Striding to the cot, I scooped up Vera in her pretty pink cap. Her round eyes opened, locking onto mine.
Blue to white. I fell madly in love.
My heart expanded to include a little girl I’d lost. A little girl I’d gained. And a son and woman I belonged to.
“Hello, Vera,” I whispered.
The little girl yawned, her tiny lips stretching wide. She squirmed in her blankets. I knew right then and there things would be okay.
I brought her to my lips and pressed a kiss on her forehead.
She was mine.
She was my new chance.
My future was bright and safe.
Vasily had broken my curse.
Six weeks later, once Zel had healed enough to return home and the twins were safely absconded in their nursery, I planned a special evening just for the two of us.
While Zel was upstairs kissing the twins and telling them stories of a big sister they’d never meet, I decorated the lounge in a gazillion candles. I ordered a banquet of finger foods and delicious entrees and laid large sheepskins on the floor beside the roaring fire.
Tonight, I was going to make love to my woman.
For the first time.
Every time I thought about how different my life had become, I would stop and lose myself in memories. It felt as if I’d lived my entire life in shadows. Listening to conversations under water, and experiencing joy down a long tunnel with no light. Every since my conditioning broke, I hadn’t stopped touching.
I barely put the twins down.
Zel couldn’t walk past me without running her hands over my back or trailing fingertips through my hair. We hadn’t had sex since the birth, but we’d never been so intimate. So in tune.
I’d never been so f**king happy.
Tonight I planned on seducing a woman for the first time in my life. I’d never bought candles or sourced romantic music. I’d never ordered food based on their aphrodisiac qualities.
Vasily and Vera had given me a brand new world to explore and indulge, and I didn’t want to miss a second.
My heart raced at the thought of taking Zel. Of worshipping her with everything I could. I wanted to know what it would be like to hug her and hold her tight with none of the shit I’d lived with.
There would be no past or Ghosts or terror.
There would only be love and lust and hunger.
“Wow, you’ve been busy,” Zel’s voice sounded behind me.
I spun to face her, never getting used to the way my love for her sucker-punched me the gut. “Shit, I wanted to have all of this ready before you came down.”
I still hadn’t presented the food how I wanted. And the statue I’d made her hadn’t been covered. Damn it.
I moved to hide it, but Zel sucked in a gasp.
“Oh, my God. Did you make that?” She drifted forward, absorbed by the half metre statue I’d done over the course of several nights. The conditioning might have broken, but I still struggled to sleep in the dark.
After a lifetime of sleeping during the day—those patterns hadn’t changed overnight.
“Do you like it?” Nervousness scattered down my spine.
Her gaze landed on mine, full of awe. “Do I like it? How can you ask me that? I love it. I more than love it. Roan…it’s perfect.”
My heart hurt as she stroked the bronze artwork with a shaky fingertip.
I let some of who I’d been return, but I did it willingly. I had the choice. I embraced the hunter side of me as I stalked toward the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.
I’d made it for her. A complex blend of her and me. Our beginning and our future. I wanted her to see how much I cared for her. How much I belonged to her and how much she was mine. All mine. For f**king ever.
It wasn’t a clear-cut design, more tribal than certain shapes. Masculine and feminine lines showed a sea-froth full of horses. Five in total with Russian names engraved in their manes.
Clara. Roan. Hazel. Vasily and Vera.
Five points of paradise. Amongst the crashing waves, weaving in with the galloping legs were stars—a million glittering stars inlaid with silver.
Stars for Clara.
Zel sniffed, twisting to face me. “You couldn’t have made a more perfect piece.” Her hands landed on my chest.
I jolted with pleasure, still amazed how much her touch resonated through my every cell.
Her eyes lit with worry. “Are you okay?” She swallowed, her gaze darting all over me. “You aren’t regressing, are you?”
The fear at the thought doused all my lust in an icy wash. I hoped to God that never f**king happened. I couldn’t stomach the thought of living with the conditioning again.
