She’d been forced to put herself and her life in the hands of these two men. It hadn’t been easy but she’d done it. When she’d entered the Pack house that night, she hadn’t thought for a moment that she’d be unsafe. No, she’d felt the deep comfort of belonging. The ease of partnership instead of the pressure to be in charge—not always having to guard and protect. Those few hours had been perfect and the comparison between then and what she felt as she stood there while they all watched someone try to kill her sliced through her heart and left her in tatters.
And she had no idea what to do about it.
“How are you feeling?” Lex asked quietly, not moving from her side. He somehow knew she was awake.
“Like a werewolf tried to kill me.”
“Nina, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry you lost faith in me—in us.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lex. They’re nice words and I’m sure you actually mean them. But this is just one more in a long line of f**kups in my life and I’m so tired.”
“Please tell me. Help me understand, Nina. I swear to you I’ll do the same. We can’t go on this way. We need to try and know each other if we are going to make this work. And I want to. I love you.”
She thought about it. Could she do it? Could she expose herself and tell him her story after what had happened? Could she trust him? Because if she didn’t open up, she wasn’t sure they’d make it. But he was Mr. Law and Order, what if she was repulsed by what she told him? What if he couldn’t accept her past?
She’d held on to her secrets for a very long time, never letting anyone in. She wasn’t sure she’d even lived really. She had a house and her shop but never really any true interaction—intimacy—with anyone. When you opened up, you took risks that what you shared could be used to hurt you. And that terrified her. But losing Lex terrified her more.
Reaching down, she opened the door she’d kept barricaded for so long. “About three weeks after my twelfth birthday my parents went off on a trip. It was just for three days. My daddy was going to bring me back saltwater taffy from the shore.
“Gabriel and I were playing in the yard of some family friends and the police came. They told us that my parents had been killed in a fire at the hotel. A lot of stuff happened, I don’t remember all of it but eventually they put us with a distant cousin of my mother’s. But they hated us. They just liked the money.
“And Gabriel was…he didn’t know how to deal with our parents being gone. He’d been such a sweet child but he got in with the wrong crowd and got in trouble. A lot. Before long they’d kicked us out.”
Nina relayed the story in a quiet voice. Lex reached out slowly and took her hand, relaxing when she didn’t pull away.
“What did you do?”
“They wanted to put us in foster care but they couldn’t guarantee that we’d stay together and even at just ten, Gabriel was already on track for trouble. I couldn’t take the chance of being separated from him. So we ran. I was nearly fifteen and I worked odd jobs and we lived here and there, ducking the social workers and the system. I became an expert at lying to get what we needed.
“First I ran street cons with some other, older kids. But then I ran up against the small time hoods who were part of organized crime. I was a pickpocket. I stole food. I stole clothes. I stole things I could resell for money to pay for rent. I got picked up a few times. Did a few stints in juvie.
“I cleaned houses for a while. I think one lady I worked for knew we were on the edge, saw how desperate I was. She helped me get into some continuing education classes and I got interested in computers. She had one and let me use it. I started keeping her books for her. I don’t know where I’d be today if it weren’t for her.”
Nina began to cough. Her throat was so dry. Lex sat up quickly and poured a glass of water, handing it to her in the cool darkness of the room. A few minutes later she stacked pillows up and sat against the headboard.
“Anyway, the money was all right. She let us live in an apartment over the garage. Gabriel was nearing eighteen and I was so afraid he’d end up in jail. I started hacking for fun. It was a way to pass the time as I waited up for him to get home. And I got to be good. Really good.
“People found me and hired me to do jobs for them. I never hurt anyone but I broke the law, Lex. I used the money on hospital bills. Damn Gabriel was always getting in fights, needing stitches or bones set and casted.
“But there were crackdowns and I was terrified of getting caught. If I went to prison what would happen to Gabriel? I wanted to have enough money to walk away. To get us across the country and set us up. So I did one last job. I nearly got caught but it netted me a very, very large payoff.
“I bought two bus tickets and picked Gabriel up and we traveled for a few days and ended up here. We lived in an apartment and I got my GED and went to community college and discovered how much I loved floral design and plants and flowers in general. I was good at the business side of things but I was always careful to not have a computer at home hooked up to the internet.
“We’d gotten out. I had a business and things were good. And then Gabriel got bitten in that bar fight and I couldn’t protect him anymore. He was your problem and god help me, I was relieved. I loved Gabriel but twelve is too young to be a mother.”
