Desperate Chances
Page 44
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Mitch’s lips thinned and he glanced down at the ground. “Yeah, I remember all that great stuff and I get angry, Gracie. Really fucking angry. And resentful as hell. Because we don’t have that anymore. I can’t pick up my phone and call you when shit goes down with the label. I can’t text you after a show and tell you how it went. I lost my best friend. And that pisses me off.”
“I’m sor—”
“Please don’t apologize. I know you’re sorry. It’s on your face every time I see you,” he laughed bitterly. “I know you regret what happened. God, if I could go back, I’d do things differently. Maybe I wouldn’t have opened that damn door at all.”
Ouch. Okay, that really hurt. Mitch knew how to play rough.
I opened my mouth to explain I didn’t regret being with him. That I could never regret that. I just regretted how I behaved afterwards. It was important that he knew that. I needed to say it and he needed to hear it. But he was still talking. And his next words shut me up.
“I’m with Sophie now. That’s what I should be focused on. I need to be thinking about what the hell I’m going to do if the band falls apart. I have to have a plan. I can’t go through life without one. I’ve been drifting by for long enough.” He ran his hands through his hair. “So I have some shit to sort out. And I can’t be all tied up in knots over you anymore. I can’t worry about what I’ll do if I see you. I can’t spend my nights obsessing over everything you say and don’t say. It’s not fair to Soph. It’s not fair to me. That can’t be my life anymore.”
“This is okay,” he continued. “Us talking and being somewhat normal together. We have to be. My friends are your friends. My town is your town. We’re going to see each other. It’s inevitable. And with Jordan and Maysie getting married, we’re going to be in each other’s lives in one way or another for the foreseeable future. But that’s it. We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.”
“If that’s what you need, Mitch. I understand,” I told him, my voice rough and crushed.
Mitch’s shoulders sagged and he gave me a look that broke my heart all over again. Because I had done this.
I had ruined so much more than I had ever realized.
“It’s the only way it can be, Gracie.” He let out a breath and turned toward Garrett’s house. “I’ll see you later.”
And then he was gone.
“I’ll see ya,” I murmured after he had left.
Day one of my new life.
Wake up.
Get a shower.
Get dressed.
Eat breakfast.
Sit at the kitchen table and try not bang my head against the wood over and over and over again.
It was really fucking boring.
“You’ve been staring at that newspaper for over an hour. Do the words change if you look at it long enough?” Garrett asked, pouring a cup of coffee. He was already dressed, which was surprising considering the guy typically didn’t get out of bed until midday.
“What are you doing up already?” I asked him.
“I’m heading up to see Riley, remember. I’ll be gone until next week.” He dumped three spoonfuls of sugar into his cup and stirred. “No crazy parties until I get back. You can’t have that shit going on unless I’m here to enjoy it.”
“Yes, Dad,” I said, pushing the paper away from me.
“What’s with all the early morning angst? Girl trouble? I saw you out by the bonfire with Gracie last night. Is that what’s gotten your panties all in a bunch? I sincerely hope you two ironed out all your shit. It’s been going on long enough, don’t you think?” Garrett sat down across from me and grabbed a donut from the box Maysie had brought over earlier. She had already been by with groceries. I think she thought that we were going to either starve or resort to cannibalism if she didn’t take care of us. Though I wasn’t going to say anything to the contrary, because I really hated going grocery shopping.
“No, this has nothing to do with Gracie,” I told him, proud of myself for saying her name without wanting to vomit.
Garrett raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.
“So I just imagined all that unresolved tension between the two of you last night?”
“Dude, I have a girlfriend,” I reminded him.
Maybe I needed the reminder too.
I really hated that stupid inner voice.
“Yeah, well perhaps that’s the problem,” Garrett remarked dryly. I did not want to talk about Gracie. I had dealt with that shit last night. I had been proud of how I handled things. I had laid it all out there. I had told Gracie that I didn’t want to ignore her. That I wasn’t going to avoid her the way I knew she had been avoiding me. I wanted to be civil. Mature even.
We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.
Just maybe I could force myself to believe it.
Because hell if I could face her apologies from here to freaking eternity. I’d had enough of those.
It’s what was best. For everyone. There was no future with Gracie.
Was there a future with Sophie?
I was trying to figure out the answer to that.
I was pretty sure I already knew.
