“You asked about the female I mentioned while you were in interrogation and how I had to pretend you were someone else. Do you remember?”
She took a few breaths. “Yes.”
“Darwin Havings was her boss. She told me he forced her to work for him and she was only there because she wasn’t given a choice. They used her family as leverage. She was brought in because someone thought sex would be a good incentive to make us easier to control. She later admitted that her job was to teach me how to seduce females into obtaining information. She said she was a prostitute with the experience to train me to be a skilled lover but that was supposed to be kept secret.”
Kat grew lax under him and he released her wrists, lifting up enough to see her face. She stared up at him, frowning. It beat the anger and hurt he’d seen before. He shifted his weight but kept her under him.
“They brought her in every few days to spend time with me and we would plot how to escape with my brothers.” He swallowed. “I thought I could save them and her.”
Kat lowered her hands and curled them around his shoulders. She didn’t fight or hit him so he decided to tell her the rest of it.
“I believed she really loved me. I trusted her without question. We talked about everything. I told her about what they were making us do and all my fears. I found out afterward that nothing she said was truthful. She betrayed me from the start and it cost my brothers their lives.”
Kat’s lips parted but she said nothing.
“No one forced her to be there. She was paid a lot of money to gain my trust. I was the one who told her we had a weakness for females and children. That’s why they sent us into that camp. The information she gained from me put us there so they could see how far we could be pushed to discover our limits. I got my brothers killed because I trusted the wrong person. I have to live with that.”
“Darkness.” Tears shone in her eyes.
He shook his head. “Don’t. I don’t want your pity. I’m telling you this because I swore to never allow another female to get close to me. I refused to mount any females they brought to my cell after I was taken back to Mercile. I’d think of my brothers and couldn’t even get hard. My weakness for sex with the female got them killed. Mercile believed I was emotionally damaged so they stopped bringing females to me for breeding experiments. I’ve turned down every female who offered to share sex since we were freed. Don’t ever accuse me of not wanting you, Kat. You’re the first temptation I couldn’t refuse.”
Her hands slid down his arms, caressing him. “I’m so sorry.”
“I am damaged. You’re leaving Homeland today but go knowing that truth. I didn’t touch you as a way to gain your trust or use what we’ve shared as a tool to deceive you. I did it because I couldn’t fight the attraction I feel. I took control of the camera feeds because I didn’t want anyone else watching you. You fascinate me.”
“You just expect me to leave after that?” She shook her head. “No way.”
He clenched his teeth. “Darwin Havings believed the female was a loose end. You know what those are. No one associated with that mess wanted her walking free to tell anyone about what had gone on in that camp. Never let it be said that cruel humans don’t have a twisted sense of justice. They thought it was fitting to let me be the one to kill her after giving her the impression that she’d been brought to me so she could watch me die. She took real pleasure in telling me how stupid I’d been to ever trust her and how disappointing it had been that she hadn’t gotten to watch my brothers die as well. She said she should get an award for acting since f**king me had been revolting. You should have seen her face when the guards left her there alone with me. I killed her, Kat.”
“I probably would have done the same in your place.”
He saw no censure in her eyes and she didn’t withdraw her touch. “I appreciate that but we both know it was wrong. I should have let the guards kill her. They were getting paid to follow orders. I did it for revenge.”
“It was a difficult situation after what she’d just said to you. You reacted in the heat of the moment, caused by the pain you suffered from the senseless murders of your brothers. I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“It’s who I am. It’s what keeps me going and I can’t change. I gave you all I had to give, Kat. This has to end. I can’t get attached to you.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
“I would.” He looked miserable. “I was jealous today. I wanted to rip out Jinx’s throat. It wasn’t a good feeling and I never want to experience it again. I like being numb. I never want to hurt again. You could do that to me if I don’t stop it now. It’s a risk I just can’t take. I warned you that I’m damaged. That wasn’t a lie either.”
She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face against his shoulder. “Thank you for that, Darkness.”
He relaxed, lowering some of his weight, and closed his eyes. He wished the moment could last but he only allowed it briefly. He climbed off her.
“You shouldn’t return home in a towel. I’ll get some clothes.”
“I don’t have to leave. I still have classes to teach but I would insist on the cameras being removed from my cottage.”
He refused to look at her. “I know you’re FBI, Kat. So does the NSO. You shared information you shouldn’t have with me so this is me returning the trust. I’d be in trouble if they knew I told you that. They wanted to figure out why you came by allowing you to keep up the charade. This thing between us ends today. Don’t stay for me because I won’t see you again after you leave this house. Go home before you do something that could get you in trouble with the NSO. I don’t want to see you hurt. I’ll be right back.”
