Craving Resurrection
Page 66
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Eventually, he moved away from the door and I heard other voices in the house. Charlie’s dad must have shown up with the doctor.
I didn’t care.
I didn’t even care what happened to her.
I knew that made me a monster. She was pregnant, and in pain, and someone had beaten the hell out of her. But I still didn’t care. I wanted her to disappear and I wasn’t picky about how that happened.
“Let me in, lovey.” Peg’s voice drifted through the door, but I still didn’t move. “It’s just me. Open the door.”
I couldn’t make myself get up off the floor.
“Charlie?” Peg’s voice was muffled as she turned away, but the walls were so thin in that fucking house that I could still hear her. “She’s not answerin’ me. Can ye take the door off the hinges? I’m afraid if we try to break through it, she’ll be hurt.”
“Sure,” Charlie replied.
I heard him start fiddling with the door, then more voices in the living room.
Suddenly, I couldn’t bear the thought of all those people seeing how absolutely devastated I was. Oh, poor Amy, her husband fucks around on her. Poor Amy, who still isn’t pregnant, but her husband’s side piece is. Poor Amy can’t even get up off the bathroom floor because she’s so upset.
Fuck that.
I climbed to my feet as a familiar feeling of disconnect ran through me. I wasn’t poor Amy. I’d dealt with far worse things in my life. I’d grown up with parents who either didn’t give a shit or outright disliked me, who’d been neglectful at times and cruel at others. I’d moved from one place to the next, never able to make any real connections with anyone. I could deal with proof of Patrick’s infidelity.
It was nothing. He was nothing.
What had he said before? It was just a bump.
I opened the door to Charlie’s surprised face, and gave him a thin smile. I was fine. He didn’t need to take the door off.
Patrick, Peg, Vera and a couple older men were standing in the kitchen discussing something quietly as I made my way to the couch. I kept my torn up copy of Fahrenheit 451 on the bottom shelf of one of Peg’s side tables because Robbie had started reading it when the house was quiet. I didn’t let myself think about that. I was fine.
I opened it up to a random page in the middle, then changed my mind and flipped back to the first page. I had a feeling I was going to be there a while.
“It was a pleasure to burn…”
“Amy!” Vera plopped down on the couch next to me. “Shit, girl. I’ve been calling your name.”
“What do you need?”
“Huh?”
“Did you need something?”
“You’re just gonna sit here and read while all of this,” she waved her hand around in front of her, “is going on around you?”
“That was the plan.”
“You okay?”
“Yep. Fine.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t be. I’d be freaking out big time.”
“I’m good.”
She looked at me like there was an alien climbing out of my head. “What are you doing?”
“I was trying to read.”
“No, what are you doing?”
I pretended that I hadn’t heard the emphasis she’d put into her words and scowled at her. “I was reading, and now I’m talking to you. Soon as you’re done, I’m gonna get back to reading.”
She shook her head in amazement. “You’re nuts, you know that, right?”
“I prefer apathetic.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Before I could reply, Peg was calling my name from the kitchen. It was a smart move on her part, because she knew that I’d answer her.
I slowly turned down the corner of my page, even though I’d read the thing a million times and it didn’t matter where I started up again, then placed it back on its little shelf. Vera stayed behind as I made my way toward Peg, but she followed my movements with her eyes as if she was still trying to figure me out.
“What’s up?” I asked Peg, strolling into the kitchen.
“The lads are makin’ some plans. Ye should be in here for this.”
“Okay,” I replied easily, sitting down at Robbie’s spot and folding my hands on the smooth wooden table.
The men watched me warily as they crowded around me.
“Ham,” the man who must have been Charlie’s dad said, reaching out to shake my hand. “That’s Doc.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Amy.”
“Trick’s wife,” he replied with a smile. He seemed nice.
“For today.”
Patrick took a step forward, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie’s hand grip his shoulder hard as if to stop him.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked calmly, looking directly at Ham. What a weird name.
“We leave on a steamer in two days,” he said, pulling out a chair and flipping it around so he could straddle it. “Got two spaces open—we can only take two of you with us then.”
“That seems easy enough,” I replied.
“Gotta leave two behind.”
“So take Patrick and the girl.”
“I’m not leavin’ ye and Mum, are ye out of yer mind?” Patrick exploded, stepping forward to slam his palm down on the table.
“The girl has to leave, right?” I asked Ham, completely ignoring Patrick’s outburst. Why was I calling her a girl? The woman had a baby in her belly, for Christ’s sake. “So she’s one of the people, automatically.”
