Craving Resurrection
Page 111
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“I told you—”
“Ye lied.”
She lifted her chin, but didn’t say another word as I pulled the bedding down for her to climb in. I laid down beside her on my back and breathed a small sigh of relief when her body gravitated toward mine.
I didn’t know what else to say. Every sentence that came out of my mouth seemed inadequate, and I didn’t want to make the situation worse while I tried to process it.
Had I missed something—some small movement or facial expression that would have told me that she wasn’t enjoying herself? As always, I had no idea whether I was coming or going, her complexities leaving me completely baffled.
When she’d arrived at the hotel earlier, I’d been surprised, but really fucking glad she was there. After the night I’d had searching the pub where Nix was attacked, we’d finally found the boys who’d done it.
They hadn’t even been trying to hide, but it hadn’t taken long for them to realize their mistake.
By the time we’d handled that situation I was exhausted, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins hadn’t allowed me to relax.
I felt her breathing deepen and I pulled her a little closer to me before turning to my side and wrapping her arm around my waist. I needed to try and sleep so I could stop by to see Nix early the next morning. He deserved to know what had happened.
I thought about every single movement and sound that had come from Amy while I was inside her her, and by the time I fell asleep, I still couldn’t pinpoint the moment that I should have known she no longer wanted me to touch her.
***
When I woke the next morning, I knew instinctually that she’d gone before I’d even opened my eyes.
My back was cool where she’d slept, and as I looked toward the dresser, I noticed that her bag wasn’t resting where she’d dropped it.
Her room key was on the bedside table.
Son of a bitch.
I was up and out of bed in seconds, and it only took minutes before I was leaving the hotel for the hospital. If I knew Amy, she was already visiting Nix, and I was hoping I could pin her down there. I needed to talk to both of them, and neither discussion could wait.
“Hey, Trick,” Nix said as I walked into the room. He was alone for the first time in three days, and my stomach dropped in foreboding.
“Nix, how ye feelin’?”
“A little better today. Face still hurts, stomach still hurts.”
“Take a while for that shite to fade, I’m sure.” My eyes darted around the room.
“She’s not here,” he said flatly.
“What?”
“Mum’s not here. She said she had some things to do this morning,” he said skeptically.
“You think that’s not the case?”
“Considering she showed up here at six-thirty in the morning and left by seven, I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and assume you and her had a falling out…again?”
“I don’t know why—”
“Don’t bullshit me, man,” he said with a small shake of his head. “I know the signs and so do you. Why do you keep doing this?”
I sat down heavily in the chair next to his bad and glanced down at my hands. I’d had my anchor touched up a few times over the years to keep it vivid, and I’d noticed the night before how faded Amy’s had become.
It was a good representation of our relationship. I was holding fast, and she was fading away.
“I love her,” I told him simply.
“You may love her.” He moved his mouth around a bit as if he was looking for the right words to say. “I get it, man. I do. But every time you play your hand, she’s a mess afterwards. For months. It never works the way you want it to, and it never gets any easier—for you or for her. So why can’t you just let it go?”
I ran my hand down my beard, scratching my jaw as I tried to explain to Nix something he would never understand until he’d met the love of his life.
“I’m incomplete wit’out her—” I stopped, shaking my head. “As long as I live, I’ll never give up. I can’t.”
“I think you have to,” Nix said softly.
“It will never happen.”
We passed a little time quiet with our own thoughts before I remembered why I’d wanted to see him in the first place. When I showed him the photos on my phone before deleting them, he’d grew silent, but it only took a minute before he spoke.
“You didn’t kill them, did you?” he asked, handing my phone back.
“Ye asked me not to, so I didn’t.”
“Thank you.”
“Not sure it’s something ye should be thankful for.”
“No—thank you for taking care of it. Thank you for having my back.”
“As long as I breathe, I’ll stand behind ye,” I answered with a nod. “Except of course, right now, as I’ve got a long ride back to Eugene today. Boys said as soon as yer healed up, ye should come down and meet the kids.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” he said with a smile.
“Ye do that.” I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Love ye, boyo. Keep me updated on things around here.”
“I will.”
When I walked away from him, my gut clenched in anxiety. I hated leaving when he was still so injured, but I knew with absolute certainty that as soon as I was gone, Amy would feel comfortable at his side again. She was avoiding me, clearly, and she needed to be there more than I did.
