Drawn Together
Page 60

“You better tell me because now I’m getting worried.”
“At the Halloween thing at Gillian’s, Levi asked me if I wanted him to do a background check on you.”
Was that it? She’d frankly expected him to have done it already anyway. “Oh. Well, what did you find out?”
He shook his head. “I said no. Or rather, look, as he was talking Erin overheard and she was really pissed off. She tore a strip off both of us. Her anger was righteous. She did it to defend you. And you deserved defending. But I was about to tell him no, thanks, when she came down and got in my face.”
Erin hadn’t said a word. Still, it made her smile to imagine what Erin had been like. Her usually laid-back and happy friend could really get scary when people she cared about got threatened.
“I expect your brother was concerned about my lack of stability in the past. He’s just trying to protect you. Though if Erin got that mad he probably made a gold digger comment.” Which would hurt her feelings considering she’d never done anything like that, ever. She was used to being misjudged, but it still sucked.
“Charlotte has treated me like an ATM these last years. Hell, pretty much since day one. She came from money so I figured she was used to a certain level of comfort and as her husband it was my job to provide it. And then when she had Carrie she used to use that to get more from me. A few thousand here to go on spa trips. Plastic surgery. New wardrobes. Whatever. Even after the divorce she was like that. He’s sensitive about it because he saw me get hurt by it. It doesn’t excuse any hurt you’d have felt if it had happened in your earshot, and believe me when I tell you that when Erin was finished defending you, Levi felt like complete and utter shit. He likes you. He was just trying to protect me. Anyway, I’m not doing it and he’s never asked again. I was going to let it be once I figured Erin hadn’t told you, but I began to panic about how hurt you might be if you heard it from anyone else but me.”
She shook her head. “I don’t even know what to do with you. I mean, the sex stuff, sure. But the heart stuff? I don’t know how to manage it. If you’d done the background check, you know you could have found out about whatever happened in my past. You’d have answers to your questions.”
“I want to find out from you. Your past, the things you’ve endured and survived, aren’t something I should hear from reports. They’re yours. To go around you and find out when you’ve slowly been revealing yourself to me would be a rejection of what you mean to me. I admire you for how you survived. It’s your story, you should tell it.”
She looked up at the ceiling to hold back the tears, blinking quickly. “I don’t know how to do this stuff. I’ve never been in a relationship before.”
He took her hand, kissing her fingertips. “Sure you have. You’re in a relationship with Erin, who is quite the defender, let me tell you. She loves you. You’re in a relationship with Alexander. Hell, and Poppy and Martine. Rennie, who stares at you like you’re a disco ball or something equally shiny and miraculous.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“I know. But you seem to think you can’t do this simply because no one has really been worth it before. And I’m telling you, you have made a commitment to people and you’ve done it successfully. And you’ve made one to me. And that’s pretty damned successful too. I love you, Raven. You make my heart beat faster, even when you’re being particularly vexing. I want to be worth it for you, the way you are for me.”
She swallowed past a knot of emotion. “You don’t love me. You can’t love me. I’m a novelty, nothing more.”
“You really make me angry when you say stuff like that. I’m not twenty, or a f**king cat. I can tell the difference between novelty and love. I’ve loved you since the start.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or offend you. But see how I am? I do it without even trying. I can’t fit into your world of benefits and swanky dinners and people with names everyone knows. I’m not that girl.”
“You’re my girl. That’s what counts. Can’t you see that? I had a wife who looked good on my arm at parties and was nothing more. You’re so much more than that. Can’t you see yourself? Hm? You’re here in Seattle for Erin and Brody. And Alexander. You do for other people all the time. They don’t even need to ask, you just do it. You’re something so special.”
“And you.”
He cocked his head.
“I’m in Seattle for you.”
He smiled. “Yeah?”
She nodded, not knowing what else to say, so she just kept quiet.
He pulled her close, kissing her temple. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. About the whole background-check thing.”
“You didn’t tell me to spare my feelings. I get it, Jonah. You’re rich. Good god, I’d be such a liar if I pretended I didn’t know that. Levi wanted to protect that, and given the women you all married, well, I get it. If you want to run a check, I won’t be hurt. I don’t have an arrest record. I have five figures in the bank. I own this condo and my car. Well, I pretty much own the condo; I only have a year of payments left. The point is, I don’t have any real debt. Mainly because I didn’t really stay in any place for very long to accrue it. I live simply except for my addiction to travel and panties. I do like nice underwear. Probably comes from wearing hand-me-downs and garage-sale stuff for most of my childhood. I don’t want your money, but I love the presents you give me. I’m with you because of who you are to me, not to everyone else.”