I closed my eyes, silently sending my own repeated proclamation of love out into the ether, hoping he somehow heard it. Reopening them, I read his last line.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for not having a chance to call you yet...and if I have called you tonight...well, then, disregard this whole letter. Kellan.
I laughed at his last line and shook my head. Glancing up, I noticed Kate still watching me, her head tilted with a wistful smile on her lips. Kate read a lot of romance novels in her spare time. I was sure she loved hearing Kellan's version of being romantic. Hot and sexy, but romantic, too...just like him.
Letting out a long, stuttered breath, I shoved the note in my apron and pulled out an apple lollipop. They were supposed to be for customers but I suddenly needed something in my mouth to suck on.
It was three hours later, when I was tiredly crawling into my bed, when my phone rang, and the man who'd been cropping up all throughout my day finally spoke to me again. Sounding energetically awake, he murmured in my ear, "Hey, gorgeous. Did I wake you or are you just lying down?"
Grinning ear to ear, I stretched out under the covers. "Just crawled into my large, cold bed."
Kellan sighed, the sound husky and sensual. "Ah...God that sounds nice. I wish I was there with you."
Sighing, I laid my hand over where his body would have been. "You are, remember? Our bed is just too big for me to feel you, is all."
He laughed, amused. "Yeah, that's right. Well, I'd wrap my leg around yours and bury my head in your neck if I were closer..." He sighed. "I miss the smell of you..."
I bit my lip, imagining his perfect bone structure in front of me. "I was going to say the exact same thing."
He laughed again, softly. "Hey, did you get any of my notes?"
Grinning like an idiot again, I rolled onto my back. "Yeah, I did." I laughed. "When did you find time to do all that?"
"What do you think I do while you're at school?" He laughed out.
Shaking my head, I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it. "Sleep would be my guess."
Kellan sighed, the sound full of love. "Not this week...I had much more important things to do."
My corresponding sigh matched his. "Well, I loved them all...it nearly felt like you were still here."
"Good, that was the point. Did Kate give you hers?" The way he said it was odd, like he wasn't sure how I'd respond to his seductive letter.
I flushed in my dark bedroom, remembering the steamy things he'd written. Man, he was good at expressing himself on paper. "Um, yes, she did," I whispered, embarrassed, even alone.
"And...did you like it?" he whispered, his voice husky again.
"Yes," was all I could get out.
"Good...because I meant every word. What you do to me, the way you affect me... I know you don't think you're anything special, and I think you even sometimes feel like you're not attractive enough for me, but you are. My body burns for you...I can't deny that...I never could."
"It's the same for me, Kellan...all of it. How you affect me, how much I love you...all of it."
He sighed, sounding completely satisfied. "Good...I like that we feel the same. It makes me think...everything is going to be fine."
Once again, I heard the words that I'd nearly said to Denny rattling around in my head-I hope so. I didn't say them to Kellan, though. Instead, I shifted the conversation to where he was and what he'd done today. Telling me about all of the radio interviews he'd had to call in for once they'd pulled into the city, I began to understand a little more why he hadn't had time to call me, not that I'd really expected him to. I knew he was busy. I knew I'd get to talk to him when he was ready.
Once he was done telling me about his day, I told him about mine. He was just as proud and amazed as I'd hoped he would be when I told him about the girl jam session we'd had. And he was just as fascinated with Matt's neighbor as I'd knew he'd be. He even wanted to go see her again when he got back into town.
I glossed over the phone call to Denny. Not that I was hiding it or anything, but why bring up something that might trudge up any insecurities in Kellan? I wanted him to feel good about our relationship. And he had nothing to fear from Denny anymore. That romance was history, and while reminiscing about it sometimes brought up a smidge of the residual feeling that I'd had when I'd been in it, it was just that-residual-more akin to enjoying a fond memory than anything relevant to my current feelings. I didn't think I could express that to Kellan, though, not in any satisfactory way, so I left it alone. Besides, he didn't mention calling Denny today either. Some things, Kellan and I just didn't need to talk about anymore.