“Ye lied.”
She lifted her chin, but didn’t say another word as I pulled the bedding down for her to climb in. I laid down beside her on my back and breathed a small sigh of relief when her body gravitated toward mine.
I didn’t know what else to say. Every sentence that came out of my mouth seemed inadequate, and I didn’t want to make the situation worse while I tried to process it.
Had I missed something—some small movement or facial expression that would have told me that she wasn’t enjoying herself? As always, I had no idea whether I was coming or going, her complexities leaving me completely baffled.
When she’d arrived at the hotel earlier, I’d been surprised, but really fucking glad she was there. After the night I’d had searching the pub where Nix was attacked, we’d finally found the boys who’d done it.
They hadn’t even been trying to hide, but it hadn’t taken long for them to realize their mistake.
By the time we’d handled that situation I was exhausted, but the adrenaline coursing through my veins hadn’t allowed me to relax.
I felt her breathing deepen and I pulled her a little closer to me before turning to my side and wrapping her arm around my waist. I needed to try and sleep so I could stop by to see Nix early the next morning. He deserved to know what had happened.
I thought about every single movement and sound that had come from Amy while I was inside her her, and by the time I fell asleep, I still couldn’t pinpoint the moment that I should have known she no longer wanted me to touch her.
***
When I woke the next morning, I knew instinctually that she’d gone before I’d even opened my eyes.
My back was cool where she’d slept, and as I looked toward the dresser, I noticed that her bag wasn’t resting where she’d dropped it.
Her room key was on the bedside table.
Son of a bitch.
I was up and out of bed in seconds, and it only took minutes before I was leaving the hotel for the hospital. If I knew Amy, she was already visiting Nix, and I was hoping I could pin her down there. I needed to talk to both of them, and neither discussion could wait.
“Hey, Trick,” Nix said as I walked into the room. He was alone for the first time in three days, and my stomach dropped in foreboding.
“Nix, how ye feelin’?”
“A little better today. Face still hurts, stomach still hurts.”
“Take a while for that shite to fade, I’m sure.” My eyes darted around the room.
“She’s not here,” he said flatly.
“What?”
“Mum’s not here. She said she had some things to do this morning,” he said skeptically.
“You think that’s not the case?”
“Considering she showed up here at six-thirty in the morning and left by seven, I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and assume you and her had a falling out…again?”
“I don’t know why—”
“Don’t bullshit me, man,” he said with a small shake of his head. “I know the signs and so do you. Why do you keep doing this?”
I sat down heavily in the chair next to his bad and glanced down at my hands. I’d had my anchor touched up a few times over the years to keep it vivid, and I’d noticed the night before how faded Amy’s had become.
It was a good representation of our relationship. I was holding fast, and she was fading away.
“I love her,” I told him simply.
“You may love her.” He moved his mouth around a bit as if he was looking for the right words to say. “I get it, man. I do. But every time you play your hand, she’s a mess afterwards. For months. It never works the way you want it to, and it never gets any easier—for you or for her. So why can’t you just let it go?”
I ran my hand down my beard, scratching my jaw as I tried to explain to Nix something he would never understand until he’d met the love of his life.
“I’m incomplete wit’out her—” I stopped, shaking my head. “As long as I live, I’ll never give up. I can’t.”
“I think you have to,” Nix said softly.
“It will never happen.”
We passed a little time quiet with our own thoughts before I remembered why I’d wanted to see him in the first place. When I showed him the photos on my phone before deleting them, he’d grew silent, but it only took a minute before he spoke.
“You didn’t kill them, did you?” he asked, handing my phone back.
“Ye asked me not to, so I didn’t.”
“Thank you.”
“Not sure it’s something ye should be thankful for.”
“No—thank you for taking care of it. Thank you for having my back.”
“As long as I breathe, I’ll stand behind ye,” I answered with a nod. “Except of course, right now, as I’ve got a long ride back to Eugene today. Boys said as soon as yer healed up, ye should come down and meet the kids.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” he said with a smile.
“Ye do that.” I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “Love ye, boyo. Keep me updated on things around here.”
“I will.”
When I walked away from him, my gut clenched in anxiety. I hated leaving when he was still so injured, but I knew with absolute certainty that as soon as I was gone, Amy would feel comfortable at his side again. She was avoiding me, clearly, and she needed to be there more than I did.