Lex’s heart was pounding as he listened. He ached for her. He’d told her that he hadn’t been handed anything—and he hadn’t, he’d worked hard for his accomplishments—but compared to her life, he’d had it so easy.
And she had no idea what to do about it.
“How are you feeling?” Lex asked quietly, not moving from her side. He somehow knew she was awake.
“Like a werewolf tried to kill me.”
“Nina, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. Sorry you lost faith in me—in us.”
“I don’t know what to say, Lex. They’re nice words and I’m sure you actually mean them. But this is just one more in a long line of f**kups in my life and I’m so tired.”
“Please tell me. Help me understand, Nina. I swear to you I’ll do the same. We can’t go on this way. We need to try and know each other if we are going to make this work. And I want to. I love you.”
She thought about it. Could she do it? Could she expose herself and tell him her story after what had happened? Could she trust him? Because if she didn’t open up, she wasn’t sure they’d make it. But he was Mr. Law and Order, what if she was repulsed by what she told him? What if he couldn’t accept her past?
She’d held on to her secrets for a very long time, never letting anyone in. She wasn’t sure she’d even lived really. She had a house and her shop but never really any true interaction—intimacy—with anyone. When you opened up, you took risks that what you shared could be used to hurt you. And that terrified her. But losing Lex terrified her more.
Reaching down, she opened the door she’d kept barricaded for so long. “About three weeks after my twelfth birthday my parents went off on a trip. It was just for three days. My daddy was going to bring me back saltwater taffy from the shore.
“Gabriel and I were playing in the yard of some family friends and the police came. They told us that my parents had been killed in a fire at the hotel. A lot of stuff happened, I don’t remember all of it but eventually they put us with a distant cousin of my mother’s. But they hated us. They just liked the money.
“And Gabriel was…he didn’t know how to deal with our parents being gone. He’d been such a sweet child but he got in with the wrong crowd and got in trouble. A lot. Before long they’d kicked us out.”
Nina relayed the story in a quiet voice. Lex reached out slowly and took her hand, relaxing when she didn’t pull away.
“What did you do?”
“They wanted to put us in foster care but they couldn’t guarantee that we’d stay together and even at just ten, Gabriel was already on track for trouble. I couldn’t take the chance of being separated from him. So we ran. I was nearly fifteen and I worked odd jobs and we lived here and there, ducking the social workers and the system. I became an expert at lying to get what we needed.
“First I ran street cons with some other, older kids. But then I ran up against the small time hoods who were part of organized crime. I was a pickpocket. I stole food. I stole clothes. I stole things I could resell for money to pay for rent. I got picked up a few times. Did a few stints in juvie.
“I cleaned houses for a while. I think one lady I worked for knew we were on the edge, saw how desperate I was. She helped me get into some continuing education classes and I got interested in computers. She had one and let me use it. I started keeping her books for her. I don’t know where I’d be today if it weren’t for her.”
Nina began to cough. Her throat was so dry. Lex sat up quickly and poured a glass of water, handing it to her in the cool darkness of the room. A few minutes later she stacked pillows up and sat against the headboard.
“Anyway, the money was all right. She let us live in an apartment over the garage. Gabriel was nearing eighteen and I was so afraid he’d end up in jail. I started hacking for fun. It was a way to pass the time as I waited up for him to get home. And I got to be good. Really good.
“People found me and hired me to do jobs for them. I never hurt anyone but I broke the law, Lex. I used the money on hospital bills. Damn Gabriel was always getting in fights, needing stitches or bones set and casted.
“But there were crackdowns and I was terrified of getting caught. If I went to prison what would happen to Gabriel? I wanted to have enough money to walk away. To get us across the country and set us up. So I did one last job. I nearly got caught but it netted me a very, very large payoff.
“I bought two bus tickets and picked Gabriel up and we traveled for a few days and ended up here. We lived in an apartment and I got my GED and went to community college and discovered how much I loved floral design and plants and flowers in general. I was good at the business side of things but I was always careful to not have a computer at home hooked up to the internet.
“We’d gotten out. I had a business and things were good. And then Gabriel got bitten in that bar fight and I couldn’t protect him anymore. He was your problem and god help me, I was relieved. I loved Gabriel but twelve is too young to be a mother.”
Lex’s heart was pounding as he listened. He ached for her. He’d told her that he hadn’t been handed anything—and he hadn’t, he’d worked hard for his accomplishments—but compared to her life, he’d had it so easy.