Chapter 12 Love from a Distance
I reluctantly opened my eyes in the morning. I'd been running on less sleep than normal, since Kellan and the guys had left town. There seemed to be a list of things that kept me up late each night; closing shifts at work, studying for school, Anna wanting to talk about the texts she was getting from Griffin, Kellan calling me at bedtime, tucking me in with his voice...
As the sleep stinging my eyes made them water a little, I wondered if Kellan was feeling the effects of his own late nights, on stage or on the road. Then I wondered if he was sticking to his normal pattern of early rising. His tour mates probably didn't appreciate it if he was staying true to form. At least, not as much as I appreciated it. I'd had to make my own coffee for way too many mornings in a row now...I couldn't even recall how many.
Sighing, I reached back with my toes to feel the vacant half of the bed next to me. Oddly, it wasn't vacant. I jerked my head around immediately. Resting on his stomach, his head facing me, Kellan was lying right there. A huge grin spread on my face as I propped myself up on an elbow to stare down at him.
Of course, how could I forget, his time had passed...he was back home. I couldn't remember the time passing by, which was kind of strange considering how much of it had blurred past, but I somehow knew that it had. Six months had gone by and Kellan was home...in his bed. Looking around, my thoughts were confirmed. We weren't in my room, we were in his. His Ramones poster was still perfectly pinned in place, his Bumbershoot poster right beside it.
Odd, I'd really thought the time would drag.
Not really caring how the time leap had happened, I leaned down and ran the back of my knuckle over his cheek. He moved his head a little, but his eyes remained closed in slumber. Sighing contently, I let my finger trail down his neck and over his shoulder blade. Sometime in the night, I'd become a bit of a bedcover hog and Kellan had only been left with the sheet. He could be a restless sleeper sometimes, and he'd twisted the fabric so that only a corner of it was resting over his bare backside.
My knuckle traveled over his ribs, the long scar on his side the only mar on his otherwise smooth, pristine skin. I bit my lip as I traced it, enjoying a personal detail about Kellan that only a handful of other people knew about.
He exhaled in a way that kind of sounded like a sigh, but peeking up at him, he still seemed out of it. The tour must have been exhausting. It was unusual for me to wake before him. It was nearly unheard of for me to be able to touch him without him waking. Unless he was deep in a nightmare, even a slight caress usually made his eyes crack open. He was just a very light sleeper.
Curious, I flipped my hand around so my palm rested on his low back. Still no response. My own body fully awake now, I started sliding my hand down. As my hand slipped under the scant sheet separating his skin from the spring air, I angled my fingers down to feel his hip bone.
Biting my lip so hard I thought I might puncture myself, I pushed the heel of my hand all the way down the side of his hip. There was something insanely erotic about the movement, and I was breathing a little heavier when I reached his thigh. Loving what just that small move had done to me, I brought my hand back up his hip. This time, I moved the sheet aside so I could see the skin there; it turned me on even more.
I glanced back up at him, but he was still obliviously sleeping away. I frowned, irritated that we weren't on the same page. I was getting all riled up and he had his head on his arm, contently unconscious.
His knee was slightly at an angle up his body, so there was a small, seductive gap under his hip. Containing a groan, I pushed my fingers into the gap. Maybe I could wake him up another way? He might be sleeping through me caressing his body, but touching that body part would surely get...some response.
Just as my fingers were wrapping around his hip bone, I heard a low and husky voice say, "Careful...you're about to make me very happy."
Smiling, I peeked up at him again. Insanely dark blue eyes stared down at me. One lip curling up into a devilish smile, he murmured, "Was there something you needed?"
Pressing my body into his, I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."
His smile widening, he inhaled deep and flipped onto his back. The scant covering that had been on him didn't survive the twisting process, falling off mid-turn. Putting his other arm behind his head, he tilted his chin up and closed his eyes. "Well then, go ahead."
That was when my eyes sprang open for real.
