“I hope you’re a good teacher then. Because I could get used to this side of you.”
“What side?”
“The quiet side. I don’t get enough quiet in my life.”
“Mmmm,” he says, but it’s more of a question. “Your teenage problems are typical? Or atypical?”
I think about this for a moment. I was going to immediately say atypical, but it’s a thoughtful question, so it deserves a thoughtful answer. “My mom died a year and a half ago and my sister Jill got custody of me because I was already seventeen. She wanted to move to California. See the world, take a risk, become new people.”
“Did you hate the people you were?” he asks.
“I didn’t. But I guess she did.”
“Then what happened?”
“We bounced around, Escondido first, then San Diego. We always lived with her boyfriends. But then she got pregnant by Jason, my-brother-in-law who I live with now. And we moved up here with him after the baby was born. But she OD’d the day after we moved in. Left me with him, and him with the baby. Olivia’s three months old now.”
“I think that counts as atypical.”
“Me too,” I say, but it comes out filled with sadness.
Mateo drops the strand of hair and just uses his fingers to caress my back. It feels so good, I can’t even find a word for it. We sit there in silence for a long time and I wonder if he’s thinking about me and my sad situation or something else.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Shannon.”
“Are you hurting me?”
“Am I?”
I shake my head into his chest. “I—” But I have so much I want to say and no good way to let it out. “You’re not hurting me.”
More silence. I’d like to ask about him back. Learn a little more, see a little deeper. Why is he so weird? Why does he like young girls? Why me, mostly. But when I open my eyes I see the stars.
“Why stars?” I ask instead.
“Astronomy, remember?”
“You love them?”
“How could anyone not love them? They’re filled with the mysteries of the universe. When I was a kid I read this book about a star who came to Earth reincarnated as a dog.”
I huff out a laugh. “I know that book. Dogsbody.”
“Yeah,” he says. I can feel the smile in his heartbeat. “And it made me wonder if the stars knew all the answers. Because it really bugged me that I’d grow old and never know those secrets. So even though I am nothing but a good test-taker myself, I taught myself math so I could teach myself science. And I’ve spent the last twenty fucking years trying to get close to them.”
“That’s why you put stars all over your body? To be close to them?”
He nods. “Turn around and look up.”
I force my satiated body to turn so my back is against his chest. He eases us up a little so we’re semi-sitting.
I look up. “Oh, wow,” I say. “That’s cool.” There’s a skylight in the porch roof. It’s wide and long, almost the entire length.
“My dad made me that skylight when I was eleven. I used to have a hammock out here as a kid and I’d sit in that thing looking up for hours.”
“Oh, my God, what time is it? I have to get home and watch the baby for Jason. He got a night job to help with bills.”
I try to get up, but Mateo’s arms wrap tightly around me. “Wait,” he says. “You’re missing the best part.” He points up to the sky and I squint my eyes, trying to follow his guiding path. “There’s a meteor shower up there right now.”
“Where?” I strain to look for shooting stars, but I can’t see anything.
“Ah, you have to know where to look. And it’s not dark enough in the city. One day I’ll take you somewhere dark and I’ll show you everything.” He sits up, me still clinging to him, and stands.
“I’d like that,” I say as he walks us inside and deposits me in front of the bathroom.
“Clean up.”
I go into the bathroom and wash, thinking about how close I feel to Mateo right now. I met him three days ago. How is that possible?
“Hey,” he says, knocking at the door before opening it. “Here’s your clothes.”
“Thanks,” I say, taking them from his hands. He holds on to them for an extra second and my eyes meet his. Something passes between us at that moment. I’m not sure what it is, but it feels… intimate.
And then he lets go and closes the door.
I put my clothes back on and walk back to the kitchen. His lasagna smells awesome, but I have to go before Jason gets pissed. So I gather my book and papers as he watches and then stand there, unsure what to say.
He nods to the backpack over my shoulder. “Memorize everything you wrote down today. There will be a quiz tomorrow.” He comes over, wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me in for a parting kiss. “And stay away from Danny Alexander, Shannon. I mean it.”
“I know.” I shoot him an annoyed look and walk out the back door.
When I get home, Jason is looking out the front window like he’s been waiting for me.
“Hey,” I say.
“Fucking finally. I told you to be here by six so I can work.”
“You never said six.” I stop by little Olivia’s swing and bend down, but she’s fast asleep. “You asked me to help watch her in the evenings. Fine. But I have night school every day. So I’ll come home when I’m done. And if you think I’m giving up my weekends—”
“Giving up?” he sneers. “She’s your fucking niece.”
“Right. But I’m eighteen, Jason. I’m too young to be her mother. You’re her father and I’m sorry you got mixed up with my sister—”
“Watch your fucking mouth.” He cuts me off. “You’re not going to talk about Jill like that now that she’s dead.”
“Talk about her?” I scoff. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you knew her? Well, you didn’t. She took an engagement ring from the last guy too, you know. And the one before that and the one before that. So don’t go thinking you’re special—”
He’s across the apartment and slapping my face before I can even finish my sentence. “Fuck you,” he says, grabbing my hair and pulling me towards him. “Fuck you.”
“You’re gonna regret that,” I say, pushing him hard in the chest. He lets go of my hair and turns away. “You’re gonna fucking regret that.”
“No tears this time? No running off to slut around with Phil’s piece-of-shit cousin?”
“You know what, you can find another babysitter. I don’t need to stay here and if you think I’m going to let you raise her with that temper, you’re wrong.”
“What are you going to do about it?” He turns back, eyes blazing. “You just said yourself, I’m her father. You’re no one to her. I can walk out of here with her tonight and you’ll never see her again.”
“Did you ever ask yourself,” I say, my voice low and filled with venom, “how many men Jill was sleeping with while she was with you?”
