Craving Resurrection
Page 117
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“She knew you were in love with someone else?” she asked dubiously, her hackles rising.
“Lass, ye were eight when she passed,” I replied tiredly, trying to find the words to put her at ease. “Yer memories of us are dose of a child. Aye, she knew, and she accepted it.”
“How could she just accept it?”
“She wasn’t in love wit’ me, eit’er,” I answered, raising my hands palms up.
Brenna went silent then, and I turned my eyes to Nix. He was sitting close to the door with his arms crossed over his chest. His knuckles were raw and torn, and for the first time since I’d entered my room, I wondered what my face must look like.
“Do you have any questions, Phoenix?” Amy asked calmly. It seemed the farther into the story we’d gone, the more her natural self-assuredness came forward. It was such an innate part of her. I hated that it had been beaten back over and over again, and I hated even more that I’d been too blind to realize it. The backbone in that woman was amazing, staying strong and straight even as she crumbled.
“I’m the product of rape,” he replied quietly. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that.”
“Don’t you ever say that again,” she replied harshly, making him look up in surprise. “You saved me, Phoenix Robert Gallagher. If you hadn’t come along, I would have been dead.”
My stomach tightened to the point of pain at her words, the memory of her haunted eyes and shaved head like a knife piercing my gut.
“I don’t understand how you can even look at me,” he mumbled, wiping his hand down his face.
Amy stood then, her shoulders straight and jaw tight.
“When I look at you,” she said softly, walking forward to cup Nix’s face in her palms, “I see my salvation. I see the boy who looked at me like I was the miracle. I see the reason I was able to go on living and the sole purpose of my life. You, my son, are not a product of anything but God’s mercy on a broken girl who needed something to hold on to.”
He sobbed then, just once, and I looked away to give him a small bit of privacy. It was not my place to intrude on them, and as I looked toward Brenna, I saw her crying quietly into Dragon’s neck. He was rubbing her back soothingly, but his jaw was clenched as he stared at the wall.
Amy and Nix whispered for a few minutes longer before he stood up and took her in his arms. He held her gently, and for the first time I got a glimpse into the way he treated her when it was just the two of them. I knew that a lot of that came from Amy and the way she’d raised him—but it had a lot to do with the man Nix was, too, down to the core of him. He genuinely cared for his mother, not only loved her but liked her, and he was willing to stand up for her no matter the consequences. Christ, he’d beaten the hell out of the vice-president of the Aces Motorcycle Club inside the fucking clubhouse.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said, as he let go of his mum. He turned to me then, and looked closely at my face in satisfaction. “I’m not sorry I hit you, you deserved it.”
“I did,” I replied with a nod, standing up.
“I don’t understand all this.” He waved his arm around the room. “But I’m willing to keep my mouth shut. She loves you. Still. After everything. And I know you love her, I’ve known it since I was sixteen.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “We’ll talk tomorrow. I need—I just need to get out of here for a while.”
“Ye okay to drive?” I asked before I could stop myself. Shit, he didn’t want me worrying about him, and I was on very thin ice as it was.
His mouth twitched in an almost smile and nodded before walking out of the room.
“We’re going to head out, too,” Dragon said, pushing Brenna to her feet. I was glad to see she’d gotten the tears under control because I was barely hanging onto my own as it was.
“I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through,” Brenna said kindly to Amy, taking a step forward. “And I want you to know that I remember what you did for me.”
Amy nodded, swallowing harshly.
“You didn’t have to do that, but you did. You helped me escape.” Brenna shook her head. “You’ll never know how much that means to me. I don’t know if I would have done the same.”
“You would have,” Amy replied with conviction. “If the man you loved had a child, you’d do anything to protect her.”
“But I was the reason—”
“You weren’t the reason for anything, sweetheart,” Amy interrupted. “I won’t lie and say that I didn’t resent you at first—I did. But I got over it pretty fucking quick, because blaming a person for being born is asinine. That’s like blaming the sun for shining during a hangover.”
Brenna chuffed out a surprised laugh. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Brenna moved to me, and I couldn’t believe the feeling of relief I felt as I held her in my arms. I’d pushed it down, refusing to give it voice, but I’d been terrified that once she’d known everything, she’d hate me. I was not the hero she’d believed me to be as a child—I was a man, and not a good one.
“I’m so sorry for everything you went through,” she said again, this time into my ear.
“No, I—”
“You may not have lived through it, but I know that you’re going to deal with a lot of guilt… probably for the rest of your life. If something happened to Dragon, I don’t know how I’d deal.” Her arms tightened around my waist. “I love you, Pop, and I’m sorry that you had to live for thirty years without the woman you love. The thought of being without Dragon guts me, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”
“Lass, ye were eight when she passed,” I replied tiredly, trying to find the words to put her at ease. “Yer memories of us are dose of a child. Aye, she knew, and she accepted it.”