I knew I was really awake that time because my bed was completely empty. My bed was achingly empty, and I could remember every long second that had ticked by since Kellan's departure a month and a half ago. There was no glossing over time periods in reality. Every moment was catalogued in the brain, so every moment was known. You didn't suddenly not remember six months passing. Unfortunately.
Sitting up in my bed, I cursed the erotic dream I'd been having. It really wasn't fair to wake up right as Kellan was exposing himself to me. I didn't even get to sneak a peek.
Sighing, I tossed the covers off. My dream had left me in a mood that required Kellan's attentions. Irritated, I decided to get ready for school. At least some education would help douse the fire in my body.
I turned the water all the way down to ice cold when I got in the shower. It didn't entirely take the heat of the dream away, but the shivering and shaking did help. By the time I was done, I had to hop up and down to get my circulation moving again.
My teeth chattering, I smiled at a post-it note on the mirror as I ran a comb through my hair. I'd found it the morning after Kellan had left. Sleepy and a little forlorn, I had found it hiding inside my mirrored medicine cabinet, waiting for me behind my stick of deodorant. In Kellan's neat scrawl, it read, 'Remember you're beautiful, and I'm thinking of you.' After I'd taped it to the mirror, my sister had added a sticky note beside it. Hers read, 'I'm jealous and I hate you...but you are beautiful.'
I shook my head at them both. It still amazed me how much thought Kellan had put into his departure. I'd found other notes tucked throughout my home. One in the coffee pot told me how many scoops to use to make the perfect batch. One in his car reminded me to drive slowly. One tucked in the back of my locker at work asked if I missed him yet. One at his house told me I could make use of his bed if I wanted to. It even highly implied that I should enjoy myself, and if I wanted, I could send him pictures.
After I'd found the majority of them in those first couple of weeks, I'd thought that would be it, but as time went by, like a never-ending Easter egg hunt, I kept finding ones that had been even more carefully hidden. Sometimes, when I had spare time, I'd search for them. That was how I'd found my most prized possession.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry for not having a chance to call you yet...and if I have called you tonight...well, then, disregard this whole letter. Kellan.
I laughed at his last line and shook my head. Glancing up, I noticed Kate still watching me, her head tilted with a wistful smile on her lips. Kate read a lot of romance novels in her spare time. I was sure she loved hearing Kellan's version of being romantic. Hot and sexy, but romantic, too...just like him.
Letting out a long, stuttered breath, I shoved the note in my apron and pulled out an apple lollipop. They were supposed to be for customers but I suddenly needed something in my mouth to suck on.
It was three hours later, when I was tiredly crawling into my bed, when my phone rang, and the man who'd been cropping up all throughout my day finally spoke to me again. Sounding energetically awake, he murmured in my ear, "Hey, gorgeous. Did I wake you or are you just lying down?"
Grinning ear to ear, I stretched out under the covers. "Just crawled into my large, cold bed."
Kellan sighed, the sound husky and sensual. "Ah...God that sounds nice. I wish I was there with you."
Sighing, I laid my hand over where his body would have been. "You are, remember? Our bed is just too big for me to feel you, is all."
He laughed, amused. "Yeah, that's right. Well, I'd wrap my leg around yours and bury my head in your neck if I were closer..." He sighed. "I miss the smell of you..."
I bit my lip, imagining his perfect bone structure in front of me. "I was going to say the exact same thing."
He laughed again, softly. "Hey, did you get any of my notes?"
Grinning like an idiot again, I rolled onto my back. "Yeah, I did." I laughed. "When did you find time to do all that?"
"What do you think I do while you're at school?" He laughed out.
Shaking my head, I shrugged, even though he couldn't see it. "Sleep would be my guess."
Kellan sighed, the sound full of love. "Not this week...I had much more important things to do."
My corresponding sigh matched his. "Well, I loved them all...it nearly felt like you were still here."
"Good, that was the point. Did Kate give you hers?" The way he said it was odd, like he wasn't sure how I'd respond to his seductive letter.
