I didn’t protest.
I’d missed that too.
Chapter Nineteen
Daddy Was Home
It was after our session upstairs, our shower together, we’d dressed and I’d told Deacon I needed to call Milagros to let her know I was okay. He’d told me he’d keep himself occupied in order to give me privacy while I did that.
We went downstairs together and it was me who opened the door to the kitchen to let Bossy free. She immediately saw Deacon and started growling. Then she must have caught his scent because she stopped, began whimpering, dropped her head, and nearly crawled to him.
My nose started stinging with tears again.
Deacon instantly crouched and slowly lifted a hand her way, murmuring, “Yo, Boss Lady.”
She sniffed his hand, her tail started wagging violently, and she jumped up on him, licking his face.
Daddy was home.
Apparently dogs didn’t forget.
Boss Lady was so like me.
I hurried into the kitchen to give them their moment.
Okay, I did it so I wouldn’t bawl like a baby again.
Once there, I set about making Deacon a snack.
Because, of course, he’d told me he’d made his decision to return to me, didn’t waste time, so on his way, he didn’t eat.
* * * * *
“So is his name John Priest or Deacon Gates?” Milagros demanded to know through the phone at my ear.
While Deacon was eating and bonding with Bossy, I’d put on a jacket, scarf, and gloves, took my throw out to the porch, wrapped it around my legs, and called Milagros.
Milagros wasn’t very happy with my explanation that I was fine, mostly because it came with the inclusion of the fact that Deacon and I were talking (amongst other things that I didn’t tell her) and working it out.
“His name is Deacon Gates,” I said into the phone.
“And how is that, Cassidy?”
“Can I explain that part later?” I requested, buying time because I knew that explanation would be uncomfortable. I just hoped it wouldn’t end in me losing a friend who was important to me because I’d lied to her. “And I will, I promise.”
She was silent a moment before she said, “I had a bad feeling about him and I didn’t say anything when he left you. I didn’t remind you of that. I didn’t because you didn’t need reminding because he took all the life out of you and I didn’t want to hurt you further. But now, his returning out of nowhere having a different name doesn’t make me feel any better, even if I hear it in your voice that you have that life back.”
Well, that was good to know.
I decided to go for it.
“I knew his name was Deacon before,” I admitted hesitantly.
This just brought silence.
“I’m sorry. I really am,” I continued quickly. “But he was it for me and he came with boundaries. Now there are no boundaries, at least that’s what he says anyway. But we haven’t gotten into that and we need to get into it. The only thing I can tell you now is that I had him, the real him, and you, Manuel, and the kids did too. He just used a different name.”
I heard her sigh before she said, “People do many things for many reasons, and those reasons are the right reasons even if another person might think they’re wrong. That other person, they do not live in those shoes.”
God, she got it.
I felt extreme relief.
Then, unfortunately, she kept going.
“But with that, mi amiga, you do those things and you don’t hurt people along the way. If you do, then they’re not right. They’re just wrong.”
“I hear you.”
“I hope he did what he had to do for the right reasons.”
“His wife died an ugly death, Milagros.” I heard her soft gasp at this news but went on, “And he feels guilt he didn’t save her. He was working through that. My understanding so far is, he worked through it and came back to me.”
“Dios mio,” she said softly.
“Yes,” I agreed. “Now, I hate to cut this short because I know you’re worried but I need to get back to him. He’s bonding with Bossy, and a lot has happened since he showed up, but there’s a lot left to be said. We’ll have a good gab soon.”
“Okay, Cassidy. But I must leave you with this: the most important person in the world is you. Whatever you decide, do it taking care of you.”
She was totally the bomb.
“I am. I will. I promise,” I told her.
“Okay, querida. I believe you. See you soon.”
“Later, Milagros.”
I hit the button on the screen and put my phone down, training my eyes to the snow-gilded trees.
Now that the intensity of Deacon coming back was over and I was sitting in the cold on my porch—something I’d done alone for six months, something I didn’t enjoy doing alone for six months, far from it— all that had happened, all that he’d given me, as mammoth as it was, was wearing off.
Because I was right.
There was still a lot left to be said.
I took a page out of Deacon’s book when I heard the door open and I didn’t turn to look. I heard his boots on the deck, as well as Bossy’s claws. Then I saw a steaming mug put down on the arm of the chair as Bossy came to me and nosed my hand.
I gave her some pets and scratches, looking at the mug.
It was cocoa. Cocoa with marshmallow fluff melting on top.
I had not forgotten how Deacon could surprise me with little snatches of sweetness, like being a badass and putting marshmallow on hot cocoa (or making it at all). But I couldn’t deny it felt crazy-good having it back.
“Bed, baby,” I ordered Bossy, lifting up the cup.
She loped to the big dog bed I had out on the porch by the railing in front of the chairs that I’d thrown an old flannel blanket over. Her place in the cold when I was outside so she could be with me.
“She’s trained.” I heard Deacon say, knowing he was sitting beside me.
I took a sip of cocoa, the fluff tipping my lip. I took the cup away and licked it off.
“She knows ‘sit,’ ‘down,’ ‘stay,’ ‘bed,’ ‘come,’ ‘quiet,’ ‘be good,’ ‘downstairs,’ ‘upstairs,’ ‘play dead,’ and ‘fetch,’” I shared. “She’s great at fetch. She loves Frisbees.”
He said nothing but I felt the heaviness that came from him, my guess, this due to the fact he wasn’t there to teach her all that with me.
I drew in a breath.
Before I could ask for it, Deacon gave it to me.