She took a few breaths. “Yes.”
“Darwin Havings was her boss. She told me he forced her to work for him and she was only there because she wasn’t given a choice. They used her family as leverage. She was brought in because someone thought sex would be a good incentive to make us easier to control. She later admitted that her job was to teach me how to seduce females into obtaining information. She said she was a prostitute with the experience to train me to be a skilled lover but that was supposed to be kept secret.”
Kat grew lax under him and he released her wrists, lifting up enough to see her face. She stared up at him, frowning. It beat the anger and hurt he’d seen before. He shifted his weight but kept her under him.
“They brought her in every few days to spend time with me and we would plot how to escape with my brothers.” He swallowed. “I thought I could save them and her.”
Kat lowered her hands and curled them around his shoulders. She didn’t fight or hit him so he decided to tell her the rest of it.
“I believed she really loved me. I trusted her without question. We talked about everything. I told her about what they were making us do and all my fears. I found out afterward that nothing she said was truthful. She betrayed me from the start and it cost my brothers their lives.”
Kat’s lips parted but she said nothing.
“No one forced her to be there. She was paid a lot of money to gain my trust. I was the one who told her we had a weakness for females and children. That’s why they sent us into that camp. The information she gained from me put us there so they could see how far we could be pushed to discover our limits. I got my brothers killed because I trusted the wrong person. I have to live with that.”
“Darkness.” Tears shone in her eyes.
He shook his head. “Don’t. I don’t want your pity. I’m telling you this because I swore to never allow another female to get close to me. I refused to mount any females they brought to my cell after I was taken back to Mercile. I’d think of my brothers and couldn’t even get hard. My weakness for sex with the female got them killed. Mercile believed I was emotionally damaged so they stopped bringing females to me for breeding experiments. I’ve turned down every female who offered to share sex since we were freed. Don’t ever accuse me of not wanting you, Kat. You’re the first temptation I couldn’t refuse.”
Her hands slid down his arms, caressing him. “I’m so sorry.”
“I am damaged. You’re leaving Homeland today but go knowing that truth. I didn’t touch you as a way to gain your trust or use what we’ve shared as a tool to deceive you. I did it because I couldn’t fight the attraction I feel. I took control of the camera feeds because I didn’t want anyone else watching you. You fascinate me.”
“You just expect me to leave after that?” She shook her head. “No way.”
He clenched his teeth. “Darwin Havings believed the female was a loose end. You know what those are. No one associated with that mess wanted her walking free to tell anyone about what had gone on in that camp. Never let it be said that cruel humans don’t have a twisted sense of justice. They thought it was fitting to let me be the one to kill her after giving her the impression that she’d been brought to me so she could watch me die. She took real pleasure in telling me how stupid I’d been to ever trust her and how disappointing it had been that she hadn’t gotten to watch my brothers die as well. She said she should get an award for acting since f**king me had been revolting. You should have seen her face when the guards left her there alone with me. I killed her, Kat.”
“I probably would have done the same in your place.”
He saw no censure in her eyes and she didn’t withdraw her touch. “I appreciate that but we both know it was wrong. I should have let the guards kill her. They were getting paid to follow orders. I did it for revenge.”
“It was a difficult situation after what she’d just said to you. You reacted in the heat of the moment, caused by the pain you suffered from the senseless murders of your brothers. I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
“It’s who I am. It’s what keeps me going and I can’t change. I gave you all I had to give, Kat. This has to end. I can’t get attached to you.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
“I would.” He looked miserable. “I was jealous today. I wanted to rip out Jinx’s throat. It wasn’t a good feeling and I never want to experience it again. I like being numb. I never want to hurt again. You could do that to me if I don’t stop it now. It’s a risk I just can’t take. I warned you that I’m damaged. That wasn’t a lie either.”
She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face against his shoulder. “Thank you for that, Darkness.”
He relaxed, lowering some of his weight, and closed his eyes. He wished the moment could last but he only allowed it briefly. He climbed off her.
“You shouldn’t return home in a towel. I’ll get some clothes.”
“I don’t have to leave. I still have classes to teach but I would insist on the cameras being removed from my cottage.”
He refused to look at her. “I know you’re FBI, Kat. So does the NSO. You shared information you shouldn’t have with me so this is me returning the trust. I’d be in trouble if they knew I told you that. They wanted to figure out why you came by allowing you to keep up the charade. This thing between us ends today. Don’t stay for me because I won’t see you again after you leave this house. Go home before you do something that could get you in trouble with the NSO. I don’t want to see you hurt. I’ll be right back.”
