I think I stopped breathing. “What information?”
She paused for what felt like a very long time before she finally said it. “You are adopted.”
My mouth fell open. “What?”
Words spilled from her now like she couldn’t get them out fast enough. “Your father and I couldn’t conceive on our own, after trying every option. I sometimes felt that it was fate that led us to the agency that gave us you. Like a gift. It was such a wonderful time in our lives and it makes me so, so sad that we’ve lost touch with each other since your father left. We were supposed to be the perfect family, but I’ve learned that nothing’s perfect in life. But we try. And I’ve tried, Samantha, I’ve really tried to be the best mother I could be and provide everything you’ve needed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before and I’m so sorry if it hurts you to hear it now.”
I couldn’t have been more stunned if I’d just been hit by a truck.
Kraven had been right. He’d taken one look at my mother and me and he’d guessed something I’d never even considered once in my life.
I was adopted.
“Wh-who are my birth parents?” My voice was croaky, like I had to force the words out when they’d rather stay safely inside.
She got up from the table and paced over to the kitchen sink. She clutched it for a moment before turning to face me again, the strain on her face clearly showing her age and weariness. “There wasn’t much information on them. The agency did tell me your mother was in her very early twenties. She was desperate to find a good home for her baby. That’s all I know. I’m sorry, honey.”
Early twenties. Some girl who’d gotten in trouble and needed to fix her mistake by giving her baby up for adoption. The thought made my throat feel thick and my eyes burn.
“Do you know her name?”
She shook her head. “I was told she dropped you off and then disappeared. For years I thought she might come back for you and take us to court over custody, but she never did. I can go with you to the agency. We can try to find out more information together, if you like.”
I got shakily to my feet, clutching the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I felt cold now, and it didn’t have much to do with missing my soul. This information just wedged into my mind, trying to find space amongst everything else I’d learned this week.
“Yeah…” I cleared my throat and let out a shuddery breath. “I, uh…maybe. I don’t know. I need time to think about this. But I—I’m glad you told me. I am.”
“Honey, sit down. Let’s talk some more.”
“No, I have to go out. Carly’s waiting for me at Crave. We’ll have to talk…later.”
I escaped from the kitchen without looking back. I couldn’t deal with this right now, it was too much. So I left her there, glass of wine in hand, a woman who’d adopted a baby seventeen years ago and never breathed a word about it. Not even a hint.
But now it was all too clear to me, and I couldn’t believe I’d never seen it. I’d never been anything like my tall, blond, blue-eyed, sociable parents—they were like Barbie and Ken, practically. I was short, dark-haired, pale, and had pretty much been a loner all my life.
When my father had moved to England with the promise to see me as often as possible, I’d felt abandoned. I’d tried to ignore those feelings, shove them down deep and let them manifest as a sudden need to shoplift a few items from the mall and hone my sense of humor into a sharp weapon.
This abandonment felt different. I didn’t even have words for it. It just made me feel…empty. At least my father—my adoptive father—had made promises to see me again since he left two years ago. Which he’d done. Once. Last Christmas he’d held true to his promise and flown here for a week, staying at a nearby hotel. We’d spent a day and a half together. This girl who’d left me behind hadn’t done that. She’d given me nothing at all.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I set forth on my way to Crave. The club was a half hour walk along populated, well-lit streets, so my mother never had a problem with it when Carly couldn’t pick me up. I wiped the tear away, mad that I felt any emotion over what I’d just learned. I resolved that it would be the last tear I’d shed over this missing biological mother of mine.
The homeless guy was sitting outside the nightclub again and he watched my approach.
“Facing fate at a fearless rate,” he said. “Despite what she’s lost, she’ll find her way in the dark city, guided by the watchers of the night who protect us from the shadows. Some friend, some foe. But who’s who? Who’s to know?”
Something resonated in his words, freezing me in place, but I tried to shake it off. I didn’t have time for his Dr. Seuss–sounding babble. He freaked me out too much, especially after feeling the electricity when he’d touched me last time. I didn’t want to try to wrap my head around what that might mean. Not tonight. My head was wrapped around enough stuff already.
“All is not as it seems,” he called after me.
“Not exactly a news flash there,” I mumbled to myself.
Ever since my mind-blowing conversation with my mother, I’d known I had to be here again tonight. And it wasn’t just to hang out with Carly and eat greasy food by the armful. I needed answers. Real ones.
I scanned the dim interior, searching for her. As promised, she was with Paul, in a corner booth. He stared across the table at her like he’d just won the lottery. She laughed at whatever he was saying. It looked like they were having a great time.