I’d have a brain transplant first. I could never go back.
Shaking my head, I dropped my mouth to hers. She kissed me sweetly, innocently, still slightly afraid.
Pulling away, I murmured, “No. I jumped because I’ll never get used to you touching me. It makes me come alive. It makes me want you so f**king much.”
A blush coloured her cheeks.
I kissed her, nipping at her lower lip. “Touch me again.”
Zel obeyed. Her hands came up and landed on the buttons of my white shirt. Slowly, she unbuttoned it. The room filled with throbbing tension, cracking between us. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her and groaned as she pushed aside the material and placed her hands on my chest.
My c**k swelled.
My vision popped with bright lights.
“Goddammit, Zel you have the power to bring me to my knees.”
Her lips parted and her touch grew firmer, branding me with fire. Every fingertip was f**king heaven. Hot and gentle, possessive and female. She could undo me with a simple stroke.
I held my breath as she pushed the white shirt off my shoulders. My heart raced. “I was the one who wanted to seduce you. But you’re the one in control again.”
Emerald eyes shot to mine and I drowned in f**king love for her. “You don’t need to seduce me.”
I shook my head. “I wanted to remind you that you belong to me. That you may have two little lives to look after, but I still own you, just like you own me.”
She bit her lip as a torrent of emotion skittered over her face. Her finger looped around the star necklace at her throat. The same necklace we wore to honour Clara’s memory. Every time things became too much for her, she’d touch the silver and find peace to carry on. I always knew when she let sadness take her hostage—the light in her would dim—almost as if she left part of herself in this world to go and talk to a daughter who no longer existed in human form.
My heart hurt, remembering the little girl who would’ve been the best big sister in the world. I would never stop thinking of Clara and what she did for me, but tonight wasn’t about grief. Tonight was all about celebration.
“You don’t need to remind me. I know I’m yours. Just like Clara was. Just like Vasily and Vera are. You deserve all of us, Roan. You make me complete.”
I couldn’t help it. I grabbed the back of her neck and crushed her against me. Her taste exploded in my mouth and something snapped in her—meeting the rapidly building need in me.
Capturing the sash of her cherry coloured dressing gown, I tugged on the cord. I’d watched her take a bath earlier and I couldn’t get the images of her br**sts floating, covered with bubbles out of my mind. She’d looked like a delectable desert all for me.
“I want you, dobycha.”
“I’m not your prey.”
I bowed my head and bit her neck. “No? What are you then?”
She shivered as I licked her gently and dragged my nose up her chin. Inhaling her lily of the valley and clean smell of soap, I drugged myself on her.
Her eyelids fluttered closed, swaying into me as I yanked the dressing gown off her shoulders and cupped her breast. “What are you, Hazel?”
My c**k throbbed to plunge inside her, but I wanted to go slow. I wanted to savour every part.
She dropped her eyes. I raised my fingers to press beneath her chin. Her lips tilted upward, looking plump and tempting.
“Kiss me,” I demanded.
Her eyes grew heavy. She swayed forward on tiptoe, pressing her delicious lips against mine.
Holding her chin, I forced her to open her mouth, slinking my tongue inside. She moaned; her fingers twitched against my chest. I loved her touch. I loved her being able to touch me. I loved that I had no urge to crush her or slam her to the floor.
I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.
Her arms suddenly flew around me, pressing herself hard. Her curves to my edges. Her flame to my dy***ite.
Gone was the need to drag out the night. I couldn’t think about eating or sitting across from her and trying to ignore the pull.
The room throbbed with need. My head pounded with hunger to be inside her. I’d run out of self-control.
Gathering her up, I stumbled backward, bringing her with me. “I’m going to worship you, Zel.”
She trembled in my arms, her sleek wet tongue dancing with mine.
When my bare feet sank into the fluffy sheepskins on the floor, I lowered us down until I sat upright, and she straddled my lap.
