Crown of Crystal Flame
Page 86
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She spun back to glower at Rain, jaw set, arms crossed. «So be it. But if they can die for me, then I can bless them before they go.»
Rain couldn’t have looked more surprised if she’d slammed a fist in his face. «Ellysetta, nei. You know you cannot touch them.»
Her lips tightened. «They live with their pain day in and day out, for centuries. Surely I can bear it for a few moments.»
«You have no concept of how terrible their true pain is. They’ve been shielding you all this time. You’ve only sensed a fraction of it.»
«You forget I touched Gaelen.»
«And nearly killed us both,» he reminded her grimly. «The hurt they carry is too great for any Fey woman to bear»
She almost faltered then. She remembered the shattering torment of Gaelen’s lost soul. But then she glanced at the stoic faces of the dahl’reisen who had suffered so much, who had been reviled and outcast by the very people they’d lost their souls to protect yet still, nobly, strove to protect them, and determination bloomed anew. «Then help me bear it. Give me your strength.»
«Shei’tani, I am so close to madness, I doubt I could withstand you healing a single rasa right now.»
She bit her lip. She remembered what healing the rasa had done to Rain, how close he’d come to shredding his mental barriers—and he’d not been in the grip of bond madness then. She couldn’t do that to him again. But she couldn’t let the dahl’reisen just walk towards their deaths and do nothing, either.
«Then I will bless them without laying hands upon them. Because, one way or another, I will do this. We owe them that much.»
* * *
Many more than thirty-six dahl’reisen came forward to offer their lives for her. So many more that Ellysetta nearly wept to see it. They looked at her with such determination and pride. Despite Rain’s assurances, it did not seem right that so many immortal lives should be sacrificed for hers.
She made no further attempt to dissuade them except to refuse the service of any dahl’reisen with a living mate or child. “No woman will be widowed, no child orphaned, on my behalf,” she declared. Something in her voice, or perhaps the light of battle in her eyes, must have convinced them to heed her word, because two dozen of the volunteers bowed their heads and stepped back, withdrawing as she requested.
From those remaining, Farel selected thirty-six tall, fierce men, all of whom seemed to grow taller and fiercer when Farel chose them. They ringed around him as he gave them their final commands and farewells. When he was finished, each dahl’reisen removed his Soul Quest crystal from around his neck and handed it to Farel. The gesture pierced Ellysetta’s heart. She knew, without asking, why they did it: Warriors heading for certain death would not give the Eld more Tairen’s Eye to pervert into selkahr.
“Wait,” she commanded when the thirty-six would have departed. “Is it not customary for shei’dalins to bless Fey warriors before they head into battle? “
Shock rippled across the dahl’reisens’ faces, and when she approached them, they fell back, casting alarmed looks at Farel first, then Rain. Ellysetta halted. She would not chase these men around like a girl threatening boys with kisses in a schoolyard. “Rain, tell them.”
With a face carved of pure stone, Rain said, “The Feyreisa will bless you before you leave.”
The dahl’reisen stopped in their tracks. Around them, their brethren murmured amongst themselves with a mixture of shock, awe, and disapproval.
“Come here, to me,” she ordered.
The warriors shared uncertain glances, then reluctantly approached her, stopping a man length away and dropping to one knee.
With Rain at her side, she approached the first warrior. “For my shei’tan’s sake, I cannot touch you,” she said. “But I ask that you drop your shields.”
The dahl’reisen lurched back in horror. “Teska, kem’falla,” he pleaded, “I bear shame enough for choosing the Shadowed Path instead of the honor of sheisan’dahlein. Do not blacken my soul further by forcing me to share the evil in my heart with you. Just speaking the words of the blessing is enough—and more than I deserve.”
Anger blossomed in her heart. It was an abomination to her that this man was about to die on her behalf, yet still he thought himself evil and unworthy of a simple kindness. “What is your name?”
The dahl’reisen looked up. His eyes were lavender, almost the same shade as Rain’s. “Varian, kem’falla.”
“Varian, if there were evil in your heart, you would not be trying so hard to spare me from it.” She lifted her chin and glared at them all, her eyes hot with righteous anger. “You are worthy. All of you are worthy. Never doubt it.”
Fierce anger burned inside her at the thought of these proud, brave men fighting and suffering for their people, only to receive banishment and a life of torment as their reward. And even then they continued to defend the very people who had rejected them.
She would not reject them. She would not allow them to flinch from her in shame. She could not stop them from their course, but she would not allow them to face their deaths believing themselves unloved and unworthy.
Ellie reached out and placed her hands on either side of Varian’s face. She did not touch him, but even so his pain and despair screamed up her nerves, radiating from his unshielded body in palpable waves. She gave a choked cry. The agony of his soul was intense, like putting her hand on a hot griddle and willing it to stay there as the flesh seared away. But when Varian started to raise his shields again, she barked “Do not!” and spun a fierce web of Spirit to stop him. She had fought and won the battle to save the tairen kitlings. She would fight and win this battle, too.