“Are you going to be back in time for our call with Pirate on Friday? Or are you just going to conference in?” I asked him, ignoring his barb.
“No, I’ll be back for that,” he said grimly.
“I’m sor—”
“Please don’t apologize. I know you’re sorry. It’s on your face every time I see you,” he laughed bitterly. “I know you regret what happened. God, if I could go back, I’d do things differently. Maybe I wouldn’t have opened that damn door at all.”
Ouch. Okay, that really hurt. Mitch knew how to play rough.
I opened my mouth to explain I didn’t regret being with him. That I could never regret that. I just regretted how I behaved afterwards. It was important that he knew that. I needed to say it and he needed to hear it. But he was still talking. And his next words shut me up.
“I’m with Sophie now. That’s what I should be focused on. I need to be thinking about what the hell I’m going to do if the band falls apart. I have to have a plan. I can’t go through life without one. I’ve been drifting by for long enough.” He ran his hands through his hair. “So I have some shit to sort out. And I can’t be all tied up in knots over you anymore. I can’t worry about what I’ll do if I see you. I can’t spend my nights obsessing over everything you say and don’t say. It’s not fair to Soph. It’s not fair to me. That can’t be my life anymore.”
“This is okay,” he continued. “Us talking and being somewhat normal together. We have to be. My friends are your friends. My town is your town. We’re going to see each other. It’s inevitable. And with Jordan and Maysie getting married, we’re going to be in each other’s lives in one way or another for the foreseeable future. But that’s it. We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.”
“If that’s what you need, Mitch. I understand,” I told him, my voice rough and crushed.
Mitch’s shoulders sagged and he gave me a look that broke my heart all over again. Because I had done this.
I had ruined so much more than I had ever realized.
“It’s the only way it can be, Gracie.” He let out a breath and turned toward Garrett’s house. “I’ll see you later.”
And then he was gone.
“I’ll see ya,” I murmured after he had left.
Day one of my new life.
Wake up.
Get a shower.
Get dressed.
Eat breakfast.
Sit at the kitchen table and try not bang my head against the wood over and over and over again.
It was really fucking boring.
“You’ve been staring at that newspaper for over an hour. Do the words change if you look at it long enough?” Garrett asked, pouring a cup of coffee. He was already dressed, which was surprising considering the guy typically didn’t get out of bed until midday.
“What are you doing up already?” I asked him.
“I’m heading up to see Riley, remember. I’ll be gone until next week.” He dumped three spoonfuls of sugar into his cup and stirred. “No crazy parties until I get back. You can’t have that shit going on unless I’m here to enjoy it.”
“Yes, Dad,” I said, pushing the paper away from me.
“What’s with all the early morning angst? Girl trouble? I saw you out by the bonfire with Gracie last night. Is that what’s gotten your panties all in a bunch? I sincerely hope you two ironed out all your shit. It’s been going on long enough, don’t you think?” Garrett sat down across from me and grabbed a donut from the box Maysie had brought over earlier. She had already been by with groceries. I think she thought that we were going to either starve or resort to cannibalism if she didn’t take care of us. Though I wasn’t going to say anything to the contrary, because I really hated going grocery shopping.
“No, this has nothing to do with Gracie,” I told him, proud of myself for saying her name without wanting to vomit.
Garrett raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.
“So I just imagined all that unresolved tension between the two of you last night?”
“Dude, I have a girlfriend,” I reminded him.
Maybe I needed the reminder too.
I really hated that stupid inner voice.
“Yeah, well perhaps that’s the problem,” Garrett remarked dryly. I did not want to talk about Gracie. I had dealt with that shit last night. I had been proud of how I handled things. I had laid it all out there. I had told Gracie that I didn’t want to ignore her. That I wasn’t going to avoid her the way I knew she had been avoiding me. I wanted to be civil. Mature even.
We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.
Just maybe I could force myself to believe it.
Because hell if I could face her apologies from here to freaking eternity. I’d had enough of those.
It’s what was best. For everyone. There was no future with Gracie.
Was there a future with Sophie?
I was trying to figure out the answer to that.
I was pretty sure I already knew.
“Are you going to be back in time for our call with Pirate on Friday? Or are you just going to conference in?” I asked him, ignoring his barb.
“No, I’ll be back for that,” he said grimly.
