I blink at my siblings, not exactly computing what the fuck they’re saying.
“Excuse me?”
“Cindy? Gabby’s slutty friend? The woman that Kate and I saw leaving your townhouse as we took her luggage to the car. The leggy blonde with the big tits.”
“So charming,” Van murmurs, while she glares daggers at me.
“I didn’t fuck Cindy.” Just the thought has bile rising in the back of my throat.
“Bullshit. We saw her, Eli.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you think you saw, but I didn’t fuck her. I wasn’t home, Dec. I was at the shipyard. Jesus, I haven’t been home since I left Kate that night.”
“Wait.” Van thinks it over and then nods. “That’s right. He was at the shipyard. And what do you mean, you haven’t been home?”
What’s the point? Kate’s not there. She won’t be on her balcony with wine and pizza. Or next door listening to her music too loud. Or in my bed.
“I have work.”
“So, you’re living here? How?”
“I have clothes here. Showers. A couch. And I’m pushing thirty-one, so I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want, little sister.”
“Are you eating?” Savannah asks, and I simply sigh.
“Hello, pot, I’m kettle. Have you seen you lately? Your clothes are hanging off of you.”
“We’re not talking about me,” she says defensively.
“You never answered why you let her leave,” Declan says quietly. “You didn’t ask her to stay.”
“Her job was finished.”
“You love her,” Savannah reminds me softly. “You told me you love her so much you can’t breathe.”
And I haven’t taken a deep breath in two weeks.
“You hurt her!” Declan exclaims.
“I don’t deserve her!” I shout back. “What am I going to offer her? You’ve said it yourself, I’m an asshole. I’m consumed with my job. This,” I gesture to my office, “is what I eat, sleep, breathe, fuck. I made a promise to Dad that I’d get my shit together and focus on this family and this company, and that’s what I’m doing! No woman wants to take second place to a job!”
“Eli, Dad wouldn’t want you to give up love for this company,” Savannah says. “You don’t have to put the company above anyone you love on your priority list.”
“Daddy never made us feel like we were second place. He sure as fuck never made Mama feel that way. They were a team, E,” Dec says quietly. “You have so much more to give than that.”
I stare at Dec for a moment. “What did you say?”
“You have so much more to give.”
“You need to take responsibility for your actions, son. Beau is going to need your help with the company. The family needs you. You have so much more to give this life than what you’ve been giving it. Riding along, screwing every pretty thing in a skirt, is not the way to live your life.
“The love of one good woman is worth more than all of those tarts combined. What your mama and I have had for the past thirty-five years? You can’t buy it. You can’t drink enough to fake it. It’s soul-deep. I love her so much I can’t breathe, Eli. Even when she makes me want to strangle her tiny little neck. She makes me feel so much. She gave me six amazing children. She makes me laugh.
“I want that for you. You are capable of so much in this life, Eli. I want you to love what you do. I know you’re going to make our company better than I ever did. But more than that, I want you to fall in love. Have babies. Love her so much you can’t breathe.”
“But, you know what?” Declan continues as I blink hard, coming out of that moment with my dad that I’d forgotten. “It doesn’t matter. Kate’s not hard to please, Eli. All she’s ever wanted was someone to be kind to her. To love her. To be someone she can trust to protect her. Someone to fight for her.”
“And you just let her go,” Savannah agrees.
I just let her go.
“Look, man, if you don’t love her, fine. It’s not a requirement to love Kate, although how anyone could not love her, I don’t know. But calling her at 2:00 with safe travels, after everything you’d done and been through was a dick move.”
Such a fucking dick move.
“I love you so much,” Savannah says with tears in her eyes. “I saw how different you were with her. You smiled so easily. You were tender with her. It was the Eli that hasn’t been around in a long time. And now that she’s gone, so is he. And I miss him.”
“I’ll let her know that we misunderstood about Cindy,” Declan says, as he and Van stand to leave.
“No.” I shake my head as they both spin around to stare at me.
“What? Why?” Savannah says.
“I’ll tell her.” I swallow hard and stand, push my hands in my pockets, fingering the half-dollar.
“If you’re planning to call her, she won’t answer,” Savannah warns me.
“I’m going to see her.”
“She won’t want to see you,” Declan says with a smile. “I kind of wish I was gonna be there to witness this.”
“You also have a dick side,” I comment calmly. “Must run in the family.”
