Her brows drew together and she said, “I was wondering why you called him Creed. Only people on the job call him Creed.”
Strange.
I decided, since he hadn’t shared, I wouldn’t so I just said, “Throw back from the old days.”
“Ah,” she mumbled but I got the sense she either didn’t get it or didn’t believe me but she let it go with a, “Well, see you, Sylvie.”
“Yeah. See you, Chelle.”
She took off.
I waited for a bit before I left the room to check out. I wasn’t going to tell Creed about Chelle’s visit. Not yet. I didn’t know what his response would be and I didn’t want to piss him off or upset him when he had his kids. There would be plenty of time to tell him and not ruin the last hours he’d have with them for two weeks.
Instead, I shook it off and took on Phoenix.
* * * * *
“She calls you Tucker.”
Creed and I were back in Denver, at my place, in the back room and I’d just told Creed about Chelle’s visit. I was sitting on the couch, Creed was standing at the window staring out, partaking of one of his rare cigarettes (he was trying to quit, he was also trying to talk me into doing the same) and blowing the smoke out the screen.
I waited until we were not on the go or in a public place to share about Chelle. Once I’d shared, he’d gone to his bag, grabbed his smokes, came back and lapsed into brooding silence, staring out the window.
I let him have some time and did this studying him.
It had been a long time since I’d seen this Creed.
Back in the day, we both knew our clandestine time together was precious so we made the most of it. It didn’t happen often but he had a lot on his mind back then, us taking off, what would become of his mother when we were gone, what would become of us. So he could go quiet, retreat into his head, think thoughts he didn’t want to share. I knew this because I asked him to share and he didn’t, no matter how I tried to break through. Eventually I learned that I didn’t need to try. He would sort out what he needed to sort out and come back to me.
Watching him, it struck me that it might make me a freak but I missed this and I suspected he hadn’t changed. He’d sort it out without me prying, let me in when it was his time and I just needed to roll with it. So I didn’t change how I dealt with it and let him have his time.
Though, considering I wasn’t a patient woman and sitting in a silent room stroking my cat and watching a man smoke and stare out the window, no matter how hot he was or how much I loved him, was kinda boring.
Therefore, I quit giving him time and mentioned his ex calling him Tucker.
He turned his head, his eyes coming to me then he turned his body, took two steps, bent low and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table.
When he straightened, eyes back to me, he answered, “No woman calls me Creed. Only men… and you.”
“Okay,” I replied, not getting it but also thinking his somber mood meant he wasn’t up to explaining it.
I was wrong because Creed kept talking.
“Tried to keep the name, found women calling me that reminded me that I’d never again hear you do it. It reminded me of that night in the woods when we were kids and I told you I was who I was going to be. It reminded me of how you were there for me. How you were always there for me and how I’d never have that again either. So I went back to Tucker. Men call me Creed ‘cause that’s what men do.”
I nodded then asked, “So Chelle doesn’t know you’re Creed?”
He shook his head. “No one in my life knows but you.”
Okay, it was dawning on me I was seriously a freak because I liked that, a lot. I liked having that all to myself. There was a day when Creed was all mine. Now, with our histories changing, his body was all mine but his love was shared. I didn’t mind that. Even back then, I knew when we started a family I’d have to share him. That didn’t mean I didn’t like us having a piece of our past that was unaltered, no one understood, it was all ours.
“That wasn’t cool.”
Creed’s words seemed to come out of nowhere and made me focus on him again.
“What?”
“It wasn’t Chelle. I’m surprised as f**k she pulled that shit on you and it wasn’t cool.”
I shook my head but said, “I didn’t like it at first either, babe, but it ended all right. She wasn’t there to be a bitch. She was there to –”
Creed moved to the wicker chair, sat in it and lifted his long legs to put his boots on the table while interrupting, “I know why she was there and why she was there wasn’t cool.” He flipped out a hand. “Don’t know, haven’t lived through this shit, never expected to have a woman in my life I gave a shit enough about to live through it, so I don’t know how it should go. How I’d have liked it to go is me introducing you to her. Me having control of the situation. Me being at your back. Not you enduring a sneak attack which, luckily, because you are who you are and Chelle is who she is, didn’t go south. One or the other of you was having a bad day, it could have.”
“I can handle shit like that, baby,” I said softly.
He shook his head but replied, “I get that. I get you can take care of yourself. What you need to get is that I’m me and you’re you and no matter you can handle yourself and a gun and you got a tough skin, that doesn’t mean I’m down with you going it alone. Not with this. Not with anything. We always had each other. We lost that. We both feel that deep. Now we have that back and Chelle doesn’t get to take that away from you. No one does.”
Seriously, could this guy get any better?
I stared at him and he held my gaze steady as I did.
No, he couldn’t get any better. Then again, he was always the best.
I decided to move us on and asked, “So what are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna sleep on it, call her tomorrow and tell her how I feel about it,” Creed answered. “Then I’m gonna tell her not to do it again. Then I’m gonna tell her I want the kids to get to know you better and us to have more time to get settled before she and I sit down and figure out what’s next for our kids and while we take that time, she needs to back off. And last, I’m gonna tell her she never approaches you unless you invite it or there’s somethin’ necessary goin’ on with the kids and she has to do it.”
“You don’t have to go that far, Creed. I liked her,” I told him. “She gave no indication we wouldn’t get along. Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
Strange.
