She’s making me lose my head and I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it.
Twenty-Six BELL
“Don’t forget dinner at our house tonight,” Nix calls out to Jesse as we make our way through the clubhouse out to my car the following morning. “Bring Bell with you,” he adds. Jesse stops and turns, but doesn’t say anything. Something passes between them before I speak up.
“Ummm, I think I have something planned already,” I cover, hiding my disappointment that Jesse is not comfortable with me coming along.
“You’re coming. No arguments. We need to talk about last night,” Nix orders, leaving no room for me to back out. Still needing some kind of cue from Jesse, I look up to him.
“If the boss man says you’re coming, then you better be there.” He shrugs and takes my hand. When we woke up this morning, Jesse was back to the fun-loving guy he always seems to be. Fake and content to live that life. I know it’s not healthy to allow myself this sort of relationship, but the thought of having nothing, doesn’t appeal to me anymore, now that he has given me something.
“Okay, see you tonight.” I turn back to Nix, hoping he doesn’t chew me out in front of everyone. Jesse doesn’t let us hang around. Tugging me along, we continue our journey out to the car.
“You sure you’re okay with me coming?” I ask when we stop at my car. Jesse doesn’t answer right away. I tilt my head back and narrow my gaze.
“You gonna pull any more stunts that could get me into shit with my club? ‘Cause like I told you last night, sweetheart, Nix is giving you a pass on that. He won’t give you any more.”
“Jesse, I promise I won’t do anything like that again,” I tell him, wishing I could take it all back. Take everything back. Maybe I wouldn’t have messed things up.
“Good, then no, I have no problem. You can even come with me.” He leans down and presses his mouth to mine.
“Okay, good. But I should meet you.” I push against his lips knowing he’s about to argue with me.
“You still sneaking out like a teenager?” He pulls back, the long dips in his frown telling me he’s not impressed.
“No, I’m just warming up to telling them. It’s not something I can just throw on them.”
“Where did they think you were last night?” he asks and I can’t help but cringe.
“Working a double.” I bite my lip, waiting for him to let me have it.
“Bell, that is not normal.”
“I know. Jesus, I don’t need a lecture from you, too. You of all people should understand this. Not that it’s anyone’s business where I spend my time. I just find it’s better for all parties if they think I’m hanging out with Lissy, or at work and not some badass biker clubhouse.” I nudge my head, pointing at the front of the clubhouse. His lips part slightly and I raise my brows, waiting for him to push, to tell me how ridiculous this whole thing is, but he doesn’t and I’m glad. It’s one thing to call me out on my issues, but he can’t, not when he has his own.
“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I just want you to be happy, and right now, you really gonna tell me you’re happy with this arrangement?”
I nod, taking in his opinion, but instead of thinking too much on it, I rise up on my toes and kiss him. “What time tonight?”
“Be here at five. We’ll take my bike.” I nod once more and kiss him again.
“Okay, bye.” I open my door and get in. He stands watching me, patiently waiting as I reverse out. He stays standing there when I exit through the front gates and travel down the short road. I know he’ll stand there waiting until I’m no longer in sight. He does it every time I leave, and every time I fall a little more in love with him.
“Hey, honey, how you doing?” My mom’s voice interrupts me as I attempt to apply mascara.
“Hey, Mom.” I look up from my mirror and watch her walk in, taking a seat on my bed.
“I haven’t seen you all week. You going out again?” she asks, looking around my room. I push the guilt of keeping the news of Paige down deep and pretend that I don’t know. I know if it was me, I would want to know, but until we know for sure, I’m not going to get anyone else’s hopes up.
“Yeah, work’s been crazy and just been hanging out with Lissy.” I lie, giving up on the mascara. It’s a waste of time. I fail at this stuff.
“You going to Lissy’s again this time?” she asks and her tone changes, putting me on alert.
“Ahh, no actually.” I turn to face her, and wait for her reaction.
“Oh, Manda?”
“Umm, no. I have a date.” I decide to try out the truth this time.
“A date?” She sounds surprised, but not as much as I thought she would.
“I’ve been seeing someone,” I blurt out, unable to keep hiding it.
She doesn’t say anything to start with and I begin to question my decisions. Maybe she’s not ready for the truth.
“I knew something was up. I’ve noticed a change in you. I should have put it together.” For a moment her eyes remain steady, unblinking, until she shakes her head.
“You have?” I move from my chair and sit next to her on my bed.
“Bell, I was once your age. I’ve noticed the smiles that come across your face when you read your messages. The late night phone calls in your room.” I dip my head in embarrassment thinking I had kept it all a secret. She knew all along.