I’d missed that too.
Chapter Nineteen
Daddy Was Home
It was after our session upstairs, our shower together, we’d dressed and I’d told Deacon I needed to call Milagros to let her know I was okay. He’d told me he’d keep himself occupied in order to give me privacy while I did that.
We went downstairs together and it was me who opened the door to the kitchen to let Bossy free. She immediately saw Deacon and started growling. Then she must have caught his scent because she stopped, began whimpering, dropped her head, and nearly crawled to him.
My nose started stinging with tears again.
Deacon instantly crouched and slowly lifted a hand her way, murmuring, “Yo, Boss Lady.”
She sniffed his hand, her tail started wagging violently, and she jumped up on him, licking his face.
Daddy was home.
Apparently dogs didn’t forget.
Boss Lady was so like me.
I hurried into the kitchen to give them their moment.
Okay, I did it so I wouldn’t bawl like a baby again.
Once there, I set about making Deacon a snack.
Because, of course, he’d told me he’d made his decision to return to me, didn’t waste time, so on his way, he didn’t eat.
* * * * *
“So is his name John Priest or Deacon Gates?” Milagros demanded to know through the phone at my ear.
While Deacon was eating and bonding with Bossy, I’d put on a jacket, scarf, and gloves, took my throw out to the porch, wrapped it around my legs, and called Milagros.
Milagros wasn’t very happy with my explanation that I was fine, mostly because it came with the inclusion of the fact that Deacon and I were talking (amongst other things that I didn’t tell her) and working it out.
“His name is Deacon Gates,” I said into the phone.
“And how is that, Cassidy?”
“Can I explain that part later?” I requested, buying time because I knew that explanation would be uncomfortable. I just hoped it wouldn’t end in me losing a friend who was important to me because I’d lied to her. “And I will, I promise.”
She was silent a moment before she said, “I had a bad feeling about him and I didn’t say anything when he left you. I didn’t remind you of that. I didn’t because you didn’t need reminding because he took all the life out of you and I didn’t want to hurt you further. But now, his returning out of nowhere having a different name doesn’t make me feel any better, even if I hear it in your voice that you have that life back.”
Well, that was good to know.
I decided to go for it.
“I knew his name was Deacon before,” I admitted hesitantly.
This just brought silence.
“I’m sorry. I really am,” I continued quickly. “But he was it for me and he came with boundaries. Now there are no boundaries, at least that’s what he says anyway. But we haven’t gotten into that and we need to get into it. The only thing I can tell you now is that I had him, the real him, and you, Manuel, and the kids did too. He just used a different name.”
I heard her sigh before she said, “People do many things for many reasons, and those reasons are the right reasons even if another person might think they’re wrong. That other person, they do not live in those shoes.”
God, she got it.
I felt extreme relief.
Then, unfortunately, she kept going.
“But with that, mi amiga, you do those things and you don’t hurt people along the way. If you do, then they’re not right. They’re just wrong.”
“I hear you.”
“I hope he did what he had to do for the right reasons.”
“His wife died an ugly death, Milagros.” I heard her soft gasp at this news but went on, “And he feels guilt he didn’t save her. He was working through that. My understanding so far is, he worked through it and came back to me.”
“Dios mio,” she said softly.
“Yes,” I agreed. “Now, I hate to cut this short because I know you’re worried but I need to get back to him. He’s bonding with Bossy, and a lot has happened since he showed up, but there’s a lot left to be said. We’ll have a good gab soon.”
“Okay, Cassidy. But I must leave you with this: the most important person in the world is you. Whatever you decide, do it taking care of you.”
She was totally the bomb.
“I am. I will. I promise,” I told her.
“Okay, querida. I believe you. See you soon.”
“Later, Milagros.”
I hit the button on the screen and put my phone down, training my eyes to the snow-gilded trees.
Now that the intensity of Deacon coming back was over and I was sitting in the cold on my porch—something I’d done alone for six months, something I didn’t enjoy doing alone for six months, far from it— all that had happened, all that he’d given me, as mammoth as it was, was wearing off.
Because I was right.
There was still a lot left to be said.
I took a page out of Deacon’s book when I heard the door open and I didn’t turn to look. I heard his boots on the deck, as well as Bossy’s claws. Then I saw a steaming mug put down on the arm of the chair as Bossy came to me and nosed my hand.
I gave her some pets and scratches, looking at the mug.
It was cocoa. Cocoa with marshmallow fluff melting on top.
I had not forgotten how Deacon could surprise me with little snatches of sweetness, like being a badass and putting marshmallow on hot cocoa (or making it at all). But I couldn’t deny it felt crazy-good having it back.
“Bed, baby,” I ordered Bossy, lifting up the cup.
She loped to the big dog bed I had out on the porch by the railing in front of the chairs that I’d thrown an old flannel blanket over. Her place in the cold when I was outside so she could be with me.
“She’s trained.” I heard Deacon say, knowing he was sitting beside me.
I took a sip of cocoa, the fluff tipping my lip. I took the cup away and licked it off.
“She knows ‘sit,’ ‘down,’ ‘stay,’ ‘bed,’ ‘come,’ ‘quiet,’ ‘be good,’ ‘downstairs,’ ‘upstairs,’ ‘play dead,’ and ‘fetch,’” I shared. “She’s great at fetch. She loves Frisbees.”
He said nothing but I felt the heaviness that came from him, my guess, this due to the fact he wasn’t there to teach her all that with me.
I drew in a breath.
Before I could ask for it, Deacon gave it to me.