Rain couldn’t have looked more surprised if she’d slammed a fist in his face. «Ellysetta, nei. You know you cannot touch them.»
Her lips tightened. «They live with their pain day in and day out, for centuries. Surely I can bear it for a few moments.»
«You have no concept of how terrible their true pain is. They’ve been shielding you all this time. You’ve only sensed a fraction of it.»
«You forget I touched Gaelen.»
«And nearly killed us both,» he reminded her grimly. «The hurt they carry is too great for any Fey woman to bear»
She almost faltered then. She remembered the shattering torment of Gaelen’s lost soul. But then she glanced at the stoic faces of the dahl’reisen who had suffered so much, who had been reviled and outcast by the very people they’d lost their souls to protect yet still, nobly, strove to protect them, and determination bloomed anew. «Then help me bear it. Give me your strength.»
«Shei’tani, I am so close to madness, I doubt I could withstand you healing a single rasa right now.»
She bit her lip. She remembered what healing the rasa had done to Rain, how close he’d come to shredding his mental barriers—and he’d not been in the grip of bond madness then. She couldn’t do that to him again. But she couldn’t let the dahl’reisen just walk towards their deaths and do nothing, either.
«Then I will bless them without laying hands upon them. Because, one way or another, I will do this. We owe them that much.»
* * *
Many more than thirty-six dahl’reisen came forward to offer their lives for her. So many more that Ellysetta nearly wept to see it. They looked at her with such determination and pride. Despite Rain’s assurances, it did not seem right that so many immortal lives should be sacrificed for hers.
She made no further attempt to dissuade them except to refuse the service of any dahl’reisen with a living mate or child. “No woman will be widowed, no child orphaned, on my behalf,” she declared. Something in her voice, or perhaps the light of battle in her eyes, must have convinced them to heed her word, because two dozen of the volunteers bowed their heads and stepped back, withdrawing as she requested.
From those remaining, Farel selected thirty-six tall, fierce men, all of whom seemed to grow taller and fiercer when Farel chose them. They ringed around him as he gave them their final commands and farewells. When he was finished, each dahl’reisen removed his Soul Quest crystal from around his neck and handed it to Farel. The gesture pierced Ellysetta’s heart. She knew, without asking, why they did it: Warriors heading for certain death would not give the Eld more Tairen’s Eye to pervert into selkahr.
“Wait,” she commanded when the thirty-six would have departed. “Is it not customary for shei’dalins to bless Fey warriors before they head into battle? “
Shock rippled across the dahl’reisens’ faces, and when she approached them, they fell back, casting alarmed looks at Farel first, then Rain. Ellysetta halted. She would not chase these men around like a girl threatening boys with kisses in a schoolyard. “Rain, tell them.”
With a face carved of pure stone, Rain said, “The Feyreisa will bless you before you leave.”
The dahl’reisen stopped in their tracks. Around them, their brethren murmured amongst themselves with a mixture of shock, awe, and disapproval.
“Come here, to me,” she ordered.
The warriors shared uncertain glances, then reluctantly approached her, stopping a man length away and dropping to one knee.
With Rain at her side, she approached the first warrior. “For my shei’tan’s sake, I cannot touch you,” she said. “But I ask that you drop your shields.”
The dahl’reisen lurched back in horror. “Teska, kem’falla,” he pleaded, “I bear shame enough for choosing the Shadowed Path instead of the honor of sheisan’dahlein. Do not blacken my soul further by forcing me to share the evil in my heart with you. Just speaking the words of the blessing is enough—and more than I deserve.”
Anger blossomed in her heart. It was an abomination to her that this man was about to die on her behalf, yet still he thought himself evil and unworthy of a simple kindness. “What is your name?”
The dahl’reisen looked up. His eyes were lavender, almost the same shade as Rain’s. “Varian, kem’falla.”
“Varian, if there were evil in your heart, you would not be trying so hard to spare me from it.” She lifted her chin and glared at them all, her eyes hot with righteous anger. “You are worthy. All of you are worthy. Never doubt it.”
Fierce anger burned inside her at the thought of these proud, brave men fighting and suffering for their people, only to receive banishment and a life of torment as their reward. And even then they continued to defend the very people who had rejected them.
She would not reject them. She would not allow them to flinch from her in shame. She could not stop them from their course, but she would not allow them to face their deaths believing themselves unloved and unworthy.
Ellie reached out and placed her hands on either side of Varian’s face. She did not touch him, but even so his pain and despair screamed up her nerves, radiating from his unshielded body in palpable waves. She gave a choked cry. The agony of his soul was intense, like putting her hand on a hot griddle and willing it to stay there as the flesh seared away. But when Varian started to raise his shields again, she barked “Do not!” and spun a fierce web of Spirit to stop him. She had fought and won the battle to save the tairen kitlings. She would fight and win this battle, too.