“How could she just accept it?”
“She wasn’t in love wit’ me, eit’er,” I answered, raising my hands palms up.
Brenna went silent then, and I turned my eyes to Nix. He was sitting close to the door with his arms crossed over his chest. His knuckles were raw and torn, and for the first time since I’d entered my room, I wondered what my face must look like.
“Do you have any questions, Phoenix?” Amy asked calmly. It seemed the farther into the story we’d gone, the more her natural self-assuredness came forward. It was such an innate part of her. I hated that it had been beaten back over and over again, and I hated even more that I’d been too blind to realize it. The backbone in that woman was amazing, staying strong and straight even as she crumbled.
“I’m the product of rape,” he replied quietly. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that.”
“Don’t you ever say that again,” she replied harshly, making him look up in surprise. “You saved me, Phoenix Robert Gallagher. If you hadn’t come along, I would have been dead.”
My stomach tightened to the point of pain at her words, the memory of her haunted eyes and shaved head like a knife piercing my gut.
“I don’t understand how you can even look at me,” he mumbled, wiping his hand down his face.
Amy stood then, her shoulders straight and jaw tight.
“When I look at you,” she said softly, walking forward to cup Nix’s face in her palms, “I see my salvation. I see the boy who looked at me like I was the miracle. I see the reason I was able to go on living and the sole purpose of my life. You, my son, are not a product of anything but God’s mercy on a broken girl who needed something to hold on to.”
He sobbed then, just once, and I looked away to give him a small bit of privacy. It was not my place to intrude on them, and as I looked toward Brenna, I saw her crying quietly into Dragon’s neck. He was rubbing her back soothingly, but his jaw was clenched as he stared at the wall.
Amy and Nix whispered for a few minutes longer before he stood up and took her in his arms. He held her gently, and for the first time I got a glimpse into the way he treated her when it was just the two of them. I knew that a lot of that came from Amy and the way she’d raised him—but it had a lot to do with the man Nix was, too, down to the core of him. He genuinely cared for his mother, not only loved her but liked her, and he was willing to stand up for her no matter the consequences. Christ, he’d beaten the hell out of the vice-president of the Aces Motorcycle Club inside the fucking clubhouse.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” he said, as he let go of his mum. He turned to me then, and looked closely at my face in satisfaction. “I’m not sorry I hit you, you deserved it.”
“I did,” I replied with a nod, standing up.
“I don’t understand all this.” He waved his arm around the room. “But I’m willing to keep my mouth shut. She loves you. Still. After everything. And I know you love her, I’ve known it since I was sixteen.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “We’ll talk tomorrow. I need—I just need to get out of here for a while.”
“Ye okay to drive?” I asked before I could stop myself. Shit, he didn’t want me worrying about him, and I was on very thin ice as it was.
His mouth twitched in an almost smile and nodded before walking out of the room.
“We’re going to head out, too,” Dragon said, pushing Brenna to her feet. I was glad to see she’d gotten the tears under control because I was barely hanging onto my own as it was.
“I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through,” Brenna said kindly to Amy, taking a step forward. “And I want you to know that I remember what you did for me.”
Amy nodded, swallowing harshly.
“You didn’t have to do that, but you did. You helped me escape.” Brenna shook her head. “You’ll never know how much that means to me. I don’t know if I would have done the same.”
“You would have,” Amy replied with conviction. “If the man you loved had a child, you’d do anything to protect her.”
“But I was the reason—”
“You weren’t the reason for anything, sweetheart,” Amy interrupted. “I won’t lie and say that I didn’t resent you at first—I did. But I got over it pretty fucking quick, because blaming a person for being born is asinine. That’s like blaming the sun for shining during a hangover.”
Brenna chuffed out a surprised laugh. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Brenna moved to me, and I couldn’t believe the feeling of relief I felt as I held her in my arms. I’d pushed it down, refusing to give it voice, but I’d been terrified that once she’d known everything, she’d hate me. I was not the hero she’d believed me to be as a child—I was a man, and not a good one.
“I’m so sorry for everything you went through,” she said again, this time into my ear.
“No, I—”
“You may not have lived through it, but I know that you’re going to deal with a lot of guilt… probably for the rest of your life. If something happened to Dragon, I don’t know how I’d deal.” Her arms tightened around my waist. “I love you, Pop, and I’m sorry that you had to live for thirty years without the woman you love. The thought of being without Dragon guts me, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”