I flushed in my dark bedroom, remembering the steamy things he'd written. Man, he was good at expressing himself on paper. "Um, yes, she did," I whispered, embarrassed, even alone.
"And...did you like it?" he whispered, his voice husky again.
"Yes," was all I could get out.
"Good...because I meant every word. What you do to me, the way you affect me... I know you don't think you're anything special, and I think you even sometimes feel like you're not attractive enough for me, but you are. My body burns for you...I can't deny that...I never could."
"It's the same for me, Kellan...all of it. How you affect me, how much I love you...all of it."
He sighed, sounding completely satisfied. "Good...I like that we feel the same. It makes me think...everything is going to be fine."
Once again, I heard the words that I'd nearly said to Denny rattling around in my head-I hope so. I didn't say them to Kellan, though. Instead, I shifted the conversation to where he was and what he'd done today. Telling me about all of the radio interviews he'd had to call in for once they'd pulled into the city, I began to understand a little more why he hadn't had time to call me, not that I'd really expected him to. I knew he was busy. I knew I'd get to talk to him when he was ready.
Once he was done telling me about his day, I told him about mine. He was just as proud and amazed as I'd hoped he would be when I told him about the girl jam session we'd had. And he was just as fascinated with Matt's neighbor as I'd knew he'd be. He even wanted to go see her again when he got back into town.
I glossed over the phone call to Denny. Not that I was hiding it or anything, but why bring up something that might trudge up any insecurities in Kellan? I wanted him to feel good about our relationship. And he had nothing to fear from Denny anymore. That romance was history, and while reminiscing about it sometimes brought up a smidge of the residual feeling that I'd had when I'd been in it, it was just that-residual-more akin to enjoying a fond memory than anything relevant to my current feelings. I didn't think I could express that to Kellan, though, not in any satisfactory way, so I left it alone. Besides, he didn't mention calling Denny today either. Some things, Kellan and I just didn't need to talk about anymore.
Chapter 12 Love from a Distance
I reluctantly opened my eyes in the morning. I'd been running on less sleep than normal, since Kellan and the guys had left town. There seemed to be a list of things that kept me up late each night; closing shifts at work, studying for school, Anna wanting to talk about the texts she was getting from Griffin, Kellan calling me at bedtime, tucking me in with his voice...
As the sleep stinging my eyes made them water a little, I wondered if Kellan was feeling the effects of his own late nights, on stage or on the road. Then I wondered if he was sticking to his normal pattern of early rising. His tour mates probably didn't appreciate it if he was staying true to form. At least, not as much as I appreciated it. I'd had to make my own coffee for way too many mornings in a row now...I couldn't even recall how many.
Sighing, I reached back with my toes to feel the vacant half of the bed next to me. Oddly, it wasn't vacant. I jerked my head around immediately. Resting on his stomach, his head facing me, Kellan was lying right there. A huge grin spread on my face as I propped myself up on an elbow to stare down at him.
Of course, how could I forget, his time had passed...he was back home. I couldn't remember the time passing by, which was kind of strange considering how much of it had blurred past, but I somehow knew that it had. Six months had gone by and Kellan was home...in his bed. Looking around, my thoughts were confirmed. We weren't in my room, we were in his. His Ramones poster was still perfectly pinned in place, his Bumbershoot poster right beside it.
Odd, I'd really thought the time would drag.
Not really caring how the time leap had happened, I leaned down and ran the back of my knuckle over his cheek. He moved his head a little, but his eyes remained closed in slumber. Sighing contently, I let my finger trail down his neck and over his shoulder blade. Sometime in the night, I'd become a bit of a bedcover hog and Kellan had only been left with the sheet. He could be a restless sleeper sometimes, and he'd twisted the fabric so that only a corner of it was resting over his bare backside.
My knuckle traveled over his ribs, the long scar on his side the only mar on his otherwise smooth, pristine skin. I bit my lip as I traced it, enjoying a personal detail about Kellan that only a handful of other people knew about.