I didn’t care.
I didn’t even care what happened to her.
I knew that made me a monster. She was pregnant, and in pain, and someone had beaten the hell out of her. But I still didn’t care. I wanted her to disappear and I wasn’t picky about how that happened.
“Let me in, lovey.” Peg’s voice drifted through the door, but I still didn’t move. “It’s just me. Open the door.”
I couldn’t make myself get up off the floor.
“Charlie?” Peg’s voice was muffled as she turned away, but the walls were so thin in that fucking house that I could still hear her. “She’s not answerin’ me. Can ye take the door off the hinges? I’m afraid if we try to break through it, she’ll be hurt.”
“Sure,” Charlie replied.
I heard him start fiddling with the door, then more voices in the living room.
Suddenly, I couldn’t bear the thought of all those people seeing how absolutely devastated I was. Oh, poor Amy, her husband fucks around on her. Poor Amy, who still isn’t pregnant, but her husband’s side piece is. Poor Amy can’t even get up off the bathroom floor because she’s so upset.
Fuck that.
I climbed to my feet as a familiar feeling of disconnect ran through me. I wasn’t poor Amy. I’d dealt with far worse things in my life. I’d grown up with parents who either didn’t give a shit or outright disliked me, who’d been neglectful at times and cruel at others. I’d moved from one place to the next, never able to make any real connections with anyone. I could deal with proof of Patrick’s infidelity.
It was nothing. He was nothing.
What had he said before? It was just a bump.
I opened the door to Charlie’s surprised face, and gave him a thin smile. I was fine. He didn’t need to take the door off.
Patrick, Peg, Vera and a couple older men were standing in the kitchen discussing something quietly as I made my way to the couch. I kept my torn up copy of Fahrenheit 451 on the bottom shelf of one of Peg’s side tables because Robbie had started reading it when the house was quiet. I didn’t let myself think about that. I was fine.
I opened it up to a random page in the middle, then changed my mind and flipped back to the first page. I had a feeling I was going to be there a while.
“It was a pleasure to burn…”
“Amy!” Vera plopped down on the couch next to me. “Shit, girl. I’ve been calling your name.”
“What do you need?”
“Huh?”
“Did you need something?”
“You’re just gonna sit here and read while all of this,” she waved her hand around in front of her, “is going on around you?”
“That was the plan.”
“You okay?”
“Yep. Fine.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t be. I’d be freaking out big time.”
“I’m good.”
She looked at me like there was an alien climbing out of my head. “What are you doing?”
“I was trying to read.”
“No, what are you doing?”
I pretended that I hadn’t heard the emphasis she’d put into her words and scowled at her. “I was reading, and now I’m talking to you. Soon as you’re done, I’m gonna get back to reading.”
She shook her head in amazement. “You’re nuts, you know that, right?”
“I prefer apathetic.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Before I could reply, Peg was calling my name from the kitchen. It was a smart move on her part, because she knew that I’d answer her.
I slowly turned down the corner of my page, even though I’d read the thing a million times and it didn’t matter where I started up again, then placed it back on its little shelf. Vera stayed behind as I made my way toward Peg, but she followed my movements with her eyes as if she was still trying to figure me out.
“What’s up?” I asked Peg, strolling into the kitchen.
“The lads are makin’ some plans. Ye should be in here for this.”
“Okay,” I replied easily, sitting down at Robbie’s spot and folding my hands on the smooth wooden table.
The men watched me warily as they crowded around me.
“Ham,” the man who must have been Charlie’s dad said, reaching out to shake my hand. “That’s Doc.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Amy.”
“Trick’s wife,” he replied with a smile. He seemed nice.
“For today.”
Patrick took a step forward, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie’s hand grip his shoulder hard as if to stop him.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked calmly, looking directly at Ham. What a weird name.
“We leave on a steamer in two days,” he said, pulling out a chair and flipping it around so he could straddle it. “Got two spaces open—we can only take two of you with us then.”
“That seems easy enough,” I replied.
“Gotta leave two behind.”
“So take Patrick and the girl.”
“I’m not leavin’ ye and Mum, are ye out of yer mind?” Patrick exploded, stepping forward to slam his palm down on the table.
“The girl has to leave, right?” I asked Ham, completely ignoring Patrick’s outburst. Why was I calling her a girl? The woman had a baby in her belly, for Christ’s sake. “So she’s one of the people, automatically.”
