Poking my finger in his chiseled chest, I shoved him back a step. "Are you cheating on me?"
Grabbing my hand, he tried to lace ours together. "No, I'm not." He ducked down to meet my eye, but I was so furious, I couldn't look at him. "Hey, I'm not, Kiera. I've already told you that before...several times probably."
Inhaling a steadying breath, I tried to calmly ask a question. My voice warbled as I tried to control it. "Then what...was he talking about?"
Kellan grabbed my other hand, trying to loosen the fist I'd bunched it into. Maybe he realized that if I was going to hit him again, it wasn't going to be with an open palm. Funny, I'd never considered myself a violent person before Kellan. He just brought that out in me, I guess.
When calming my hands didn't seem to do anything, Kellan grabbed my cheeks. Forcing me to look at him made my eyes start to water. I sniffed back the tears. I did not want to cry.
His brow bunched, he searched my face. "He's lying, Kiera. He said that to get a rise out of you. He knows who you are, they all do. I flip through that photo book all the time..." He smiled softly and shook his head. "They all think you're beautiful..."
I batted his hands away. "Why would he lie?" I stressed "he," just so Kellan would know that I was much more inclined to believe that Kellan was lying to me...right now.
Sighing, Kellan shook his head, keeping his hands off of me for a moment. "Because we were the last band to join the tour and we got bumped to the second in the lineup. Because Lana was interested in our band and not his." He shrugged. "Because he's a childish, immature a**hole with a grudge against me, Kiera, and if making you doubt me got us fighting tonight instead of..." He sighed again and tossed his hands up. "Because this, right here, is what he wanted...his stupid form of payback for our band being better than his."
Watching the exasperated expression on his face, I softened a little. It sounded plausible, but most of Kellan's lies sounded plausible. I know. Back when we'd been fooling around behind Denny's back, I'd usually been well aware when Kellan was lying, and Kellan was good at it.
"Why should I believe you?" I whispered.
He tossed his hands up into the air again. "I haven't done anything wrong! Why shouldn't you believe me?"
Just then, as if fate was trying to screw with us even further, Kellan's phone chirped in his pocket; he'd just gotten a text message. He closed his eyes, seemingly cursing the same fate I was. When he reopened them, he stared at me blankly.
I narrowed my eyes. "Do you need to get that?"
He shook his head. "No."
Clenching my jaw, reclosing my hands into fists, I seethed, "How do you know? It could be important?"
He let out a slow exhale before shaking his head. "You're important...that can wait."
My eyes watered again. "What can wait?" I whispered, not sure if his last statement was comforting or not.
He stepped towards me and tentatively cupped my cheek. "I'm not doing anything, baby. I love you. I'm being faithful to you." He held up his ring, his thumb stroking the metal. "I promised...I promise."
He dropped his forehead to mine. "We don't have much time together. Please, just let this go..."
"Let what go?" I whispered.
He sighed, then his lips lowered to mine. "I love you, Kiera...please believe in me."
I wanted to object, I wanted to scream at him to let me know what he was hiding, to tell me something that would make me believe in him, but the words slipped out of my mind as his mouth softly moved over my skin.
Maybe I was being weak...maybe I just wasn't ready to know. For whatever reason, though...I let it go.
After a few calming moments, Kellan reached down and put his shirt back on and we laid down side by side on his bunk. There was a cubby built into the wall and I stared at the few belongings he kept near him-the journals I'd gotten for him, his Discman, the photo book my mom and sister had made for him, and the little toy car. Swallowing, wanting to believe him, I fingered the tiny, metal muscle car.
Kellan sighed and kissed my shoulder. "I love you..." he whispered.
Clutching the car, remembering the connection that we had, the way he'd opened up to me, let me into his life like no one else before me, not even his band mates, I looked over at him. "I love you too..."
He smiled, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before following the chain around my neck. Pulling the necklace out of my shirt, his thumb stroked the edge of the silver guitar; the diamond in the center of it gleamed, even in the faint light surrounding us.
Bunching his brows, the soft smile on his lips faded as he watched his fingers. "Kiera...I should tell you something..."
