I’m such a idiot, he thought while his heart jackhammered against his chest. When her hands came into his, holding them tightly to make them stop shaking, he broke. His eyes filled with tears all over again as he lifted his face up so he could see her better. “Did I do something to make you not want to tell me?”
He shook his head, still not able to look her in the eyes as he said, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Do you not want to tell me?”
Tate shook his head again, “I do. I am just scared.”
“Scared?”
“I am scared you will think I’m weak,” he said, looking up at her.
Her brows drew in as she shook her head, moving in closer to him, “Tate, I would never think that. You’ve obviously been through a lot and I understand it has to be hard to talk about. But I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me? Do you not trust me?”
“I do trust you.”
She still looked confused as she said, “Okay, do you want to talk about it?”
“No, but I need to tell you.”
“You don’t have to, Tate.”
“I do,” he said before leading her across the hall to his room. Sitting on the bed, he brought her down beside him. He leaned against his knees, trying to catch his breath while feeling her watch him. His heart was going crazy, his breathing out of control, and his palms were drenched with sweat. But he knew he had to do this. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath before reliving that horrible night.
“I was at a championship game when Elsa came running onto the bench, screaming to me. No one knew what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I skated over to her and I only heard the last part of what she said. ‘There’s been an accident.’” Still not looking at Audrey, he shook his head, “She said that my family was in it, and that we needed to get to the hospital right away. I was in a trance, I guess, getting out of my gear, getting into her car and the whole ride to the hospital. I didn’t know they were dead, but I felt like something was seriously wrong. I had this feeling in my chest,” he said holding his hand to his chest, “it was as if I was losing them, and they were taking part of me with them. It was one of the most awful feelings I had ever felt. When I got to the hospital, it all got worse.”
Audrey had grasped Tate’s hand in the middle of his story, and he squeezed it tight. He looked up to see that her eyes were pooling with tears. He too felt like crying but he couldn’t, not now, he would never get through the story if he did. It was as if he was ripping open the wound and pouring salt into it with every word he said. Yet, he had to go on with the story. “We lived in a small town, everyone knew everyone. The woman behind the hospital’s reception desk was one of my mom’s friends. She was crying. When I asked for my mom and dad, she shook her head, choking back tears as she pointed to a cop who stood with some doctors. I knew then that they were gone. Like a zombie, I approached them at the same time they turned to look at me. It was like a movie,” Tate said with a laugh, “and I was watching it all happen from the sidelines. The cop, I knew him, he had arrested me when I was a kid for breaking windows with hockey pucks. He cupped my shoulder and shook his head, and then said, ‘I’m sorry son, they have all passed.’ It’s funny that I can still remember that, huh?” he asked with an empty, soulless laugh. Audrey shook her head, her free hand cupping her throat as her eyes stayed locked with his. Without waiting for her to answer, he went on, “He then went on to tell me that they were driving to the game and they had to pick up Matilda from dance. They were running late, but I knew they would be. Well, dad went a back way and was coming around a corner when these guys in a truck bigger than my dad’s came around the same corner but in my dad’s lane, hitting him head on. It killed mom and dad instantly. Matilda made it to the hospital but died minutes before I got there. There were five guys in the truck, and they all survived having only minor injuries. They were all high and drunk, being stupid instead of driving.”
“Oh Tate,” Audrey said softly, but he shook his head and went on, “I had to do a legal identification of the bodies.”
“Surely not, they knew it was your family,” Audrey interjected, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I know, but apparently they had to have the next in blood line to do it for it to be official,” Tate said, shaking his head. “It was horrible, and I ended up puking all over the side of the building,” he whispered, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “Seeing my baby sister bruised and lifeless was worse than seeing my parents for some reason. Later I figured it was because she was supposed to live and have a vibrant life. She was going to be a famous dancer. She had planned to go on this dancing show in Europe as soon as she turned 18. She missed her birthday by thirteen days. All because some stupid idiot wanted to be reckless. He took her life; he took her and my parents from me. Three of the most amazing people were ripped from me, and I still haven’t recovered from it.”
Tate looked up at the ceiling, swallowing the sob that wanted to escape before he went on, “That’s why I freaked out tonight. I have an intense car anxiety. That’s why I really don’t sleep at night because I see my sister lying there, dead, when I close my eyes. I miss them every minute of every day.”