I decided, since he hadn’t shared, I wouldn’t so I just said, “Throw back from the old days.”
“Ah,” she mumbled but I got the sense she either didn’t get it or didn’t believe me but she let it go with a, “Well, see you, Sylvie.”
“Yeah. See you, Chelle.”
She took off.
I waited for a bit before I left the room to check out. I wasn’t going to tell Creed about Chelle’s visit. Not yet. I didn’t know what his response would be and I didn’t want to piss him off or upset him when he had his kids. There would be plenty of time to tell him and not ruin the last hours he’d have with them for two weeks.
Instead, I shook it off and took on Phoenix.
* * * * *
“She calls you Tucker.”
Creed and I were back in Denver, at my place, in the back room and I’d just told Creed about Chelle’s visit. I was sitting on the couch, Creed was standing at the window staring out, partaking of one of his rare cigarettes (he was trying to quit, he was also trying to talk me into doing the same) and blowing the smoke out the screen.
I waited until we were not on the go or in a public place to share about Chelle. Once I’d shared, he’d gone to his bag, grabbed his smokes, came back and lapsed into brooding silence, staring out the window.
I let him have some time and did this studying him.
It had been a long time since I’d seen this Creed.
Back in the day, we both knew our clandestine time together was precious so we made the most of it. It didn’t happen often but he had a lot on his mind back then, us taking off, what would become of his mother when we were gone, what would become of us. So he could go quiet, retreat into his head, think thoughts he didn’t want to share. I knew this because I asked him to share and he didn’t, no matter how I tried to break through. Eventually I learned that I didn’t need to try. He would sort out what he needed to sort out and come back to me.
Watching him, it struck me that it might make me a freak but I missed this and I suspected he hadn’t changed. He’d sort it out without me prying, let me in when it was his time and I just needed to roll with it. So I didn’t change how I dealt with it and let him have his time.
Though, considering I wasn’t a patient woman and sitting in a silent room stroking my cat and watching a man smoke and stare out the window, no matter how hot he was or how much I loved him, was kinda boring.
Therefore, I quit giving him time and mentioned his ex calling him Tucker.
He turned his head, his eyes coming to me then he turned his body, took two steps, bent low and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table.
When he straightened, eyes back to me, he answered, “No woman calls me Creed. Only men… and you.”
“Okay,” I replied, not getting it but also thinking his somber mood meant he wasn’t up to explaining it.
I was wrong because Creed kept talking.
“Tried to keep the name, found women calling me that reminded me that I’d never again hear you do it. It reminded me of that night in the woods when we were kids and I told you I was who I was going to be. It reminded me of how you were there for me. How you were always there for me and how I’d never have that again either. So I went back to Tucker. Men call me Creed ‘cause that’s what men do.”
I nodded then asked, “So Chelle doesn’t know you’re Creed?”
He shook his head. “No one in my life knows but you.”
Okay, it was dawning on me I was seriously a freak because I liked that, a lot. I liked having that all to myself. There was a day when Creed was all mine. Now, with our histories changing, his body was all mine but his love was shared. I didn’t mind that. Even back then, I knew when we started a family I’d have to share him. That didn’t mean I didn’t like us having a piece of our past that was unaltered, no one understood, it was all ours.
“That wasn’t cool.”
Creed’s words seemed to come out of nowhere and made me focus on him again.
“What?”
“It wasn’t Chelle. I’m surprised as f**k she pulled that shit on you and it wasn’t cool.”
I shook my head but said, “I didn’t like it at first either, babe, but it ended all right. She wasn’t there to be a bitch. She was there to –”
Creed moved to the wicker chair, sat in it and lifted his long legs to put his boots on the table while interrupting, “I know why she was there and why she was there wasn’t cool.” He flipped out a hand. “Don’t know, haven’t lived through this shit, never expected to have a woman in my life I gave a shit enough about to live through it, so I don’t know how it should go. How I’d have liked it to go is me introducing you to her. Me having control of the situation. Me being at your back. Not you enduring a sneak attack which, luckily, because you are who you are and Chelle is who she is, didn’t go south. One or the other of you was having a bad day, it could have.”
“I can handle shit like that, baby,” I said softly.
He shook his head but replied, “I get that. I get you can take care of yourself. What you need to get is that I’m me and you’re you and no matter you can handle yourself and a gun and you got a tough skin, that doesn’t mean I’m down with you going it alone. Not with this. Not with anything. We always had each other. We lost that. We both feel that deep. Now we have that back and Chelle doesn’t get to take that away from you. No one does.”
Seriously, could this guy get any better?
I stared at him and he held my gaze steady as I did.
No, he couldn’t get any better. Then again, he was always the best.
I decided to move us on and asked, “So what are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna sleep on it, call her tomorrow and tell her how I feel about it,” Creed answered. “Then I’m gonna tell her not to do it again. Then I’m gonna tell her I want the kids to get to know you better and us to have more time to get settled before she and I sit down and figure out what’s next for our kids and while we take that time, she needs to back off. And last, I’m gonna tell her she never approaches you unless you invite it or there’s somethin’ necessary goin’ on with the kids and she has to do it.”
“You don’t have to go that far, Creed. I liked her,” I told him. “She gave no indication we wouldn’t get along. Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”