I groaned as her hands dropped from my chest to my buckle. I no longer wore black. I no longer had a compulsion to dress in a colour that offered me some form of safety. I wore whatever colour struck me. I embraced designs and patterns.
I still didn’t wear underwear though, and gasped as Zel’s hot hand wrapped around my cock.
She pumped me once, causing my stomach to clench. Fire exploded in my balls. I lost all thought and control. I struggled to stay coherent. “Zel. Wait—I want…”
Her every touch annihilated me, not because I no longer wanted to kill her, but because she brought me back to life.
“Make love to me, Roan.”
I no longer had to obey her commands, but I wouldn’t turn down the request—the sweet invitation of joining with the woman who gave me everything.
I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled her neck back. The silver star glinted around her neck and I paused. Instead of biting her, I kissed her ever so gently.
She moaned, wriggling against me.
“God, don’t move. I’ll come if you do.” My hands dropped to cup her breast. Shock filled me. Her br**sts were swollen and big. Not what I was used to from her smaller cup size.
Zel squirmed away after a second, too sensitive. “I need you, Roan. Now.”
How was it every time we had sex it ended being too much to bear. Too wild. Too full of need to take it slow.
I could barely see with need for her.
Wrapping my arms around her back, I squashed her against me. Loving the thrum of her heart against mine. The heat of her skin. “I want to spend a lifetime making you come, Hazel. A lifetime of pleasure and happiness.”
She smiled, throwing her head back as I kissed along her chin. “I like that proposal.” Her mouth searched mine and she moaned as I plunged my tongue past her lips. I f**king drowned in her taste and my h*ps surged upward, searching for her.
Her tongue swirled with mine while she gyrated on my lap. She rushed me, rubbing her intoxicating wetness along my cock. I growled with frustration as her eager hand went between my legs and cupped my balls. “Now, Roan. Take me.”
I gritted my teeth as a wave of lust filled my belly. “I wanted to lead tonight, but you’ve taken control once again. You own me so f**king completely, Zel.” My vision pulsed as she stroked my cock, harder and harder until all I could think about was filling her. Thrusting into her.
“I’m just enjoying being able to touch you with no fear.” She bent her head to bite my neck. “I can bite you.”
She stopped stroking me and shoved the robe away until she sat gloriously na**d in my lap. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, bringing us within breathing distance. “I can hug you.”
Spreading her legs, she arched her back and sank ever so slowly down my length. “I can f**k you.”
I groaned as she consumed me with hot darkness. “I can adore you.” Her arms pressed on my shoulders as she pushed upward. We moaned loudly as she sank back down. Down and down until every inch of me was in every inch of her.
Goddammit, this woman. I would never get enough of her.
I f**king loved her forever.
Throwing all plans for a slow and seductive evening away, I pushed up with my legs and splayed her flat on her back on the sheepskin. She flinched at the speed, then sighed and shivered as I thrust into her.
“You like that?” I kissed her nose, her cheek, her eyelids. “You like me being inside you? Fucking you? Loving you?”
She bit her lip, fingernails scrabbling at my back. “Yes. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
The flickering gold and oranges of the fire danced across her skin, making her look like she burned with need.
Keeping my weight on one elbow, I traced down the centre of her body all while rocking into her. I followed the path of where the silver chain used to be. The one I’d fabricated in hope it would protect her from me. I missed it. We hadn’t used it often, but now I liked the thought of restraining her just so I could indulge in my fill. To make her come apart as successfully as she made me.
I made a mental note to fabricate another. To bind her with silver, so I could take her completely.
For now, I had an alternative.
Leaning down to kiss her, I fumbled for the edge of the sheepskin and came up with the pair of fluffy handcuffs.
Her eyes flared, but she didn’t say a word as I secured one around her wrist and the other…around mine. Locking us together left wrist to left wrist. The novelty cuffs didn’t stand a chance against holding, but I liked the symbolism; the blatant acknowledgment that we belonged to each other.
Her free hand captured the back of my head, dragging me down for another kiss. “Whatever you have in mind, you better hurry. I need you so much.”