“Tate, I’m so sorry,” Audrey said, squeezing his hand while wiping her cheeks, “I wish I could make it all better, I promise, I’ll never drive like that again, I’m so sorry,” she cried.
He shook his head, still not able to look her in the eyes as he said, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Do you not want to tell me?”
Tate shook his head again, “I do. I am just scared.”
“Scared?”
“I am scared you will think I’m weak,” he said, looking up at her.
Her brows drew in as she shook her head, moving in closer to him, “Tate, I would never think that. You’ve obviously been through a lot and I understand it has to be hard to talk about. But I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me? Do you not trust me?”
“I do trust you.”
She still looked confused as she said, “Okay, do you want to talk about it?”
“No, but I need to tell you.”
“You don’t have to, Tate.”
“I do,” he said before leading her across the hall to his room. Sitting on the bed, he brought her down beside him. He leaned against his knees, trying to catch his breath while feeling her watch him. His heart was going crazy, his breathing out of control, and his palms were drenched with sweat. But he knew he had to do this. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath before reliving that horrible night.
“I was at a championship game when Elsa came running onto the bench, screaming to me. No one knew what was going on, but I knew something was wrong. I skated over to her and I only heard the last part of what she said. ‘There’s been an accident.’” Still not looking at Audrey, he shook his head, “She said that my family was in it, and that we needed to get to the hospital right away. I was in a trance, I guess, getting out of my gear, getting into her car and the whole ride to the hospital. I didn’t know they were dead, but I felt like something was seriously wrong. I had this feeling in my chest,” he said holding his hand to his chest, “it was as if I was losing them, and they were taking part of me with them. It was one of the most awful feelings I had ever felt. When I got to the hospital, it all got worse.”
Audrey had grasped Tate’s hand in the middle of his story, and he squeezed it tight. He looked up to see that her eyes were pooling with tears. He too felt like crying but he couldn’t, not now, he would never get through the story if he did. It was as if he was ripping open the wound and pouring salt into it with every word he said. Yet, he had to go on with the story. “We lived in a small town, everyone knew everyone. The woman behind the hospital’s reception desk was one of my mom’s friends. She was crying. When I asked for my mom and dad, she shook her head, choking back tears as she pointed to a cop who stood with some doctors. I knew then that they were gone. Like a zombie, I approached them at the same time they turned to look at me. It was like a movie,” Tate said with a laugh, “and I was watching it all happen from the sidelines. The cop, I knew him, he had arrested me when I was a kid for breaking windows with hockey pucks. He cupped my shoulder and shook his head, and then said, ‘I’m sorry son, they have all passed.’ It’s funny that I can still remember that, huh?” he asked with an empty, soulless laugh. Audrey shook her head, her free hand cupping her throat as her eyes stayed locked with his. Without waiting for her to answer, he went on, “He then went on to tell me that they were driving to the game and they had to pick up Matilda from dance. They were running late, but I knew they would be. Well, dad went a back way and was coming around a corner when these guys in a truck bigger than my dad’s came around the same corner but in my dad’s lane, hitting him head on. It killed mom and dad instantly. Matilda made it to the hospital but died minutes before I got there. There were five guys in the truck, and they all survived having only minor injuries. They were all high and drunk, being stupid instead of driving.”
“Oh Tate,” Audrey said softly, but he shook his head and went on, “I had to do a legal identification of the bodies.”
“Surely not, they knew it was your family,” Audrey interjected, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I know, but apparently they had to have the next in blood line to do it for it to be official,” Tate said, shaking his head. “It was horrible, and I ended up puking all over the side of the building,” he whispered, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. “Seeing my baby sister bruised and lifeless was worse than seeing my parents for some reason. Later I figured it was because she was supposed to live and have a vibrant life. She was going to be a famous dancer. She had planned to go on this dancing show in Europe as soon as she turned 18. She missed her birthday by thirteen days. All because some stupid idiot wanted to be reckless. He took her life; he took her and my parents from me. Three of the most amazing people were ripped from me, and I still haven’t recovered from it.”
Tate looked up at the ceiling, swallowing the sob that wanted to escape before he went on, “That’s why I freaked out tonight. I have an intense car anxiety. That’s why I really don’t sleep at night because I see my sister lying there, dead, when I close my eyes. I miss them every minute of every day.”
“Tate, I’m so sorry,” Audrey said, squeezing his hand while wiping her cheeks, “I wish I could make it all better, I promise, I’ll never drive like that again, I’m so sorry,” she cried.
