Craving Constellations
Page 57
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“What!” I raised myself up on my elbow, alarmed. “Why wouldn’t you be here?”
“You know how Slider is. He’s not gonna be easy on me just ’cause we got family shit. Got runs to make…can’t be sittin’ at home forever,” he told me like it was no big deal.
“Well, maybe he’ll be cool. He knows all of the shit that’s going on. Come on, I’m his goddaughter. He’s not going to send my man out when I need him here,” I told him logically.
He grunted. “Not your plaything, Brenna. I’m a brother. I do my job, and I’m good at it. I’m not takin’ favors from the boss because I’m fuckin’ his goddaughter.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say,” I groused.
“True, ain’t it? Just fucked you twice in the last two hours.” He sounded annoyed.
“You could have said you were ‘with me’ or something. You don’t have to talk like I’m a piece of ass.” I was getting more annoyed by the minute.
“Brenna, I’m gonna say whatever the fuck I want. Not sugarcoating shit, so you don’t get your panties in a twist. I ever treat you like a piece of ass?”
“No,” I grumbled.
“Then, don’t put words into my mouth.” He shook his head in frustration. “How the fuck did we even get on this conversation? You’re fuckin’ crazy, you know that?”
He sounded baffled, and I giggled into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me on top of him, so my arms were crossed, resting on his chest, with my chin leaning on my forearms, our entire bodies aligned to our toes.
“You do what I say,” he ordered me gently. “If I’m not here, you lean on your pop and Vera. We’ll get it taken care of. You gotta trust me, baby.”
I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew he needed me to answer him, so I did. “All right, honey. I’ll trust you and lean on Pop and Vera if you’re not here.”
“That’s good. I’m always gonna take care of you,” he whispered, running his fingers down the side of my face, and then rolling us, so we were lying side by side.
He searched my face for a minute, and the look in his eyes made me instantly apprehensive.
“Is everything okay?” I asked him anxiously, dreading his answer.
“Everything’s fine. Nothin’ to worry about. Gonna be smooth sailing from here,” he assured me with a slow kiss on my lips.
Then, he tightened his arms around me and tilted his head above mine, closing his eyes as if to sleep. I lay there in the dark, safe and warm in our little nest, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was looming on the horizon. Dragon had assured me that everything was fine, but something was off. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes as he said it.
Life evolved into a pretty familiar pattern. Dragon spent most of his time away from the house, but knowing he was in town was enough to keep me from completely panicking about our conversation after the barbeque. In the days after the party, I felt like the hairs on my neck stood up constantly in reaction to a force that I couldn’t see. I knew something was coming, but I couldn’t tell from what direction it would come.
Tony had been quiet, and we learned four days after the barbeque that our custody hearing had been pushed back in light of recent events. Dragon’s paternity suit had done its job, and I was almost giddy with relief that this would all be over soon. I no longer received any calls from Tony. Dragon had taken care of that weeks ago with the new number he’d set up for me. But I’d still had to deal with Tony’s lawyer calling the club and leaving messages constantly, always promising the same thing. If I went back, Tony would be willing to go to couple’s counseling, and he would drop the custody suit immediately. The thought made me shudder. The attorney for the club finally took over those calls, too, telling both the attorney and Tony that we weren’t interested.
Trix had made friends with some of the club kids, giving us more to do during the day, as old ladies and their children stopped by to play. Casper still spent time watching out for us when Dragon wasn’t home. Dragon didn’t feel comfortable leaving us alone until the dust had settled on the custody battle, but Trix and I didn’t mind. Casper was becoming the brother I’d never had; he was a part of our little family, and we loved having him around. It was everything I’d been looking for when I left the club. It was a community where Trix and I felt comfortable, where we could have play dates, and I could chat with other mothers without worrying that I would let something slip that would give a hint to our home life.
It was amazing to me, the difference in my perspective from a child of the club to an old lady of one of the members. I had been so sure that the life I’d wanted was outside the gates of the club where I didn’t have to worry about the stares of outsiders. I had taken for granted the community I’d grown up in. Like an extended family, there was always someone to listen or help out. I’d been so anxious to leave that I hadn’t realized what I was leaving. I was sure that there was a sense of community on the outside, that there were people living the straight and narrow who had the connections I’d wanted, but I’d never found them. The club was where I was comfortable. These were the people I trusted, and I was finally finding my place.
While lying in the grass one day with Trix asleep next to me, I realized that the traits I so dreaded in a man from the club weren’t present in Dragon. He didn’t sleep around. I didn’t always know where he was, but I was learning that I didn’t need to know. He had business that I wasn’t a part of, and I was perfectly fine with that. He didn’t party long into the night and come home smelling like club whores the way I’d envisioned in my nightmares. I knew he was doing things that could get him put away for a long time, but I trusted him to be as careful as he could. He’d never jeopardize our little family if he could help it. I figured it was a lot like a military wife must feel when her husband was out doing things that she knew put him in danger. Thinking about the dangers didn’t do anything except make her miserable. We had to make the best of a shitty situation. It made them who they were. Of course, military wives had husbands on the right side of the law…but who was I to quibble over semantics?