Blue to white. I fell madly in love.
My heart expanded to include a little girl I’d lost. A little girl I’d gained. And a son and woman I belonged to.
“Hello, Vera,” I whispered.
The little girl yawned, her tiny lips stretching wide. She squirmed in her blankets. I knew right then and there things would be okay.
I brought her to my lips and pressed a kiss on her forehead.
She was mine.
She was my new chance.
My future was bright and safe.
Vasily had broken my curse.
Six weeks later, once Zel had healed enough to return home and the twins were safely absconded in their nursery, I planned a special evening just for the two of us.
While Zel was upstairs kissing the twins and telling them stories of a big sister they’d never meet, I decorated the lounge in a gazillion candles. I ordered a banquet of finger foods and delicious entrees and laid large sheepskins on the floor beside the roaring fire.
Tonight, I was going to make love to my woman.
For the first time.
Every time I thought about how different my life had become, I would stop and lose myself in memories. It felt as if I’d lived my entire life in shadows. Listening to conversations under water, and experiencing joy down a long tunnel with no light. Every since my conditioning broke, I hadn’t stopped touching.
I barely put the twins down.
Zel couldn’t walk past me without running her hands over my back or trailing fingertips through my hair. We hadn’t had sex since the birth, but we’d never been so intimate. So in tune.
I’d never been so f**king happy.
Tonight I planned on seducing a woman for the first time in my life. I’d never bought candles or sourced romantic music. I’d never ordered food based on their aphrodisiac qualities.
Vasily and Vera had given me a brand new world to explore and indulge, and I didn’t want to miss a second.
My heart raced at the thought of taking Zel. Of worshipping her with everything I could. I wanted to know what it would be like to hug her and hold her tight with none of the shit I’d lived with.
There would be no past or Ghosts or terror.
There would only be love and lust and hunger.
“Wow, you’ve been busy,” Zel’s voice sounded behind me.
I spun to face her, never getting used to the way my love for her sucker-punched me the gut. “Shit, I wanted to have all of this ready before you came down.”
I still hadn’t presented the food how I wanted. And the statue I’d made her hadn’t been covered. Damn it.
I moved to hide it, but Zel sucked in a gasp.
“Oh, my God. Did you make that?” She drifted forward, absorbed by the half metre statue I’d done over the course of several nights. The conditioning might have broken, but I still struggled to sleep in the dark.
After a lifetime of sleeping during the day—those patterns hadn’t changed overnight.
“Do you like it?” Nervousness scattered down my spine.
Her gaze landed on mine, full of awe. “Do I like it? How can you ask me that? I love it. I more than love it. Roan…it’s perfect.”
My heart hurt as she stroked the bronze artwork with a shaky fingertip.
I let some of who I’d been return, but I did it willingly. I had the choice. I embraced the hunter side of me as I stalked toward the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.
I’d made it for her. A complex blend of her and me. Our beginning and our future. I wanted her to see how much I cared for her. How much I belonged to her and how much she was mine. All mine. For f**king ever.
It wasn’t a clear-cut design, more tribal than certain shapes. Masculine and feminine lines showed a sea-froth full of horses. Five in total with Russian names engraved in their manes.
Clara. Roan. Hazel. Vasily and Vera.
Five points of paradise. Amongst the crashing waves, weaving in with the galloping legs were stars—a million glittering stars inlaid with silver.
Stars for Clara.
Zel sniffed, twisting to face me. “You couldn’t have made a more perfect piece.” Her hands landed on my chest.
I jolted with pleasure, still amazed how much her touch resonated through my every cell.
Her eyes lit with worry. “Are you okay?” She swallowed, her gaze darting all over me. “You aren’t regressing, are you?”
The fear at the thought doused all my lust in an icy wash. I hoped to God that never f**king happened. I couldn’t stomach the thought of living with the conditioning again.
I’d have a brain transplant first. I could never go back.