He exhaled in a way that kind of sounded like a sigh, but peeking up at him, he still seemed out of it. The tour must have been exhausting. It was unusual for me to wake before him. It was nearly unheard of for me to be able to touch him without him waking. Unless he was deep in a nightmare, even a slight caress usually made his eyes crack open. He was just a very light sleeper.
Curious, I flipped my hand around so my palm rested on his low back. Still no response. My own body fully awake now, I started sliding my hand down. As my hand slipped under the scant sheet separating his skin from the spring air, I angled my fingers down to feel his hip bone.
Biting my lip so hard I thought I might puncture myself, I pushed the heel of my hand all the way down the side of his hip. There was something insanely erotic about the movement, and I was breathing a little heavier when I reached his thigh. Loving what just that small move had done to me, I brought my hand back up his hip. This time, I moved the sheet aside so I could see the skin there; it turned me on even more.
I glanced back up at him, but he was still obliviously sleeping away. I frowned, irritated that we weren't on the same page. I was getting all riled up and he had his head on his arm, contently unconscious.
His knee was slightly at an angle up his body, so there was a small, seductive gap under his hip. Containing a groan, I pushed my fingers into the gap. Maybe I could wake him up another way? He might be sleeping through me caressing his body, but touching that body part would surely get...some response.
Just as my fingers were wrapping around his hip bone, I heard a low and husky voice say, "Careful...you're about to make me very happy."
Smiling, I peeked up at him again. Insanely dark blue eyes stared down at me. One lip curling up into a devilish smile, he murmured, "Was there something you needed?"
Pressing my body into his, I nodded. "Yeah, I think so."
His smile widening, he inhaled deep and flipped onto his back. The scant covering that had been on him didn't survive the twisting process, falling off mid-turn. Putting his other arm behind his head, he tilted his chin up and closed his eyes. "Well then, go ahead."
That was when my eyes sprang open for real.
I knew I was really awake that time because my bed was completely empty. My bed was achingly empty, and I could remember every long second that had ticked by since Kellan's departure a month and a half ago. There was no glossing over time periods in reality. Every moment was catalogued in the brain, so every moment was known. You didn't suddenly not remember six months passing. Unfortunately.
Sitting up in my bed, I cursed the erotic dream I'd been having. It really wasn't fair to wake up right as Kellan was exposing himself to me. I didn't even get to sneak a peek.
Sighing, I tossed the covers off. My dream had left me in a mood that required Kellan's attentions. Irritated, I decided to get ready for school. At least some education would help douse the fire in my body.
I turned the water all the way down to ice cold when I got in the shower. It didn't entirely take the heat of the dream away, but the shivering and shaking did help. By the time I was done, I had to hop up and down to get my circulation moving again.
My teeth chattering, I smiled at a post-it note on the mirror as I ran a comb through my hair. I'd found it the morning after Kellan had left. Sleepy and a little forlorn, I had found it hiding inside my mirrored medicine cabinet, waiting for me behind my stick of deodorant. In Kellan's neat scrawl, it read, 'Remember you're beautiful, and I'm thinking of you.' After I'd taped it to the mirror, my sister had added a sticky note beside it. Hers read, 'I'm jealous and I hate you...but you are beautiful.'
I shook my head at them both. It still amazed me how much thought Kellan had put into his departure. I'd found other notes tucked throughout my home. One in the coffee pot told me how many scoops to use to make the perfect batch. One in his car reminded me to drive slowly. One tucked in the back of my locker at work asked if I missed him yet. One at his house told me I could make use of his bed if I wanted to. It even highly implied that I should enjoy myself, and if I wanted, I could send him pictures.
After I'd found the majority of them in those first couple of weeks, I'd thought that would be it, but as time went by, like a never-ending Easter egg hunt, I kept finding ones that had been even more carefully hidden. Sometimes, when I had spare time, I'd search for them. That was how I'd found my most prized possession.