Twenty-Six BELL
“Don’t forget dinner at our house tonight,” Nix calls out to Jesse as we make our way through the clubhouse out to my car the following morning. “Bring Bell with you,” he adds. Jesse stops and turns, but doesn’t say anything. Something passes between them before I speak up.
“Ummm, I think I have something planned already,” I cover, hiding my disappointment that Jesse is not comfortable with me coming along.
“You’re coming. No arguments. We need to talk about last night,” Nix orders, leaving no room for me to back out. Still needing some kind of cue from Jesse, I look up to him.
“If the boss man says you’re coming, then you better be there.” He shrugs and takes my hand. When we woke up this morning, Jesse was back to the fun-loving guy he always seems to be. Fake and content to live that life. I know it’s not healthy to allow myself this sort of relationship, but the thought of having nothing, doesn’t appeal to me anymore, now that he has given me something.
“Okay, see you tonight.” I turn back to Nix, hoping he doesn’t chew me out in front of everyone. Jesse doesn’t let us hang around. Tugging me along, we continue our journey out to the car.
“You sure you’re okay with me coming?” I ask when we stop at my car. Jesse doesn’t answer right away. I tilt my head back and narrow my gaze.
“You gonna pull any more stunts that could get me into shit with my club? ‘Cause like I told you last night, sweetheart, Nix is giving you a pass on that. He won’t give you any more.”
“Jesse, I promise I won’t do anything like that again,” I tell him, wishing I could take it all back. Take everything back. Maybe I wouldn’t have messed things up.
“Good, then no, I have no problem. You can even come with me.” He leans down and presses his mouth to mine.
“Okay, good. But I should meet you.” I push against his lips knowing he’s about to argue with me.
“You still sneaking out like a teenager?” He pulls back, the long dips in his frown telling me he’s not impressed.
“No, I’m just warming up to telling them. It’s not something I can just throw on them.”
“Where did they think you were last night?” he asks and I can’t help but cringe.
“Working a double.” I bite my lip, waiting for him to let me have it.
“Bell, that is not normal.”
“I know. Jesus, I don’t need a lecture from you, too. You of all people should understand this. Not that it’s anyone’s business where I spend my time. I just find it’s better for all parties if they think I’m hanging out with Lissy, or at work and not some badass biker clubhouse.” I nudge my head, pointing at the front of the clubhouse. His lips part slightly and I raise my brows, waiting for him to push, to tell me how ridiculous this whole thing is, but he doesn’t and I’m glad. It’s one thing to call me out on my issues, but he can’t, not when he has his own.
“I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I just want you to be happy, and right now, you really gonna tell me you’re happy with this arrangement?”
I nod, taking in his opinion, but instead of thinking too much on it, I rise up on my toes and kiss him. “What time tonight?”
“Be here at five. We’ll take my bike.” I nod once more and kiss him again.
“Okay, bye.” I open my door and get in. He stands watching me, patiently waiting as I reverse out. He stays standing there when I exit through the front gates and travel down the short road. I know he’ll stand there waiting until I’m no longer in sight. He does it every time I leave, and every time I fall a little more in love with him.
“Hey, honey, how you doing?” My mom’s voice interrupts me as I attempt to apply mascara.
“Hey, Mom.” I look up from my mirror and watch her walk in, taking a seat on my bed.
“I haven’t seen you all week. You going out again?” she asks, looking around my room. I push the guilt of keeping the news of Paige down deep and pretend that I don’t know. I know if it was me, I would want to know, but until we know for sure, I’m not going to get anyone else’s hopes up.
“Yeah, work’s been crazy and just been hanging out with Lissy.” I lie, giving up on the mascara. It’s a waste of time. I fail at this stuff.
“You going to Lissy’s again this time?” she asks and her tone changes, putting me on alert.
“Ahh, no actually.” I turn to face her, and wait for her reaction.
“Oh, Manda?”
“Umm, no. I have a date.” I decide to try out the truth this time.
“A date?” She sounds surprised, but not as much as I thought she would.
“I’ve been seeing someone,” I blurt out, unable to keep hiding it.
She doesn’t say anything to start with and I begin to question my decisions. Maybe she’s not ready for the truth.
“I knew something was up. I’ve noticed a change in you. I should have put it together.” For a moment her eyes remain steady, unblinking, until she shakes her head.
“You have?” I move from my chair and sit next to her on my bed.
“Bell, I was once your age. I’ve noticed the smiles that come across your face when you read your messages. The late night phone calls in your room.” I dip my head in embarrassment thinking I had kept it all a secret. She knew all along.