Shaking my head, I dropped my mouth to hers. She kissed me sweetly, innocently, still slightly afraid.
Pulling away, I murmured, “No. I jumped because I’ll never get used to you touching me. It makes me come alive. It makes me want you so f**king much.”
A blush coloured her cheeks.
I kissed her, nipping at her lower lip. “Touch me again.”
Zel obeyed. Her hands came up and landed on the buttons of my white shirt. Slowly, she unbuttoned it. The room filled with throbbing tension, cracking between us. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her and groaned as she pushed aside the material and placed her hands on my chest.
My c**k swelled.
My vision popped with bright lights.
“Goddammit, Zel you have the power to bring me to my knees.”
Her lips parted and her touch grew firmer, branding me with fire. Every fingertip was f**king heaven. Hot and gentle, possessive and female. She could undo me with a simple stroke.
I held my breath as she pushed the white shirt off my shoulders. My heart raced. “I was the one who wanted to seduce you. But you’re the one in control again.”
Emerald eyes shot to mine and I drowned in f**king love for her. “You don’t need to seduce me.”
I shook my head. “I wanted to remind you that you belong to me. That you may have two little lives to look after, but I still own you, just like you own me.”
She bit her lip as a torrent of emotion skittered over her face. Her finger looped around the star necklace at her throat. The same necklace we wore to honour Clara’s memory. Every time things became too much for her, she’d touch the silver and find peace to carry on. I always knew when she let sadness take her hostage—the light in her would dim—almost as if she left part of herself in this world to go and talk to a daughter who no longer existed in human form.
My heart hurt, remembering the little girl who would’ve been the best big sister in the world. I would never stop thinking of Clara and what she did for me, but tonight wasn’t about grief. Tonight was all about celebration.
“You don’t need to remind me. I know I’m yours. Just like Clara was. Just like Vasily and Vera are. You deserve all of us, Roan. You make me complete.”
I couldn’t help it. I grabbed the back of her neck and crushed her against me. Her taste exploded in my mouth and something snapped in her—meeting the rapidly building need in me.
Capturing the sash of her cherry coloured dressing gown, I tugged on the cord. I’d watched her take a bath earlier and I couldn’t get the images of her br**sts floating, covered with bubbles out of my mind. She’d looked like a delectable desert all for me.
“I want you, dobycha.”
“I’m not your prey.”
I bowed my head and bit her neck. “No? What are you then?”
She shivered as I licked her gently and dragged my nose up her chin. Inhaling her lily of the valley and clean smell of soap, I drugged myself on her.
Her eyelids fluttered closed, swaying into me as I yanked the dressing gown off her shoulders and cupped her breast. “What are you, Hazel?”
My c**k throbbed to plunge inside her, but I wanted to go slow. I wanted to savour every part.
She dropped her eyes. I raised my fingers to press beneath her chin. Her lips tilted upward, looking plump and tempting.
“Kiss me,” I demanded.
Her eyes grew heavy. She swayed forward on tiptoe, pressing her delicious lips against mine.
Holding her chin, I forced her to open her mouth, slinking my tongue inside. She moaned; her fingers twitched against my chest. I loved her touch. I loved her being able to touch me. I loved that I had no urge to crush her or slam her to the floor.
I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.
Her arms suddenly flew around me, pressing herself hard. Her curves to my edges. Her flame to my dy***ite.
Gone was the need to drag out the night. I couldn’t think about eating or sitting across from her and trying to ignore the pull.
The room throbbed with need. My head pounded with hunger to be inside her. I’d run out of self-control.
Gathering her up, I stumbled backward, bringing her with me. “I’m going to worship you, Zel.”
She trembled in my arms, her sleek wet tongue dancing with mine.
When my bare feet sank into the fluffy sheepskins on the floor, I lowered us down until I sat upright, and she straddled my lap.
I groaned as her hands dropped from my chest to my buckle. I no longer wore black. I no longer had a compulsion to dress in a colour that offered me some form of safety. I wore whatever colour struck me. I embraced designs and patterns.