Hating the ice that instantly formed in my stomach, hating that I knew he was hiding things from me, I instantly remembered that I was hiding things from him too. Guilt easing the knot burning through my insides, I whispered, "I should tell you something too..."
His eyes flashed up to mine, narrowing. "Tell me what?"
Swallowing, searching his perfect face, I stammered for a way to break his heart. I just knew that he'd react badly to the news that his rival was back in town. Not that Denny was really a rival anymore, but Kellan had never felt like he'd compared to him. Kellan seemed to think I'd be better off with Denny. If he knew Denny was back in my life, especially while he was away...it might end us.
Dreaded tears filling my vision, I considered Kellan's odd, secretive texts that he clearly didn't want to talk about, the searing doubt that one a**hole rocker had so easily placed into my head, the videos of his friendly attitude towards Lana that made me green with jealousy, the looming dread in my belly over whatever he needed to tell me now... .
Maybe we were already over, and I just didn't realize it yet?
"Um, well..."
As I started stumbling over something to say, the bus door was banged on and a familiar voice drifted to us from outside. "Kell? You and Kiera in there?"
Hearing Evan's jovial voice brought me back to a simpler time, when Kellan and I were only having a secret affair behind my boyfriend's back. Wow, I never thought I'd see the day when that horrid moment in my life would become the "good ole days."
Kellan sighed, then leaned over and shouted, "Yeah, we're in here."
Evan walked over to our section of the bus and I heard him clear his throat. "You, uh...dressed?"
Kellan chuckled a little while I blushed. "Yeah...what's up?"
"We're on in ten, so, you know, we should get ready."
Kellan blinked and sat up on his elbows. "Already? Damn..." He stood up, then looked back at me. "I'm sorry...it's our turn."
I nodded, swallowing. "I know." He extended his hand to me, not looking too sure on whether or not I'd take it. Exhaling slowly, I stood up and grabbed his hand. Regardless of our issues, I still loved him...heart and soul.
Letting out a relieved sigh, he kissed the back of my hand, right over my promise ring. Cringing, I glanced at his face; he still had a scratch along his jaw where my ring had nicked him. Feeling guilty over hurting him, I leaned up and kissed his jaw. His eyes were glossy when they met mine again, and he nodded, like he understood my silent apology.
"Come on...want to watch our show?"
Finally smiling fully, I nodded eagerly and clasped his hand in both of mine. "Yeah, definitely." If there was one thing that could turn my mood around in a heartbeat, it was watching Kellan perform. And I'd missed that too.
We met up with Evan outside, and Evan slung his arm around me. I smiled, leaning into him and secretly wanting to ask him if he knew anything about Kellan that I didn't. I didn't ask him, though. For one, he probably wouldn't tell me, since Kellan was his friend and sort of his boss; Evan wouldn't want to rock that boat if he could help it. Plus...Kellan had kept us a secret from Evan. He'd been pretty surprised when he found out about us. I was pretty sure that whatever was going on with Kellan, all of the guys were as clueless as me. I would just have to trust that Kellan would tell me when he was ready, and hopefully, it wouldn't hurt...too much.
Walking us back through their super-secret rock star entrance, we hurriedly made our way to the back of the stage. Justin waved at me as we passed by; his band was ending the night, after the D-Bags played. I flushed as I timidly waved back. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable around him now.
Luckily we didn't see the rocker who'd tattled on Kellan. I think I'd end up punching him if we did.
As we got to the waiting area right beside the stage, I glanced up at the band waving and bowing to the crowd. Nerves flooded through me as Kellan released my hand and grabbed his guitar. I was getting anxious for him; the small section of the crowd that I could see looked massive to me, and the noise as the MC introduced Kellan's band was ear splitting-a hundred times louder than Pete's. But Kellan looked calm as could be as he waited with a foot on a step, smiling at me.
Just as the crowd died down, he nodded at me, then twisted and darted onstage. I shook my head at him. Situations reversed, I'd be frozen on that stair, unable to move. The rest of the guys followed him up there, and I watched, spellbound. Evan and Matt waved while Kellan and Griffin reached down to a few lucky fans in the front.