“You know how Slider is. He’s not gonna be easy on me just ’cause we got family shit. Got runs to make…can’t be sittin’ at home forever,” he told me like it was no big deal.
“Well, maybe he’ll be cool. He knows all of the shit that’s going on. Come on, I’m his goddaughter. He’s not going to send my man out when I need him here,” I told him logically.
He grunted. “Not your plaything, Brenna. I’m a brother. I do my job, and I’m good at it. I’m not takin’ favors from the boss because I’m fuckin’ his goddaughter.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say,” I groused.
“True, ain’t it? Just fucked you twice in the last two hours.” He sounded annoyed.
“You could have said you were ‘with me’ or something. You don’t have to talk like I’m a piece of ass.” I was getting more annoyed by the minute.
“Brenna, I’m gonna say whatever the fuck I want. Not sugarcoating shit, so you don’t get your panties in a twist. I ever treat you like a piece of ass?”
“No,” I grumbled.
“Then, don’t put words into my mouth.” He shook his head in frustration. “How the fuck did we even get on this conversation? You’re fuckin’ crazy, you know that?”
He sounded baffled, and I giggled into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me on top of him, so my arms were crossed, resting on his chest, with my chin leaning on my forearms, our entire bodies aligned to our toes.
“You do what I say,” he ordered me gently. “If I’m not here, you lean on your pop and Vera. We’ll get it taken care of. You gotta trust me, baby.”
I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew he needed me to answer him, so I did. “All right, honey. I’ll trust you and lean on Pop and Vera if you’re not here.”
“That’s good. I’m always gonna take care of you,” he whispered, running his fingers down the side of my face, and then rolling us, so we were lying side by side.
He searched my face for a minute, and the look in his eyes made me instantly apprehensive.
“Is everything okay?” I asked him anxiously, dreading his answer.
“Everything’s fine. Nothin’ to worry about. Gonna be smooth sailing from here,” he assured me with a slow kiss on my lips.
Then, he tightened his arms around me and tilted his head above mine, closing his eyes as if to sleep. I lay there in the dark, safe and warm in our little nest, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was looming on the horizon. Dragon had assured me that everything was fine, but something was off. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes as he said it.
Life evolved into a pretty familiar pattern. Dragon spent most of his time away from the house, but knowing he was in town was enough to keep me from completely panicking about our conversation after the barbeque. In the days after the party, I felt like the hairs on my neck stood up constantly in reaction to a force that I couldn’t see. I knew something was coming, but I couldn’t tell from what direction it would come.
Tony had been quiet, and we learned four days after the barbeque that our custody hearing had been pushed back in light of recent events. Dragon’s paternity suit had done its job, and I was almost giddy with relief that this would all be over soon. I no longer received any calls from Tony. Dragon had taken care of that weeks ago with the new number he’d set up for me. But I’d still had to deal with Tony’s lawyer calling the club and leaving messages constantly, always promising the same thing. If I went back, Tony would be willing to go to couple’s counseling, and he would drop the custody suit immediately. The thought made me shudder. The attorney for the club finally took over those calls, too, telling both the attorney and Tony that we weren’t interested.
Trix had made friends with some of the club kids, giving us more to do during the day, as old ladies and their children stopped by to play. Casper still spent time watching out for us when Dragon wasn’t home. Dragon didn’t feel comfortable leaving us alone until the dust had settled on the custody battle, but Trix and I didn’t mind. Casper was becoming the brother I’d never had; he was a part of our little family, and we loved having him around. It was everything I’d been looking for when I left the club. It was a community where Trix and I felt comfortable, where we could have play dates, and I could chat with other mothers without worrying that I would let something slip that would give a hint to our home life.
It was amazing to me, the difference in my perspective from a child of the club to an old lady of one of the members. I had been so sure that the life I’d wanted was outside the gates of the club where I didn’t have to worry about the stares of outsiders. I had taken for granted the community I’d grown up in. Like an extended family, there was always someone to listen or help out. I’d been so anxious to leave that I hadn’t realized what I was leaving. I was sure that there was a sense of community on the outside, that there were people living the straight and narrow who had the connections I’d wanted, but I’d never found them. The club was where I was comfortable. These were the people I trusted, and I was finally finding my place.
While lying in the grass one day with Trix asleep next to me, I realized that the traits I so dreaded in a man from the club weren’t present in Dragon. He didn’t sleep around. I didn’t always know where he was, but I was learning that I didn’t need to know. He had business that I wasn’t a part of, and I was perfectly fine with that. He didn’t party long into the night and come home smelling like club whores the way I’d envisioned in my nightmares. I knew he was doing things that could get him put away for a long time, but I trusted him to be as careful as he could. He’d never jeopardize our little family if he could help it. I figured it was a lot like a military wife must feel when her husband was out doing things that she knew put him in danger. Thinking about the dangers didn’t do anything except make her miserable. We had to make the best of a shitty situation. It made them who they were. Of course, military wives had husbands on the right side of the law…but who was I to quibble over semantics?