I still didn’t wear underwear though, and gasped as Zel’s hot hand wrapped around my cock.
She pumped me once, causing my stomach to clench. Fire exploded in my balls. I lost all thought and control. I struggled to stay coherent. “Zel. Wait—I want…”
Her every touch annihilated me, not because I no longer wanted to kill her, but because she brought me back to life.
“Make love to me, Roan.”
I no longer had to obey her commands, but I wouldn’t turn down the request—the sweet invitation of joining with the woman who gave me everything.
I grabbed a handful of hair and pulled her neck back. The silver star glinted around her neck and I paused. Instead of biting her, I kissed her ever so gently.
She moaned, wriggling against me.
“God, don’t move. I’ll come if you do.” My hands dropped to cup her breast. Shock filled me. Her br**sts were swollen and big. Not what I was used to from her smaller cup size.
Zel squirmed away after a second, too sensitive. “I need you, Roan. Now.”
How was it every time we had sex it ended being too much to bear. Too wild. Too full of need to take it slow.
I could barely see with need for her.
Wrapping my arms around her back, I squashed her against me. Loving the thrum of her heart against mine. The heat of her skin. “I want to spend a lifetime making you come, Hazel. A lifetime of pleasure and happiness.”
She smiled, throwing her head back as I kissed along her chin. “I like that proposal.” Her mouth searched mine and she moaned as I plunged my tongue past her lips. I f**king drowned in her taste and my h*ps surged upward, searching for her.
Her tongue swirled with mine while she gyrated on my lap. She rushed me, rubbing her intoxicating wetness along my cock. I growled with frustration as her eager hand went between my legs and cupped my balls. “Now, Roan. Take me.”
I gritted my teeth as a wave of lust filled my belly. “I wanted to lead tonight, but you’ve taken control once again. You own me so f**king completely, Zel.” My vision pulsed as she stroked my cock, harder and harder until all I could think about was filling her. Thrusting into her.
“I’m just enjoying being able to touch you with no fear.” She bent her head to bite my neck. “I can bite you.”
She stopped stroking me and shoved the robe away until she sat gloriously na**d in my lap. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, bringing us within breathing distance. “I can hug you.”
Spreading her legs, she arched her back and sank ever so slowly down my length. “I can f**k you.”
I groaned as she consumed me with hot darkness. “I can adore you.” Her arms pressed on my shoulders as she pushed upward. We moaned loudly as she sank back down. Down and down until every inch of me was in every inch of her.
Goddammit, this woman. I would never get enough of her.
I f**king loved her forever.
Throwing all plans for a slow and seductive evening away, I pushed up with my legs and splayed her flat on her back on the sheepskin. She flinched at the speed, then sighed and shivered as I thrust into her.
“You like that?” I kissed her nose, her cheek, her eyelids. “You like me being inside you? Fucking you? Loving you?”
She bit her lip, fingernails scrabbling at my back. “Yes. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”
The flickering gold and oranges of the fire danced across her skin, making her look like she burned with need.
Keeping my weight on one elbow, I traced down the centre of her body all while rocking into her. I followed the path of where the silver chain used to be. The one I’d fabricated in hope it would protect her from me. I missed it. We hadn’t used it often, but now I liked the thought of restraining her just so I could indulge in my fill. To make her come apart as successfully as she made me.
I made a mental note to fabricate another. To bind her with silver, so I could take her completely.
For now, I had an alternative.
Leaning down to kiss her, I fumbled for the edge of the sheepskin and came up with the pair of fluffy handcuffs.
Her eyes flared, but she didn’t say a word as I secured one around her wrist and the other…around mine. Locking us together left wrist to left wrist. The novelty cuffs didn’t stand a chance against holding, but I liked the symbolism; the blatant acknowledgment that we belonged to each other.
Her free hand captured the back of my head, dragging me down for another kiss. “Whatever you have in mind, you better hurry. I need you so much.”