The roar of the crowd was even louder and I swear, a couple of girls that Kellan had just touched were crying. It was so...surreal. Even without a hit being played endlessly on every radio across the country, these girls knew who Kellan was, who his band was. The guys had everything in place for hitting it big-time...even a contract with the same record label that had released Justin's album.
As I was ruminating about what that meant for us, heaped on top of everything else, my sister looped her arms around my waist. "Isn't this exciting, Kiera!"
I glanced over at the vivacious beauty, momentarily jealous over how simple her relationship was with Griffin. They both knew exactly what they were and weren't to each other. There was no deception, no lies, no jealousy, no...nothing. They gave each other what they needed, when they needed it, then moved on when they were done. In a way, it was a win-win situation. Although...it sounded a little empty, too.
Leaning back in her arms, I nodded. My stomach was surging with adrenaline as I watched Evan start the set. Then Matt kicked in, Kellan close behind him, and all of a sudden, I felt like we were back at Evan's loft, watching the boys rehearse. There was just a much larger audience watching this time.
I smiled wide as Kellan's voice filled the theater. He was so good at this. It seemed as effortless to him as breathing. I'd seen him do it drunk, I'd seen him do it depressed, I'd seen him do it with a cold, heck, I'd even once watched him do it when he'd been battling a stomach flu. He'd looked a little green that night, but his voice...that always sounded amazing.
As was his stage presence. Kellan lighted it up. It was one of those things that the rocker from the bus would never understand. You can't dress the part and hope that it makes you look the part-you either have that certain spark or you don't. And Kellan oozed that spark. I think, even if he were only so-so on the attractive scale, he'd still draw every eye to him. He was just...special.
Their set was shorter than when they'd played at Pete's, since they shared the night with so many other bands, but the crowd seemed satisfied when it was over. It made me a little happy that Kellan hadn't played the melancholy song that he'd written for me while we'd been apart. I don't know, even though he played it at Pete's, I didn't want people all over the nation singing along to my song.
Grabbing my hand, he tried to lace ours together. "No, I'm not." He ducked down to meet my eye, but I was so furious, I couldn't look at him. "Hey, I'm not, Kiera. I've already told you that before...several times probably."
Inhaling a steadying breath, I tried to calmly ask a question. My voice warbled as I tried to control it. "Then what...was he talking about?"
Kellan grabbed my other hand, trying to loosen the fist I'd bunched it into. Maybe he realized that if I was going to hit him again, it wasn't going to be with an open palm. Funny, I'd never considered myself a violent person before Kellan. He just brought that out in me, I guess.
When calming my hands didn't seem to do anything, Kellan grabbed my cheeks. Forcing me to look at him made my eyes start to water. I sniffed back the tears. I did not want to cry.
His brow bunched, he searched my face. "He's lying, Kiera. He said that to get a rise out of you. He knows who you are, they all do. I flip through that photo book all the time..." He smiled softly and shook his head. "They all think you're beautiful..."
I batted his hands away. "Why would he lie?" I stressed "he," just so Kellan would know that I was much more inclined to believe that Kellan was lying to me...right now.
Sighing, Kellan shook his head, keeping his hands off of me for a moment. "Because we were the last band to join the tour and we got bumped to the second in the lineup. Because Lana was interested in our band and not his." He shrugged. "Because he's a childish, immature a**hole with a grudge against me, Kiera, and if making you doubt me got us fighting tonight instead of..." He sighed again and tossed his hands up. "Because this, right here, is what he wanted...his stupid form of payback for our band being better than his."
Watching the exasperated expression on his face, I softened a little. It sounded plausible, but most of Kellan's lies sounded plausible. I know. Back when we'd been fooling around behind Denny's back, I'd usually been well aware when Kellan was lying, and Kellan was good at it.
"Why should I believe you?" I whispered.
He tossed his hands up into the air again. "I haven't done anything wrong! Why shouldn't you believe me?"