She paused for what felt like a very long time before she finally said it. “You are adopted.”
My mouth fell open. “What?”
Words spilled from her now like she couldn’t get them out fast enough. “Your father and I couldn’t conceive on our own, after trying every option. I sometimes felt that it was fate that led us to the agency that gave us you. Like a gift. It was such a wonderful time in our lives and it makes me so, so sad that we’ve lost touch with each other since your father left. We were supposed to be the perfect family, but I’ve learned that nothing’s perfect in life. But we try. And I’ve tried, Samantha, I’ve really tried to be the best mother I could be and provide everything you’ve needed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before and I’m so sorry if it hurts you to hear it now.”
I couldn’t have been more stunned if I’d just been hit by a truck.
Kraven had been right. He’d taken one look at my mother and me and he’d guessed something I’d never even considered once in my life.
I was adopted.
“Wh-who are my birth parents?” My voice was croaky, like I had to force the words out when they’d rather stay safely inside.
She got up from the table and paced over to the kitchen sink. She clutched it for a moment before turning to face me again, the strain on her face clearly showing her age and weariness. “There wasn’t much information on them. The agency did tell me your mother was in her very early twenties. She was desperate to find a good home for her baby. That’s all I know. I’m sorry, honey.”
Early twenties. Some girl who’d gotten in trouble and needed to fix her mistake by giving her baby up for adoption. The thought made my throat feel thick and my eyes burn.
“Do you know her name?”
She shook her head. “I was told she dropped you off and then disappeared. For years I thought she might come back for you and take us to court over custody, but she never did. I can go with you to the agency. We can try to find out more information together, if you like.”
I got shakily to my feet, clutching the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I felt cold now, and it didn’t have much to do with missing my soul. This information just wedged into my mind, trying to find space amongst everything else I’d learned this week.
“Yeah…” I cleared my throat and let out a shuddery breath. “I, uh…maybe. I don’t know. I need time to think about this. But I—I’m glad you told me. I am.”
“Honey, sit down. Let’s talk some more.”
“No, I have to go out. Carly’s waiting for me at Crave. We’ll have to talk…later.”
I escaped from the kitchen without looking back. I couldn’t deal with this right now, it was too much. So I left her there, glass of wine in hand, a woman who’d adopted a baby seventeen years ago and never breathed a word about it. Not even a hint.
But now it was all too clear to me, and I couldn’t believe I’d never seen it. I’d never been anything like my tall, blond, blue-eyed, sociable parents—they were like Barbie and Ken, practically. I was short, dark-haired, pale, and had pretty much been a loner all my life.
When my father had moved to England with the promise to see me as often as possible, I’d felt abandoned. I’d tried to ignore those feelings, shove them down deep and let them manifest as a sudden need to shoplift a few items from the mall and hone my sense of humor into a sharp weapon.
This abandonment felt different. I didn’t even have words for it. It just made me feel…empty. At least my father—my adoptive father—had made promises to see me again since he left two years ago. Which he’d done. Once. Last Christmas he’d held true to his promise and flown here for a week, staying at a nearby hotel. We’d spent a day and a half together. This girl who’d left me behind hadn’t done that. She’d given me nothing at all.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I set forth on my way to Crave. The club was a half hour walk along populated, well-lit streets, so my mother never had a problem with it when Carly couldn’t pick me up. I wiped the tear away, mad that I felt any emotion over what I’d just learned. I resolved that it would be the last tear I’d shed over this missing biological mother of mine.
The homeless guy was sitting outside the nightclub again and he watched my approach.
“Facing fate at a fearless rate,” he said. “Despite what she’s lost, she’ll find her way in the dark city, guided by the watchers of the night who protect us from the shadows. Some friend, some foe. But who’s who? Who’s to know?”
Something resonated in his words, freezing me in place, but I tried to shake it off. I didn’t have time for his Dr. Seuss–sounding babble. He freaked me out too much, especially after feeling the electricity when he’d touched me last time. I didn’t want to try to wrap my head around what that might mean. Not tonight. My head was wrapped around enough stuff already.
“All is not as it seems,” he called after me.
“Not exactly a news flash there,” I mumbled to myself.
Ever since my mind-blowing conversation with my mother, I’d known I had to be here again tonight. And it wasn’t just to hang out with Carly and eat greasy food by the armful. I needed answers. Real ones.
I scanned the dim interior, searching for her. As promised, she was with Paul, in a corner booth. He stared across the table at her like he’d just won the lottery. She laughed at whatever he was saying. It looked like they were having a great time.