“What side?”
“The quiet side. I don’t get enough quiet in my life.”
“Mmmm,” he says, but it’s more of a question. “Your teenage problems are typical? Or atypical?”
I think about this for a moment. I was going to immediately say atypical, but it’s a thoughtful question, so it deserves a thoughtful answer. “My mom died a year and a half ago and my sister Jill got custody of me because I was already seventeen. She wanted to move to California. See the world, take a risk, become new people.”
“Did you hate the people you were?” he asks.
“I didn’t. But I guess she did.”
“Then what happened?”
“We bounced around, Escondido first, then San Diego. We always lived with her boyfriends. But then she got pregnant by Jason, my-brother-in-law who I live with now. And we moved up here with him after the baby was born. But she OD’d the day after we moved in. Left me with him, and him with the baby. Olivia’s three months old now.”
“I think that counts as atypical.”
“Me too,” I say, but it comes out filled with sadness.
Mateo drops the strand of hair and just uses his fingers to caress my back. It feels so good, I can’t even find a word for it. We sit there in silence for a long time and I wonder if he’s thinking about me and my sad situation or something else.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Shannon.”
“Are you hurting me?”
“Am I?”
I shake my head into his chest. “I—” But I have so much I want to say and no good way to let it out. “You’re not hurting me.”
More silence. I’d like to ask about him back. Learn a little more, see a little deeper. Why is he so weird? Why does he like young girls? Why me, mostly. But when I open my eyes I see the stars.
“Why stars?” I ask instead.
“Astronomy, remember?”
“You love them?”
“How could anyone not love them? They’re filled with the mysteries of the universe. When I was a kid I read this book about a star who came to Earth reincarnated as a dog.”
I huff out a laugh. “I know that book. Dogsbody.”
“Yeah,” he says. I can feel the smile in his heartbeat. “And it made me wonder if the stars knew all the answers. Because it really bugged me that I’d grow old and never know those secrets. So even though I am nothing but a good test-taker myself, I taught myself math so I could teach myself science. And I’ve spent the last twenty fucking years trying to get close to them.”
“That’s why you put stars all over your body? To be close to them?”
He nods. “Turn around and look up.”
I force my satiated body to turn so my back is against his chest. He eases us up a little so we’re semi-sitting.
I look up. “Oh, wow,” I say. “That’s cool.” There’s a skylight in the porch roof. It’s wide and long, almost the entire length.
“My dad made me that skylight when I was eleven. I used to have a hammock out here as a kid and I’d sit in that thing looking up for hours.”
“Oh, my God, what time is it? I have to get home and watch the baby for Jason. He got a night job to help with bills.”
I try to get up, but Mateo’s arms wrap tightly around me. “Wait,” he says. “You’re missing the best part.” He points up to the sky and I squint my eyes, trying to follow his guiding path. “There’s a meteor shower up there right now.”
“Where?” I strain to look for shooting stars, but I can’t see anything.
“Ah, you have to know where to look. And it’s not dark enough in the city. One day I’ll take you somewhere dark and I’ll show you everything.” He sits up, me still clinging to him, and stands.
“I’d like that,” I say as he walks us inside and deposits me in front of the bathroom.
“Clean up.”
I go into the bathroom and wash, thinking about how close I feel to Mateo right now. I met him three days ago. How is that possible?
“Hey,” he says, knocking at the door before opening it. “Here’s your clothes.”
“Thanks,” I say, taking them from his hands. He holds on to them for an extra second and my eyes meet his. Something passes between us at that moment. I’m not sure what it is, but it feels… intimate.
And then he lets go and closes the door.
I put my clothes back on and walk back to the kitchen. His lasagna smells awesome, but I have to go before Jason gets pissed. So I gather my book and papers as he watches and then stand there, unsure what to say.
He nods to the backpack over my shoulder. “Memorize everything you wrote down today. There will be a quiz tomorrow.” He comes over, wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me in for a parting kiss. “And stay away from Danny Alexander, Shannon. I mean it.”
“I know.” I shoot him an annoyed look and walk out the back door.
When I get home, Jason is looking out the front window like he’s been waiting for me.
“Hey,” I say.
“Fucking finally. I told you to be here by six so I can work.”
“You never said six.” I stop by little Olivia’s swing and bend down, but she’s fast asleep. “You asked me to help watch her in the evenings. Fine. But I have night school every day. So I’ll come home when I’m done. And if you think I’m giving up my weekends—”
“Giving up?” he sneers. “She’s your fucking niece.”
“Right. But I’m eighteen, Jason. I’m too young to be her mother. You’re her father and I’m sorry you got mixed up with my sister—”
“Watch your fucking mouth.” He cuts me off. “You’re not going to talk about Jill like that now that she’s dead.”
“Talk about her?” I scoff. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you knew her? Well, you didn’t. She took an engagement ring from the last guy too, you know. And the one before that and the one before that. So don’t go thinking you’re special—”
He’s across the apartment and slapping my face before I can even finish my sentence. “Fuck you,” he says, grabbing my hair and pulling me towards him. “Fuck you.”
“You’re gonna regret that,” I say, pushing him hard in the chest. He lets go of my hair and turns away. “You’re gonna fucking regret that.”
“No tears this time? No running off to slut around with Phil’s piece-of-shit cousin?”
“You know what, you can find another babysitter. I don’t need to stay here and if you think I’m going to let you raise her with that temper, you’re wrong.”
“What are you going to do about it?” He turns back, eyes blazing. “You just said yourself, I’m her father. You’re no one to her. I can walk out of here with her tonight and you’ll never see her again.”
“Did you ever ask yourself,” I say, my voice low and filled with venom, “how many men Jill was sleeping with while she was with you?”