Just then, as if fate was trying to screw with us even further, Kellan's phone chirped in his pocket; he'd just gotten a text message. He closed his eyes, seemingly cursing the same fate I was. When he reopened them, he stared at me blankly.
I narrowed my eyes. "Do you need to get that?"
He shook his head. "No."
Clenching my jaw, reclosing my hands into fists, I seethed, "How do you know? It could be important?"
He let out a slow exhale before shaking his head. "You're important...that can wait."
My eyes watered again. "What can wait?" I whispered, not sure if his last statement was comforting or not.
He stepped towards me and tentatively cupped my cheek. "I'm not doing anything, baby. I love you. I'm being faithful to you." He held up his ring, his thumb stroking the metal. "I promised...I promise."
He dropped his forehead to mine. "We don't have much time together. Please, just let this go..."
"Let what go?" I whispered.
He sighed, then his lips lowered to mine. "I love you, Kiera...please believe in me."
I wanted to object, I wanted to scream at him to let me know what he was hiding, to tell me something that would make me believe in him, but the words slipped out of my mind as his mouth softly moved over my skin.
Maybe I was being weak...maybe I just wasn't ready to know. For whatever reason, though...I let it go.
After a few calming moments, Kellan reached down and put his shirt back on and we laid down side by side on his bunk. There was a cubby built into the wall and I stared at the few belongings he kept near him-the journals I'd gotten for him, his Discman, the photo book my mom and sister had made for him, and the little toy car. Swallowing, wanting to believe him, I fingered the tiny, metal muscle car.
Kellan sighed and kissed my shoulder. "I love you..." he whispered.
Clutching the car, remembering the connection that we had, the way he'd opened up to me, let me into his life like no one else before me, not even his band mates, I looked over at him. "I love you too..."
He smiled, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before following the chain around my neck. Pulling the necklace out of my shirt, his thumb stroked the edge of the silver guitar; the diamond in the center of it gleamed, even in the faint light surrounding us.
Bunching his brows, the soft smile on his lips faded as he watched his fingers. "Kiera...I should tell you something..."
Hating the ice that instantly formed in my stomach, hating that I knew he was hiding things from me, I instantly remembered that I was hiding things from him too. Guilt easing the knot burning through my insides, I whispered, "I should tell you something too..."
His eyes flashed up to mine, narrowing. "Tell me what?"
Swallowing, searching his perfect face, I stammered for a way to break his heart. I just knew that he'd react badly to the news that his rival was back in town. Not that Denny was really a rival anymore, but Kellan had never felt like he'd compared to him. Kellan seemed to think I'd be better off with Denny. If he knew Denny was back in my life, especially while he was away...it might end us.
Dreaded tears filling my vision, I considered Kellan's odd, secretive texts that he clearly didn't want to talk about, the searing doubt that one a**hole rocker had so easily placed into my head, the videos of his friendly attitude towards Lana that made me green with jealousy, the looming dread in my belly over whatever he needed to tell me now... .
Maybe we were already over, and I just didn't realize it yet?
"Um, well..."
As I started stumbling over something to say, the bus door was banged on and a familiar voice drifted to us from outside. "Kell? You and Kiera in there?"
Hearing Evan's jovial voice brought me back to a simpler time, when Kellan and I were only having a secret affair behind my boyfriend's back. Wow, I never thought I'd see the day when that horrid moment in my life would become the "good ole days."
Kellan sighed, then leaned over and shouted, "Yeah, we're in here."
Evan walked over to our section of the bus and I heard him clear his throat. "You, uh...dressed?"
Kellan chuckled a little while I blushed. "Yeah...what's up?"
"We're on in ten, so, you know, we should get ready."
Kellan blinked and sat up on his elbows. "Already? Damn..." He stood up, then looked back at me. "I'm sorry...it's our turn."
I nodded, swallowing. "I know." He extended his hand to me, not looking too sure on whether or not I'd take it. Exhaling slowly, I stood up and grabbed his hand. Regardless of our issues, I still loved him...heart and soul.