“Rhys is there,” Dec says. “He might try to beat the shit out of you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Cindy? Gabby’s slutty friend? The woman that Kate and I saw leaving your townhouse as we took her luggage to the car. The leggy blonde with the big tits.”
“So charming,” Van murmurs, while she glares daggers at me.
“I didn’t fuck Cindy.” Just the thought has bile rising in the back of my throat.
“Bullshit. We saw her, Eli.”
“I don’t know what the fuck you think you saw, but I didn’t fuck her. I wasn’t home, Dec. I was at the shipyard. Jesus, I haven’t been home since I left Kate that night.”
“Wait.” Van thinks it over and then nods. “That’s right. He was at the shipyard. And what do you mean, you haven’t been home?”
What’s the point? Kate’s not there. She won’t be on her balcony with wine and pizza. Or next door listening to her music too loud. Or in my bed.
“I have work.”
“So, you’re living here? How?”
“I have clothes here. Showers. A couch. And I’m pushing thirty-one, so I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I want, little sister.”
“Are you eating?” Savannah asks, and I simply sigh.
“Hello, pot, I’m kettle. Have you seen you lately? Your clothes are hanging off of you.”
“We’re not talking about me,” she says defensively.
“You never answered why you let her leave,” Declan says quietly. “You didn’t ask her to stay.”
“Her job was finished.”
“You love her,” Savannah reminds me softly. “You told me you love her so much you can’t breathe.”
And I haven’t taken a deep breath in two weeks.
“You hurt her!” Declan exclaims.
“I don’t deserve her!” I shout back. “What am I going to offer her? You’ve said it yourself, I’m an asshole. I’m consumed with my job. This,” I gesture to my office, “is what I eat, sleep, breathe, fuck. I made a promise to Dad that I’d get my shit together and focus on this family and this company, and that’s what I’m doing! No woman wants to take second place to a job!”
“Eli, Dad wouldn’t want you to give up love for this company,” Savannah says. “You don’t have to put the company above anyone you love on your priority list.”
“Daddy never made us feel like we were second place. He sure as fuck never made Mama feel that way. They were a team, E,” Dec says quietly. “You have so much more to give than that.”
I stare at Dec for a moment. “What did you say?”
“You have so much more to give.”
“You need to take responsibility for your actions, son. Beau is going to need your help with the company. The family needs you. You have so much more to give this life than what you’ve been giving it. Riding along, screwing every pretty thing in a skirt, is not the way to live your life.
“The love of one good woman is worth more than all of those tarts combined. What your mama and I have had for the past thirty-five years? You can’t buy it. You can’t drink enough to fake it. It’s soul-deep. I love her so much I can’t breathe, Eli. Even when she makes me want to strangle her tiny little neck. She makes me feel so much. She gave me six amazing children. She makes me laugh.
“I want that for you. You are capable of so much in this life, Eli. I want you to love what you do. I know you’re going to make our company better than I ever did. But more than that, I want you to fall in love. Have babies. Love her so much you can’t breathe.”
“But, you know what?” Declan continues as I blink hard, coming out of that moment with my dad that I’d forgotten. “It doesn’t matter. Kate’s not hard to please, Eli. All she’s ever wanted was someone to be kind to her. To love her. To be someone she can trust to protect her. Someone to fight for her.”
“And you just let her go,” Savannah agrees.
I just let her go.
“Look, man, if you don’t love her, fine. It’s not a requirement to love Kate, although how anyone could not love her, I don’t know. But calling her at 2:00 with safe travels, after everything you’d done and been through was a dick move.”
Such a fucking dick move.
“I love you so much,” Savannah says with tears in her eyes. “I saw how different you were with her. You smiled so easily. You were tender with her. It was the Eli that hasn’t been around in a long time. And now that she’s gone, so is he. And I miss him.”
“I’ll let her know that we misunderstood about Cindy,” Declan says, as he and Van stand to leave.
“No.” I shake my head as they both spin around to stare at me.
“What? Why?” Savannah says.
“I’ll tell her.” I swallow hard and stand, push my hands in my pockets, fingering the half-dollar.
“If you’re planning to call her, she won’t answer,” Savannah warns me.
“I’m going to see her.”
“She won’t want to see you,” Declan says with a smile. “I kind of wish I was gonna be there to witness this.”
“You also have a dick side,” I comment calmly. “Must run in the family.”
“Rhys is there,” Dec says. “He might try to beat the shit out of you.”
