
Casper
“Where the fuck are they?” I roared, throwing my chair across the room after Doc left.
We’d been waiting on word for an hour, practically climbing the fucking walls. When Doc had finally heard back from his contact, we found out it was a dead end.
“Hell, no. What a fuckin’ headache. Didn’t mind where I was at, but I did want Carmella to be happy,” he answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “Why don’t ya put the baby down? She’s sleepin’.”
My heart started to thump hard in my chest as I reached down to check Cecilia’s diaper. “She’s wet. I need to change her first or these cloth diapers give her a rash,” I told him calmly, welcoming the way my old mask slid into place.
“Well, change her then,” he snapped, irritated.
“Hey, Cam? Can you hand me a diaper? The ones at the bottom that you need pins for,” I told him, meeting his eyes for the first time since his dad had forced him to look at me. “Don’t forget the pins.”
He nodded slowly and reached down to grab the diaper bag off the floorboard, then I turned away from him and focused on Tommy.
“Did Trish ever use cloth diapers?” I asked conversationally, rubbing Cecilia’s back lightly.
“Nah, she used the disposable ones. Less mess that way,” he answered, eyeballing Cecilia’s cloth-covered bottom. “You make those?”
“No, you can buy them in the store,” I replied, staying focused on him as Cam moved around in the backseat.
Tommy leaned forward to grab the gun from the dashboard, and my stomach lurched into my throat. “You have to wash them and shit? Seems like that’d be pretty—”
His words stopped short as a loud bang filled the car, the scent of cordite and blood filling the air as I watched blood explode from Tommy’s throat and splatter all over Cecilia and my naked chest. His eyes met mine and went blank a second later.
My head swung to Cameron as Cecilia let out a bloodcurdling cry. He was sitting in the backseat, his face filled with horror, and my .45 lying limply in his hand.
“Out!” I shouted, my breath wheezing in and out of my chest. “Out of the car!”
I fumbled with the door handle, finally grasping it and practically spilling out of the car as the door opened. Black spots danced in my vision.
You can breathe. Your body is just playing tricks on you. You can breathe.
I wheezed, falling to my knees as I held Cecilia close to my chest. Holy fuck. Oh God. Cameron.
When I’d directed him to grab the diapers, I’d prayed that he’d find my handgun hidden at the bottom of the diaper bag. As I’d held Tommy’s attention, I’d waited for Cam to hand me the thick flat diaper, hoping the gun would be hidden in the folds.
Christ. I’d never expected him to shoot his dad. God, I would have never asked that of him.
“Farrah!” Cameron yelled, racing around the car to me. “Are you okay?”
Tears rolled down his face and his hands were shaking as he set the gun down next to me. “I-I’m sorry!” he said and sobbed. “I didn’t know he was gonna do that, I swear!”
“Oh, buddy, no,” I said, wheezing as I reached out to grab his hand while Cecilia wailed between us. “This was not your fault. Are you okay?”
I searched his face and arms for signs of any damage, then caught him as he wrapped his arms around me and the baby.
“I didn’t know what to do!” he wailed into my shoulder, snot and tears running down my back. “I didn’t know what to do!”
“You did exactly right, bud. You did exactly what you had to do.” I spoke softly, reassuring him as Cecilia found my nipple and eventually quieted. “But we need to get out of here, Cam. We can’t stay here.”
“Oh!” He leaned back and gasped. Then his face turned as red as a tomato, and he whipped his head to look in the opposite direction. I guess he realized I still didn’t have a shirt on.
“Here, take this,” he called over his shoulder, ripping his plain black T-shirt over his head.
I caught it as he flung it at me, then glanced around, trying to find a place where I could put the baby. “You’re gonna have to hold CeeCee,” I said, tapping him on the back as I used the shirt to cover my breasts. “Here, I’m covered and she’s sleeping.”
He turned back toward me, avoiding my eyes as he gently took Cecilia into his arms, then immediately turned away again. “Your panic attack stopped.”
“Huh,” I said, pulling the sweaty T-shirt over my head. “Well, don’t bring it up again or it’ll sure as shit come back. Okay, I’m covered.”
He turned to me and we stared at each other silently, kneeling in the middle of the gravel-covered clearing. “You have your phone?” I asked.
“Yeah! Yeah, it’s in my pocket. Casper called and I texted him back,” he replied, handing me his phone.
“You did? What did he say?” I opened up the phone to three new texts from Cody, and tears filled my eyes. Thank God.
“He wanted to know where we were and if we were okay.”
I nodded and pulled up Cameron’s recent call list, hitting the contact for Casper before bringing the phone to my ear.
“Hey, baby,” I whispered. “It’s me.”
Then I burst into loud, gut-wrenching sobs.
Chapter 47
Casper
“Where the fuck are they?” I roared, throwing my chair across the room after Doc left.
We’d been waiting on word for an hour, practically climbing the fucking walls. When Doc had finally heard back from his contact, we found out it was a dead end.