Letting out a relieved sigh, he kissed the back of my hand, right over my promise ring. Cringing, I glanced at his face; he still had a scratch along his jaw where my ring had nicked him. Feeling guilty over hurting him, I leaned up and kissed his jaw. His eyes were glossy when they met mine again, and he nodded, like he understood my silent apology.
"Come on...want to watch our show?"
Finally smiling fully, I nodded eagerly and clasped his hand in both of mine. "Yeah, definitely." If there was one thing that could turn my mood around in a heartbeat, it was watching Kellan perform. And I'd missed that too.
We met up with Evan outside, and Evan slung his arm around me. I smiled, leaning into him and secretly wanting to ask him if he knew anything about Kellan that I didn't. I didn't ask him, though. For one, he probably wouldn't tell me, since Kellan was his friend and sort of his boss; Evan wouldn't want to rock that boat if he could help it. Plus...Kellan had kept us a secret from Evan. He'd been pretty surprised when he found out about us. I was pretty sure that whatever was going on with Kellan, all of the guys were as clueless as me. I would just have to trust that Kellan would tell me when he was ready, and hopefully, it wouldn't hurt...too much.
Walking us back through their super-secret rock star entrance, we hurriedly made our way to the back of the stage. Justin waved at me as we passed by; his band was ending the night, after the D-Bags played. I flushed as I timidly waved back. I don't think I'd ever feel comfortable around him now.
Luckily we didn't see the rocker who'd tattled on Kellan. I think I'd end up punching him if we did.
As we got to the waiting area right beside the stage, I glanced up at the band waving and bowing to the crowd. Nerves flooded through me as Kellan released my hand and grabbed his guitar. I was getting anxious for him; the small section of the crowd that I could see looked massive to me, and the noise as the MC introduced Kellan's band was ear splitting-a hundred times louder than Pete's. But Kellan looked calm as could be as he waited with a foot on a step, smiling at me.
Just as the crowd died down, he nodded at me, then twisted and darted onstage. I shook my head at him. Situations reversed, I'd be frozen on that stair, unable to move. The rest of the guys followed him up there, and I watched, spellbound. Evan and Matt waved while Kellan and Griffin reached down to a few lucky fans in the front.
The roar of the crowd was even louder and I swear, a couple of girls that Kellan had just touched were crying. It was so...surreal. Even without a hit being played endlessly on every radio across the country, these girls knew who Kellan was, who his band was. The guys had everything in place for hitting it big-time...even a contract with the same record label that had released Justin's album.
As I was ruminating about what that meant for us, heaped on top of everything else, my sister looped her arms around my waist. "Isn't this exciting, Kiera!"
I glanced over at the vivacious beauty, momentarily jealous over how simple her relationship was with Griffin. They both knew exactly what they were and weren't to each other. There was no deception, no lies, no jealousy, no...nothing. They gave each other what they needed, when they needed it, then moved on when they were done. In a way, it was a win-win situation. Although...it sounded a little empty, too.
Leaning back in her arms, I nodded. My stomach was surging with adrenaline as I watched Evan start the set. Then Matt kicked in, Kellan close behind him, and all of a sudden, I felt like we were back at Evan's loft, watching the boys rehearse. There was just a much larger audience watching this time.
I smiled wide as Kellan's voice filled the theater. He was so good at this. It seemed as effortless to him as breathing. I'd seen him do it drunk, I'd seen him do it depressed, I'd seen him do it with a cold, heck, I'd even once watched him do it when he'd been battling a stomach flu. He'd looked a little green that night, but his voice...that always sounded amazing.
As was his stage presence. Kellan lighted it up. It was one of those things that the rocker from the bus would never understand. You can't dress the part and hope that it makes you look the part-you either have that certain spark or you don't. And Kellan oozed that spark. I think, even if he were only so-so on the attractive scale, he'd still draw every eye to him. He was just...special.
Their set was shorter than when they'd played at Pete's, since they shared the night with so many other bands, but the crowd seemed satisfied when it was over. It made me a little happy that Kellan hadn't played the melancholy song that he'd written for me while we'd been apart. I don't know, even though he played it at Pete's, I didn't want people all over the nation singing along to my song.
